All Comments on 'Savior'

Is this part 1?

You left us hanging...hope here is a follow-up?

I wrote this a good while ago. I have considered a re-visit to the characters several years later, but just another short story. I didn't want this to be a novel. The idea is that it can be looked at as complete just as it is. We know Jeff was about to take his life. We know Debbie is as crazy about him as Jeff is about her. She became his Savior. Maybe I failed, but I thought I left it as a positive outcome. Thanks again for reading it.

This chapter left us hanging on his backstory and the future. We need to see more man! Part one was great

I think it stands alone very well. You left some things unanswered or murky, but that’s ok.

Definitely keep writing. I like your style and pacing.

5*

Nice story. I'm left wondering what the dad did that was so bad that the son would want to kill him? Was there a clue I missed or is this supposed to be left open? If it was a molestation thing, it seems like that would have developed gradually, not culminating in a murder suicide. Perhaps he drove the mom off, cheating or something? But there was no foundation presented for that. But still, overall a really nice story.

The best stories are the ones in which, no matter how flawed the characters, you can sense that they are drawn with love and empathy. Without that element, even the most finely crafted writing cannot elicit a genuine emotional response. There’s a depth of soul and maturity of experience that is required. To write such a story, in the words of the poet Jim Harrison, ‘you must first create a pen that will write what you want it to say. For better or worse, this is the work of a lifetime.’

This story seems to be written with such a pen. Thank you for sharing.

I wanted to show a guy with serious problems, and the young woman who saved him, simply by being attracted to him. Yes, he was abused and now it caught up with him. The gun and pills were for Jeff to kill himself, not to kill his father (though it's just what his dad deserved). I didn't want to discuss the abuse any more than let you know it was the reason Jeff was in such trouble. I know I'm not skilled, but I like to write these stories and I love seeing someone read them and comment. Thanks for both, L

Shoprat, thanks for the in-depth comment. I tried to comment back but I don't see it. LOL. I wanted to try to just leave enough to show that Jeff was abused by his father, that he was planning suicide (I see how it looks like murder/suicide- I didn't realize), and how Debbie came along in the nick of time. Also, how she was there for years if only he could have talked to her. I hoped the title would tell the future. Thanks so much for reading so carefully and commenting.

I have to add one more note, as I keep coming back to read this story: your stories with the lowest “reader ratings” are the ones I find most compelling. And I think it’s because those stories (this is one) are sparsely written. It’s so difficult, and such a gift, to convey so much with a only few strokes of your pen. I feel as though I know your characters intimately from what is told the spaces between the words.