All Comments on 'Salacious Liason: Gangbang'

Oh Candice, are you one lucky girl, a dozen horny ever hard and ready to go college studs and permission and involvement with your husband. Yea, go girl enjoy yourself, endless orgasm's and plenty of fresh tasty cum. 5 stars naturally.

And one very lucky girl!

And one very lucky girl! Thank you for posting.

Now that’s “Summer Lov’n”!!!

Thanks for the fantasy you got my 5 stars! Good luck on the contest.

Cheers

SAGE

You wrote the thing in second person as if retelling the story to Candice. One, she was there, two, difficult for half of us to put ourselves in her shoes. So, you edited it to make it third person - all Literotica stories should be in the third person - but you missed SO MANY second person references it was difficult to read.

Also, in a couple spots, you exaggerate too much - we know it's fiction, but it needs to be believable. 1.5" nipples? c'mon.

Needs editing- switching from her to you throughout is really distracting.

Tenses shifted, some typos, but a good jerker of a story....

Pick either first or third person and stick with it. First person often works well with dialog between two or three people. Third person may have worked best here. You really don't make an attempt to present her point of view. Was her main motivation to pleasure her husband or herself?

The others are right & you need a proofreader (I'd volunteer, but unsure on contact things right now).

That written, saw that quote about her wanting to do all the guys, and prayed it leads to a spinoff/offshoot series.