Sabrina & Tawny: That Secret Thing

This is going to be a weird story for some. Not everyone will relate to all of this. I also feel a bit weird, as a girl, having this fetish. I've never met another lesbian that enjoys this kind of stuff like I do. Like Tawny does.

But, I'll start at the beginning.

I grew up pretty normal. I thought I liked guys but by the time I turned 18, I was leaning more towards being bisexual.

Oh, I'm Sabrina, by the way.

I've always been on the smaller side, weight-wise. I'm sure I'll balloon up when I turn forty, but I still don't put on weight that easily. I'm petite, as they say.

I was a little plain in high school. I didn't wear much makeup. I jogged a lot, so I was usually thin. But I didn't have big boobs, or a butt. And I was pretty short. I had reddish hair, and was a little pale.

I had never dated anyone before.

In my final month of school I developed my first female crush. Brittany Elson was pretty, confident, and popular. Imagine "that" blonde girl that everybody talked about: that's her. Alas, we barely spoke.

But she was the first girl I ever masturbated to. I mean, I was alone in my room, molesting my pillow, but it was the first time I imagined being with a girl while I touched myself. Brittany, in her volleyball shorts. An archetypical beauty.

Here's where I might start to lose you.

In the early days of the internet, before YouTube, there were sites with weird and funny videos. One of these videos was burned into my brain, and altered the course of my sexual direction, quite drastically.

So, I'm 18, looking at pre-meme content, and there's this video...

A morbidly obese woman sits on a guy's face, wearing just underwear. And it's a fairly short video, and it's supposed to be gross, and funny, and bizarre. But I watch it over and over. Something has been awakened in me.

I'd realize this a bit later, but despite the woman not being completely naked, this was really a clip of porn. Oddly specific porn.

To me, porn had always seemed gross and weird. I shied from it mostly because I didn't have a phone to look it up on back then-- we just had a family computer, and I never wanted to get caught searching for anything perverted.

So this video was a godsend to me. It was a loophole to porn. Because when I saw the fat lady sitting on that guy, I wanted it to be me. And my search history just showed funny video sites, if anyone even bothered to look.

I had only recently realized that I might be gay. Now I had to also contend with the idea that fat women turned me on too. And not just that-- I craved the sensation of a big lady using me like a seat.

Why? No clue.

I watched the video so often that I could use it as a vivid memory later to get off to. I did this a few times, from the privacy of my bed.

People argue about where fetishes come from. But I'll bet I never would have got on this strange track without seeing that video first.

So the day comes where I buy my own laptop. Mostly it's for college, which is fast approaching, but it's also an excuse to start exploring my sexuality without judgement. From the privacy of my room.

At first I start with basic porn. Girl and guy, girl and girl. The latter seems the most ideal, as I thought it might. I spend a week with that. Lesbians who look fake, and plastic. Skinny in places and round in others.

It's...fine. It's graphic on a level I've never witnessed before, not even in an R rated movie. But it still felt forced to get off to those videos. It's sex, but it's un-sexy.

So I changed direction.

In the search bar, I nervously typed in: FAT WOMEN PORN.

Well, well.

There wasn't the volume of videos in this genre that there is today, but I still had about 50 videos I could watch with women of various degrees of chubby bodies, doing various sexual acts with both men, and very seldomly, other women.

Some of these videos were like the one I watched before: Fat women sitting on guys. I would have preferred seeing a girl in their place but, beggars couldn't be choosers back then.

These videos had sound, unlike the one I found on the funny site. These new videos had audio that revealed another aspect to this fetish. They were also being suffocated by these women.

So, I'm 18, a skinny little girl, and masturbating to incredibly fat women sitting on guys, as the men gasp and moan under them. It's weirdly sexless, but it felt so strangely desirable, all the same.

Once I learned that I could search this fetish directly by name, I became obsessed with repeating the following pattern: Jerk off in the morning to porn, and jerk off before bed to porn.

Here's another thing I started doing that I have never heard anyone else try: I lifted up my mattress, laid on the box spring, and lowered the heavy mattress on top of me, essentially sandwiching my little self inside.

This was the closest I could get to simulating the weight of a large woman on top of me, and it was also a little hard to breathe. I would rub my clit as I lay in that dark place. I always locked the door beforehand; The last thing I needed was trying to explain that to my parents.

I would cum, then crawl out of the mattress sandwich in a warm, bewildered shame.

It didn't scratch the itch. I even borrowed my brother's dumbbell-- maybe it was 20 lbs.-- and I'd lay in bed, put a couple pillows on my face, then place the weight on top.

I was messing around with auto erotic asphyxiation without knowing it at the time. I could only imagine what a really fat woman would feel like. That one dumbbell hurt my nose, even with pillows, and that was only a fraction of the weight those women carried around. It would be like 20 of those weights combined. Fuck.

I finished school without having any sexual experiences besides a bottle spinning kiss at a lame party. With a guy. Boo.

Flash forward, and I'm in college upstate the following fall.

Within the first few weeks, I somehow made a friend. Her name was Tawny Hutchison.

Tawny was chubby, and taller than me by a good 7 inches. I'm about 5'3" for reference. Tawny was kinda punky, and I thought she looked a little Japanese, but she turned out to be part Native American. It was subtle. She just seemed tan and exotic, with Cheshire eyes. She had the hair that punk girls had at the time, sorta choppy, dyed black.

She was in my economics class, and we started as partners on an assignment.

She locked on to me and we started hanging outside of class.

A week later, we were drunk, in my dorm room, with her hand down my pants. I didn't get off, but it was still nice. We just kissed for a bit after, then smoked a joint outside.

Later, we were laying in bed, high from the roach we had shared by the window.

"So," Tawny said, "What's your weird thing?"

"Weird like what?" I said. We were both on our backs, almost touching hands.

"You know, that secret thing you don't want anyone to know about you, but you just can't help it. Like...a fetish."

She laughed, but I could tell she was looking for a real answer. Man, she was so hot, as well as confident. I felt like a little kid compared to her.

"Like," she said quietly, "I like getting choked. And I like my ass licked. I guess that's two things, oops!"

We both chuckled and I grimaced a little, but for no real reason. I was already daydreaming what it would be like to do those things to a girl like Tawny.

"Okay," she said, "You have to say yours now. I was very honest. Don't make me regret it by saying you like dirty talk, or something super normal."

"I like..." Suddenly I realized how impossible it would be to explain my fetish out loud. Even I knew it was insane.

"C'mon," she said. "Sabrina, what's weirder than an ass licking?"

"Okay, but this is...really weird." My heart was racing. I sat up. Maybe the weed was a bad idea. "I look at...videos of fat women...sitting on guys faces."

Tawny did a sort of double take.

"What do you mean?" she said, with a giggle.

Fuck my life.

"I think I'll just die now, please." I flopped against the bed on my side.

She did the same, and she threw my arm around her tummy. I was spooning her curves. Her butt. She had ripped grey jeans.

"Tell me," she said softly, "I'm curious.

I tried again. I started from the beginning, about the video, and my laptop searches. Everything. Even the mattress thing.

"Okay," she said, "So you like curvy women? Fat chicks? That's normal. I have a couple exes who were likely closeted chubby chasers. I'm not complaining-- I liked the attention. Still do."

She squeezed my hand.

"The facesitting thing is different. I never thought people would do that with clothes on. What's the point of that?"

"It's a sensation thing. Or a suffocation thing. But not always," I said, "Sometimes they're naked. Sometimes they're..."

"Licking her pussy?" she said, getting me to rub her soft tummy.

"Yeah," I said. "Or her ass."

There was a silence for a moment.

"Sabrina." Tawny squeezed my hand.

"Yeah." I squeezed back.

"Can I try it? Just for a sec."

I almost laughed, but I stopped myself. She was serious.

"You...want to? Really?"

"Sure," she laughed. "I'm like your fantasy, right? I'll keep my underwear on, just like your favorite porno. They're fresh enough."

I was unprepared, in shock.

"Lay on your back," she said in a coy tone, "before I change my mind." She said it so playfully, it didn't seem like something I talked her into. More like the opposite.

I nervously laid back. She peeled her jeans off, revealing her white cotton panties. She had a very nice ass. She was way hotter and younger than the women from my videos.

Maybe, I thought, I didn't like morbidly obese women after all. Maybe those videos were like most porn out there: depictions of the extreme body types-- not exactly my personal preference, but it's what was available to watch.

Tawny turned, pointing her bum at me.

"You ready? What do I even do?"

"I guess, just climb up? Have a seat?" I didn't actually know.

"Ass first, or pussy first?" She kept smiling, and kept wiggling her big bum.

"...Ass?" I said sheepishly.

"Okay, but I might be heavier than a mattress," she said, and straddled me. I was soon staring at her bum above me, just hovering there.

"How hard should I sit?" she said, as I realized I was as close to smelling a girl's nether regions as ever before.

"I think, pretty hard?" I wanted the real experience. The struggle.

"Okay," she said.

Tawny sat on my face. My nose sat along her butt crack. I was in heaven. My jaw was mashed flat. I could feel her hot pussy on my chin. I inhaled through my nose. I smelled her ass. It smelled amazing.

She sat forward, and asked, "Good?"

I managed a moan that sounded like "mmmyeah."

She sat again. This time her cheeks covered my eyes. It was dark. My lungs started heaving as I craved air.

Then she hopped off. She laid beside me again, and asked, "How was that?"

It lasted all of 20 seconds or so.

"That was amazing," I said, out of breath, totally flustered.

"Yeah," she said, "Imagine with no panties."

"Yeah," I said, staring out into the dark dorm room.

Amazingly, our foreplay progressed no further that night. We were a little burned out from the pot, and pretty sleep deprived.

Tawny asked me out the next morning. I said yes, obviously. She also discovered that her white panties had mascara smeared on them-- one smudge on each cheek.

We starting dating, and within a couple weeks we started fucking. It didn't feel like a big buildup, it just happened one night. We took turns fingering, then going down on each other. I enjoyed doing it more than receiving, but both rocked.

A week later I got to experience both simultaneously.

That's right, the big and little lesbians were sixty-nining. I was living my best life.

Tawny liked taking charge, holding me down. She didn't say, but I think she liked the fact that I was small and skinny, just like how I loved her taller, curvy body.

She got me to choke her. I didn't feel comfortable doing it at first, but I slowly got into the rhythm of it, developed a liking for it. I knew she was like me: oxygen deprivation caused her arousal. I just preferred an ass to a pair of hands.

Tawny knew what I liked, and she often got on top when we sixty-nined.

One night I realized she had been patiently waiting for her other desire to be fulfilled.

I stopped licking her clit, and licked her darker hole instead. She tensed for a second, then moaned a little. She tasted...amazing.

"Ooh, Sabrina," she said, "I was wondering when you'd do it to me..."

I licked little circles. She sat a little harder. I pushed my tongue in a little. She sat even harder. I decided to go all the way.

I stuck my tongue inside her, maybe half an inch deep. She sat back, and relaxed her weight on me. My tongue slid the entire length inside her.

It tasted wrong. It tasted perfect.

I realized in that moment, that my fetish was Tawny's fetish. Two roles, one sexual experience.

So began our college years.

We fucked a bunch in those four years. I licked her asshole many a time. We had the odd threesome, but none of those girls came between us. Figuratively.

I put on some tattoos, and Tawny put on some weight. She gained a good fifty pounds since freshman year.

Now, with our graduation approaching, we looked like very different people than we did four years prior. I became a tattoo junkie, and she got a little nerdier. She started wearing glasses-- the kind that were a little pointed, like cat ears.

I didn't mind her weight gain. It wasn't planned, or discussed much. But I think I preferred her a little bigger like this. My previous instincts were right after all: I wanted a fat girlfriend.

Our sex was going pretty strong still. We had toys, and cuffs that got some use. Collars for choking her. But mostly we just did our usual: facesitting with some asslicking.

We could both get off super quick this way. We masturbated while we got our fetish satisfied by the other.

We finished school. We moved in together, and found jobs in a new city. We got a little older, a little more mature.

But despite working all day apart from the other, we made up for it by being homebodies. We always watched TV and movies at home instead of going out.

More years passed. Tawny was even heavier. I think she just didn't care that she kept getting bigger, because she knew I loved her no matter what. And she still turned me on. More than ever.

Even then, in our mid twenties, we still got frisky every other day or so. But slowly our bedroom antics looked very similar to the old porn videos I used to watch.

Tawny was approaching the mass of those women that ignited my sexual spark in the first place. And she still loved getting her asshole rimmed.

It was harder now, with her increased weight. A lot of it went to her ass. But I could still get up there, and I did frequently.

Now I was the little head under a heavy female ass, gasping for air, getting off by getting smothered.

Then we started a health kick. Tawny and I started to feel rough most days, and our poor diet wasn't helping. We started going to the gym on the weekends, and eating less junk food. I still ate her ass, but she didn't complain.

After a couple years, Tawny was looking a little more toned, but she was still curvy.

Despite this, and for no logical reason at all, I cheated on Tawny.

Kind of.

I was out with her and some work friends. We got separated at a club, and I got too drunk. I got hit on by an Amazonian sized woman. We talked, danced, and suddenly I found myself out on the patio with her tongue down my throat.

Tawny saw. She wasn't super upset, but I had hurt her-- hurt the relationship. We almost took a break, but decided against it. I convinced her that I was barely conscious at the time, and that it meant nothing.

Time healed that unfortunate hiccup. More time passed. We changed careers, we moved again.

We got a little more boring. We farted in front of the other on the daily, and stopped trying to be sexy. We just continued taking care of each other's needs when they arose.

Tawny still loved sitting on my face, and I loved eating her ass.

Even more time has passed. We turned 34. We got married, which fortunately changed nothing in our relationship. There were no surprises, and that was a good thing.

I woke up this morning, and remembered I got stoned the night before--some things never change-- and spent hours in my head, going through our relationship history from then to now, during a bout of insomnia.

I stretched, and yawned. Tawny woke up next to me. She yawned too, and rolled out of bed.

She lingered by the bed in her red thong and nothing else as she looked for her pajamas.

I tactlessly slid over, positioning my face under her rear.

"Morning baby," I said.

"Morning little one," she said, sitting down.

Her warm cheeks enveloped me. I loved it. I couldn't access her asshole at this angle but it was cozy.

She sat up. "Get up you lazy perv." She smiled.

We climbed into the shower together. We washed each other, and fooled around a bit. I slipped down to my knees, and ate her ass for a little bit.

I was living the life.

"You still enjoying that as much as me?" she asked.

I mumbled "mm-hmm" into her ass cheeks. We both started jerking off while I continued to do the deed.

Later, after we had dried off, we sat at the breakfast table drinking coffee.

"Sabrina," she said with her mug in hand, "Are you still happy?"

"Yeah," I said, without thought, "With you? Totally. I love our little life."

"I love my little wife too," she said. "Just checking."

She's my fantasy. My everything. My curvaceous, cuddly angel.

I did say that this story isn't for everybody, right?

Maybe that's true. Not everybody likes their women big. And even less of those are women themselves. Only some of those crave to be smothered by their woman.

And only I know how it feels to be under Tawny. So maybe this story is just for me.

But I had to tell someone.