tagReviews & EssaysSecond Amendment Gun Rights are Wrong

Second Amendment Gun Rights are Wrong


Lay down your weapons and pick up your water guns. Ready? Aim. Fire.

Under the second Amendment, the right to bear arms, one of the reasons given for owning a gun is because it's in our constitution. Yet, as if that's the limit to our constitution, I dare say that the 2nd amendment, for all the wrong reasons, is the one amendment most quoted behind the first amendment, freedom of speech. Taking only what applies to some citizens for their benefit, few even pay attention to the rest of the constitution or the rest of our rights.

Do we stand up for everyone's civil rights in the way we protest in the street when our president wants a law banning a citizen to own an assault rifle and a machine gun? Seriously. All of this gun debate is pure and utter nonsense. All of this gun control debate was preplanned and organized just for you to buy more guns.

Look at you. You all think you're so smart. After the Newtown tragedy, fearing that 'they'd' pass laws banning such guns, you all ran out and bought assault rifles, AK47's, and Bushmasters. Shame on you. Stupid idiots. You're all a bunch of suckers.

'They' think we're all stupid and you are stupid for falling for their plan. 'They' duped you. 'They' used you. 'They' want you to protest the ban on guns so that 'they' can sell more guns and it's working because of you. You all bought a record number of guns.

"Congratulations. You are all now armed and dangerous. Your mothers, wives, and daughters must be proud."

My opinion on the gun control issue is that no one should be allowed to own and/or carry a gun, other than a hunting rifle for the expressed purpose of using it hunt game and not for humans. If someone kills someone with a gun by accident or by hate, they go to jail. If someone commits a premeditated murder with a gun, they get the death penalty. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, isn't that the law that all of you gun owners understand?

Other than someone wearing a police uniform, a military uniform, or associated with one of our government security agencies, FBI, CIA, DEA, Treasury, Secret Service, and NSA, no one should own an assault rifle or a machine gun. Period. End of story.

* * * * *

Under my suggested plan, when a new baby is born, when someone gets their Social Security card, their driver's license, and/or their passport, they receive a water gun. Now beat it, scram, and get lost before I shoot you with my water gun. You'd better not piss me off or I'll fill you full of water.

Yes, water guns. Instead of guns shooting bullets, I say that all citizens should be armed with water guns of any color and any size. It's just as ridiculous, isn't it? Further, anyone caught with a gun that shoots anything but water will be water boarded by a Mini Cooper full of clowns before they go to jail.

Huh? Water guns? Yeah, water guns. I love it. Everyone in America walking around carrying a water gun is safe from dying from a bullet, that is, until some psycho discovers that he can shoot gasoline from his water gun instead of water.

Hey buddy, got a light?

* * * * *

I don't know if you noticed this on television but someone is trying to tell us something being that all of the media outlets are controlled by only five, rich, and powerful white men. Suddenly, all of Charlton Heston's movies, Ben-Hur, Planet of the Apes, and the Ten Commandments started playing with the advent of the discussion on gun control, in the way that they filled the airways with Ronald Regan Bedtime for Bonzo old movies when he was running for president. Maybe it's just a strange coincidence by I don't think so. If you gun owners want to rail about something, rail about how 5 men managed to buy all of our TV and radio stations, our newspapers, and our cable TV networks. We all read and watch the news that they want us to read and watch.

"It's not the gun, it's the person," said Charlton Heston, ex-NRA president. "I'll give you my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead hands."

Can't you just see Charlton holding up his rifle over his head. Only, it's not the rifle that we want to take away, it's the machine guns. Unfortunately, they did pry Charlton's gun from his cold, dead hands and it's too bad because he's going to need a gun where he went when he died. Then, again, something tells me that bullets won't harm the Devil.

"Shoot me again Charlton. The bullets tickle," said Satan.

Alas, in the way that our forefathers foolishly made the second amendment, if only God made an 11th commandment, Thou shall own an assault rifle, a Bushmaster, or an AK47, we wouldn't even be having this discussion, right Charlton, if the above was the 11th commandment? Now what the Hell kind of name is Charlton anyway? Is the reason why you armed yourself with so many weapons because the kids at school picked on you because of your sissy name?

"We do not need guns and bombs to bring peace, we need love and compassion," said Mother Teresa.

Ah gees, another country heard from. What? I beg your pardon? Huh? And what I say to that is, what in the Hell does Mother Teresa know about love and compassion? C'mon, seriously, Mother Teresa? Are you kidding me?

Security! Who allowed Mother Teresa in the room for this discussion on gun control? Someone take her out back and shoot her. What? She's already dead? Gees, it's bad enough that I saw Charlton Heston's ghost but now I just saw Mother Teresa's ghost too.

In the name of the father...

* * * * *

"I keep hearing this fucking thing that guns don't kill people but people kill people. If that's the case, why do we give people guns when they go to war? Why not just send the people?" Ozzy Osbourne said that.

Out of the mouths of babes, huh? Wow, so very profound, I never knew he had that in him. Standing ovation. Standing ovation. Way to go Ozzy. This man fried his brain on drugs and he has one of the few quotes about gun control that makes any sense. So what does that tell you about your arguments over gun control? Go figure.

"As an unarmed man I have less chance of shooting myself if I don't own a gun," said Woody Allen.

Yeah, well, too busy with women a fifth of his age, we all know that 77-year-old Woody Allen's gun is in his pants and not in his pocket.

"Mo, Larry, the cheese," said Curly Howard about gun control.

He did. I swear to God he did. When those comments were made, they were aimed at firing a gun and not at fist fighting. Curly could take on anyone holding a gun on him, so long as he had the cheese, plastic explosives, that is.

"No gun has ever killed anyone but people have," said Wayne LaPierre current NRA president.

Twist, turn, and spin all your semantics as much as you want, Wayne, but all of us aren't as stupid as you hope we are for us to believe that crock of shit. Seriously, c'mon, doesn't Wayne LaPierre look a little like Hitler in training with that hair. All he needs is a little mustache, his hand held high, and a Nazi uniform.

"Heil Hitler! Buy more guns! Heil Hitler! Buy more guns! Heil Hitler! Buy more guns!"

"Guns don't just jump off the wall and shoot you," said Sylvester Stallone as Rambo.

"I love my gun," said Bruce Willis of Die Hard and Pulp Fiction kissing his gun.

He takes his gun to bed with him at night and sleeps with it beneath his pillow.

"I need my gun for protection," said Oscar Pistorius, the Blade Runner after he pumped four 9mm rounds into the beautiful body of his dead ex-model girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp.

We all know where having a gun got Oscar, a free pass to jail, do not pass go, and do not collect your two-hundred-dollars. I don't know but maybe it's just me, why would the Blade Runner, who's as fast a speeding bullet, according to Nike, need protection from a 120 pound supermodel named Reeva Steenkamp? Was he afraid of her? Couldn't he have just said no, I don't want to have sex with you anymore? Go have sex with someone else.

It seems such a waste to shoot a supermodel because he didn't want her anymore or because she didn't want him. Maybe he was angry with her because she had cheated on him or was dumping him, now that she had a reality TV show and was on her way to fame and fortune without him and his help. Maybe she made fun of his blades or his lack of feet. Maybe all of the above are the reasons why he shot her with his 9mm gun.

Only, actually, oops, my error. According to the skewed logic of the NRA, Wayne LaPierre, and many of their brainwashed members, as if it makes a difference, it's not the gun but the shooter who shot her. Oh, I get it, I think. Let's see if I have this right, the gun didn't shoot her, he did. Is that it? He pulled that damn trigger four times and not the gun. It's not the gun's fault, it's his fault. Now it makes sense, I think, not really and not at all.

Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bad gun. Bad, bad gun, I mean, bad Oscar. Now look at what you did. Yet, in the heat of passion, if Oscar didn't have a gun that fired bullets but had a gun that fired water instead, she'd be alive, they would have ended their romantic relationship, and life continues. Oscar would still be running and Reeva would still be modeling and appearing on her reality TV show. Now it's all a mess.

* * * * *

"I have a love interest in everyone of my films: a gun," said Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Actually, truth be told, Arnold had a love interest with every woman he's ever met, including his housekeeper. I guess we all know where the Terminator stands on gun control. Too bad he wasn't firing blanks when he impregnated his big breasted housekeeper, Patty Baena.

No doubt, if Arnold had his way, we'd all be citizens of Germany and he'd be King, even though he's from Austria. Heil Hitler. The Third Reich got the last laugh when they sent him to us. Only in California, Ronnie Reagan and Jerry Brown country, could Arnold have been elected Governor.

Elbowing his way in with the Kennedy's, he was a man who aspired to be President of the United States. Fat chance Arnold. You weren't born in America and according to our constitution, you can't be our president. Sorry. I don't think you'll be back. Do us all a favor and don't come back again.

"I have a very strict gun control policy: if there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it," said Clint Eastwood when he was making Gran Torino.

Can't you just see dirty Harry wearing a big hat, smoking a stogie, and donning a Mexican poncho before shooting everyone?

"Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five-thousand-dollars, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders," said Chris Rock.

"Ain't that the truth Chris. Ain't that the truth," I said to Chris. "Oh, by the way, you dropped your gun Chris."

"That ain't my gun. I don't own a gun," he said putting his hands up in the air as if he was under arrest while stepping away from the gun.

"I saw the gun drop from your pocket."

"Hey, I can afford five-thousand-dollars for a bullet. You're lucky I don't cap your white, round ass," said Chris picking up his gun and flashing it in my face. "Let me tell you something blondie, you got a gun, you don't have to work out," said Chris Rock.

"Hey, forget about working out, if you got a gun...you don't have to work. May I borrow your gun for a minute? I'll be right back with it."

"Yeah, sure, go ahead."

Susan walked outside to the nearest liquor store.

"Give me all the money in the draw and a bottle of your finest champagne."

Sadly, if Chris Rock wasn't so funny, I'd cry. As far as Clint Eastwood and Arnold go, both are pathetic, old men lost in a time when they looked better than they do now. They're still trying to act tough albeit with the help of the great equalizer, a gun. Unable to deal with aging, they buy guns, big guns, a .357 Magnum, the bigger the better.

"Go ahead, make my day," said Dirty Harry practicing his quick draw while brandishing his gun in front of his bathroom mirror.

"I'll be back," said Arnold holding an entire array of automatic weapons.

Guns make men someone to fear. Men feel powerful when holding a gun, especially a big gun and especially a gun that shoots more bullets. Guns make men feel like a man, the man, the bad man, and the dangerous man. Besides, it's the bad men that kill and not the good guns. Guns are good. It's the men that are evil. It all makes sense to me now.

In essence, we need to get rid of all the bad men and just keep the good guns. Only, how do we know a bad man from a good man when they all have guns? If only we didn't have any guns. If only we just had water guns, cap pistols, and ray guns that just make noise instead of shooting bullets.

* * * * *

"What happened? You shot him," said a witness.

"No I didn't," said Wayne LaPierre, the shooter.

"Yes you did. I saw you shoot him with my own eyes," said the eye witness. "You pointed the gun at his head and pulled the trigger just because he disagreed with you about gun control."

"I didn't shoot the gun. My gun shot the gun. I'm Wayne LaPierre, President of the NRA."

"Huh? I'm confused with you singing a different tune to the same, old song. You always blamed the shooter before and not the gun but now that it's you shooting someone, it's the guns fault. I get it. No matter, I didn't know you were a card carrying member and the President of the NRA. Carry on then. You're free to shoot someone else, so long as it isn't me."

* * * * *

One would have to be as crazy as Lee Harvey Oswald and all of those other shooters who have pulled the triggers in 62 mass shootings since 1982 to understand that argument. It's not the gun doing all of the killing but the person. Just ask a postal worker for an explanation as to why he takes his gun to work.

The gun is not the problem, he is. Is that it? Is that you're argument? Is that your story and you're sticking with it? Then, why do we ban guns from airplanes? I don't know. If the argument doesn't make sense one way, it's not the gun, it's the man, it surely doesn't make sense the other way either, it's not the man, it's the gun. How about we just remove the gun from the equation and just banned those automatic weapons that are responsible for the deaths of innocent people.

* * * * *

"All you need for happiness is a good gun, a good horse, and a good wife," said Daniel Boone.

Hopefully not in that order Daniel. He said that before the invention of the automobile and the frequency of divorce. I can see Daniel Boone driving a Mustang instead of riding a horse. Nonetheless, I seriously doubt that Daniel Boone would have a Bushmaster to kill Bambi.

"Did you kill Bambi, Daniel?"

"Did I kill Bambi? I slaughtered the entire herd with my Bushmaster. There was blood everywhere. There's deer in pieces all over the place."

Wouldn't it be more challenging to hunt with a bow and arrow or even a slingshot instead of a gun? Imagine the satisfaction you'd receive when you finally hit your target.

* * * * *

"America must not ignore the threat gathering against us. Facing clear evidence of peril (he must have been referring to the Republican party), we cannot wait for the final proof, the smoking gun that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud," said George W. Bush.

My skin just crawled and I just threw up a little in my mouth. I need to shower after quoting George W. Bush. Typical of something he'd say, what in the Hell does what he said have to do with gun control? I have a feeling that George W ate a mushroom and has been in a drug dazed cloud ever since college for him to say something like that. He's only quoted here because he's the man with his hand out waiting for it to be greased after he didn't sign the ban on automatic weapons and allowed it to lapse after 10 years in force.

Thank you Mr. President. Now look at what you've done. Shame on you. The spilled blood is on your hands. Newtown, Connecticut is on your head. How dare you! I bet if a madman killed his children or the children of a Republican congressman, God forbid, we'd have a ban on automatic weapons signed, sealed, and delivered. I bet if a gunman killed Wayne LaPierre's family, God forbid, he'd be singing a different tune. He'd be demanding a ban on assault rifles and machine guns.

"Every study on crime and or firearms proves time and time again, that 99.99999% of American gun owners do not commit crimes or use our firearms in any dangerous or improper way," said Ted Nugent.

Wow! How does he know that? Ted Nugent must be wicked smart to know that. Huh? Not.

Whenever you want to twist the truth, with most people unable to compute anything more mathematically difficult than filling out a lottery ticket, throw in a statistic. Huh? Wait. What did he just say? Even a DNA test is not 99.99999% accurate. That's odd. I thought for sure that the statistic for gun owners not committing firearm crimes was 99.98%. Who knew? Go figure. Go smoke another joint Ted. Now sit down and be quiet because you don't know what the Hell you're talking about. Junkie.

* * * * *

"If we don't get gun-control laws in this country, we are full of beans. To have the National Rifle Association rule the United States is pathetic. And I agree with Mayor Michael Bloomberg: It's time to put up or shut up about gun control for both parties," said Harvey Weinstein, film producer and co-founder of Miramax Films.

"All you need for a movie is a gun and a girl," said Jean-Luc Godard, French-Swiss film director.

Seriously Harvey, are you kidding me? Kettle black. You're contradicting yourself just a little bit here. Just to name a few, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, Rambo, and Seal Team Six: Raid on Osama Bin Laden, I guess Harvey Weinstein didn't get the memo. I guess he doesn't watch the movies that he produces. If he did watch the violence caused by guns in his own movies and was serious about gun control more than giving it publicized lip service, he'd never make another movie with a gun in it.

* * * * *

"I think there ought (I don't like people who use the word ought, do you? They sound snobbish, as if they think they're smarter than me.) to be some serious discussion by smart people, really smart people about whether or not proliferation of things like The Smoking Gun and TMZ and YouTube and the whole celebrity culture is healthy," said Stephen King.

The only hole in your suggestion Stephen is where in the Hell do we find smart people, really smart people, surely not in Washington? We'd need to go where the gun manufacturers and the NRA went, a think tank in Cambridge, Massachusetts filled with Harvard and MIT graduates to come up with their spin strategy of semantics and scare tactics on using the second amendment to sell more guns. We need to do what 'they've' done in putting fears in everyone that the government is going to take all of their guns away from them, not just the assault rifles and machine guns that this discussion is really about.

* * * * *

"Every time you cut programs, you take away a person who has a vested interest in high taxes and you put him on the tax rolls and make him a taxpayer. A farmer on subsidies is a part welfare bum, whereas a free-market farmer is a small businessman with a gun," said Grover Norquist.

Who is this guy and how did he get so powerful for every Republican congressmen, congresswoman, and representative to sign his no new tax pledge? What in the Hell does Grover Norquist know about farming anyway or anything for that matter? I'll tell you. Nothing. I rest my case, as if I'm going to believe anything that Grover Norquist has to say.

* * * * *

"Words can carry all the caliber of knives and guns. Don't think they don't. Their usefulness or value depends upon the character of the user, the nature of the intention and the accuracy of the aim. Think before you speak and speak with a clear and honorable purpose. Be kind when you should be kind, and when you shouldn't be kind, be calm," said Evette Carter.

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bySusanJillParker© 70 comments/ 11284 views/ 8 favorites

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