Safe is Just a Word

His manner was imperious, as if he came from old money. He didn't. Like me, he was one generation away from thieves and conmen. There was a formality as he ordered his food, dismissed the waitress and drank his wine. He was an arrogant ass. I watched from across the room, doing my due diligence.

"Enjoy your dinner, Eli. You won't be able to afford many more nights like this."

It bothered me that I'd verbalized my thoughts. It was unprofessional. Looking away from Eli, I made sure that no one was obvious in their concern about the crazy lady at the table for one who was whispering to herself. Eli Martinez worked for a hedge fund and could easily afford his meal at Rio Bistro. I couldn't, but my dinner was an investment.

The waitress was sweet and her job was probably a hell of a lot more difficult than that of most of the people she served. She'd been attentive and patient. I was sure she would have preferred to have more than one customer or that I'd eaten faster, but I had a job to do.

"Can I get you anything else?"

"Just the check, thank you."

I paid and left a healthy tip before I nursed my coffee and waited for Eli. He finally finished his aperitif, got up, and exited the restaurant. I checked my phone and used the Notes function to record the time he left. I surreptitiously took a photo of the blonde he was with. It wasn't his wife, she was a different blonde. Eli was at Rio Bistro every Tuesday and Thursday and never left earlier than 8:30. Tuesdays were for his girlfriend du jour, Thursdays were with his wife.

The next day I sat outside the Rio Bistro's parking lot and drove off at exactly 8:35. I timed the drive to his apartment and noted the stoplights, just as I had the previous 11 times I'd mapped out his trip home. Parking next to a playground a block over, I made my notes, compared them to my previous observations, and then drove home.

It had been a long, stressful day and I wanted to unwind and relax.

Eggplant lasagna wafted through the air and seducing my senses as I made my way to the bathroom. Stripping off, I stepped into the hot pounding water. As I turned around, I placed one hand on the shower door and the other on the wall and let the water and heat work their magic on my back. Head bent down and long wet hair obstructing my view, I smiled as I heard the bathroom door open.

Michael's deep voice was warmth and love and support. "Not even a hello? Just pass right through the kitchen and into the shower?"

"Hello, my love."

"My love? You think that's going to work?"

"Did it?"

I loved the voice of his rumbling laugh. "Yeah, it sort of did. Rough day?"

My clothes were strewn about the floor. I knew I'd have to wait patiently as he put his socks in his shoes, folded his shirt, then his pants, and placed his underwear in the hamper before he joined me. We were different in so many ways. My husband was a neat-freak and I absolutely wasn't. He loved classical music and I listened to anything but. Michael was large and built for strength where I was lithe and built for speed and endurance.

Stepping into the shower, he lifted my chin with his index finger. I expected him to kiss me, but he paused, looked into my eyes for a moment. His cute lopsided smile began to grow and then he bent down and met my lips with his own. Straightening, he caressed my face, hands stretched along my jaw, fingers gently stroking that sensitive skin just below the ear. I shivered. He leaned down and kissed me again as the water dripped from his head to mine.

Hands gentle on my shoulders, he turned me towards the spray and slowly began to massage my upper back.

"Long day?"

I was glad to be facing the wall instead of my husband as I lied to him.

"Ummmm, right there. Just stay right there. Yeah, Mrs. Ferguson can't understand why she isn't losing weight. She was telling me this when she had powder on her cheek. The woman stopped for donuts on the way to the gym and didn't see the problem."

"Get her a new trainer."

"No, I'll just have another talk with her and set her up with the nutritionist."

"Okay. Things were good aside from Mrs. Ferguson and her donut addiction?"

I laughed and wriggled as his fingers worked their magic. "Yeah, just busy."

I'd been lying to him for almost two months with made-up excuses for why I was late or had to miss dinners. I couldn't exactly tell my husband that when I wasn't a personal trainer I was a second-generation thief and safe-cracker and was going to take absolutely everything of value from Eli Martinez. Instead, I told him stories about Mrs. Ferguson or Ilse Westbrook. Ilse was married to Adam, who was a hotshot wrestling coach. She brought down her friends and the girlfriends of a bunch of the wrestlers. She was probably responsible for half my clientele.

The stories were all true, but they only told him about part of my life. Michael didn't need to know what was going to go down. I was going to get my piece of justice from the children of the men who abandoned my father and let him rot in prison for the crimes they helped commit.

"You're incredibly tense, Sondra. You sure you're okay?"

"I am now." And I was. As long as I was in the arms of my husband, everything else could fade away into the background.

He didn't say anything in response to that, just kept working my shoulders with his fingers. My eyes fluttered closed and I sighed. Slowly, the pressure began to change; one moment he was working a knot out of my neck, the next his hands were sliding firmly along the tops of my shoulders. The moment after that, the firm pressure became lighter, softer, more sensual. His fingers traced back to my neck and one by one, his fingertips gently trailed down my spine.

My neck didn't lack attention, though; by the time his fingers reached the base of my shoulder blades, his lips were on the spot where my shoulder met my neck. I sighed again, softly, and shivered almost imperceptibly. His fingers moved to my ribs, far enough down so that when he slid them around me, they were just beneath my breasts.

He didn't move his body closer to mine; he knew I would do it myself, that I'd step back and relax against him as he moved his hands up to cup my breasts. I couldn't stop myself. The moment my breasts were in his palms and my nipples were hardening against them, I leaned back into him.

A soft murmur of appreciation met the spot he was kissing on my neck as my ass met his quickly-hardening cock. He pushed it against me, taking just a moment for himself, just a moment of relief in my body before devoting himself to my pleasure.

Michael was generous when it came to sex. It was almost surprising how tender he could be, especially knowing how capable he was of rough passion. No matter how he wanted it, it was never about him taking me; it was about him loving me, loving my body, doing whatever he could to make me happy. His pleasure was dependent on my pleasure, his release prolonged by mine.

I loved those little moments, those ones where he couldn't stop himself from giving in, just a little bit. I loved the sharp intake of breath as he slid his cock against me, the soft but resonant groan as I shifted my hips and felt his twitch against me.

He pinched my nipples and I smiled; one hand continued cupping my breast as the other traced intricate little patterns down my ribs and stomach until it reached my mound. In contrast to the slow, lingering pace he'd started with, his fingers dipped immediately into my folds and found my clit.

"Someone's eager tonight," I said, smirking.

"Don't want the lasagna to burn," he said, his lips brushing against my skin.

I bit back a laugh. "Better get to it, then."

He teased me just a little longer, the rough pads of his fingers stroking my clit until I was struggling not to beg him for more. Instead, I circled my fingers around his wrist and pushed back against him harder.

His grunt was short and staccato as his cock prodded against me. Moments later, he was guiding me forward, giving me just enough time to brace myself against the wall of the shower before he was using his knee to nudge my legs apart.

He entered me the way I knew he loved to: slowly, letting every inch of his shaft sink into me. It was agony. Amazing, perfect, blissful agony as he gradually filled me. I whimpered, biting my lip to keep from pushing back against him, knowing how much he loved the feeling of entering me for the first time. I couldn't take that from him.

Finally, he was fully inside me, and only then did he start moving faster. His fingers moved in time with his thrusts, guiding me to the edge of release, speeding up only when he heard the change in my breath, the low gasp as pleasure collected and grew and peaked inside me.

He groaned as I cried out, thrusting harder as I came, using my orgasm to work towards his. I couldn't stop myself from pressing harder on the shower wall, bearing back against him as my body tensed and relaxed, as heat traveled through my veins and a feeling of intense lightness overtook me. His hand moved from my clit only so he could grab my hip and let himself break free of that practiced hold on himself.

It was almost as good as coming, that feeling, the way he lost control and finally took me for his own purposes. I reveled in that feeling and in the sounds he made, the way he gripped me, the final moments when I knew he was there and he was panting and gasping as he erupted.

He lingered inside me after he came, pulling me back up from the wall and kissing my neck again. He lingered there, too, and again when I turned around, and again as he kissed me and held me against him. He lingered so long that when we finally got out of the shower, the eggplant lasagna was charred along the edges.

It was well worth it.

Dad was speaking to another inmate and didn't see me when I entered. I leaned against the wall and watched as he spoke animatedly. Dad had picked up the habit of using his hands and gestures to emphasize his words after the second stroke. He had been my giant before he went in, the center of my universe, and larger than life. Now he was a broken man who thought he needed to use gestures to make himself understood.

Seeing me, he smiled and limped over to a free table. In spite of everything, he was still handsome. Where most of the inmates had their hair shorn tight, Dad kept his longer, almost brushing his shoulders. I got us two sodas and some chips from the vending machines and joined him.

"Hey, Dad."

He reached for my hand before looking at the guards and stopping. "Morning, Princess. Drive okay?"

"Sure. No traffic out in the boonies."

Looking around at the guards again, he tentatively raised his hand and rested it on mine. Other inmates were hugging loved ones and holding children on their laps. My father was afraid to touch my hand because a guard might say something. He'd had all of the life and spirit beaten out of him and it broke my heart.

We chatted for a while about his job in the prison. He worked in the laundry and it seemed to be something he enjoyed. Dad talked about the people he worked with and how he found someone who gave him a good game of chess. He showed me his glasses and seemed proud of them. The man who bought me a new car when I turned 16 was proud of a pair of $20 glasses.

I forced myself to smile. "That's great, Dad. How old was Mom when she had to get glasses?"

"Thirty-five? Around there."

"So, I have that to look forward to? I got glasses on both sides of the family?"

He patted my hand. "I guess so. I could picture you in them. They'll just make you more beautiful. Tell me about work. You still helping that wrestler guy and the cage fighters?"

"Adam. Yeah. They come into the gym a lot and I help out sometimes when they have a woman prepping for a fight."

"In the ring?"

I smiled. "No, just helping them with cardio and stuff like that."

His hand drifted up the side of his mouth as if of its own volition. It was a habit he'd picked up after the stroke, trying to mask how it drooped slightly. "So, Adam is a karate guy?"

"Wrestling only. People sort of specialize. He's a good coach. I think those fighters cross-train. He helps with wrestling. Adam's a nice guy, but I really like his wife, Ilse. We're going to set up something with the two of them and me and Michael. Dinner or something."

"How's Michael doing?"

"Good. The range is picking up business. Another year or two and we'll be doing well enough to start giving you grandkids."

"Does he sell guns, too?"

"Yup. Most of the money comes from the range, though."

"Tell him to be careful, okay? Stay on the right side of the law. Vet all his customers."

Sighing, I put my other hand on top of his. "I will, Dad."

He was silent for a moment. "You, uh, you still working on that other project?"

"I am."

"It's... Honey, you have a good life. You make enough. Don't cross these people, please."

Squeezing his hand, I smiled. "It's going to be okay. Don't worry about me. I'm not the little girl you left that day."

"You weren't so little, Princess. Still, I missed so much. Graduation, your wedding, everything."

Taking my hand from his, I sat back in the uncomfortable chair. "You didn't have to."

"Yes, I did."

"That's bullshit, Dad. Some stupid honor amongst thieves crap? You would have been out by now if you had rolled over on the rest of them, but instead, you valued being a stand-up guy over spending time with me." I pushed back in my seat and took a deep breath. "One day! You've been out one day and that was for Mom's funeral. Was it worth it, Dad? They didn't lift a finger for you. Not for a lawyer, not to get you protection in here, not even a few bucks for your commissary account. They didn't do a thing!"

"Yeah, they didn't do a thing. You got that right."

"And here you sit while they're living the life of Riley."

"You're not hearing me. They didn't do a thing."

"I know."

"No, you don't. No one came knocking on your door, Sondra. I kept my mouth shut and you've led a good life. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? No one came knocking."

I felt myself looking to the side, keeping him in my peripheral vision as if I couldn't bear to see the truth of what he was saying. My breath became shallow and I couldn't think clearly.

"What? That's... That's crazy. Why would they... Are you saying that you kept quiet to keep me safe?"

He was quiet and sadly shook his head. Pushing his can of soda with his index finger, he wouldn't look at me.

"It's okay, Princess. You're happy, right? You and Michael? I'm gonna have those grandkids. My little girl is safe and happy and I'm not doing so bad in here. Just... Just leave it alone, okay? Let them do what they're doing and you just lead your life."

"Dad... Daddy, did you..." My stomach clenched and then clenched again. I couldn't speak. For years I'd believed that his macho honor was more important to him than me and Mom. I didn't come to see him for almost a year after Mom passed.

Was he rotting in that prison for me? What should I say? How should I react? I didn't have a clue so I pretended it was a normal visit and he hadn't just put this bomb at my feet.

The rest of our visit was quiet and subdued. My eyes would drift to his fingers that used to be so delicate, to the sloped shoulders of the once proud man and to the lines of his mouth, now burdened with the remnants of the stroke. All so I could live life without fear of his colleagues? It was too much to process.

I showed him photos of Michael and he wanted to see some of Ilse, who I talked about so much. Some of them had her husband Adam and her brother-in-law. A few had Adam's brother, Alex.

"Thought you said he was a wrestler?"

It was still difficult to look at him, the man I'd almost had disdain for. While we talked I'd look at his ear or around the room.

I sighed. "He was. He's a coach now, but his brother is into boxing."

"Violent family."

"No, not really. They're all really sweet. Adam's sister can be a little... unhinged, but they're all good people."

He looked at the photo for a while. "Maybe. Honey, these people, the ones from your project, their fathers are violent." Dad looked up at the guards and back to me. "If you can't let this go, promise me you're going to be careful."

He stopped talking, touched my jaw gently and forced me to look at him. "It's okay, princess. I'd do it again in a minute. You and your mom mean everything to me. Just... promise me, okay. You're going to be careful?"

Looking in his eyes, I took his hand again and smiled. "I promise, Dad. I'm not bragging, but I'm not going to get caught. I know how that sounds, but it's not overconfidence or arrogance. I'm methodical, don't take risks and I'm probably the best you've ever seen."

He offered a small smile back. "I don't doubt it, but, you know, why take the risk? You're not hurting. You have food on the table and a roof over your heads."

"Was that enough for you? The shop kept us going okay. We ate well. Our house was okay. You installed locks and safes and sold security systems and we did alright. It wasn't enough, right? My reasons are different, but like you, I want more. Just a different type of more."

It was breaking me seeing him like this. I could tell how difficult it was for him to keep smiling. He nodded slowly and wiped his eye. Voice cast down to a whisper, he nodded again before speaking. "Just... watch out, okay? I can't lose you. You're the only thing that keeps me going."

It was difficult to speak for a moment. "I will, Dad."

I spent the drive home shifting between crying and being infuriated. His limp was worse and the only spark in him was when he talked about me and possible grandkids. Because of me. If he wasn't protecting me back then he could have been out by now. They had clearly used me and Mom to threaten him and then let him rot in there.

Fuck that. He should have been with Mom until her end. He should have been with me now. He should have met his son-in-law outside and under the sun. They stole him from me, his daughter. I was going to take everything they gave their children, absolutely everything.

I could smell the grill going as I approached the front door. My man was home and he was cooking. Smiling, I walked in the house and straight back to the patio.

"How long before dinner?"

"About 20. That okay?"

"Sure. I was going to go for a run down by the Riverwalk, but I can go after dinner. What are you making?"

"Grilling up some marinated portobellos and I have some chicken going for the salad."

"Sounds delish. Anything else?"

"Charred watermelon with honey and tossed with feta."

I set the table and put on some music before we ate. Michael's mother loved to give us kitschy gifts from places she vacationed. We have an Eiffel Tower pepper grinder and a Pont des Arts napkin holder. I got lost for a moment staring at the two. The heights of the grinder and holder lent themselves to thinking of the Villa Pueblo Community and the building adjacent to it. The villa used to be a senior's living facility that was converted over to condos. The tallest building in Pueblo, it filled up quickly with people who simply had to live in just the right zip code, in just the right building, with just the right neighbors.

Of course, Eli had to live there.

I'd been putting the building on my jogging route to get a feeling for the neighborhood, the Villa itself, the doorman and other staff and the adjacent buildings. Pushing the napkin holder against the peppermill I wondered if I could access the Villa from the other building. They weren't attached, but they were close. If I hooked up a line, it wouldn't be difficult to climb from one to the other, but I'd be totally vulnerable during that climb.