Scrambled Saturday

If Saturday mornings are meant for one thing, then that thing is having a long, overdue lie in. If it's meant for two things, that might include playing with the morning wood. Mine had pitched a tent in my bed sheet, firm as ever and solid enough to push through the tightest barrier.

Then I heard the sound of music playing faintly and wondered where it was coming from. It only took a couple of seconds in my still sleepy head to realise it was coming from next door, odd, since they'd moved out months ago never to be heard from again while their house went unoccupied.

The binmen's lorry clacking around hoisting up bins and pouring their contents inside grabbed my attention next. They were about a street away judging from their heavy noise, and I'd not put my bin out!

I flung the sheets off as I jumped out of bed, racing down the stairs, erection swinging around wildly, I made a mental note that the next woman I fucked I was going to try to do that to her face, it looked like it could be fun. I grabbed some clothes on, pushed my feet into my trainers, noted the letter box had some mail curled up inside it and left the house. I quickly checked that the neighbours' bins hadn't been emptied yet, then grabbed mine and headed back inside.

I didn't even bother to look at the two letters' addresses and just mindlessly opened them up. An overdue gas bill of all things. From a company I'd never heard of. Figuring it was some scam I was about to chuck it when I noticed the name and address wasn't mine. Right house number, wrong street, wrong town, wrong person! The street name was party right, but I didn't live on a Boulevard, and I'd never even heard of the town or the person.

I tore it up and binned it, whoever it was would be hearing from them again no doubt. But then there was the issue of the other letter, had that been for me? A quick look at the envelope's address said no. It was meant for next door, the postman had just messed up twice. Their music still playing away, I wondered just how long had they been gone now. And had they come back just for this letter? It was rather thick, it clearly held more than just one sheet.

Curiosity got the better of me and I pulled out the contents. They were a series of good old-fashioned photographs, just like you used to get from the chemists. But they were also. how can I put this? Artistic photographs. A young lady I sort of recognised in her birthday suit, but covered in all the best places in body paint in a variety of poses that would challenge a yoga teacher or possibly even a contortionist. Some was just regular paint, others glowed thanks to the lights and some were clearly lit by one of those CSI black light things.

There was nothing pornographic here, just nudity with the more interesting parts covered by her hands, or arms, or even her legs. Some of the paint jobs covered her entirely, others she'd had paint dripped or splashed over her, some designs made me think of zebras' stripes, if they had multi colours in their patterns. Some paint jobs were just covering her otherwise exposed nipples with different coloured hand prints, possibly her own given those shots started off with her clearly painted hands covering her own assets. 'Hand bras make the breast bras' I joked to myself. She even had a hand-printed bikini body covering either side.

There were even a couple of shots without paints that left nothing to the imagination at all. She was clearly shaved bare and it suited her quite nicely and owned the perkiest nipples that could take your eyes out if you got that close! I looked at her face again, and then the name on the envelope. Handwritten by someone not used to physically writing. The address was correctly bar the house number, but given how they'd mangled the numbers this could have gotten posted in almost any of the houses here. The name though, Ms Ash Green. It clicked into place. This WAS my next-door neighbour.

Well, that was quite the way to start a Saturday. My ragingly hard cock agreed as it tried to force its way out of my sweatpants. Ah, the perils of no underwear.

The question now was what to do with this? The music playing next door meant someone was actually home for once, and by rights this was hers. But what to do? Keep them? Own up to the mistake and pop around? Maybe get slapped for my troubles? Jerk off to them? Why had they printed them out to send them to her? This was a mystery I figured was never going to be answered since their letter made no mention of their name, just a couple of badly scrawled lines asking her to enjoy herself.

Decisions, decisions.

I eventually decided some good old-fashioned deceit was in order. I had some envelopes, and I had plenty of pens, I could just fake the handwriting and post them through her letterbox. I left the letter and photos on my dining table, with the fresh envelope, and went off for a shower, ignoring my cocks signals that it needed some serious TLC. Afterwards, I did some research online, I'd never known my neighbour's full name before, but now I did I could find her splashed around on social media quite easily. She was pretty much everywhere, Instagram with pictures that barely stayed inside their regulations, Twitter had the same sets but nothing like the paint pics, and both had links to AllMyLinks, and of course that led me down the OnlyFans route...

I could hear my bank manager moan, an odd sensation given I've never met my bank manager and have no idea what their name is, let alone their gender. But I could picture the famous phrase 'You Stupid Boy' echoing around the bank as I subscribed to my neighbour's account. And got treated to much the same sort of photograph I'd found on her social media. Some of them were shot in front of a professional-looking backdrop, with the clear benefit of professional lighting rigs, others were clearly shot in a house, again with the light rigs, but had her draped over the furniture. Something about these house shots rang a bell inside my head, but I wasn't sure why.

Bikini shots, lingerie, suggestive nudity, implied masturbation, hands inside her bra, or down her stockings and even plunged inside her panties, and very suggestive looks as she held up bananas or cucumbers. And those were just the free preview shots to tempt you to pay... nearly three figures for seven or eight pictures?

I looked at the envelope again and noticed something else that had bugged me a bit. No stamp. Then went and looked at the other wrong address letter I'd torn up and did a search online for it. That person's name got a few hits as a photographer, and his address was closer to mine than I'd have ever known. I'd certainly never heard of that town but it was about a mile away. The Google map even showed he lived in a similar-looking housing estate to me, I could have driven through there and made the mistake of thinking I was near mine.

I played detective some more, running both his and her names through the web. They were friends on all their social media, and his own website featured her in several erotic photoshoots. I was starting to feel like I'd been set up. More 'specific' search terms with her name didn't bring up anything naughty, not naughtier than she'd already done, and there were a host of 'pic sharing sites' whose forums were foaming at the mouth about trying to get her stuff for free. With rather detailed things they wanted to do to her with fifty of their closest 'friends'.

"Okay," I said out loud, pushing my keyboard away from me. "That's enough internet for today," and went out for a walk in the nearest park where I wanted to breathe in deep lungfuls of air, and sit down on the grass and run my hands through it - Maybe after taking a cold shower and scrubbing myself beforehand.

I'd barely had any chance to leave my house when I heard next door's front door open up and glanced at my neighbour standing in her doorway. She had that just-out-of-the-shower look, wet hair swept back, skin all shiny in the sunlight, and somehow managed to make the puffy white dressing gown she wore look incredibly sexy. She waived and I nodded back.

"Not seen you for a while, all good?" I called out.

"Oh I've been off touring," she smiled. "But I'm home now."

Seeing her in the flesh right now, sans makeup, she did indeed look a natural beauty, her OnlyFans stuff had her plastered with makeup, which had complimented her rather well but had seemingly made her look younger than she really was.

"Touring?"

"Yeah, with my ex," she gave an awkward smile that almost hid a conflict of emotions.

"I'm sorry to hear that, you doing okay?"

"Oh, I've been better, just need some time and space."

"Well, time heals all wounds, give it some and you'll feel better."

"Thanks, erm, say, have you got any coffee and sugar I can borrow? I've not had a chance to shop yet."

"Actually, I've got some coffee left over, bit low on supplies myself. Need to go shopping. I can give you the jar I have now if you like."

"Yes please."

And so I darted back in, not closing my front door properly, and rummaged through my kitchen cupboards. I heard my door shut and looked into the hallway. She'd followed me and was absent-mindedly looking around the place.

"Kinda like mine, isn't it? Only like the mirror image," she said as she looked at my staircase.

"I, er, got the coffee," I said, holding up the jar, not quite sure what was going on. "You want some now?"

"I'd love some cream," she said, glancing at me and giving the slightest hint of a wink.

"Sorry, not got any in stock," had I not woken up this morning? Was I still in bed being teased by my own morning wood giving me the most bizarre daydream?

"Well, maybe later," she put her hands into her gowns pockets, by way of sliding her hands down, slowly over her body. She was busty enough that starting at the top showed off her curves. "You got anywhere to be?"

"Erm, no?" Part of me felt I was being set up for something. I had moved the incriminating opened envelope and its letter somewhere a bit more secure than a tabletop since I'd given up on my googling, so if things went the way of a casual house search she wasn't going to find it, but what if she was genuinely trying to come on to me?

The dressing gown falling to the floor made me think she was serious. Her slender legs, her tapped waist, her mouth-wateringly perfect pussy, the breasts that were both a very firm handful each with nipples that were so powerfully pointy that now I saw them in person I was convinced I might be able to take both into my mouth at once!

My penis sent a message directly to my brain. 'Fed Me!' while my eyes were overwhelming my brain with information overload as they were convinced an angel was standing before me. The only thing she needed to really pass as one would be the wings, halo, some backlighting and an angelic chorus singing sweet music.

My legs were routed to the spot, but that didn't matter, she stepped towards me with a slow sway of her hips and reached out to unbuckle my belt and yanked my trousers down, pushing her foot down on them, forcing them to the ground. My hardon pushed through the minimal resistance of my boxers, springing up like a snake, which she gleefully wrapped her hand around and started jerking me off. She stroked it a few times before she squatted, spat on it, worked that in that kissed the tip before licking it, then licked along the length of my glans as if it was a lollipop before going back to jerking my cock off.

"Ash," I moaned, I could see she'd gotten on her knees now, she looked up at me, winked once more, then took the whole length of my rock-hard rod deep inside her mouth. I felt the muscles of her throat relax as the purple helmet slid past her lips, over her tongue, over that dangling bit whose name I could never recall and right now didn't care about, then felt something very few women had managed to do. She took my whole girth inside her throat.

Lengthwise I'm a bit under seven inches, but I've found my girth is a bit tricky for some girls to handle, certainly, most can't get their entire hand wrapped around it. Blowjobs can be a problem as the gagging noises some more willing participants have wound up making were not pleasant to hear and the looks on their faces made it clear this was verging on torture.

So I usually just settled for blowjobs where my ladies have taken the head in past their teeth, teasing the joint between it and the rest of the cock, and maybe get some tongue work playing around inside my foreskin. I've fucked exactly one American woman. She'd had no idea what to do with a foreskin, she'd never had an uncut cock before, but she'd gotten used to it eventually. Ash clearly was an expert with the things. Her tongue played around on the underside of my cock while she deepthroated it, and when she pulled it out for air, would suck the foreskin back over my purple helmet and swirl her tongue around inside it, before plunging it all back in one go till my balls were slapping around her chin again.

Her head bounced back and forth like a piston, neck muscles and veins bulging. I recalled the preview picks of her holding up a cucumber and got an idea what she might have been practising on, which made me wonder what it would be like to see someone screwed by the Incredible Hulk.

She suddenly stopped blowing me and grabbed my cock as she led me by it to the living room, by now I was in doubt that we were just going to have a good time, so I took the lead, and swept my arm under the back of her legs, catching her back with my other and threw her over the arm of my sofa. Her legs were already spread with her hips over the sofas arm, so I just took my meaty rod and started slapping it all over her wet pussy getting it slicker with her own spittle, up and down over the slit before I used one hand to push it right in, while my other hand reached out to pinch on of her taut nipples.

"JESUS!" she screamed as I got half my cock inside her. "That's like trying to take a Coke can!"

As girthy as I am, I wasn't that endowed. She was tight, and her muscles just clamped her around me as I pushed, so I eased out, then forced my cock back in. She screamed again as more of my rigidness was forced inside her. I figured if she can play around with cucumbers, she can certainly take my cock like a pro! I pulled out, spat heavily on my dick and worked it around the shaft and over her lips. Then I just pushed with all my might and I was balls in while her eyes shot wide open, her mouth even wider, a silent scream chiselled on her face as I noticed how much she'd started sweating.

"You okay?" she nodded. "Want to take a breather?"

"No, just fuck me," she said bravely, and winked, trying to get some of her old seduction magic going again.

So I went at her like a jackhammer. Thinking of the pictures I had seen, and how amazingly tight her pussy felt around my cock as I kept pummelling into her. I had a thought about fucking her arse, but decided not to, not this time, she might not be ready for any backdoor fun when it was clear she wasn't that used to accommodating a cock this girthy in her slick pussy. In fairness, I'd never known a butthole as tight as her pussy was, I'd bet if I'd flicked her over and done her doggy style her cunt would feel even tighter!

Her breasts, firm as they were, were bouncing around all over the place, those amazing nipples spinning around like ship motors. I spat between her breasts and grabbed them both, rubbing them against each other and spitting more and more over them. She managed to look at me, wondering what the hell I was doing before I pinched both her tits and twisted the nipples in different directions, rubbing them between finger and thumbs before I started sucking on one, then the other, then both, all the while humping away at her pussy.

I could feel I was close to cuming, we'd not slid on a rubber, and I had no idea if she was on the pill. I very much would have liked to fill up her cunny with my baby batter, but parenthood was not something I had in mind right now. I spat between her breasts again, then pulled out, slammed my meat between her beautiful mounds and pushed them up around it.

"A boob sandwich," she laughed as I started pumping my cock between them.

I was so close I didn't last long, she found that out as my jets of cum spurted over her face like a whale's blow hole. The first shot hit her eyes, leaving them stuck shut, but she opened her mouth as the next spurt hit over her nose and mouth, she kept it open as the next couple of shots fell over her lips, then as there was clearly nothing left in my balls right now, I let her breasts go and feed my cock into her hungry mouth. She sucked on it like she was a newborn calf suckling on her mother's teat. She even managed to get some more juice out of them.

"Humm, yum," she said, sticking her tongue out to show what was left in her mouth before she swallowed the rest and stuck it out again.

"Good girl," I said, wiping the rest of my cum off her face and feeding it to her. She was a greedy little cum whore, I have to give her that. She sucked on my finger so much I doubted I'd get it back. "Now, did you cum at all?"

"No," she shook her head, mock disappointment all over her face, but that mischievous look was in her eyes.

"Well, spread your legs, again, I've an idea or two," I said, pushing in a couple of fingers, with the aim of getting to really know her pussy before introducing her pussy to my fist.

This went on like this for a year or two, sometimes in mine, sometimes in hers. I soon found out why some of those photos of hers had such a familiar-looking setting. They'd been taking in hers before she had moved out, and during times she'd been back there with just the aim of taking photos.

What happened after those two years you ask? Well, that would be telling, but let's just say, things got really adventurous.