Rudi 01

"And one "party size" sub, Suzie, so?"

"Got it, for pick up carry out because I'm tired of these girls hunting down my Jimmy J after the fem boy hosts are through jacking him off and I'm tired of these girls taking advantage that he can gag them for minutes upon minutes because of his staying power after some damn fem boy just jerked his balls dry!"

"And three large Greek salads, Suzie."

"Oh, for pick up and carry out because, well, giggling girl in the background, what do you have to say about how every ho in town wants to relieve my Jimmy J since I have cut off so much, hmm?"

"(Giggles) I mean, we're just a nerd pack and I'm going to be your hip size twin before too long and my other friend, Devin, belongs in your crew with her dark hair and her charming ways and even though I'm not too overly familiar with Rudi just yet, I'm pretty sure that if he whacks off Steve from the corner store later tonight, I mean, I'm pretty it's going to go all "ugh, ugh, ugh" and Steve has been crying for someone like Rudi with the booty to get with it on him it, so I suspect that Steve will go all "OMG, OMG, OMG" and things like that just before he goes all "phew, phew, phew" and stuff with his stuff. Also, Suzie, what did you say your Jimmy J's name was then, hmm?

"Well, I didn't say, but my Jimmy J's name is Jimmy J and he's taken! And I only cut him off when all these other men side kiss me, so did you want extra black olives in the Greek salads then, hmm? And because this a pick up for carry out, I mean, send or bring this charming little Devin with the dark with you, so?"

"Suzie, my name is Amber and I can understand how you basically keep your precious Jimmy J cucked for all of the side kissing you do with so many of your males customers, so you can send our nerd special order with someone else then, okay?"

"(Ugh, Amber, do you even know what "cucked" means?"

"(Well, no, but people say it, so, shut it.)"

"Well, I would send it with Zach, but he just wants to stick his cock inside of anything that is moist and I can't send it with Timmy because he just pulls it out and starts whacking off over anyone wearing lip gloss, so I'll send it with my Jimmy J, but no side stuff! But you can talk to him for a couple of minutes because I expect Gino to come in shortly and he likes to have a smoke break with me out back."

"Oh, do you smoke then, Suzie, hmm?"

"Well, no, but Gino can smoke my shirt off in mere seconds!"

[(Chimes) good bye, this recorded call is currently being sold to a porn page on Chang (Click)]

Well, it's Middleton and it's the Pizza Shop, so.

"Alright, Rudi, what's the plan then? Are we pushing people into coupling or are we letting nature take its course? Also, come on, Rudi, just cave in and send Josh a text, please? I mean, he's a knuckleheaded loud mouth, but he's our knuckleheaded loud mouth, so?"

Oh, so that's how Amber's boobs got Steve to load and pack the coolers then, hmm? Push them out until they actually touch her puppy dog eyes? Okay.

"Well, they say that a party isn't a party until the jerk arrives, so?"

"Is this how its going to be all night, Rudi, hmm?"

"Well, it's not like I started it, but it's time to put a fire match to the tiki torches, so? And you can use this oddly designed and very long cigarette and BBQ lighter to do that instead of a fire match because I wouldn't want you to burn a finger, so?"

"Are they kiss and make up tiki torches then, Rudi?"

"Oh, it didn't say that on the package, Josh, but Devin is on the phone right now with company for a label rewrite, so?"

"Well, this is my first time at your place, Rudi, so maybe you should me the way to your backyard tiki torches even though I can clearly see them through your patio doors, so?"

"I mean, as long as you don't try anything with me, Josh. I mean, that ship sailed with your trash talking of me earlier today. And I hope you're not expecting me to put your dick in my mouth tonight. I already have a bad enough taste in my mouth over you anyways, so?"

"Oh, I mean, Rudi, we should talk about then, right?"

"Or we can talk about how if you would have shown a little mercy on me earlier today and at least let me one lower-level kite battle, I mean, then you could have gotten mad enough to want to hate fuck me hard, Josh, so?"

"Oh, oh, now I want to talk about that then, Rudi, so?"

"Hmph! What do you want to talk about that with, Josh? How hate fucking is the best because we would both get to yell out nasty names and grunt and push back and roll around everywhere in a mad sweat?"

"Duh, aha, aha, aha, yeah and you know, the other things too, so?"

"Oh, the other things like how I might insist that you make my boy nipples bleed a little bit from your uncontrollable biting? Or how I might save the condom for future day dreaming, hmm? Or about how it's an unwritten rule that there should be a second round of hate fucking that same night just in case the first hate fucking fell short, hmm?"

"Aha, aha, aha and that last thing too, I mean, in for a penny, in for a pound, right, tee, he, Rudi?"

"Oh, I mean, I might suck your cock at a red traffic light on the Strip some night, but that's way out there, so? The tiki torches are that way, Josh."

Point, spin and push. The only three steps required to get a stunned guy to move. Well, a stunned man. As I said earlier, Josh is actually taller than I always thought he was. And not so bad looking once he changes out of his nerdy afternoon clothing.

"Alright, Rudi, it's none of my business, but you need to call an even tie and be done with it!"

"Oh, it's over, Devin and I guess it's a tie, so, where is Amber then, hmm?"

"Oh, um, while you were trying your best to get Josh to blow a load in his pants, I mean, the food arrived and Amber ran out to greet the delivery and well, she just jumped right into the passenger seat with him and when I went out there to check on things, I mean, Amber was mumbling something about going all "throat of a wolf" and told me to leave and then I peeked down and noticed that the delivery guy was ready to deliver, but he also mumbled something about his girlfriend wanting to meet me, but all that matters is that I'm about ten minutes away from sneaking into your back bedroom and I already know how the cheap door lock works from how I spied around house earlier and the other thing that matters right now is that I think Josh just lit his arm on fire, so you should probably go out back and check on that, so?"

Well, stupid nerds who get turned on and worked up and then try to light a tiki torch!

[Pat, pat, pat, pat]

"Well, maybe you can have your own look and style for a couple for weeks then, Josh."

"Well, who make a tiki torch that goes "poof" like that then, especially when the guy with the lighter has other things on his mind? Also, ouch. But not ouch where you are actually rubbing me, Rudi, so?"

"Well, that's too bad then, Josh. I mean, if you like the way I'm rubbing you and where I'm rubbing you, then that's not hate, so no hate sex tonight then, I guess."

LOL, what? Even nerds get stumped for a response then, LOL?

"Come on, Josh, we'll at least spray your arm off from the burnt arm hair and if you like, I'll wrap it with a long bandage so you look like a bad ass, okay?"

I mean, it was less than the space between his elbow and his wrist, so not all that much, but you Kite Battle victors, they need that bad ass validation.

[Wash, spray, spray, dry, dry, dry, wrap, wrap, tape]

"Well, don't you have a red sharpie or something to make it look worse, Rudi? This looks more like a tennis game sweat band, so?"

Nope! Drawing fake streams of blood is not in my wheelhouse. But I over taped the white medical tape with black electrical tape, so.

"Oh, no, no, no, Josh, I know that look! You can pull on yourself just fine with this bandage on! And just to let the other words out of mouth once, you can jack yourself off just fine like this, so?"

"Oh, I believe I hear just a bit of I'm winning again then, hmm, Rudi?"

Idiot! I just told him to let me win, right? Anyways, after that, Josh was in charge of, LOL, nothing.

"Alright, Joey, you can have the injured and bandaged up bad ass, Josh and play a little video, even though I wrapped all that tape over the game console to clearly say "party, don't play" tonight, but I get that you're probably bored."

"Well, it's not like everyone else is busy, so."

I mean, Joey was right. Maybe it is Rocket science to host a good mixer. What was happening at my place wasn't what I expecting, but it was my first, so what did I know anyways, right?

"Well, how did the pizza get inside anyways and where is Amber then, Joey?"

"Oh, she ran inside mumbling something about how wolves travel in packs, slide the boxes across the counter top and ran back out, you know, all the while I was sitting all alone, so."

Ooh, that sounded bitter, didn't it? Or is it biter? Nope, it's bitter. Joey was bitter for being left alone and he was bitter for Devin having found someone that makes her happy, but that's how things go sometimes and Josh was certainly acting bitter for all the hate sex conversations that we had, but didn't follow through on, but that was me paying him back for his trash talking earlier and Suzie from the Pizza Shop was probably going to be bitter for the way that Amber went all wolf and traveled in a pack twice, which I didn't witness personally, but she was out in the delivery guy's sedan.

And maybe I became a little bitter because Josh and Joey relished with how I served them plates of pizza, but I know they probably never had service from someone of the softer side of life, but in the end, I was happy to do it, I suppose.

End Rudi 01