All Comments on 'Searching for Sheila Ch. 05'

Very noirish. One of the best I've read and you seem to have actually had some English education. Good show.

man finds wife, but winds up with another hooker.and takes her home

Shouldn't have bothered.

Are worth waiting for. I cursed you some back when you left the story hanging. This was worth waiting. I kind of wanted the Sheila character to have more dimensions, not just despising her husband but still having feelings on some level. Maybe that was your intent in the last chapter, but it didn't carry forward. You nailed the Sam Spade old-fashioned cop melodrama real good. Five stars.

A lot of crazy action. Thanks for sharing and thanks for the ending.

The end for shiela was not painless ,killing off her lover was fair but maiming them in the sex area would have been better payback him loosing his lower bowl system and reproductive system and her tits and reproductive system a slow painful death payment for evil done . A fitting end to the shiela,s of the world.

Why did Sheila leave? U didn't reveal her characters reasons for going with a gangster, leaving a husband with no word at all. Nor did the story explain how a house frau meets such a slimeball from another city? Fucking multiple partners doesn't require a thug boyfriend.

I was one of those fortunate enough to come upon your story with this last installation. Had I not done so, you would likely have lost me to your timeline..... so I agree that the advice to complete the story, then serialize it is both sound and beneficial.

In the genre of pulp fiction, a rather brash, loose style, you've done something remarkable. You told a real story, and left enough unanswered questions to keep readers hungry for more. Lot's of serial back story opps here, kind Mr. Beware.....

I especially appreciate that your writing style is not marred by lousy english......but that is a rant for another forum.

Clean and engaging. I liked; it a 5 overall!

should be in the LW hall of fame.....the writing style is very much in the style of hard boiled noir type fiction, and the style could be right out of Raymond Chandler (and if not on the same level of writing technically, c'mon, folks, the person writing this is doing it for love, not a pro as Chandler was), I loved it. The descriptions, the way the characters are described, were perfect for that genre; the whore girlfriend/wife, the shady gangster who 'owns things', the honest cop in a crooked place (Bay City in Chandler's world), the whole package is perfect. His comment on Sheila dying to save Pharaoh "My god!" Tobe choked. "She must have really loved the son of a bitch after all." is reminiscent at the end of "Farewell, my lovely" when Moose Molloy gets shot and killed by Velma, the girl who set him up and sent him to jail, and Marlow comments "no, he wasn't stupid, he loved her, the big lug"

The story does explain about Sheila, again a typical story for some hard boiled stories, she was a woman who gets bored with her life, and finds excitement, albeit in an X rated way, in Chandler it would be the girlfriend or wife who ended up with the gangster or gambling boss. In the story she meets the gangster through a scumbo lawyer who works in her office, who ends up running an escort service and pimping her out.....so it is explained.

Anyway, one of my favorites, thanks for writing it. The only thing missing might have been a chandler special, like "I was in the inky blackness, it was like smoke was rising in front of me, and I yelled fire, only to have some guy who looked like his mother had mated with a garbage truck, yelled at me to 'shut up, you old drunk', which I replied "I am not a drunk, at least not on a weekday"..... Or his most famous description "From 30 feet she looked like all class, from 10 feet, she looked like someone meant to be seen from 30 feet" (though your description of Sheila when they meet is pretty close to that)..:)

The simple answer: It was never actually Sheila's story. It was Tobe's. Her motivations don't enter the narration because she is background noise even though she's in the title.

It made me go back 60 years in time! Shiela wanted gang bangs and her hubbie was not into that kind of action (except for that hardon in the first chapter).

What ever happened to his cop shadow?

Yup, You are. Stories/writing is a lot of work. vs Mindless critics... not much effort there. Like being critical of B'rack O, a wast of time.

You did finish some do not, you did. Glad of it too because it is an excellent story. Kudos.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

Great tale. Our hero didn't with what he came for, he left with someone better. Tremendous ending.

Gave 5stars because of @njluren's post about Chandler...re: 30 feet and 10 feet

Laughed my ass off more than when I read Chandler.

Fuck the naysayers, dude. Specially the post about a lack of coverage of Sheila.... Jeeze Louise. Some don't understand good literature. Betting nobody caught the inferance made to the tune by Johnny Cash, "Ring of Fire." I took it as the protagonist being dren into the depths of deprsvity Sheila and the others of Piedmont had fallen.

Grea job. Led

Thanks for the story, probably the best I've read on here. Could be turned into a movie? Larry. UK

Should be a movie! Great potential. Casting it would be marvelous. The lady police sergeant could well be re-introduced.

Hard to believe that Tobe and Angel would have such a connection after just one meeting. Other than that, very good.

I see Bruce Willis as Tobe...some one take over from there....;-)

This writer obviously didn't take his meds. 1* !!

enjoyed it for 4.5 chapters but this ending was kinda like second rate detective stuff; it didn't do justice to the rest of the story. Nobody who reads this site expects No.1 novel of the year writing & whilst this was certainly better than many here it ended with a whimper. 4****

The detective in chapter 1 was correct - forget Sheila and get on with your life. I was hoping Tobe would wind up with the female cop. Couldn't Angel get out of town before her husband recaptured her? How long had Sheila been with Pharaoh? He seems like the kind of guy who would want a new favorite princess quite often.

Pretty good action story. Enjoyed reading in all one sitting. Didn't have to wait for the finish as some did. Saw no typos or screwed up sentences which makes for smooth entertainment. Cheers!

worth the time to read - thanks!

I liked it. Good basic story.

"Sheila's a fool for throwing away her life with me," Wrong, wrong, wrong, completely wrong! She absolutely made the right decision! From the way you depict your character Tobe, why readers wouldn't sympathize with Sheila's decision. The American dream, man!

The American dream is getting AIDS and dying slowly? "cause that was Sheila's future. Before that she would have been put to work on the corner as Pharaoh would have next year's model on his arm. I'm not even going to get into the drugs she would be doing by then...

I just came across this series and am glad that you completed this final chapter that wrapped everything up. Based on your recent lack of history here on Lit my current guess is that you may never see this. If you do I hope that you have continued writing somewhere.

Not a bad wrap up. All the right people got killed. That's always good.

He must have been in intelligence during his army days

Only way he could be that dumb

"The strong smell of cordite was in the thick night air and Tobe could hear the groans of the wounded some yards away around the factory."

Small arms ammunition using cordite hasn't been loaded anywhere in the world since the 1960's. That particular cliche needs to be put to rest.

Good story, good ending

5/5

Disappointing.

Where did cordite come from? That's pretty old stuff, isn't it? Unless you're referring to it as a generic, I suppose. Though I can't actually remember what time frame the story takes place in, so maybe it's appropriate?

Anyway, overall, it was a disappointing read. I can't say I've ever read any of the old pulp fiction-type stuff, so maybe this rather pathetic character was in line with it, either way, I thought it rather sucked.

So many dumb decisions, plot holes, and just general nonsense.

Well I guess a decent story if we ignore all that plotholes and stuff

Great story it did kind of remind of a old comic book I think it was sin city