Ruffles' Side Jobs Ch. 03: 'Ranch'

A shorter chapter this time! After some hiatus between ch. 1 and 2, I'm hoping to get a chapter out at least bi-weekly, and I have so many ideas for this story to get out. This is far more of an introductory chapter to Poelle's ranch, but it's still got the sauce. ATM I'm just trying out different sizes for paragraphs, and it's possible they may end up closer to 8k than 4k words in future. Our gob has her quest, and now she just has to follow through with it -- Which would be new for her, actually. Enjoy the continued disaster of Ruffles, and thank you for reading :)

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Leaving the musty stink of Spyt's inner city behind, Ruffles refreshedly rambles the roads of rural Vistela, far already on her path to find the alchemist. Having spent all of her one coin on a revitalizing stay at an exceedingly unexceptional inn, and a hearty breakfast to follow, she waddles with her tummy full and her mind focused, though the little frog now clinging to the neck of her guitar was hardly zen. Hugo couldn't help but release his stream of complaints, spewing out everything he had been wanting to talk about for the last six months, to a reluctantly willing Ruffles. She was an excellent listener, in part due to not understanding most of what was said to her, the goblins simply smiling and nodding.

The two (or, rather, one and her little green parasite) had walked for about an hour, the scorching sun practically melting the poor gob underneath as she passes the scattered suburb that contrasted the densely packed central city, and eventually out into the rolling hills, quilted with patches of farmland. The red upturned dirt underneath turned to green and yellow grass at the edges, and Ruffles seemed confident in their path past two or three miles of fencing, crops, and animals. With each cow or sheep within range, Ruffles would rush up to try and pet them. She hopped up on every fence she could, attempting to pat the livestock, who were usually nowhere close. Rejected with confused stares at her waving hands, she spends a moment in destitution, before immediately attempting the next creature seen. Hugo grew quickly tired of this tirade, but didn't have the heart to tell her to stop, just sighing noisily with each try.

"You really have no other savings whatsoever? This could have taken us twenty fuckin' minutes if only we had a horse." Hugo wails in his little froggy form, plucking strings on her instrument aimlessly. Ruffles glances up to him with a carefree smile.

"It's fine! I've got super strong legs! How do you think I got thighs like these?" She smirks, slapping her thick, pillowy thighs. They weren't quite as muscular as she made them out to be, and her torn leggings allowed for little stripes of green to bulge through. It was as if she'd completely forgotten about the giant hole in her pants. In this weather, the breeze was welcomed, but that didn't change the fact every passing traveller turned to look at the fat-cheeked midget with a pet frog.

"Big breakfasts?" Hugo heckles, flashing back to the horrific scene at the breakfast table, still bewildered at how such a little lady could scarf down an entire leg of ham, and still be peckish.

"Hey!" Ruffles yells, flicking Hugo off her guitar, the frog only barely managing to grasp a guitar string to avoid his demise at a horse cantering by. It's rider peers down, pushing up the brim of his hat to glance at Ruffles' ass, almost guiding his horse into the back of cart in front of him.

"Alright, you little lunatic, we there yet?" He asks, rubbing his bruised forehead with a slimy set of bulbous fingertips.

"Almost!" Ruffles says, turning onto a much smaller path that hadn't seen much attention, a more forested area with trees having been planted in even spacings along the long, straight path.

"So... Tell me about this Poelle chick." Hugo asks. "What should I expect?"

"Um... Poelle is really smart! She teaches me all kinds of things, but she's a little mean sometimes. Heh, she's weird, too, but she's kind at the end of the day - she helps people, after all! Just... Has her own ways of doing it." She begins, her explanation lacking real articulation, and Hugo struggles to get a proper image of the woman in her head. "She's cute, shorter than me! And she has all kinds of monsters on her farm!" She continues, Hugo audibly gulping as he hears 'monsters.'

"Heh, Ruffles, I get you might be scared of animals, but not everyone you see is a monster..." He laughs nervously. Since a certain incident involving parasitic arachnids south in Louvra, he's been very, very cautious of any kind of monster.

"Nope! Big ones! The kind that would eat you! Kill millions!" She exaggerates, putting her hands up as claws as she bares her sharp teeth. "They're really nice, though! You should meet a few of them." She continues, shuffling along as Hugo looks around anxiously, as she reaches an opening at the end of the path. It reveals a breath-taking patch of land -- A few acres of fenced property, surrounded by Vistela's national red-leaved trees as a visual barrier. With a handful of structures, including a huge greenhouse, three barns, and a big farmhouse, it was an impressive setup, with a huge lake at the centre of the plot. Grazing fields are set up alongside huge, tall plots of crops, and the interior of the greenhouse looks saturated with green. Hugo whistles, glancing around.

"Doesn't look too bad, Ruff! Your girl's got a nice place for herself." He comments, admiring the rustic yet comfortable looking area, with various farming tools strewn about with barrels of hay and wooden crates. Ruffles nods, walking up the smaller, lighter-coloured dirt path, though she doesn't spot any of the monsters about.

"They like to hide. Most of them haven't had too good an experience outside this farm, but, Poelle treats them nicely!" She explains, picking Hugo up from the guitar and holding him in her hand. She darts over to the entrance, and as the pair get closer they can see it isn't the average idyllic farmhouse they'd expect from this area. It was a strangely constructed, disjointed complex with a garage section that had been modified into some kind of workshop. Outside it was a wreath of scattered equipment, Hugo recognising a lot of it to be material processing devices used often by his ex at her laboratory. The larger side door was locked, however, and Ruffles decided to walk straight in through the front door. The front wall was painted in a rich sacramento green, with a little signpost above that wrote 'Potion La Pelle'. Entering, the interior of the first room was a kind of storefront -- A large counter with a dozen layered shelves behind, all featuring strange little bottles and trinkets. Loose alchemical ingredients and plants hung from the ceiling, and various menus of prices lined the counter's front, ranging from tolerable to extreme prices depending on the complexity of the potion. All of these were way out of Ruffles' budget, but she didn't even glance at it as the little bell above the door rang, marking their arrival.

"Whoa, funky smell in here." Hugo points out, the entire house smelling strongly of aromatic herbs, fusty mushrooms, and clinical chemicals that all made for an intoxicating concoction, immediately making the pair lightheaded upon entering. The frog hops onto the counter, where they both wait for a few moments. He tries ringing the bell on the table, and with a lack of reply, he steps on it again. Ruffles joined in, dinging the bell over and over with her index finger, rapidly pressing down on it. A muffled scream appears from down a corridor behind the counter, which was covered in a thin iron mesh to prevent anyone from climbing over.

Suddenly, a short figure hurries in from the door on the other side, covered from head to toe in leather. They had a huge ankle-length protective dress on with huge gloves up to their elbows, big boots, and an odd bucket-like helmet with goggles built into the front -- A frankly bizarre look, made only comedic by the size of the wearer. "I knew it was you, you moron. You just can't resist the opportunity to snatch away any attention for yourself, can't you?" Shouts the stifled voice, scrambling to throw off the helmet with her thick gloved fingers. Undoing a leather strap at the back, she slams it on the countertop, revealing her surprisingly pretty visage underneath. Who Hugo could only assume to be Poelle was a petite-looking goblin, with long downturned ears and a short, messy bob of hair in a straw colour. Her eyes were a remarkable cherry pink, giving the otherwise ordinary goblin a somewhat mystical charm.

Steam was practically rising from the scorching skin of the alchemist, wearing full leathers in sweltering heat. Shaking her head, she tugs the protective dress off herself, throwing her gloves to the side and slipping herself out from underneath the muggy suit. Not quite noticing the frog just yet, she appeared perfectly comfortable stripping down in front of Ruffles, and it looked like she'd been desperate to. Kicking off the rest of her clothes, leaving them in a pile behind the counter, the scorching, sweaty goblin fans herself off with her hand. She had a lithe but muscular build -- Toned, but skinny, with petite little tits contrasted with her incredible hips, thick thighs, and huge ass. Her crotch was shaved, though a little stubble grew above her pussy, and her general complexion was a little lighter green compared to Ruffles.

Hugo's jaw drops as he watches the show, making note of the tan lines across her chest, and the outline of shorts on her thighs, ending just above her knees. "That's so much fucking better." She exhales, pulling out something from a shelf underneath the counter -- A little mechanical fan. It had a polished wooden handle with little aluminium blades, and as she presses down on a lever at the side, the blades spin rapidly. She pumps the thing as she looks over to Ruffles, her hair shimmering slightly with the wind. "The suit was for processing Morlagos residue -- The resulting slime is a magnificent catalyst; however, the by-product will eat through your skin within seconds. I was pretty much done, though." She explains, her manner of speaking smart, but bratty, with a high voice far smoother to listen to than Ruffles'.

"Sweating like a pig... I was going for a dip in the lake, but I imagine you have some great time waster prepared for me." She smirks, looking over to Hugo, who has yet to say a word. She pokes the creature, trying to get a response out of it. "For the love of- Ruffles, I'm not going to revive your pet frog, alright? What is dead is dead. You can take my shovel and dig a hole for it out back if yo-"

"Hey." Hugo finally speaks, finished with his cartoonish flusterment. Ruffles is smiling widely, watching Poelle closely for her response. She squints at it for a moment, her brows furrowing in thought.

"Did that frog just speak to me?" She asks, leaning away from it slightly. Ruffles is beaming, ecstatic at two of her best friends meeting, though if they think the same about her is another thing.

"You can just use me as a sweatrag, if you're that desperate to cool off." He replies calmly, Poelle immediately recoiling back. Hugo chuckles, climbing underneath the short barrier meant for slipping payment and potions back and forth behind the counter, waving.

"I'm really quite alright without." She replies, glancing back to Ruffles. "I'd think that this was a prank if it wasn't for the fact you are incapable of imagining anything like this yourself. This is... Interesting?" Poelle says, picking up Hugo and looking him over. "Humanoid body language, facial expressions like nothing I've seen on a frog -- Even making eye contact with me... You're not a frog at all, are you?" She catches on.

"Cursed, baby. Polymorphed. Made friends with Ruffles here yesterday, and she said I'd be able to get some help here? Unfortunately I'm not so good for cash... I literally couldn't carry my wallet." He goes on to explain, Poelle nodding.

"So you expect me to do this for free, Ruffles? Hah." She smirks, shaking her head as Ruffle replies with huge puppy-dog eyes.

"Pleeeasssseee! We haven't seen each other in so long! I just need this one favour! He's going to teach me how to become an adventurer like him!" She pleads, a verbal barrage of high-pitched begging. "At least take a look at him? See if you can do anything!?" She continues, Poelle rolling her eyes. This wasn't the first time she had given in to Ruffles' persistence, and it wouldn't be the last.

"We saw each other last month!" She pauses, looking at Hugo again. A frustrated look appears on her face, staring so hard at Ruffles and Hugo that it looked like her eyes were about to burst out of her head. "Fine! This is far more interesting than the usual case of sore back I get, anyway. I'll take a look." She sighs, shaking hear head in anger, moreso at herself than the others. "Go on, little frog, tell me about your case." She orders, grabbing him and walking into the back room as Ruffles is left by the counter, bouncing with excitement.

The thick gob bends down to stare at all kinds of different potion labels as Hugo re-explains the story of his ex-hex girlfriend and her cruel, cruel ways. She glances at the words, though she can't actually read any of them, the poor girl not having had much of an education. She admires the odd appearances of some of the bottles and the content inside -- Bioluminescent blue liquids, murky green concoctions, and white opaque bottles unlabelled at the back shelf. She had never been allowed to drink any of her more special potions, though Poelle was more than happy to supply Ruffles with a birth control potion. She claimed that she didn't want to see 'Any more Ruffles than she already does', and that six more of her would make her life a living hell.

Ruffles' mind drifts to a daydream about clones, imagining the kind of mischief they could get up to. She plots out a scenario in her head, a full band with her on every instrument, playing in perfect unison. To her, the idea was perfect, and as her brain sparks up in delight she rushes over to the counter to ask Poelle about some kind of cloning potion. She leans up on her tiptoes to peer over, squinting into the doorway as she looks into a more clinical, tiled room that Poelle used to diagnose patients. She finds Poelle already midway into her tests, and that the two had stopped talking. Hopping up to shove her face through the small counter window, she manages to get her shoulders through, creaking her head around to spot Hugo taped to an operating table as Poelle draws a tiny amount of blood in an equally tiny syringe. Having thrown on a slightly dirty lab coat to cover her nudity for now. She seems concentrated on testing, however, Ruffles was tired of waiting.

Even the obnoxiously curious nature of Ruffles had been thwarted by Poelle previously -- The last time she had explored the alchemist's house unsupervised she had an encounter with Poelle's most dangerous resident, a fiend. The great creature was almost ten foot in stature, the biggest living thing Ruffles has ever seen. It was humanoid, like a giant, but with several infernal qualities, though Ruffles never really grasped it's origin. She was stricken by so much fear she had immediately fainted, and reliving the experience, she'd much rather not try and find an alternative entrance to the back of her house. She wiggles her hands through the tight slip, one just large enough to fit her torso through. She pulls on the wire mesh, supported by thicker iron bars, squeezing her arms through to push the rest of her forward. She wiggles her tummy through the gap, however, as soon as her hips press up against the wooden borders of the gap, she realises the trouble she's in.

Her wide hips press up against the rim and lodge her firmly in the hole, her top-half with limited access to the secrets behind the counter, and her bottom half left to wiggle about fruitlessly. She attempts to shove her fingers back to pull herself out, but there was no luck -- She was firmly stuck. Poelle seemed to have not noticed just yet, Ruffles being stealthy, but fatally clumsy. Her hands reach about for leverage desperately as her legs kick, trying to gain any kind of leeway, but her surrender was almost immediate. Her boobs push up against the countertop, squashing them, and reducing her manoeuvrability even more. She wears embarrassment and defeat on her face, fully aware of the decisions that brought her to this position, asking herself why she ever thought this was a good idea. Just as she resolved herself to wail for help, she hears the dreaded ring of the bell behind her, as someone enters.

"Miss. La Pelle? I'm here to pick up my perscrip- Oh. OH!?" A soft, masculine voice appears from behind, immediately assaulted with he view of Ruffle's dangling legs and squished up ass-cheeks, the tear in her pants once again allowing for full access from behind. "M-Maybe I should come back later-" He stammers, flustered. Poelle peers in from the doorway, waving as she walks over, wiping her hands on her coat as she looks down, barely even registering Ruffles' wide, terrified eyes.

"No, no it's fine, I was just treating a new client. I've got what- WHAT?" She yells, startled by Ruffles' current condition. She rushes over in front of her to grab a small brown-paper bag, shaking her head as she realizes what she was attempting to do. "Ruffles, I told you, you can't sneak any of my brews! They are expensive, and most of them have been commissioned by customers. Not for you!" She instructs, tutting as she disappointedly opens the locked door at the edge of the counter, walking out with the bag of goods. She looks up to the incredibly flustered customer. "Are you alright?" She asks, cluelessly.

The customer was guidesan -- A beautiful race of pointy-eared people known for their androgyny, with the majority of their people looking indistinguishable in terms of gender. He had fair skin and brown hair in a loose ponytail, with a wavy fringe framing his flushed face, the younger-looking individual no older than early twenties. He had a pretty face with soft features, though given the shabbiness of his simple outfit, it was clear he was something of a manual worker, maybe even another farmer from the area. "Seriously, Duncan, what is the issue." She asks again, turning her head to spot Ruffles predicament, her mouth dropping. From behind the counter she had never noticed the hole in her pants, and now, she saw far more than she was ready to.

"HOW?" She shouts in disbelief, rushing in front of Ruffles' exposed area in an attempt to cover it. "I leave you alone for five minutes and you're exposing yourself to my clients!" She yells, Ruffles almost sobbing.

"I'M SORRY!" Ruffles yells back, kicking her legs. "It's not like your shoppers haven't seen you naked either!" She retorts, well aware of how much Poelle likes to walk around her farm completely naked, to enjoy the sun's rays.

"Shh!" She hushes, turning to the guidesan fellow, completely mortified. He looks both confused and overwhelmed by the situation, though the swelling object pushing against the front of his pants indicated he was at least slightly enjoying it. Poelle glances down at his crotch, then up, and shakes her blushed head as she pushes him out of the door, Ruffles wailing for help. A few minutes pass as she is heard profusely apologising behind the door, even offering the man a discount. A few moments later, the door opens, slamming shut behind them. "You lunatic, you almost scared him half to death with your fat little behind." She growls, Ruffles drooping her head in defeat.

"I'm sorry Poelle... I just wanted to see what was happening with Hugo, I swear!" She pleads, attempting and failing to look back at Poelle. "C-Can you help get me out?" She begrudgingly requests, clearly not able to do it herself.