Saving Each Other Ch. 07

(I decided to try to work from both Angie and Liv's perspective on this one. Bare with me...)

~Angie's perspective~

I slept like shit. Mostly from trying to be still so I didn't hurt Liv's shoulder, but also the idea of talking to Shaina was stressing me out. I'd been through my own shit, but who hasn't? At least it was morning and I could sneak out of bed. Liv grumbled a little when I slid out from her arm, but stayed asleep. I love the way my sweet, seemingly always broken, girl looks when she sleeps well. Peaceful. Happy. Especially since most of her nightmares had backed off. She still gets them on occasion, but it doesn't take such a toll on both of us the way it used to. Shaina really did help her, maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Maybe making breakfast would help. I always love cooking and feeding people. I laid Liv's sling next to her in case she woke up before I finished cooking.

I know how much she likes making us coffee. It's one of the little things she does since she can't cook for shit. Deciding she shouldn't try it anyway, and needing a boost, I turned on the pot to brew. Looking into the fridge, I made a mental note to go shopping on my way home. Eggs and bacon were about the only thing still good in there. Cracking the eggs into the pan and laying some bacon in another made a satisfying sizzling sound. Grabbing my coffee, I sipped while I cooked, starting to relax. Hearing Liv getting up, I wondered if her taking the pain meds would be another argument. She shuffled out into the kitchen, and I smiled at her wearing the sling.

"Morning love. Smells good. Hey, is this thing on right?"

"Your hand should be a little more elevated. Can I help show you?"

Liv nodded, studying the positioning of where I adjusted the sling. She thanked me and sat down after grabbing her own energy drink. I watched her struggle to open the can while I plated our breakfast. Eventually, Liv discovered if she held the can in her slung arm, she could pop the top with her left. I couldn't resist laughing at her large chest getting in the way slightly, spilling some on her shirt. Liv was good humored about it, only shaking her head and smiling at me.

"How bad is the pain today?" I asked, watching her struggle to eat with her left hand.

"Ugh. Hate to admit it, pretty bad. Less than yesterday, but barely."

"You can probably take the sling off to eat. I'll call the doctor after breakfast. Wanna try that, or I can make some toast and turn it into a sandwich?"

"Kinda hurts to move. This is fine, love. Just don't watch me too closely. Pretty sure I look like a child learning to use a fork!"

"Yeah, you kinda do," I laughed with her, "I'd offer to feed you, but I'm sure your stubborn ass will say no."

"Correct."

It's hard not to watch her. She probably sensed that I was a little anxious today and I appreciated her surprisingly light spirit, considering how she was acting yesterday. I started cleaning up after myself, placing one of the pain pills near Liv's drink. Liv thanked me and took it. I'd never seen such little resistance from her when it came to any kind of medication. If only it were always this easy. I kissed her forehead and excused myself while she finished eating.

I called the doctor to ask my questions. If it doesn't hurt, she can take the sling off to eat, as long as she doesn't have to cut anything tough. Video games are fine, make sure she doesn't put pressure on her elbow. Sometimes the injections really don't react well for some people. He let me know she might be in pain a few more days. My biggest concern was letting Liv go back to work. The doctor, knowing how stubborn she is as well, said to let her, but only if she can do things with the one hand. I'd have to talk to her about that. Bathing is fine alone, but we usually shower together anyway. I confirmed driving is a big no for now. I felt selfish being a little frustrated that I would have to drive her to and from work if she went back. None of this was her fault, just an accident. I asked a couple more questions about her follow ups and such. Hearing something clatter across the kitchen floor, I quickly ended the call.

"Don't worry! Just dropped the fork! I got it!"

I walked back into the kitchen. Liv put the plate down, put the fork back on it, then it slid off again when she tried to move the plate. I let her try one more time before stepping in.

"You really aren't a lefty, girlie!"

"Hey, there's one thing my left hand is good for... want a little loving and stress relief before you get ready?"

"Maybe later, let's see how you're feeling. Can I tuck you back into bed with some ice? I'm going to have to go to the grocery store after, so I might be gone awhile."

"Yes, and take your time, love. I'll call you or Jimmy if I need help or anything."

I watched her climb into bed carefully. Wanting to make sure she would be fine alone for awhile, I asked her if she could take off the sling and get the ice on by herself. It took her a minute, mostly because of how tender her arm and shoulder were, but she succeeded. Filling her in on all the doctor stuff, I started getting dressed. I told her we could talk about her going back to work later. You could always tell when the meds were kicking in, something goofy or silly would come out of Liv's mouth. As she began nodding off, she asked if she could rub my ass for me later if she was a good girl. Liv had a decent tolerance for alcohol, but none for narcotics. Laughing, I tucked her in, making sure her phone and the remote for the tv were close enough to reach easily. By the time I got my keys to leave, Liv was out cold.

Sitting in the waiting room, I observed the others there. Most looked calm, happy even. It made me wonder why I was there, then I realized that for the most part, I'm also happy and calm. Shaina let her current patient out, calling me in. I sat on the couch, fidgeting with the pillows.

"Angie, it's good to see you. What brings you here?"

"Umm. I'm not really sure. Liv suggested it when I told her I have flashbacks of Larry or other things sometimes. It's not that bad, really."

"A lot of people say that. They think because someone has it worse, their pain isn't important."

"I went through a lot with him before Liv came along. He was controlling and abusive as all hell."

"How long were you two together?"

"Six years total. Married for three."

"Was he always like that?"

"No. It started small, and at the time, it seemed like he was doing nice things. Like insisting I don't work. He'd leave me an allowance, more or less. The last two years were when it got really bad."

"Is that what the flashbacks are? His abuse?"

"Sometimes. Usually, it's the first few days with Liv. Running out of his house, the process of getting to her house, then... well, you know the whole fight where she saved us."

"I see. I wondered if you would ever talk about it, and I'm glad you came in. Anyone who went through what you did would have some trauma to cope with. How long have you been having these flashbacks? Also, do you get nightmares?"

"No nightmares. The flashbacks started when it happened. Like it was really frequent at first, and I'd see it play in my head like a bad movie. I get them less now, but it still happens."

"I'm curious. You only mentioned it to Liv recently?"

"Yeah. On our honeymoon after a friend we made there asked about her scars. He was trying to make her feel better about getting hurt I think. But all I saw was the image of her bleeding, and getting shot while tackling me. Liv caught me in it, and suggested I see you. Actually, she agreed to go to the doctor for her shoulder if I did, so being here saved me an argument."

"She can be quite stubborn, I know. Does it trigger the flashbacks more when Liv, or someone else you care about, gets hurt?"

"Definitely. Sometimes when women come in to my self defense class, I can feel their tension and it starts. But I can refocus to try to help them instead."

"After the incident with your ex husband, you stayed to take care of Liv. What was it like for you to take that on?"

"I like taking care of people, but it was exhausting. Between her stubbornness with medications and the nightmares, it was really hard at first. Her appreciation and love made it easier. I don't know how many people would've done what she did just to help me. She wanted nothing in return. It only made me love her more."

"I have a few more questions. Please know I don't mean to offend, and that everything said here stays between us. It will never be discussed with Liv or anyone else."

"I know. You'd lose your license to practice. Went to a few therapists when I was in and out of foster care."

"I didn't know that about you. We'll cover that another time, unless you want to talk about it now. And you are correct."

"No, ask away."

"Thank you. I assume you still love Liv very much. Why didn't you tell her about this sooner?"

"I do love her. It's because I love her... she has been through so many recoveries since we've been together, and I wanted to make sure she was ok. You've done so much to help her. Even her nightmares are mild at best now. Thanks for that."

"She did the work, and has been doing well on the medications. Now, Liv is hurt again, correct?"

"Yes. A few tears in her rotator cuff, and not handling the injections they gave her to help with the healing."

"Now, think of it this way... Liv is in pain. You can see that. What happens if you stub your toe? Would it not hurt just because she might hurt worse?"

"Of course it would hurt-"

"Exactly. Just because someone else is hurting, doesn't mean you hurt less."

"I guess so..."

"You like taking care of people, but said her first recovery was exhausting. How are you feeling about this one, other than the flashbacks?"

"Frustrated. And selfish about feeling frustrated."

"Can you explain?"

"I mean, none of this is her fault. She needs a little help. It's just, she wants to go back to work. That means I'll have to drive her. She shouldn't even be working anyway! It's bothering me a little that she's insisting on going back when it's going to mess with my schedule. And I hate that I feel that way."

"My first suggestion is to talk to her, in a kind way, and let her know how you feel about her working. We both know she's very independent, but maybe she should ask someone else for help, too. It would help for you to know why she feels the need to go back to work, also."

"Why would she want to go back instead of heal? It's not like she needs the money."

"You'll have to ask her that. We both know she'd take care of you if you didn't want to work, but you have your reasons to go. Can I ask what you do to get through the flashbacks? Any anxiety or panic attacks with them?"

"A little anxiety. I breathe through it and refocus. I don't need meds like Liv to shake it off."

"Liv is different. Everyone is. It's part of how your brain chemistry is different. Some need meds to help with the imbalance in their brain, regardless of trauma. I won't be prescribing you anything for now. One more question. Do you fear that Liv will end up being controlling like Larry was?"

"I don't. She rarely tells me not to work. I think she understands why I go, and that it helps me. Anyway. Now what?"

"I think meditation will help you a lot. I can suggest some sites or links, or you can take a class. If there's room in the house, maybe you can make yourself a space. You have my card if things get worse. We can go from there. Is there anything else you want to talk about today?"

"No, but I'll schedule something with you later on."

"Thanks for coming in, Angie. And you'll talk to Liv, right?"

"I'll try. When she's off the pain killers. Thanks again."

When I left, I didn't really feel much better. I didn't know how Liv would react to some things, and it made me uneasy. Grocery shopping and planning a nice dinner might help. I called Emma to chat, telling her a few key points on my way to the store. She agreed I should talk to Liv, at least while she isn't loopy. I joked it might go over better than way. Emma let me vent, then talked to me until I had a few laughs before I got to the store. I walked through the aisles in half a daze, not even knowing what I felt like making. I ended up with a cart full of items, knowing I could put something together out of all of it.

When I got home, I carried in the first of the bags. Liv came out to meet me, adjusting her sling into place properly. She asked if she could help at all, and I handed her two light bags asking her to hold the door for me beyond that. Something was better than nothing for her, happy for the little bit of help I allowed. I insisted on putting things away myself, Liv asked how the day went. Shrugging it off I attempted to steer the conversation away from that, asking Liv if she wanted anything special for dinner. Quietly, Liv came over to me and tugged at my shirt, carefully pulling me in for a small kiss.

"Make whatever you want. But Ang? I'm here if you want to talk. I love you."

"Love you, too. Did you eat anything while I was out? Its damn near dinner time."

"Had Jimmy drop off a burger. I should've gotten one for you. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking," Liv replied, looking upset with herself.

"Hey, hey... it's ok. Tell me you've been good about icing that shoulder and resting?"

"Yeah... that's all I've done. There anything I can do for you?"

"Yes, but after a quiet dinner. If you're still hurting bad, then please take the pain meds again too."

Liv nodded, sitting to watch as I made us dinner. I'd decided on shrimp scampi, even though it'd take a little longer than just plain pasta. I figured Liv could easily use the fork on penne if she couldn't use her dominant arm yet. Liv got up, fumbling in the fridge for a moment before cracking open a drink. Just as I was about to tell her she shouldn't have it, she placed it next to the stove beside me, telling me it looked like I could use one. Forcing a smile, I thanked her, sipping it slowly. I thought about cutting up the shrimp, but with Liv still wearing her sling it seemed like she wasn't up for using that arm yet. I opted to only cut the tails off so it would be easier for her to get at.

Serving up small bowls, we ate our dinner quietly. Liv did a little better with her left hand this time, thanking me for making it easier. When we finished, I placed another pill down. Liv looked about to argue it, then took it willingly. I hoped my face didn't show my frustration or exhaustion.

"Hey girlie, why don't you go get in bed and ice that shoulder while I clean up? I'll be in just after it's time to take the ice back off. Then I'll ask what I need from you."

Liv nodded, slipping the sling off and ice on before leaving the room. I took my time to finish my drink as I did the dishes and packed away leftovers. Never did learn how to cook for only two of us, but that would be good for Liv if she needed something to heat up. Finishing my drink and putting everything away, I went to join Liv in bed. It had been long enough, so I put the ice pack back in the freezer for tomorrow before returning. Seemed her meds were kicking in again.

"Hey love, how come we aren't naked yet? There's never this many clothes and shit. Wanna help me out of this shirt?"

"Because I need some innocent loving tonight. We gotta talk about your work situation at some point, but not tonight. You good if I lay myself into your good side? Just hold me tonight?"

"I'd love to. Can I touch your butt too?"

"If you really feel the need. But I'd rather some cuddles, you know?"

"I know," Liv replied, squeezing my ass for a moment, "just one little touch. Sorry. Hard to resist. Come here."

Liv pulled me in. I snuggled into her chest, finally understanding her need for cuddles a little bit more. It was still hard to sleep, but Liv rubbing my back and occasional kisses on the top of my head relaxed me. Even when she fell asleep from the meds, her arm held gently around my body. Knowing the pillows were set for her not to roll onto her shoulder helped ease my mind more. Following Liv's routine of playing the same damn comedian over and over to help her relax, I promised myself I would talk to her as soon as she didn't need the pain killers while I drifted off.

_____________________________________

Awakening, I took a deep breath. Although I meant it to relax me, the inhale was more of a notification that Liv needed a shower. Not completely rank, but definitely not fresh. I woke her gently, giving her a minute to adjust. Liv rubbed at my arm, smiling a little.

"Girlie, we gotta get you showered. How's the arm?"

"Better. Not perfect. Will it bother you if I hold off on the pain meds until it's bad enough? Promise I'll tell you."

"Let's get back to that in a bit. You want to shower alone or with me?"

"Mmm, can we play in the shower?"

"Not yet. Soon. Promise I'll reward you for such good behavior soon. I'm just not up to it. Now. How's your arm? Alone or together?"

"Judging by your face, together so I don't miss a spot. Can I help you get clean too at least?"

I nodded, smiling at my sleepy wife. She got out of bed first, motioning me to get up as well. Leading us into the bathroom, I leant over to turn the water on. Liv's hand ran over my ass, shaking my head knowing she couldn't resist. I pulled her in, gently washing her body, careful not to tease at her sensitive parts. Just as she had little restraint keeping her hands off my butt, I didn't have much to keep mine off her chest. Doing my best not to focus on them too much, I got my girl clean. It was taking some time for Liv to do the same, using only her one hand. Pushing Liv's hand away, I cleaned myself then wrapped my arms around her. Guiding her good hand around me, I let her grip and caress my ass, getting her fill while I kissed her.

"Ok, girlie. That's enough. Breakfast. Gotta go to work in a while."

Liv pecked me on the cheek, allowing me to dry both of us off before heading to the kitchen. She left the sling off, but I wanted to be cautious of her arm. It seemed a wise assumption, her letting it rest loosely in her lap. I stuck with a few bagels and a side of bacon. It made me feel good to watch her eat, even if it was something simple. Liv asked about how things went with Shaina, and I told her about her meditation suggestion. Supportively, she said I should redo one of the rooms or part of the basement into a meditation space if it helped. I was still feeling unsure about why I couldn't talk to her about her going back to work, knowing she would probably be just as understanding.

"Ang? Love? What're you thinking about?"

"We'll talk later, promise. I need a little more time to think. Don't worry, it's nothing bad. You want the pain meds?"

"Not yet. Think I'm going to try to see how playing my games goes while you're at work. It's a little better today. I'll be here whenever you're ready to talk."

"Thanks. I'll make you a plate so you can just pop it in the microwave for lunch and not worry about trying to do it all left handed. I gotta get ready. Liv? Don't forget to ice, please."

Liv nodded, slipping on an ice pack before following to watch me get dressed. I kissed her goodbye, reminding her to be careful and headed off to work. After I got there and set up, one of the women came in sporting a mostly healed black eye. I pushed the images of Larry out of my head while she told me what had happened, stating she was able to defend herself and got a restraining order on her now ex-boyfriend. I hugged her and told her I was proud of her before going over some simple blocks and maneuvers. Everyone was glad to see me back, asking questions about our honeymoon. I kept it light, wanting to keep them focused on their class. Lunch rolled around and I sat in my small office to eat. Checking over my phone, I saw a text from Liv.