All Comments on 'Saving Cheryl'

Great story. I should say another great story by you. 5stars

You’ve quickly become one of my favorite authors…Bravo Zulu!

What a superb tale - so much is such a short space. Thank you for such an entertaining read

What they said below, and then some. Really enjoyed this story. Thank you

A thoroughly enjoyable read.

Really well done, I was skeptical you could tell a full story in such a short number of pages. Happy you proved me wrong. 5*

Just a word of caution before I get into all the praise this story deserves, so you know I'm not falling down on the job: be aware how much you repeated from a similar cop story you wrote in the last few weeks, with him drinking scotch and a very similar introduction to preface that cops don't like to arrest people for fun; anyone that's read you before will recognize that "cop intro disclaimer" and state although this must be a different guy, the story depicts him the same. Remember to change up a few things so at least there don't appear to be the **exact** things from another story repeated here, as there are two authors that do a lot of that cut-and-paste approach (both active onsite) and REALLY hurt their stories, because readers quickly identify that and call them on it--plus you see readership decline after the point they identify that repetition. In general, while this story fits your typical output of 3 Lit pages, some might rightly claim the investigation appeared too convenient, as Randolph really rolled over easily and the story resolved itself quickly after that; I'd say it could have added to your story to extend the investigation 1 full Lit page to show more of his possible detective skills and give him more "street cred," which was only hinted at by the story's introduction. HOWEVER, none of these things dock the rating.

You delighted us with some of his phrases like "my ass was hanging out a mile and a half" when he took Cheryl to that remote hotel and you wrote the story plausibly by things like saying "it didn't smell right and I only talked to 2 people," where he then cautioned himself to conclude something only once he had all the facts. You got the POA right and you at least hinted to readers that both Andrea and Beverly were "fake" enough as to suggest something sketchy; you even nailed the body language pieces when he interrogated the son. I loved the tipped hat to veterans who served in the form of Jeremy, and then you drew us in with Cheryl's many positive qualities which also matched her age range, showing she commanded her mental faculties very well and figured out a fair amount on her own! Then to conclude the tale with him earning detective (but appearing to be fired by the captain), winning Lacey's heart and considering all things, you presented an intriguing tale that led us to the evidence, explained character's thinking, highlighted certain police procedures and otherwise created a fictional story that honored verisimilitude in a respectable fashion. These are all the reasons you earned a 5. Nicely done.

I really enjoy your cop stories!

5

I usually go for the more wankable stories, but this one strikes a bit close to home. Here, the story is all Cheryl. In my melodrama, it's a composite of a few people. All the pieces are real, though. Bravo!

You did good ... another enjoyable story.

Still going well 5*s

can't give 5 because I always know how your stories will end. I really like them though and usually read them before anything else.

great well thought out (I think ),the situation still happens.

Wonderful story!

Two great happy endings.

Beautifully told and a wonderful story. Not sure about all the police procedures bwing correct but cannot get in the way of a love story.

Nice ... I like the people you introduced here.

If you have a mind to continue, I'd bet that Jeremy could be an excellent source of information for what was going on in town. And Nashville is BOUND to have some interesting criminals who would make the homeless do something lawless in order to make a few bucks, while the criminal makes more.

Wonderful story certainly worthy of the five stars I gave it. Makes one wonder how many old folks are warehoused while kids or others steal their money.

@Crusader It wouldn't surprise me, as when my grandmother had a stroke, she had to be placed in a nursing home by one of the family, BUT my grandmother's older sister made her will "disappear" so she could get her hands on some of my grandmother's assets and let the son, who never talked to his mother his whole life, swoop in and sell the house my grandmother left us in her will, right out from under us. So yeah, I'm sure it does happen to some degree. I did search to try to find any data on it, but didn't find anything directly relevant.

Now this one was especially good. As some of the comments show, this shit happens in real life and you captured it well. Would have liked a little more of the “happily ever after” story, but I’m just being greedy. 4.8*

A story full of likeable, real people. How can you ask for more? 5*

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