Salt and Pepper

Jamie locked his bike up at the top of the road and walked down. The area was beautiful, full of large and old houses. He had not known that his date was so wealthy, and it certainly didn't hurt to know that now. It should be number 5, he reminded himself, though in the dark it was difficult to spot. He walked down, seeing the house numbers ascend, until he saw it.

He checked the app again and made sure it was the right number, and had to hide his phone from a passer-by until they were safely out of eyeshot. He looked again, opening his chat, and saw the dick pic that had tempted him here. He felt so horny. It was the right house. He walked through the gate, closing it behind him, before taking a deep breath in front of the door.

It was his first time using an app like this. He had flirted with the idea many times, but he never felt like the time was right. He thought he must surely meet someone like him at some point. But he had been so solitary for so long that it was never going to happen, and had eventually resigned himself to this.

The guy had seemed relatively safe and seemed hung, so naturally he gave in to his impulses and told him he'd be there in an hour. He was a couple of minutes late, but hoped that it was worth it. He put in effort for tonight, wanting to feel as hot as possible, shaving his body hair, putting on his makeup, and picking out his cutest outfit in a hurry.

He never wore it in public, but loved dressing up in it, only feeling pretty while wearing it. It was nothing crazy, just a black crop top, chequered red and black miniskirt and black thigh-high silk stockings. But it made Jamie feel cute, and he hoped it would turn on his date. He'd worn a thick long coat above it, though, afraid of seeing someone he knew or of being perceived in general. He wanted his private life to be private, and didn't want anyone else to know.

That was what had stopped him from going on apps earlier. The fear of discovery, the shame of someone else knowing, it had all been too much for him. If he could choose, he would get rid of all his gay feelings in an instant, but they never did, and so here he was. He had tried to get out his sexual urges with porn for years, but every day just increased his curiosity for what the real thing felt like.

He knew he was incredibly repressed and horny, but had no idea how to control it. He had tried giving up porn entirely, but could only go a week or so at most before the temptation was too much. He had tried watching straight porn, but the women never did anything for him, and he always found himself staring at the huge dicks.

This is all a more complicated way to say that Jamie found it impossible to watch anything other than twinks getting railed by masc guys.

Over the years, his tastes had escalated. He felt that his shame and sexuality were so interlinked that there was no separating them, and they fuelled each other. When today's date, still only known to him as T, had asked him whether he'd do whatever he asked, Jamie had eagerly complied. He would become this man's slut, for the night, and that idea made Jamie hornier than anything as he waited in the cold and composed himself.

He closed his eyes and remembered the man's cock, before texting him to let him know he was here. His host had asked him not to ring the bell, not wanting his neighbours to hear a late-night call, and Jamie could relate only too closely to his desire for privacy. The thought of hiding who you were even at the age of forty-three reinforced his cynicism, knowing that there was no escape to the secrecy and shame, no matter how independent you were.

He saw a light turn on at the top of the stairs, and heard footsteps, until he saw a figure descending through the frosted glass window. He felt excitement in his chest, which he hadn't felt for a long time, mixed with anxiety. He feared that his makeup would look stupid, that he would disappoint his host, that his lateness had annoyed the man. As the door opened, his heart raced, and he forced a smile, as he let out a nervous greeting. The man opened the door and rushed him in quickly, the entrance of his house still being dark.

He turned and took off his coat, looking at his match from head to toe for the first time. He was as beautiful as he could have ever hoped. He was a good six inches taller than Jamie, who stood at a mere 5"6, and had a wonderful salt and pepper colouring to his hair and beard. He wasn't slim, but not too fat either, and had a nice stocky masculine build that pleased him greatly.

He took off his coat and put it up on the coatstand, having to reach up to the higher pegs that would accommodate his long coat, and turned around, holding his hands on his bare stomach as he nervously looked up at the man. He stared at him with his mouth slightly open, and then reached out a strong hand to Jamie's shoulder, which made his skin tingle with excitement.

"You're...beautiful," he said, leaning forward and kissing Jamie's head. Jamie felt a rush of joy, feeling so validated for the first time in his life. He'd posted pictures of himself online before, with his head cropped out, and loved receiving compliments there, but that paled in comparison to how good he felt being appreciated in real life. He could have squealed with delight, but kept his cool, beaming as he hugged his host.

"I'm Thomas," his host announced, as he rubbed Jamie's back, pulling him tight to his manly chest. Jamie breathed in, taking in Thomas's masculine scent as he felt himself harden at the compliments and the feel of a man's embrace for the first time. He felt suddenly safe, warm and free, after the nervous wait in the cold.

"I've never really done this before," Jamie said, feeling comfortable telling this stranger such intimate details of his life, "I'm a virgin," he continued, stepping back and looking up. Thomas nodded, and smiled.

"You're so cute," he said, taking Jamie by the hand and guiding him up the stairs. He led him to a room with a couch and TV, which had its own private bar at the side. Jamie felt amazed that he owned all this, and wondered whether he shared the place with anyone. He wandered over to the doors at the side of the room, and saw a jacuzzi outside on a balcony. He wondered whether they'd make out naked in the jacuzzi later, before the main event.

"This place is amazing," he said, unable to contain his excitement.

"Thanks. I don't get much use out of all this stuff lately, now that it's just me. You're welcome to anything you like from the bar," he offered, and Jamie smiled, gratefully shuffling up to the bar and having a look at the wide range he had stored up. A lot of the bottles were half empty, with almost none full, making Jamie suspect that Thomas either had people over a lot, or spent evenings drinking alone. Having done the latter occasionally himself, Jamie projected that assumption onto his host, wondering how lonely this big house must get. It was immaculately clean, however, which made Jamie think he must have friends for whom he kept everything so tidy.

They both sat on beanbags which occupied the spacious room. This was as awkward as Jamie had expected it to be, but he didn't really care, as long as he crossed the bridge he'd procrastinated crossing for so long.

"I assume you ate before coming here? I can order something if you haven't," Thomas offered.

"Oh yeah, I had a light dinner, don't worry," Jamie lied. He'd starved himself for the whole day so that his first time wouldn't be embarrassing. He hadn't prepared enough to have ordered an enema kit, so he had played it safe. He didn't want the anxiety of having a humiliating first time, and he knew from conversations he'd had online that it would be worth it.

"That's good. My fridge is stocked if you want anything else,"

"You're very kind,"

"Not really. Just want you to feel comfortable,"

"You make me feel so comfortable,"

"Oh, that's nice of you to say,"

There was a deafening silence after that exchange, not due to anything bad having been said, but just what Jamie assumed was the natural awkwardness of trying to make small talk with a man you'd be taking in the ass in an hour's time. Eventually, Thomas got sufficiently bored to ask Jamie if he'd like a drink.

Jamie asked for a cider, which made Thomas laugh.

"That request alone makes me want to see your ID," Thomas stated, which made Jamie laugh anxiously.

"Why, it's so much nicer than beer or spirits," Jamie said, which made Thomas lean forward.

"I'm not asking you because you asked for cider, but I would like to make sure you're old enough. To be drinking, of course."

"Why, do I look like a kid? I said I was 20 on my profile, didn't I?"

"People lie. And sometimes hard to tell the age of a guy who already looks like a twink, especially after they put makeup on."

"I suppose that's sensible," Jamie said, before reaching into his wallet. He fiddled for a while, which made Thomas look anxiously, before Jamie finally produced it.

Thomas snatched it, looked at it carefully and then tossed it back across the counter.

"Were you worried?" Jamie asked, curious as he smiled at his host.

"Not at first. Most people who lie usually say 18 or 19. Trying to get away with 20 would be a bit much. I also prefer not to invite people who've freshly turned 18, that's always felt a bit wrong to me," Thomas said, and Jamie nodded understandingly.

"I wish there were more people like you," Jamie sighed, as he touched his host's hand across the bar.

"I'm not doing some moral thing, I'm just not a nonce and don't want to go to prison for being one. Or unknowingly ruin some adolescent's life," Thomas replied.

"Have you ever invited anyone over before who turned out to be lying,"

"Never in person. But I have talked to people who ghosted me after I asked them their age,"

"Why didn't you ask me,"

"I told you, it would be very odd for someone to lie and say they're 20,"

"Would you have reported me if I was underage?"

"Report you to who? I could get your profile banned from Grindr, which I've done before, but other than that? The police probably wouldn't care if nothing had happened, and there's not much they could do other than tell a lad to stop going on dating apps. I would've just had a gentle talk and then politely kicked you out,"

"That's very honest. I take it you usually date younger men,"

"Dating is a very grand word for inviting three guys round to my house for a blowjob, but yes, usually guys between twenty to thirty,"

"Why?"

"It's hard to say. I prefer feminine looking guys, and most of them tend to be younger. And..."

"And?"

"I suppose I envy you. I wish I could have lived as freely and openly as you guys get to do, being with whoever you want and everyone's fine with it," he said, and stared at the bar.

Jamie didn't really know what to do. He tried looking up at him, but Thomas was now spaced out and gazing at the bar. Suddenly the older man snapped and looked up.

"Anyway you don't want to hear a middle-aged man gripe about how lucky you have it. What do you want to drink? And don't say cider," he said, looking more cheerful again as he squeezed Jamie's hand.

"Hmm, maybe a white rum and coke?" Jamie asked,

"You can have a cider if you really want, I've got one in the mini-fridge here," Thomas replied,

"Is that for when you're trying to tempt teenagers into your house?" Jamie teased, quickly wondering if he'd gone too far.

"Very funny," Thomas retorted, smirking slightly.

"But no, I'm happy with a white rum and coke," he said, feeling at ease that he hadn't touched a nerve. He probably would've thought that Thomas was suspicious if he'd got angry at that.

"Very well," Thomas said, picking up a bottle of white rum from a brand that Jamie hadn't heard of before, "single or double?"

"Double," Jamie said, wanting to calm his nerves a little. He already felt very horny, but figured feeling a bit hornier and a lot more confident wouldn't do any harm.

"Someone's an alcoholic," Thomas said, pouring in roughly two shots, measuring them by eye, before pulling a coke out from the fridge and handing them to Jamie.

The younger man felt unaffected by the stupid joke. He then carefully pulled out a wide whiskey glass, and poured himself a couple of shots.

"Do you want to sit down somewhere? Or we could roleplay as a bartender and customer at the end of a long night, if you'd find that irresistibly sexy," Thomas joked, which made Jamie laugh slightly as he tried not to choke on the mixer.

"Yes, it would be nice to sit down somewhere," he said, politely.

They walked out of the bar room, and down some steps to a living room. It had a fireplace, two sofas, a coffee table and paintings of various nudes, of both men and women. This was definitely the home of a lonely mad in a mid-life crisis, Jamie reasoned.

"Also, how horny are you?" Thomas asked as they entered, which took Jamie by surprise. He wasn't sure whether this was an invitation to come straight to the bedroom and talk after. That thought seemed very appealing to him, as he looked at Thomas. He wondered whether the man would scoop him up in his strong arms and throw him onto the bed.

"Um, I am quite horny, yeah," he said, shyly, taking another sip.

"Well, we'll sit on different sofas, then. I don't want you getting too worked up, I prefer to take things slower and get to know someone a bit if that's alright," he said, putting a hand on Jamie's shoulder.

Jamie felt disappointed, wondering if he wasn't hot enough. He looked shyly down at the ground and continued walking until he slumped himself on one sofa.

"Do you not want to have sex with me tonight?" Jamie asked, stretching himself out as he held the drink by his head. He'd built this up in his head for weeks, and now nothing was going to happen? Thomas looked taken aback.

"No, I really do! I just want to have sex with you, Jamie, the person. If I don't know anything about you it'll just feel the same as the other times, which I didn't enjoy much for longer than a few seconds," he said, comfortingly. Jamie smiled and blushed, feeling ashamed that he'd made things so awkward.

"You're really pretty when you do that," Thomas said, in a way which made Jamie smile even more even though he tried to stop himself.

"Thanks," he said, pushing his miniskirt forward as he lay on his side, not wanting his growing cock to put a small tent in the outfit.

"Not to be an old man, but I did feel the same at your age. It's normal to want sexual attention, because it makes us feel beautiful. I even feel that now, if I'm being honest. When I was your age it was girls. I'd go to a club, flirt with any girl who would dance with me and go home with them. Now I send dick pics to people half my age and hope they'll tell me I still look good for a night," he said, despondently.

Jamie stared across to the other sofa, and couldn't decide whether this man was self-aware or a figure of pity. Surely by that age you should have figured out who you are, he thought to himself. Even though he felt very unsure about life now, he always believed that when he was older he'd be wiser and have more answers for his therapist. The man was surely bluffing. Jamie felt horny just looking at him.

"I think you know that you're good looking," Jamie said, feeling like the ice had broken now. While he was uncertain around new people, this was largely because he took time to work people out, but he felt strangely comfortable around this man.

"Oh? What makes you say that?" Thomas said, leaning up a little as he smiled.

"Well, you seemed very...um, confident in your messages, and you presumed that I'd want to sleep with you which was quite...um...confident," he said, feeling like an idiot.

This man had tried opening up about his insecurities around dating and Jamie had called him a liar. He guessed this was why he was still a virgin.

"No, you're right, I think," Thomas said, finishing his whiskey. "I just like being told it. I don't think it's insecurity, it's just nice to be told you're still handsome, especially after, well, I don't want to get into all that," he said, putting his glass on the coffee table.

"Are you divorced?" Jamie asked, pointedly, now close to the end of his drink as well. Thomas looked shocked, and leaned back in the sofa.

"Oh god, I've invited Sherlock Holmes round," he said. Thomas laughed politely at his middle-aged humour, and felt a sense of satisfaction that he'd guessed right.

"How did you know?"

"Oh, my mum divorced my dad when I was about twelve. You have a similar sad look in your eyes, that you try to hide," Jamie said, which made him startle. He knew he had daddy issues, but having to confront them head on just before hooking up with an older man who just reminded you of your dad in a particular way was something else. He didn't care, though. He just wanted to see, taste and feel a hot man's cock for the first time.

"Ah, I'm sorry about that. We never had kids, which made everything easier legally and all, but it doesn't help the heartbreak," he said, wistfully.

"Do you think fucking me will help?" Jamie asked, wanting the beautiful man to say yes. Part of having no close friends meant that Jamie was bad at conversation, and didn't really know how to keep things light. His main social interactions came online, where he tended to prefer talking about deep stuff that was on his mind. Occasionally it helped, but usually it was just an excuse to wallow in his own negativity.

"Um, I...I don't know," Thomas said, stunned at how the man's questions lacked subtlety, but where exactly what he needed to think about.

"I suppose you don't know until we've done it," Jamie replied, and Thomas nodded.

"You've definitely never done this before, have you? You looked so hot and did your makeup and outfit so perfectly I assumed you were lying about being a virgin, but you really are, aren't you?"

"Um...yes, but I told you that," Jamie said, worried.

"No, but you're being, how to put it. You've killed my boner, for starters," Thomas said, laughing a little.

Jamie looked ashamed, wondering how he'd fucked this up so badly.

"No, it's alright. I just didn't expect a Grindr date to be so inquisitive and brave with their conversation. And with most guys it's probably a bad idea to make them think about why they want to be with you. Men, we think with our cocks more often than is good for us," he said, as he looked at Thomas.

"I'm sorry, should I go? I'm such an idiot," Jamie asked, as he sat up. Maybe he'd never lose his virginity. He couldn't even convince this horny man to fuck him. All he could do now is try to appeal to his empathy.

"No," Thomas said, gently, looking warmly at Jamie.

"Really?" Jamie whispered, sounding shocked.

"Yes, really. First of all, you're beautiful and I've wanted you from the moment I saw you. Second, I like how comfortable you feel with me. It's like I've known you for years,"

"I feel so comfortable around you," Jamie whispered. He'd never been in love, but he felt a really strong attraction to Thomas, as the man got up and perched in front of the sofa. This must be what lust felt like, in person.

"I want your first time to make you feel so good," Thomas said, pulling Jamie's glass aside and putting it on the coffee table. Jamie felt himself get hard in anticipation.

"Kiss me. Please," Jamie whispered, leaning back and closing his eyes.

"I want you to know that you deserve to be loved by someone good," Thomas said, now stroking Jamie's hand.

"Yes, please," Jamie begged, trying to pull Thomas's head towards him. Thomas's strong arms gently lifted Jamie's lithe arms off his head, and he stroked them. There was a long pause.

"But not tonight," Thomas said, sounding melancholy. Jamie opened his eyes immediately.