Savior

"Nice car." Debbie really did like the dark green vintage GTO.

He glanced over, "Thanks," checked his mirror and pulled out. She remembered how shy he had been in high school. Sometimes she had felt his eyes on her in French class. If she turned to him he'd look down like he was caught doing something terrible.

That was three years ago, but his reaction to her hadn't changed much, even if his appearance had. In high school he was real nerdy, which Debbie liked. Now he was casually dressed but deliberately so; the jeans were brand new, and the plain black long sleeve jersey was handsome, and fit perfectly. It was a nice look, and he was cuter even than she remembered. He smelled pleasantly of good shampoo. There was also a faint peppermint scent but Debbie couldn't tell if it was coming off Jeff or something in the car. Thank God he wasn't wearing cologne.

-I didn't think to tell him-

He made a left off her block and a right onto Hempstead. He cleared his throat, paying extreme attention to traffic, checking his rear and side mirrors over and over. Debbie tried to set him at ease.

"Where are we going to eat?" He had said dinner and a movie.

"I reserved at Stephan's." He took a quick, nervous look at her. "I should have asked you. Is Italian okay?"

"I love Italian and Stephan's is the best."

"Well," he said.

Debbie chopped away at his restlessness. "I like your outfit. You look real nice." She shifted on her seat to half face him.

"Ehrgm, oh thanks." He smirked. "My suit was in the cleaners, so."

She laughed.

-That's better-

He cleared his throat again and stared straight ahead as he said,

"You look beautiful," nervous about saying it, she could tell.

"Thanks. That's nice of you. I didn't know what to wear. You should have seen me pulling out blouses and skirts, dresses. I finally gave up and put on what I felt comfortable in." She had on good jeans, a loose purple gauze blouse that covered her hips, and faux-leather cowboy boots. "When I get home I'll be hanging things up for an hour." She chuckled and rolled her eyes in self-mockery, hoping maybe he'd see it. He glanced over and tried on a smile. Oh well, he'll relax eventually.

"I was happy that you asked me." They pulled into the parking lot.

"Me too," he said. "I mean...I was glad you, you know...you..."

"Said yes?" She laughed.

They had run into each other at the mall. He had only nodded, even though he was obviously surprised to see her, and probably would have just walked on by but she stopped and said, "Wow! How are you?" So he stopped and chatted with her while his friends waited a few steps away.

Debbie remembered thinking he was sweet and cute, and had found his shyness a turn-on, so she just went on talking to him until he-finally-asked her out. It was like he had surprised himself, his body twitching a little as he asked, "Could I take you out sometime?"

"Absolutely, "she said, and fished in her purse for a pen and a something to write on. He waited until the next evening to call, and they set up this date.

He pulled into a spot and turned to her.

"Look, I'm a little nervous."

"So am I," she said. We're in this together, her look said. "Isn't everyone nervous on a first date, second date, third date?"

"You don't seem nervous."

"I was in drama club, remember."

"Yeah." He ran his hand through his hair, took a deep breath.

She held her hand out for him to see. It shook just a little. He looked at her and she smiled,

"Dead giveaway," she said.

He held his out also, just a tiny vibration. She took his hand in hers and pulled it down on the seat in between them, leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. His eyes were wide.

"Umm," he said.

"So we're both a little nervous. Let's try to relax and enjoy dinner."

He smiled, "the kiss helped."

Debbie snickered and leaned over for a deeper kiss, her hand on the back of his neck this time. He pulled away first and looked past her out toward the restaurant.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yes." She noticed as he got out, a quick adjustment of his package, she smiled to herself. Umm. She came around the car and took his hand in hers as they walked to the entrance.

The restaurant was tastefully decorated; the white walls had thin black and blue pinstripes every four feet, the tables were wood with white and blue pinstripes, the polished black lacquered chairs sat on white marble tile floors veined black and grey. Debbie ordered a glass of white wine but Jeff declined.

"I'll have a coke," he said to the waiter.

"I figure the wine will relax me."

"That's fine. You drink up." He jolted and looked up. She met his surprised look.

"I didn't mean...."

"That I should get drunk?" Her eyes sparkled with laughter.

"Yeah...that." He blushed.

"Don't worry. Wine doesn't turn my head." She took a sip. "You a Coca-Cola Man?"

"No I like wine, but I don't want to relax myself into a car accident." He took a sip of his soda. "And unlike you, wine does go to my head."

Debbie smiled at him. "What if I wanted to get you drunk?"

He laughed nervously. "Umm, don't worry about me. That kiss turned my head." He looked around for the waiter.

Dinner was great. Jeff tasted her fish like he was receiving a sacrament; Debbie tasted his veggies but declined the lasagna due to the meat sauce.

"Vegetarian?"

"I eat fish."

"Is it a health thing?"

"More of a personal thing. It started cause I didn't like the thought of eating animals that are as smart as my dog. It expanded from there. Now I'm down to fish."

"Using those guidelines, you could still eat some of the kids we went to school with." They chuckled.

Debbie asked him how school was going. He told her it was great, hesitated and looked at her.

"Don't worry." She told him, "I'm probably going to start next year."

"I was surprised to hear you hadn't gone. You were one of the best students"

"My heart just wasn't into it after my Dad died."

"I'm sorry about that."

"Thanks."

"I was shocked when I heard. I felt awful for you. Should we not talk about it?"

"It's okay. People avoid the subject out of courtesy and I wind up with no one to talk about it with; except Mom of course."

"Well stop me anytime, but I do have a question if you don't mind."

"Shoot."

"Were you close?"

"Yes," she said without hesitation. "He was wonderful, so sweet to my Mom, always doing things with me, making me feel special. I miss him all the time."

Jeff fiddled with the wrapper from his straw, nodded at her slowly.

"I hope this doesn't come out wrong." He looked down at his hands, which were ripping the wrapper apart, he put it down. "I really hope this is okay." Debbie nodded for him to continue.

"Well, I think you're very lucky to feel like that. I know it's horrible that he died so young, and I can't imagine losing someone who I felt like that about." He looked up, and she was nodding that she understood. Her eyes were wet.

"I just think you're so lucky to have had a Dad like that. That's all."

"I know I am, though I can see why you might hesitate to say it. It was crushing for both of us, out of the blue like that."

They looked at each other over the unspoken fact that had also been passed. She thought it wise to leave it that way and move on. She dabbed her eyes with the napkin.

"I'm sorry."

"No," she shook her head. "I appreciate what you said, really, it's okay." She smiled.

"Okay." He sipped his soda, thinking of what they had been talking about. "Oh, so what are you going to school for?"

"I don't know. Nothing practical interests me. I thought English would be fun."

"Nothing wrong with that. You could teach, reporter, editor."

"Mail room." She laughed. "I could always keep what I do now."

"What are you doing?"

"Sanitation."

"Like wrestling?"

"No really."

"Wow."

"It's smelly but I wear a dust mask. It keeps me in shape, and I made almost sixty this year."

"Grand?"

"Yeah, with overtime. Great benefits, retire in twenty."

The waiter came back, asked if they would like desert. Jeff looked at her, but she shook her head.

"So let's see, I've been in school, spending money while you've made, oh a hundred and fifty grand."

"Less; you start out at thirty five and it goes up every year. Next year I'll make more so I'll probably just stick with it, go to school at night."

The check came and she picked it up.

"No way," he said.

"I can afford it."

"So can I."

"What, add it to your loans."

"Please, I asked you out, I'll feel awful if you pay."

"Okay. But you have to let me pick it up next time."

He looked squarely at her. "There going to be a next time, really?"

Debbie smiled. "Yeah, if you have time before going back to school."

"I'm back home again for a while. Taking a semester off." He was afraid to tell her he had withdrawn from his classes and didn't have any plans to return.

"So maybe it won't be another three years."

Jeff started the car, which was a reward from his parents for going straight A's through high school. The bribe. He called it.

"Would you mind if we didn't see a movie?"

"Sure," he said. "Anything you like."

"How about the North Shore?"

"Yeah, that's cool."

Debbie asked if she could find some music, Jeff hit the power and held his hand out; Help yourself. They drove in silence for a while. Jeff's nerves were still apparent, but Debbie didn't feel like talking now anyway. She reached her hand across, asking for his, and held it as she sang along with the radio.

"Nice voice," he said.

"Thanks."

When they turned toward the beach she patted their joined hands on the seat, "I love it here."

"Yeah, it's nice out here." His voice cracked.

He was visibly relieved, seeing there were other people. A campfire burned brightly halfway to the water. A dozen or so teens gathered around. Acoustic guitars and singing reached them.

"Party going on." He said, cheerfully.

"Cool." Debbie turned to hide the laugh which threatened to escape her. She was still smiling when she came around the car. Little did he know he was just making it harder for her to keep her hands off him. "How about a walk?"

They walked the beach to the old pier, where Debbie turned and faced him, put her arms around him. He leaned down to kiss her, and she pressed against him. She felt him swell as their breathing intensified. He stopped and looked at her. "You're so beautiful."

She smiled. "Thanks, so are you."

He rolled his eyes. "I used to watch you in French class."

"Really? You should have said something. I always liked you."

"No."

"Never saw me look at you?"

"Thought you were annoyed I was staring."

"I was just peeking. I never knew how tell someone...you know?"

Jeff looked momentarily distraught. "You could've had anyone."

"I wanted you and got no one instead. That's why I didn't let you get away this time, at the mall."

"Oh," he laughed. "I thought you were just enthralled."

"With what? Your shopping list."

They both laughed. Debbie went on, "Metamorphic rock?"

That cracked him up.

"Weather patterns?"

"I didn't give you my metamorphic rock rap, did I?"

She took his hand and they walk back to the car.

On the way home they sing with the radio. Debbie is all a-tingle with good feelings. She has a buzz from the kissing and laughter. This is the best date she's ever had. Jeff seems better, but Debbie still senses something, some unrest behind his eyes. As they drive slowly up her block, she decides to act on the urge that's been growing in her all night.

"Do me a favor," she says. "Don't stop. I might pass by a friend's house." She doesn't want him to know in advance. The way he is, he might freak.

"Make a right."

"Okay."

"Left here." They are on a dark street. The park on the right is empty.

"Pull over."

Now he's nervous. He pulls over.

"You know," he starts to protest but she doesn't let him. She slides over and puts a finger to his lips, shuts the ignition.

"SHHHH." She reaches behind and unhooks her bra, leaving it floating under her blouse. She unbuttons his jeans. "Pull them down," she orders. He obeys. Debbie unzips her own and slides them down. She comes up and kisses him, taking his hand under her blouse to her breast.

He moans into her mouth. His erection is a marble statue against his belly. He massages her hard nipple, hefts her breast and she can't wait. She brings her legs up on the seat, knees facing the backrest. She slides down, rubbing herself as she takes him in her mouth. He gasps, rests a hand gently on her head, the other on her smooth hip.

He gets there quickly, warns her that he is coming. He calls out. The intensity of his orgasm makes Debbie delirious; her body floods with heat, then release as she comes, sucking hungrily, moaning over and over around his cock. He strokes her hair, her back; "Oh my God," he whispers. Debbie wants to stay there with her mouth around him, smelling his body and the faint peppermint.

After a while she pulls away and helps him get his pants up but doesn't pull up her own. Sliding next to him again, she looks around, takes his hand to her breast again and then down. She wants him to feel her wetness, wants him to remember being inside of her.

"Oh my god," he whispers again. She picks her hips up, slides onto his finger, kisses his neck as she rubs against him. Her little whimpers pierce his heart. They increase, and she holds his hand firmly against her as she comes again, stifling her cries against his neck, "Oh Jeff, oh my God, oh Jeff."

Debbie zips her jeans, re-clasps her bra and fluffs her blouse around her. Jeff watches her in disbelief. She smiles at him.

"I just had to have you," she says. He opens his mouth, closes it again. Debbie takes up the slack.

"That was beautiful. You're amazing." He only gazes into her eyes. She leans over and gives him a quick peck on the lips, sits back and takes his hand.

"Now you can take me home."

They pull up in front of her house. She fluffs her blouse again and reaches into her purse for her keys and a cigarette. She looks at him.

"Want to go out again?"

"Can I have one of those?"

"Oh, you smoke?" She pulls one out, hands it to him. He takes it with his left hand, takes her hand with his right.

"I don't actually, but I need something." He laughs uneasily. "Do I want to go out again? You're kidding, right? I'll call you...whenever you say."

"Maybe see me tomorrow night?"

"Absolutely."

"Great." She leans over and pecks him on the lips again, smiles gratefully into his eyes, making sure he sees. "Thanks for a wonderful night. Talk to you tomorrow." She gets out of the car and lights the cigarette, waving him to go ahead. He opens the window. "I want to make sure you're safe inside."

"I'm fine. I want to smoke on the porch and...think." Her smirk reaches him like a caress. "Call me in the morning, any time after nine. Now go." She waves him on.

"Okay," he says.

She waved to him, Bye. He waved back and left. Debbie was delighted with herself. She'd only had three other experiences, going all the way once. None of it had been satisfying. But her body simply purred for Jeff. She couldn't wait for tomorrow. Tomorrow I want it all. She had always had a feeling about him. She knew now that she had been correct. He was the one she wanted.

Jeff drove towards home but he knew already he wouldn't go there. He pulled into the empty grocery parking lot, got out and went around to the trunk and opened it. Feeling around under the spare he found and lifted a bag of fifty pills. He glanced around then strode quickly to the dumpster, lifted the lid enough to deposit the pills.

Next stop was the lake. He replayed the scene as he drove, still in shock, Debbie panting into his neck, coming, FOR HIM! Oh Jeff, she had cried. The girl of his dreams, who he didn't really know but had from afar loved-he swore it was love- wound up his first after all. The look in her eyes...for me. Thanks for a wonderful night. "My God Debbie. How is it possible that you came along now?"

He pulled into the deserted lot by the lake, fished around the trunk and came up with the revolver. He released the cylinder and loosed the bullets into his palm. One two three four five six. He pocketed them and walked calmly to the water's edge. He reared back and hurled the pistol as far as he could. "Fuck You," he shouted as he released it. He heard it splash far from shore. He repeated the act with each bullet. "Fuck You, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. YOU LOSE MOTHERFUCKER," he screamed. He crouched down, breathing heavy but said again softly, "You lose motherfucker. You lose."

He climbed back into the car and left. He couldn't go home, wanted never to go there again. He checked the time, called Steve.

"Hey man. How was the date?"

"Oh, it was great. Listen, can I sleep over?"

"It didn't go well. What happened?"

"No really, it was great. She's an angel. I'm seeing her again tomorrow. I just don't want to go home."

"Come around back. We'll crash in the basement."

"Thanks man."

Jeff's Dad sat on the porch smoking, wondering about his son. Jeff had never shown anything was wrong with him until now. From straight As' to dropping out was a sign. When he asked Jeff what happened, he said he just needed a break from school. His father knew that was bullshit, and it terrified him. He thought of scenarios where he would be safe, even if Jeff was not. He wanted to survive.