All Comments on 'Safe Room'

Most better than this

YAWN....poorly written and at the risk of leaving a redundant comment....this story has been done too many times, yet many versions have been better written and are far more creative.

i think sister should help brother get mom.maybe sister takes mom to a strip bar prior to leaving for school ,then when they return home mom is so horney.so she stays with mom as she undresses and mom discovers her vibrater is gone.then mom decides she will go look for bbatteries and she as she passes her son's room she sees him naked his 9 inches sticking up she stares at it and relunctantly goes looking for batteries .the sister meets her in the kichen and they both deide theres no batteries.then sister leads mom back to brothers bed ,( who is faking sleeping).she lies to her mom and says confesses she has played with his cock and never woke up.then gets mom to try a little then when mom's really horney she takes it away . and she again states the fact he never wakes up no matter what.then the following nite she again needs her vibrrater and it still dont work,she passes her son's room remember her daughter's statement .she sheds her nighty at her son's door and slowly mounts her son's cock and starts riding it .till he cumms in her pussy.she wishes she had been eaten first.the trap si set

She's so mad when he presents her with proof of blackmail, and then she does a complete 180 when she sees his 8 inch dick. Wow, that's believable. And completely well written. What a waste of my time.

My comment would be a needless repetition of what others have already said. An editor could help improve the spelling and other problems, but you need to work on your stories. I haven't seen much originality. A try is a try, but I can't get past the mid-point on this one.

Ok so the setup for the scene was half decent i'll give you that, but the actual sex part, the bit that should have been highly descriptive, looked like it was written by a virgin who has no idea how to fuck someone.

Have you Ever even had sex before?

You blow throw the sex so quickly, there was no build up or anything, I mean it sounds like your main character has problems cumming too quickly.

This was a terrible story. You must be stupid, or just plain retarded. Either way, you totally skipped what should have been the best part, the sex.

He goes into his sisters room, he basically blackmails her after she finds out and from her sister being angry and snapping thd dvd she goes to wacking him off?? yeah real convincing and realistic even for a story, this was pathetic, you totally missed the part where she'd beg for his silence and not to show the dvd to anyone she'd hate him swear at him but he'd blackmail her, yet none of that, you seriously think if you walked into your sisters room and went hey sis, i got a dvd of you pleasuring yourself with a hairbrush *whipped down your underwear* and went well suck it, she'd probably knock you out chuck you out or tell mum and dad, no matter where your from story or not :D, you seriously suck and need to come up with imaginative stories not done over stories

your story lacks continuity and motivation. Work on the dialog and story line development. The scenes rush together like a 15 year boy getting a nut for the first time. Add enough description to make it plausible. To be honest about it, it reads like it was written by a high school freshman.

Not much detail lol. But still nice :D

total RUBBISH

And by the way, "cloths" are things you wipe a bench down with. "Clothes" are the textile body coverings worn by humans.

you are one

could u write a sequal

the 1st time i fucked my sister shirely it was incredible !!!! i was 14 & she was 19 !!!! we've been fucking ever since !!!!! she was my 1st & i can say 7 do anything with her !!! she's my best fantasy & panty whore !!!! we made a pact that said 3 words & lived up to it since " no saying no !!" shirley has let me do anything to her i want & has never said no.....& i've came the hardest with her by far than anyone else !!!!

build up more, make the sister more pissy, and please for the love of writing, work on your freaking grammar. no one on this sight has any grammar skills what so ever and it irritates the shit out of a lot of readers. also, no one uses a hairbrush, do something more creative.

This is just way too short. Even for a short stroke story there isn't enough to this. And, yes, your grammer is atrocious. It is distracting to the reader who is trying to get into the story. I'm not saying that all writers need to be english majors, but getting a proofreader would be only curtious to your readers. Don't think I want all stories on Literotica to have 10 chapters, but you did put brother and sister together much too quickly and described little of their sexual encounter. You allude to a possible affair with mother but you don't expand on it. And do you really think its that erotic to blackmail his sister into sex? Keep working. You need the practice.

more build up, to quick into the sex

Any more?