All Comments on 'Sacrifice'

Good start...well put together. I would love to see more chapters in the future

Loved your story, please keep writing, gave 5*+

Like others said times a MILLION. Please don't stop there, I'm sure we're all interested in what the future hold for Maideria and Raida.

This would make an awesome series/world if you wanted. I would most definitely read more. Good work. Keep it up.

... wow. I didn't expect this much feedback for this story. I'd originally only planned for it to be a 2000 word little transformation thing. It's my first dragon story and I rushed the ending for it. So... what makes this one stand out? Just in case I did decide to continue it?

I don't remember any other story having that much detail of the change, if there was one.

....This story was really well written. I am not the only one wanting to read more of it.

As for what makes this so good, ......for myself, it was descriptive, had colorful imagination, real emotion and storyline that you put into such a SHORT beginning. PLEASE keep writing this, and I'll most definitely keep reading.

5 Stars plus...

Nicci

I think Anon and KiwiKing have it about right; you pack a hard punch in a small package with this bit, the strength being the imagery and visceral and emotional description. You don't waste your words; there is a lot going on in a shorter piece.

I liked that the thoughts of the girl *showed* her world assumptions and exactly what she'd been brought up to expect of her lot in life without omnipotent "meta-thoughts"--she isn't "aware" of how it could be different or of modern sensibilities or the feeling that this treatment is "wrong." It's simply the way it is. Her father diving into the dirt to collect the coins from her sale encapsulates that moment like no other image could.

The abrupt and violent change (in mind and body, her perception of her own self-worth) come about from sheer Hand of Fortune and a willingness to give herself up entirely to the one who was basically God to her, in that moment. He held her fate in his taloned hands and she accepted with a quiet faith that this one before her was much greater than herself.

That he proved to be a loving and just God that set her free and challenged her to do something more with her life--this is a powerful chord to strike. People want the world to be just and fair, for those who abuse their power to get their comeuppance, for those with a good soul who have worked hard and never plotted to hurt others for her own gain to receive her reward at the end of her life.

I'm not sure where else you might take the story if you continued it, you'd have to adopt another strong theme based on a different dynamic, as this one has been precisely nailed into place. But to me you basically wrote a very good piece of human spirituality and faith when life is hard and one is not so fortunate to be born into wealth or power, but may be granted it and choose to do some good in a chaotic and insecure world.

So yeah, well done. :)

I enjoyed reading your story.

So, I guess I will continue this one then. I tend to almost always leave little hooks for possible sequels in all my stories so I'll see what I can come up with that makes sense for this one. Although, for the second one I may back up a bit and include a reworked/expanded ending from the first part. After submitting it, I re-read it and thought of several things I could improve. So, hopefully that's not cheating.

I'm not sure what to say to all the praise. Especially KiwiKing and Etaski. Like I said in a previous comment, I really didn't expect it to take off so well. But, I'm glad that it did. I started with a basic idea and elements just kept popping out as I wrote it, including the bit about cages and freedom. It kind of all ended up working out. So, thank you both for the encouragement and kind words and I'll chew on some ideas for a possible continuation. It's my first fantasy piece and dragon piece and I will admit that I enjoyed writing it and giving some life to the period and characters.

I want moar.

5 stars, more please!

now thats what i call a happy end! and a nice twist of the old 'virgin sacrificed to the dragon'-theme.

Seriously badass ending there. I hope the Captain and his faithful men find what they are looking for.

Outstanding! Justice served and revenge granted. Much different than most of the dragon stories and I liked how it ended.