All Comments on 'Sam Ch. 03'

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!

you really nned to write ore chapters for this story i like it so far

I've read some of this story but it's great to be able to read the chapters in the correct order without any hassle now that it's on this site. As with all your stories Ive found its five stars and more if possible all the way.

Nice story. Sam doesn’t need to save the universe in 4 pages. Please give more character development. Your chapters are like a tapas snack where your story could become a robust meal. See “Three square meals” as an example of how the mc comes into his powers.

Look mate... Your writing is technically decent. The story is an interesting idea.

But you desperately need to work on your pacing, because it's horribly flawed.

Shit is happening without any clue for the reader why or what's actually going on. You're moving from scene to scene WAY too quickly with zero fucks given to actually developing the characters.

Sam was a normal, boring human who then got abducted, shrugged it off, discovered he had superpowers, and didn't for one second stop to think about or question any of this. He had a ton of knowledge handed to him... For some reason... Without the readers being aware of ANY of it.

The end result is that, for the readers, the experience kinda sucks.

You obviously have this story in your head, and the characters obviously are far more fleshed out than we know. But you're getting way too excited and writing a story that only works when you already have all the background information that's sitting in your brain from coming up with the ideas.

You gotta remember that the reader only gets the knowledge that you put on the page.

I'd really love to see you go back and redo these chapters with that in mind, giving us WAY more detail and actually developing the characters. With just the action you've given us so far, a bit more dialog, and Sam becoming a character that actually feels real instead of a plot device to show how cool these ancient aliens were... You could easily, easily triple the length of what you have here and it would *still* feel like a super fast-paced action story.

(And again, I'd love to see you do that, because the story shows a lot of promise. It just has missed the mark because you got too wrapped up in the story in your head and wanted to get it all down at once.)

What the previous comment said. In spades!

Great writing but a little fast paced. Tell us more about Sam. Was he married? How old is he? Is he fat, slim?