Rubicon

"When I'm through making love with you this evening, my dear husband, you will know with absolute certainty just who it is that I love and need in my life, YOU! But I also need this. I'm sorry you can't consider my feelings this once and grant me my dying wish."

She moved to kiss me goodbye as was our custom in the mornings. I avoided her and made a quick exit. I heard her sobbing as I exited the house. My only hope was that she'd come to her senses before it was too late.

I came home for lunch. I needed to know. She had a suitcase all packed and ready to go hidden under the bed. In it was underwear that must be new for she had never worn it for me. Perhaps it was her way of keeping Bob and me separate. It was clear that her decision was made. Now I must make mine.

Before returning to work, I sent her a short text from my phone:

I've been approached to work late this evening on a special project. Sorry. Not sure when I'll get home. I'm begging you to change your mind about going with him.

I then immediately left my phone lying openly on the kitchen table. I wasn't going to be there this evening for her planned love fest. That much I know. I wanted to let her stew about it and hopefully change her mind. Bob finally sneaked up on me at work when my guard was down for a moment.

"Hank, you need to come down off that high horse you're on, buddy. Think of Glenda and not yourself for a change. This is her dying wish. There's no way I can deny her that, don't you see?"

"What I see, is a backstabbing shit-head that used to be my best friend telling me that he's going to fuck my wife to make her happy. I can't stop you two from destroying my marriage, but you must realize that there will be consequences to your actions. If you touch Glenda, then you, Teresa, and my three godchildren will be dead to me for the rest of my life. It will end my marriage and destroy our relationship. I guess you'll become Glenda's fuck-buddy from now on because I won't touch her again after your slimy ass has been with her."

"Hank, this isn't like you. You're a better man than this than to say such things. You don't mean a word of it. You forget I know you better than you know yourself."

"I don't give a fuck what you think you know. I meant every word I said. Now get out of my office or do you want to explain to the big boss why you're wasting my time?"

Bob knew Hank's moods and that there was no reasoning with him in his current state. He needed to let him calm down. Bob was hoping that Glenda's sexual appeasement this evening would smooth things over between them forging a better outcome.

I was livid and almost shaking from my rage. There were no words that either of them could say to me that would make me change my mind. Apparently, Bob and Teresa value Glenda's friendship more than mine. I'm normally a very accommodating guy, but some lines are not meant to be crossed. I left work five minutes early so that I couldn't be shanghaied again by Bob. I drove straight to the gym. I have a membership there that I hardly use. I figured I'd take advantage of it today. I didn't want to be too sore tomorrow, but I did want to exhaust my anger on the machines. As I was numbingly going through the motions with their machines, I experienced a range of emotions, deep loss, rage, helplessness, and back to loss. I shed some tears in there but managed to avoid sobbing in front of the other patrons. I left the gym at 7:30 after showering. It was therapy of sorts but didn't solve my problems.

I went to Harper's restaurant, which Glenda and I enjoyed very much on special occasions. I reviewed in my mind the many conversations and laughs we had there. It was a bittersweet experience. As I pondered my options, I wondered if I was truly stubborn enough to follow through with the threats made during my earlier conversations with Glenda. Were my principles the hill I was willing to die on? We had twenty-five wonderful years before all of this came to be. I never would have imagined that I'd be facing this crucible with her. I considered beating Bob to a pulp, but what effect could that have on Glenda? He knows exactly how I feel and what I'll do. Yet he still plans to go through with it. Even if I were to threaten his life to stay away from her, she'd already admitted that she might have come to this same Rubicon at some future point even if she hadn't contracted cancer.

When her husband was a no-show at home later that evening, Glenda became very concerned when she saw his cell phone lying on the kitchen table. She had no idea when he left it there but surmised it may have been around the time he'd sent her the text about working late.

"Hey, Bob. It's Glenda."

"I know it's you, silly. I'd recognize your sweet voice anywhere. How are things going at home this evening with Hank? Very peaceful, I hope," Bob inquired.

"That's what I'm calling about. Are you aware of any reason Hank would be working late tonight? He sent me a text at noon today saying he would be working late on a special project."

"I can't imagine what in the heck Hank could be talking about. I left work a few minutes late today myself, tidying up loose ends, and the parking lot was a ghost town. Hank's car was already gone when I left. Although he and I don't work in the same department, I would be aware of any special projects or overtime work. Have you tried calling him?"

"That's just it, Bob. I did as soon as I got home to see what time he would get home, but his damn cell phone rang lying on the kitchen table, so I have no way of reaching him without his phone if he's not at work as you say."

"Didn't you tell me you were going to give him a very special lovemaking session this evening that would leave him weak in the knees?"

"That's right. I made that crystal clear to him this morning, so the only conclusion I can draw is that he is avoiding me. What am I going to do, Bob?"

"Glenda, I know Hank. He's just throwing a little pity party. He's playing a childish game hoping to thwart your plans. If he intentionally chooses to miss out on this evening's lovemaking with you, then he's a fool. He doesn't realize how good he has it with you. After you pass away, he's going to look back on this and regret missing every second he could have had in your loving arms. Hank's a good man, my best friend in the whole world, but sometimes even good men can make stupid mistakes. You know what you want. You know you deserve it, and he's trying to rain on your parade. Look, honey. If you want to cancel, I'll understand."

"No, Bob. I'm not saying that. Heaven knows I've already endured too much grief from him over this to cancel at the last minute. You're right, Bob. If he misses out on tonight, then it's his loss. It will allow me to save more energy for being with you this weekend. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to it. I can't thank you and Teresa enough."

"That's the spirit, Glenda. Hopefully, Hank will come to his senses and spend some blissful time with you."

"Thanks, Bob. I feel a lot better. I'll wait for him to come home but I still plan on leaving here around nine. I'll be at your place shortly after."

"Nothing would make me happier, Glenda. I promise to give you my very best this weekend, holding nothing back. I hope it's the experience you're looking for."

"I'm sure it will be. See you soon, Bob. Bye."

As I stewed in the restaurant, I considered all my options. I concluded that if she goes with Bob, I will never touch her again. She would be intentionally abandoning her wedding vows. She's not being seduced or drugged. This is a conscious decision she's making with a lucid mind. On top of that, it's a triple betrayal. In addition to losing my wife, I'm also losing my two best friends at the same time. They're both complicit in Glenda's betrayal. I would never do to Bob what he's doing to me and my marriage, no matter how urgently Teresa might have appealed to me if the circumstances were reversed. The three of them will be dead to me. Divorce? I could have her officially served to make a point, but it would be an extremely costly point to make because she would be dead before a divorce decree could ever be issued. There's no need to throw money away. Hmmm, money. I would have never imagined her cheating on me before now. Since I can no longer trust her, I need to take measures to protect my finances. Who knows what she'll do next?

I arrived home at 9:30 that night. She was gone. She had to be with Bob. I had never felt sadder or lonelier in my life. The pain of loss was excruciating, but my plans merely needed to be executed. I found a sealed envelope on the kitchen table that Glenda had left for me with my name on it. It was underneath Glenda's cell phone. Apparently, she didn't wish to be disturbed this weekend. I was fine with that. I decided not to touch the envelope and left it unopened. When I checked my phone for messages, I saw that she'd called and texted me earlier, and was concerned at my lack of response. She swore she would make it up to me after she returns, reiterating that she needed this, swearing that she loved me and only me. Such words fell on deaf ears. I deleted them all.

The first thing I did was move all of my clothes and belongings from the master bedroom to the spare bedroom. I made certain not to leave a single trace that I had ever been in that bedroom. Next, I located my wedding album and cut all of my images out of every picture, removing all traces that I was there. I then reassembled the album and left it on her bed, the bed that used to be our bed. I called my brother and asked him if I could spend a few nights with his family. He has a spare basement bedroom and instantly invited me to stay as long as I needed.

I took one of Glenda's Ambien tablets to help me sleep. Pharmaceuticals can sometimes work wonders. I was awakened at 9:15 am by the doorbell. I threw on a robe and went to the front door.

"What are you doing here, Teresa? I thought I made things clear to Bob yesterday."

"Good morning, Hank. I could have used our key, you know," Teresa responded. "We've both had spare keys to each other's homes for years. May I come in?"

She's right. I forgot about that. I was about to make a mental note to change the locks when it occurred to me that Glenda would simply supply them with another, so I abandoned that thought.

"What you have to say can be said from right where you are. You still haven't answered my question. What are you doing here?"

"Well, if someone would answer their phone, I wouldn't have to traipse over here to see you," she posited.

"For the third and last time, Teresa, why are you here?"

"I'm here for you, Hank, for two reasons. First and foremost, I'm here to check on you and see how you're doing. Glenda told me that you were unhappy with the arrangement, so I'm here to help you deal with it. After all, you're one of my two best friends in the whole world."

"Help me deal with it, huh? And just how do you plan to help me do that, Teresa?"

"Whatever it takes, Hank. I'm here for you in any capacity that you need me to be. If you just want a friend to talk to, that's me. If you need a housekeeper or a cook, that's me too. If you need an intimate partner to assuage your pain and anguish, that's me again. The three of us agreed that you could have me just as they have each other this weekend."

"Evidently, the three of you have agreed to many things that I vehemently disagree with. Now if you don't mind, I have a lot to do today. You have come at a very inconvenient time. Please leave now and don't return. If you use that key that I no longer wish for you to have, I'll call the police and report an unwanted intruder. Have a good life, Teresa," I exclaimed as I slammed the door in her face.

I watched from a window as she walked out to her car. She was crying on the phone with someone, Bob I presumed. I couldn't imagine what would make her cry. Perhaps he or Glenda wanted an update on my emotional state. I'd tried to give Teresa as little as I could, yet effectively communicate my displeasure with the situation. She sat in the front seat for about five minutes watching the house, as if unsure that leaving me distraught was the right thing to do. Finally, she drove away.

After having cereal for breakfast, I went to a big box store and purchased a pair of keyed-alike exterior door lock sets, and installed one on the spare bedroom door, and the other on the hall bathroom door. Since I had the only keys, I felt comfortable with my expectation of privacy. Next, I went online and removed my phone from our joint phone account, followed by opening a new phone account in my name alone, so Glenda would have no access to it. Then I transferred my phone to the new account and paid an additional fee to have my phone number changed. No one would be able to reach me any longer unless I provided them with my my new number. For one final petty act, I removed my wedding ring and crushed it closed in my shop vice. There was no way it would go on a finger again without some serious work by a jeweler. I left my symbolic gesture atop her cell phone on the kitchen table.

I packed a few clothes and toiletries in a gym bag and took my brother and his family out for lunch on Sunday at a nice family restaurant. It was the least I could do since they are providing me respite from the drama for a couple of days. Glenda said she'd be back Sunday afternoon. I wanted to ensure my departure before her arrival. It was a fun time with my brother's family.

When Glenda returned home Sunday afternoon from her weekend away with Bob, she had every expectation of finding a sullen husband that she would console with her body until the sting of her absence was forgotten. She was unhappy to find him gone. How could she reclaim what they had if he wasn't there? She thought that perhaps he was running an errand until she went to unpack in the master bedroom. She noticed their wedding album on the bed, and she began sobbing loudly after learning that he'd ruined it by cutting himself out of every picture. She suddenly realized that every stitch of his clothing was gone also. Had he moved out? She saw the sealed letter she had left for him to read unopened on the bed.

When she dialed Hank's number to find out what was going on, she received recognizable tones and message stating that the number she had dialed was no longer in service. Things were getting worse by the second. This wasn't the reaction Bob had told her to expect. He had reassured her that there was no way Hank could live without her. When she urgently checked the rest of the house, she noticed the new locked passage set on the spare bedroom door. She felt better that perhaps he had not left her after all, but may be having a little temper tantrum by moving his things to another room.

Unsure who to contact first, Glenda called Teresa to find out if Hank had said anything to her about what he had planned to do when she visited him Saturday morning.

"No, Glenda. When I called Bob that morning, I relayed every word Hank had said, which was very little. I have to tell you, it stung me deeply when Hank rejected me so harshly. What's going on?"

Glenda brought her up to speed on what she found upon her return. Bob and Teresa both listened to her via speakerphone.

Bob piped up, "But didn't you leave Hank the letter explaining that you were going to turn your two-week notice in tomorrow and spend what time you have remaining making him glad he was born a man?"

"Yes, Bob, I wrote him that letter just as you suggested but he never opened it or read it. He has no idea what it says. It's still here, sealed," she cried.

"I assure you that there's nothing to worry about, Glenda. It's obvious that he's moved his things to the spare bedroom for a day or two just to get back at you. It's merely a little pity party, nothing more. He'll be back in your arms soon enough. I guarantee it."

"I sure hope you're right. Thanks for the encouragement, anyway," Glenda gratefully offered.

Glenda then tried calling Hank's brother and parents. His parents were completely clueless and his brother said he'd not heard from him (which is what Hank had asked him to say). She figured that it was her turn to be patient, as Hank had to do in her absence over the weekend. But Hank's absence was keenly felt. She had never felt disconnected from him before in any way, and this was an insufferable feeling. She had shed many tears before finally crying herself to sleep, alone in her bed for the first time in a long while.

At 6:30 am Monday, I called work before the office opened, leaving a voicemail advising my boss that I'd be taking two personal days off of work and that an urgent family circumstance that required my attention. I didn't want to interact with Bob yet either, nor did I want the three of them to have access to me during the day at my work number. I decided to move some money around just in case she got a wild hair to spend it frivolously. We had accumulated a decent nest egg after twenty-five years of marriage and I wanted to protect it. Gone was the trust I once had in her. I moved two-thirds of all of our cash and investments into accounts that I was the sole owner of. Unless she went searching, she shouldn't notice the changes as long as all the bills continued to get paid. Doing that took the better part of the day. I was glad to have the ongoing break from the drama, but I knew the shit-storm would hit when I returned home.

I went for a relaxing walk in the park Tuesday morning, then had lunch at a nearby diner. The movie theaters typically don't open until noon on weekdays. I spent the afternoon being mindlessly entertained. Tuesday night brought back some of the tension I knew I'd face when she confronted me. I made a promise to myself not to bring dishonor by getting into a shouting match with her. I thanked my brother and family for providing me with a safe haven and a chance to gather my thoughts and resolve. Wednesday morning, I reported back to work where I belonged. I said nothing to my boss about the exact nature of my family situation and he had the professionalism not to inquire about personal family matters. I appreciated that about him.

Just as soon as Bob discovered my presence at work, he made a beeline to my office.

"Well, it's about damn time you showed up. Have you spoken with Glenda yet? She's worried sick about you, you asshole!" Bob declared.

He had closed my office door upon entry. I ignored him, walked to the door, and reopened it to eliminate his access to privacy with me. When he moved to close it again, I grabbed it and exited the office without acknowledging him or any of his repetitive personal questions. He followed me for a short distance calling after me as I sauntered to the men's room on the other side of the facility. I remained nonresponsive. I had made up my mind that I would have no further communication with Teresa or Bob. I'm certain that Glenda would keep them apprised of my every word, but they would receive no acknowledgment from me. I felt certain also that Bob would let Glenda know that I had been sighted. She soon called four times in succession. I parked each of her calls on hold, listening to Muzak until she relented.

As I left the office at the end of the day, Bob said nothing but followed me until I pulled into a restaurant. I didn't want my evening meal ruined by intense emotional conversation. He waited until I left and followed me again. I saw him on the phone as I neared my house. I knew who he was talking to. Glenda would be expecting me. As I pulled into the driveway, she ran out to meet me, enthusiastic arms reaching for a hug. I quickly grabbed my gym bag and held it in front of me to keep some distance between us as we entered the house.