Scenes from a Marriage Pt. 14

After one particularly hard set, she asked, "Are you still green?"

"Yes, Mistress. It really hurts. But if this pleases you, I can take it."

"Okay, I'm going to give you ten more, and then we'll be done. Are you ready?"

I braced myself. "Yes, Mistress."

She gave me ten more really hard rapid-fire blows, each one landing right across both cheeks. I barely had time to register how badly each blow stung before the next one landed. When she finished, I collapsed down onto the bed and tried to catch my breath.

"Are you okay?" Mistress asked.

I looked up at her and realized that I was actually crying. This was the first time she had actually reduced me to tears from the pain, and I really wanted her to see it. I moved over right next to her so that I could look her in the eye.

"Yes, Mistress, I'm okay," I said through my tears. "It really fucking hurt. You didn't warm me up at all. But if that's what you want to do to me, if this is how you want to see me, then I want to take it for you."

"But you're crying!" She seemed alarmed. "Why didn't you use your safeword?"

"Because I didn't need to, Mistress." I was still crying a bit, but I really wanted her to understand. "You didn't hit a limit for me. I know how much you like to see me in pain. And I want to give you the pleasure of seeing me that way. I allowed you to hurt me so much that I'm crying! This is my gift to you."

She caressed me and looked into my teary eyes as she thought about what I'd said. I tried to catch my breath and recover a bit while she gathered her thoughts.

"I'm... not sure I'm comfortable with hurting you so much that you're crying."

I lay down on my side next to her, still looking into her eyes. I could see how much this troubled her, but I really wanted her to see that it was okay to want that. "I understand what you're saying. And I appreciate it. And if it turns out that this is not what you want, that's okay. But I want you to consider something."

"Okay."

"I think that one of two things probably happened just now, and only you can say which one it was. And there is no wrong answer - I want you to tell me honestly what you think. And it's also okay to not know the answer right now and need time to think about it. But there are the two possible explanations I can think of.

"We both know that we're exploring new things here, and while we can guess what we might like and dislike, we aren't really going to know how we will react to something until we actually experience it. The only way that we can really know our limits is to hit them, and that's why we have safewords. And sometimes, we may hit a limit that we immediately know is a hard limit. Other times, we may hit a limit just because we are surprised or need more time to process it, and we may decide to try again, maybe even a few times, in order to tell whether it's something we really don't like or something that we just need to get used to before we can enjoy it.

"So I think that what happened tonight was that we hit one of these boundaries. This was the first time you inflicted enough pain to make me cry, and now you have to figure out how you feel about it. The first possibility is that you discovered that this is a limit for you, that this is something you don't like."

She interrupted me. "Yeah, that's how I'm feeling."

"And if that's the case, that's fine; that would mean that this is a limit, and we'll figure out how to work within that. But the other option is that seeing me cry is a bit of a shock, and it's triggering the guilt that we know you're still working through as you come to accept your sadism. And it could be that if you give yourself a chance to accept that it doesn't make you a monster to enjoy my tears, you might find that this is something that you enjoy.

"Like I said earlier, there is no wrong answer. Just give yourself time to process and decide what you think. I want you to know that if you do decide that you enjoy seeing my tears, I want nothing more than to give them to you, and I don't want you to feel guilty about that. I really don't want us to hold back from doing whatever will give you the most pleasure."

"Okay."

We held each other for a few moments.

"How bad was it?" she asked.

"It really wasn't that bad. Honestly, I think it felt worse than it actually was, because you didn't warm me up."

"I know." She hesitated, as if unsure if she should say something, but then she continued. "I do like not warming you up sometimes."

I cocked my head at her. "Oh yeah? Why's that?"

"I like how you react so strongly."

I smiled warmly at her. "You are such a sadist."

She smiled and we snuggled for a little while longer.

Finally, we broke apart to get ready for bed. I put away my collar and the paddle. She put on her pajamas but decided that I should sleep in my boxers, which I gladly did for her. We got back into bed, snuggled up together, and fell asleep.

The following week was a little stressful. Our son had a medical procedure - nothing urgent, a scheduled thing, but something that had already been postponed once due to covid - and there were a couple of procedural snafus that made it take a lot longer than it should have. And then we learned that my wife's father was in the hospital - not covid, and not planned, so she was understandably worried about him. Due to all of that, I didn't expect that we would be playing very much that week.

But Wednesday night, my wife surprised me. Over dinner, apropos of nothing, she turned to me and said, "You need to take a Viagra tonight."

I smiled at her, "Oh yeah? Okay."

Then I thought for a moment. "Do you also want me to put my dilator in early?"

"You can if you want, but I'm also fine if you just skip it tonight."

"Okay, then I guess I'll skip it."

After dinner, I finished putting our son to bed and came into our room. Mistress was trying to turn the TV on to put on the fireplace, but the batteries in the remote were low, so I ran downstairs to get new ones.

When I came back, Mistress had put on the LED candles and changed into a sexy teal babydoll with low-cut black lace bra cups. It showed off most of her upper breasts beautifully, and my eyes lit up seeing her.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom while you get out the toys." As she walked into the bathroom, she told me which toys to get. "We'll need the wartenberg wheel, your blindfold, the crop, the paddle, the strap, the slapper, and our two favorite floggers."

"Woah!" I said, impressed by that list. "Did I do something to piss you off, Mistress?" I joked.

"No. I'm just telling you what I want. You always tell me you want me to make the decisions."

I smiled. "Yes, Mistress. I love it!"

I got out everything she asked for, as well as my collar.

"Oh, and the new nipple clamps," she added.

"Which ones, Mistress?" We had just recently ordered two new sets, one that seemed like it would be more adjustable than the basic set we already had, and a set of clover clamps that I was a little scared of.

"The ones you're terrified of," Mistress calmly replied.

I shivered. "Yes, Mistress."

I laid everything out on the bed. Then I stripped and put on my collar. I grabbed a pillow and kneeled to wait for her in the position I know she loves: heels under my ass, knees spread, hands clasped behind my head, elbows out. This position always made me feel so submissive, presenting every part of my body for her to play with as she saw fit.

As I waited for her, I started thinking about all the toys she'd had me get out, and about her using them on me. I started to get aroused. I would really love to be restrained while she used them.

"Mistress, do you want me to get out any of our restraints?"

"No. I told you exactly what I want. I didn't hesitate or anything. I even put on the candles."

Those were all things that I'd told her I would like, and I did. I felt bad for having made her feel like I didn't appreciate her. "Yes, you did, Mistress. I did notice that, and I appreciate it."

When she came back into the room, she walked over to me and ran her fingers through my hair affectionately for a moment. I leaned my head against her stomach and closed my eyes, enjoying the affection.

"Stand up."

"Yes, Mistress," I said, complying.

"Let's see... I like the ambiance here, so I don't want to go into the other room. But I need to find a spot with enough room." She looked around the room for a moment, then gestured to the side of the alcove that contained the doors to both the bathroom and the hallway. "Okay, come over here and stand facing the corner."

She positioned me facing the side of the doorway at a 45 degree angle, so that I was facing the corner where the wall of the alcove met the wall of the bedroom. I put my hands up on either side of the corner and rested my head just to one side of it, so my forehead wasn't resting right on the edge.

"Spread your legs more."

"Yes, Mistress." I spread them apart a bit. It made me a little nervous, because with my legs spread, my thighs didn't protect my balls from being hit by a stray flogger hit between my legs. But I wasn't going to disobey Mistress.

"That's good, just like that."

Mistress picked up the medium sized suede flogger and started with a simple circular motion on my shoulders. She wasn't hitting me that hard, but it had been a while since she had flogged me, and I immediately realized how much I'd been missing it. I could feel my cock getting hard in its cage.

"Is this a good warmup for you?"

"Yes, Mistress, it's very nice. It's really getting the blood flowing to my skin."

"Good."

She continued flogging my shoulders for a while and then switched to my ass. I pushed my ass out a bit to make it easier for her to strike me.

"That's it, stick out that ass for me."

She started hitting my ass with the same circular motion, giving me a nice gentle warmup.

After a little while, she stepped back, and I heard her picking up the package containing the nipple clamps from the bed.

She walked back over to me. "Turn around."

I dropped my hands to my sides and turned to face her. "Yes, Mistress."

She reached up and pinched my left nipple, pulling it out from my chest. Then she brought the clamp to my nipple, squeezed it to hold it open, carefully positioned it around my nipple, and slowly let it close around it.

I cried out in pain - I could not believe how much it hurt! I had been afraid of these clover clamps, but that's because I knew that they were supposed to clamp down even tighter when the chain was pulled. I didn't realize that they would be so much more painful just clamping on to begin with!

"Oh, shit, Mistress, that really hurts!" I whimpered.

She looked at me, concerned by how strong my reaction was. "Do I need to take it off?"

"No, Mistress, I think it's okay," I said through clenched teeth. "Just give me a chance to get used to it."

She watched me closely as I tried to master the pain. I was breathing heavily, staring down at the clamp on my nipple, telling myself over and over that it didn't look so bad. I stomped my feet, I clenched my fists, but the pain just went on and on. I knew I could adjust to it if I could just last long enough to let my pain receptors get acclimated to it. It was taking a lot longer than I thought it would, but I knew that it was ultimately a question of mind over matter, and I was determined to power through.

Unfortunately, after about twenty seconds, Mistress reached up and took the clamp off. "Let's give you some time to adjust."

I whimpered in a mixture of disappointment and relief. "Oh, no, I was trying to get used to it, Mistress!"

"Well, here, let's try the other side. We'll see if that's any easier."

She attached the other clamp to my right nipple. It hurt just as badly as the other side, and I cried out in pain again. But I did know what to expect this time, and that somehow made it a little easier.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, Mistress," I answered through gritted teeth. "I'm okay."

She reached up and reattached the first clamp back onto my left nipple, and I cried out again. The twin sensations were intensely painful, shocking me with their power.

After a few moments, the shock wore off, and all that was left was the overwhelming pain, throbbing anew with each hammering blow of my rapid pulse. I found myself actively crying as I tried to process the pain, sobbing with each wave that hit me.

Mistress must have been really concerned about me. "You can use your safeword if you need to."

My instant reaction was intense anger. I looked up at her through my tears and my gritted teeth, and I barked through my sobs, "There is no fucking way I am going to use my safeword! I know it turns you on to hurt me, and I want you to see how much I'm hurting. I'm doing this for you!"

I don't think I had enough mental bandwidth at that moment to understand why I reacted so strongly. But in hindsight, I think there were several facets to my reaction. First, the whole reason that I was accepting this pain was to please her, and I couldn't bear the thought of giving up and losing an opportunity to give her pleasure. Second, I was already in so much pain for her, and I did not want that to have been a waste - if I gave up, she would not experience the pleasure I was trying to give her, and I would have done it for nothing! And finally, and perhaps most importantly, I think that part of me felt like she was rejecting me by not being willing to accept the gift I was trying to give her. Nothing gives me more satisfaction than to give Mistress pleasure through my pain or frustration; it makes me feel like I'm demonstrating my devotion to her in a way that she can't get from just anyone. And when she does not allow me to demonstrate my devotion that way, it makes me feel like she doesn't value the deeply meaningful, heart-felt gift that I am giving her. I know that may not be all that logical, but it is how I feel.

Mistress told me later that she still wasn't sure how she felt about seeing me cry, but she decided to give it a chance while she tried to figure out whether or not she liked it.

"Let's try to distract you," she said.

"How, Mistress?" I asked, still really worked up.

She put her hands on my shoulders and gently turned me back around to face the corner. I put my arms back up on either side of the corner I was facing. My nipples were burning, but my anger had actually helped me start to get on top of the pain.

Mistress stepped back, picked up the suede flogger again, and resumed striking my shoulders. She was still striking me very gently, as if trying to warm me up, but I was barely feeling it - the light strikes with the flogger were being totally washed out by the pain in my nipples.

I think Mistress could tell that the flogger wasn't doing anything for me at that point, because she put it down. I didn't know what she was going to do next, but I suddenly felt the sharp sting of the crop hitting my right shoulder!

Mistress didn't give me time to adjust, though. She repeatedly struck the same spot over and over again, making my skin sting, and finally stealing some of my attention away from my burning nipples. I was so overwhelmed that all I could do was cry out and try my best to process the pain.

She moved back and forth between my two shoulders, each time smacking the same spot over and over before moving back to the other side. Every once in a while, she gave my ass a few swats too, but she kept most of her focus on my shoulders. I could feel my skin burning and the tears in my eyes. It was all I could do to keep breathing through the pain.

After a while, she put the crop back down and picked up the suede flogger again, going back to circular motions on my shoulders. She started out using the same warm-up-intensity strikes that she'd been doing earlier, giving me a brief respite from the pain. But then she started ramping up the strength of her strikes, and I could feel the skin on my shoulders stinging again.

Next, she picked up the paddle and started whacking my ass. She was definitely not warming me up at that point! I cried out in pain, overwhelmed by what she was doing to me.

She came to stand directly to my left, and I turned my head to face her. I sobbed, feeling the tears now actively running down my face.

She ran her fingers through my hair affectionately. Then she leaned in to kiss me gently. I was suddenly overcome with the desperate hope that my submission was pleasing her. I pushed my lips more firmly against hers and kissed her with all my might.

I pulled back to look into her eyes. She had so many conflicting emotions on her face for me to see: empathy, love, satisfaction, arousal, and so much more.

She kept her eyes locked with mine, but she pulled her right arm back, and resumed spanking my ass with the paddle. I looked back at her, grunting with each strike, sobbing in pain. I leaned forward again and kissed her as intensely as I could, as she continued striking my ass.

After a little while, she put down the paddle and started running her fingernails over the skin on my shoulders, making me squirm at the sensation.

"Oh, god, Mistress, that's so intense! My skin is so sensitive right now!"

She just smiled at me and kept doing it.

When she finally tired of that, she moved back behind me to the bed. I don't think I was aware enough to try to guess what she was picking up, but the next thing I felt was an incredibly hard flogger strike on my right shoulder. I didn't realize it at the time, but this is when she picked up the long leather flogger, her favorite one.

I arched my back to give her a clearer target, trying to breathe through the pain as she struck me again and again. I was so overwhelmed at this point that I'm not sure if I was consciously feeling the pain in my nipples anymore, but I knew that the pain was still there at some level, contributing to the state I was in.

"I don't have quite enough room here. Move over to the other side of the doorway."

"Yes, Mistress."

I moved a bit more slowly than I normally do, still feeling a little overwhelmed by the pain, but I complied with Mistress' order. Once there, I resumed my stance from before, hands on either side of the corner, head resting against the wall just to one side of the edge.

At that moment, unfortunately, our son started making noise, clearly not asleep.

"Ugh. Wait here, I'll deal with him," Mistress said.

I couldn't even reply. I just stood there, breathing as evenly as I could, while I listened to Mistress getting our son settled back in.

She came back in, closed the door behind her, and walked up behind me. I guess she thought that my shoulders needed to be even redder, because she started slapping them with her palm as hard as she could. She gave me several slaps in the same spot, first on one shoulder, then moving to the other shoulder, then smacking both shoulders at the same, one with each of her hands. I cried out in pain as my skin took even more punishment.

Then she picked up her flogger again and resumed where she left off. I was too overwhelmed to realize it, but this was the endgame. She was giving me full-strength overhand strikes on my shoulders, alternating between them to spread the pain out.

All I could do was cry out in pain and try to manage my breathing. I could still feel tears on my face, but I don't think I was actively crying anymore - I was way past having the focus for that. I just... absorbed the pain as her blows rained down on me, over and over and over again.

In hindsight, I think that was the closest I've ever come to being in subspace. The combination of the pain in my nipples and the pain from her striking me was intense and overwhelming. I suspect that if Mistress had kept going, giving me more strikes with the leather flogger for a longer period of time, not letting up on me, that I might very well have really discovered what it was like to be in subspace. I don't think Mistress was quite ready for that yet, though... and I'm not entirely sure I am either. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't incredibly curious about it.