All Comments on 'Sean Rides His Sister'

Drugging someone and taking advantage of them is just not my cup of tea; but otherwise well-written and well-paced.

I hope that there is a part 2 coming soon

Atrocious mixing of past and present tenses, running sentences, wrong verb and adverb choices make this read like a bad middle-school essay.

I was not really impressed with the idea that you drug someone and rape them while they are helpless .

Yeah drugging someone is never a good thing fantasy or true. They are a coward in both cases.

Rape is rape

Dreadful writing e.g. "must of put them ". Must OF? Did you go to school, even occasionally?

Not very well written imo. Sorry

I totally got this story. Unlike what others read, you were awake during the whole thing, but made out that you weren't. Very well played miss 👏. I for one enjoyed it

5* from me

There's a lot here that's wrong, but I'm just gonna focus on two facets.

Your grammar is terrible. When people are talking to each other in a written format like this, we wrap their statement in quotations. "Did you go into the medicine cabinet?" Nikki asked. "Yeah, I had a headache so I grabbed some advil," her brother replied.

Next, your pacing is bad, too. You spent more time on the prelude than you did on the finale, and the finale should always be grand. And the actual body, the center of the story, is so short it's bad. C- for effort.

It's hard to get into a story about rape; the moment you mention Nikki wanted to stop him but didn't, that's a revoking of consent. Her little game went too far, and now she was being violated. Hard to like that unless you have a rape or noncon kink.

inspite of the grammar, and such errors, it was a hot story.

When is the next installment

Where is part two

Don't sweat the trolling slow don and try printing the story and use a pencil or marking pen. It a More focused review of the txt, reading on screen can lead to scanning and for the eye to overlook transpositions and similar spelling. Look m into what you did and try fixing the things you are not happy with as a writer.

What sleeping pills did she swap out?all she named were Tylenol, advil,aspirin,and antibiotic no sleeping pills.

I think your writing is improving but still many errors. It is possible to imagine this scenario but the whole thing was far too rushed. Don't give up trying.