Second Chance Ch. 02

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S-Des
S-Des
3,003 Followers

There was another part of him that was still hurt and very angry, even after all this time. Tim tried not to indulge those emotions either, not wanting a repeat of the scene at the restaurant. He knew that taking it out on her wasn't going to make him any happier in the long run.

More than anything, he wished he could go back to the happy-go-lucky kid he used to be instead of the miserable guy who worked alone every weekend. The question was, did that kid even exist anymore?

Donna came back around three o'clock. Tim opened the door and immediately felt the urge to back out of the entire discussion. As opposed to the night she first showed up, or at dinner, Donna chose to dress casually in faded jeans, a sweater, with her hair pulled back in a pony tail, and just enough make-up to accentuate her natural beauty. It was exactly the way he saw her in his mind, those times he allowed himself to remember her fondly. It made what was coming next so much harder.

"Donna, I think it's time we talked about what happened," he said with as much faux confidence as he could muster. He watched to gauge her reaction, but she simply nodded. They went to the couch and sat next to each other.

"Where do I start," she mused sadly. "First, to answer your question from last night, I need you to know that there was never anyone else. Jake was the only one and it only happened that week. Once we were...together," she stammered with some difficulty, "I would have never asked you to take me back. I knew I had betrayed you and that what we had was over." She had trouble meeting his gaze, but as she paused she took a deep breath and forced herself to look at him.

"It started during the summer break. You were working for Pete while I stayed at school, taking a few classes and working at the local hospital part time to earn extra money. I ran into Jake one day after he finished football practice. Although we had met a few times at parties, we never had really talked."

"He offered to buy me lunch at the cafeteria. I didn't see anything wrong with it, so I accepted. We talked for a long time about ourselves, expectations we faced, and how much we both felt overwhelmed by school. He never indicated any interest in me and I made sure to mention how happy you and I were so that he wouldn't get the wrong idea." She continued, but her pained expression was impossible for Tim to ignore.

"We saw each other a few times a week over the rest of the summer, having lunch together so neither of us would have to eat alone. It was always public, and he never acted like he was interested in me as anything other than a friend, which is how I felt toward him. After a few weeks, I started confiding in him about some things in our relationship I was nervous about."

The look on Tim's face must have matched the aggravation he felt at that statement, as Donna glanced away from the piercing stare.

She continued, her voice now trembling. "I know how naïve I was. At the time, I thought that being able to talk about my concerns to someone would help me sort them out in my mind. All my girlfriends were home for the summer. He made it seem like we had things in common, so I thought he understood me."

She lowered her head and fidgeted with a loose string on her jeans. "I should have known better than to trust him."

Donna raised her eyes to meet Tim's again. "When school started, I was so anxious to see you that I paid your roommate to be gone for the day so we could be alone together. It was a wonderful afternoon, and I thought maybe that was what we needed. After that I kept trying really hard to make things even better. The truth was, I was over-compensating for my insecurity."

Although he had tried to be patient, Tim couldn't stop himself from interrupting her. "So why not just talk to me?"

"I didn't talk to you because I was a foolish, stupid girl," she said bitterly. Noticing his perplexed look, she quickly continued. "I wasn't sure if my concerns were justified or if I was being silly. Part of me didn't want to admit I wasn't sure what I was doing. Maybe I was scared that if we talked, I might find out something I didn't want to know." She looked away and wiped a tear from her eyes.

"What do you mean, something you didn't want to know?"

She shrugged. "I don't know...that we were growing apart, maybe that I had doubts about what we had, that I was reading things into the relationship that just weren't there. It was your first serious relationship. Was it really possible for us to live happily ever after? I just didn't know. If I had talked to you, maybe things would have turned out differently. Instead I leaned on Jake and..." she trailed off and took a moment to gather herself.

"Tim, I need you to believe me on one thing," she said, suddenly staring into his eyes intently. "I never, for one second, thought things would end up the way they did. I convinced myself that our talks were just him being concerned for my welfare. There was no hint that he thought about me as anything but a friend."

Tim wasn't sure what to make of her story, because it wasn't what he expected. At the same time, he vividly remembered what Jake said about her outside the frat house and knew if he did seduce her the way she described, it was most definitely an act on his part. The man simply wasn't capable of that kind of emotion.

Donna took a deep breath and began again. "The week that everything fell apart, my friend Cindy and I were offered a job working on the party that the football team was having at their frat house. It seemed like such a lucky break. It just fell in our lap; at least that's what I thought. I had been laid off from the hospital so I really needed the money. We were there every day that week putting together the plans and decorating the house."

"Jake and I hadn't spoken as much after school started, but we did stay in touch. That week he was there every day while we were working; volunteering to help, making small talk, and waiting on us hand and foot. I never saw it coming, but all that time I spent with him led to something changing between us. Instead of us just being friends, it suddenly felt different."

She looked away, guilt written all over her face. "Thursday night, he helped us work and talked to me all night. When it was time to leave, he asked me to stay a little while longer to talk to him about something personal."

"Cindy must have had her suspicions because she tried to talk me into leaving, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. I told myself that nothing had changed, so there was no reason to leave. I wish I could tell you why I did it, but the truth is I just don't know. Whether I let him fool me, I fooled myself, or some part of me was flattered that he was interested...I've thought about it for five years and I don't have any good answers."

She stopped because of the sick look on Tim's face, but now that they'd come this far, he needed to hear the rest.

"Go ahead," he murmured. "Let's get this over with."

She sighed. "He got me a few beers, he talked about problems he was having, and managed to get me to his room. Once I was there, he seduced me. I won't make any excuses. It was my fault for putting myself in that situation. For some reason, he seemed to know what to say to keep me off balance. Now I know that's what he was doing the whole time, just maneuvering me to use me."

"I walked out of the house afterward knowing I had just ended what we had because you'd never be able to forgive me. I was so confused because I didn't even understand why I had done it. The whole reason I had been talking to him was because of how I felt about you, then I turned around and betrayed you. It was awful."

She glanced down, giving up trying to meet Tim's pained stare. "I skipped class and stayed home all Friday, trying to understand why I did it, and how I was going to tell you. In the end I just sat in my bed hating myself."

"Saturday I promised myself I was going to tell you no matter what. I didn't want there to be any chance of you finding out some other way. I got your message that you were going to be out studying, so I went to the library but couldn't find you. I went back to your room, but both you and your roommate were gone. In the end I went back to my room and left you a message. Then I sat and waited to see if you'd call back."

"That's when Jake showed up and refused to leave without me. He said it was because I had done so much work on the house that I had to be there, at least to take the credit. I didn't want to go, but he refused to leave and was making a scene. I was so afraid that someone would find out what I had done, so I gave in."

Donna's expression changed from sad to disgusted. "Once I was there, he paraded me around, telling everyone what a great job I did. It was all flattery and compliments with everyone making me feel like a star. He made sure I had a drink in my hand all night. After a couple of hours, he started trying to get me to go up to his room. He didn't stop pushing until he got his way again."

She paused, forcing herself to look up again. "Tim, I'm so sorry. Even though I knew I had already ruined everything, I swear I didn't want that to happen. I never wanted to hurt you like that. I was so sure I could handle myself...I was such a fool."

"As soon as it was over, I went into the bathroom to be alone. I thought about how I had screwed everything up. I decided to leave and go to your room and wait there for as long as it took."

The tears fell down her face as she continued her story. "I walked out of the bathroom to get my clothes and saw him at the door talking to someone. When he stepped back and I saw you, I knew there wasn't anything I could do to take back what I had done or how hurt you must have been. I panicked and ran back into the bathroom. I refused to come out for hours; I just couldn't face anyone."

"The next day I tried to call you, even though I had no idea what to say. Unfortunately, you were already gone. I tried everything; talking to your roommate, trying your cell phone, then finally calling your parents house. That turned out to be a huge mistake." Her look changed to a melancholy grin as she wiped away tears now streaming freely down her cheeks.

"Your mom let me know exactly what kind of a low-down slut I had been. She told me if I had any decency, I'd leave you alone." Donna's expression turned sad again. "I knew she was right, so I stopped trying to contact you."

Tim leaned back, trying to appear more together than he really felt. "I don't know what to say. I knew Mom must have let you have it, but she never told me what she said. She's pretty protective of her only son." He took a deep breath trying to let the emotional rollercoaster to slow down. "So you really fell for him?"

Her expression was difficult for him to read. "No. I was confused about my feelings, but I never fell for him. I can't tell you how much I wish I could go back and stop myself from the choices I made. There's just nothing I can say that could possibly make up for what I did. I was a stupid, arrogant little girl who thought she could handle herself no matter what."

She touched his hand. "It's easy to understand why so many people were so upset."

"Upset?"

Donna looked like she was going to start crying again. "Most of my close friends were really upset with me over what happened. Cindy was so angry that she could barely be civil towards me."

Her crying was getting worse, so Tim told her to go to the bathroom and got her a cognac to help. When she got back, she actually looked worse than when she left. She gratefully took the drink with shaking hands and took a quick sip.

"Tim, this next part is very hard for me. I haven't told anyone about it since college, except for one person who has been trying to help me deal with the consequences. I will tell you because I owe you the whole truth, but please let me tell the entire thing and get it over with."

Her warning was making Tim very uncomfortable. He had assumed what she said up to now would have been the hard part. After he promised, Donna took a large sip and braced herself for something that was obviously very difficult.

"After you left, I hid out for weeks, but Jake wouldn't leave me alone. Several of the younger girls in my house were seeing other players on the team and kept trying to help him get in touch with me. I was really lonely and feeling terrible about myself, so I finally gave in started seeing him. That's when Cindy and some of the others cut me off completely." She stopped and took another sip, her hands shaking noticeably.

"I found out quickly he wasn't anything like you. He was all smooth talk and friendship when he was trying to get me, but it changed almost immediately. His mood was unpredictable and it could be scary sometimes. He would get angry with me if I didn't do what he expected, or if I wanted to stay home and study instead of going out with him and his friends."

"He demanded sex almost any time we were together and didn't seem to care if I was in the mood or not. I started feeling really badly about myself because of what I was putting up with. No one had ever treated me like that, but I just kept letting him. I think I was afraid to admit how wrong I had been about him, because of what it cost me. Instead of standing up for myself, I just kept hoping it would get better."

"It took four months of living like that, but he finally pushed it too far. We had a big fight and I finally got the backbone to tell him off and walk away." She took another sip, and Tim thought she looked like she was going to completely lose it.

He took her hand and softly began stroking it. When he asked if she wanted to keep going, and she nodded.

"When I got back to the dorm, I ran into Cindy. She could tell right away how upset I was and immediately walked me back to my room where she insisted I tell her everything. I was so grateful that she didn't say it was my fault for being stupid in the first place. I stayed in my room for a week, ignoring Jake's calls and refusing to see him when he came by."

"When I went to classes again the next week, I found out that he was really angry with me for leaving him. He spread rumors about me and what happened between us all over campus. It was completely devastating. She set down her glass and stood.

"I'm sorry Tim, I need a minute," she pleaded.

"Sure," he replied. "Take as much time as you need." The truth was, he needed a minute to process as well.

She went up the stairs to the bathroom and Tim poured himself another glass.

Everything he'd assumed about how her life had gone on as before had been completely wrong. Although he tried to keep his old feelings in check, he couldn't help but be infuriated over what she had been through. If what she said was true, Jake manipulated her and managed to derail both of their lives while coming out smelling like a rose. Tim couldn't help wondering how someone could be that much of a scumbag and not have to pay for it.

Still, the story she told him was a lot to take on faith. Even though he wanted to believe her, a part of him knew there had to be some kind of proof first. Even if there was, the only thing it changed was that she didn't set out to humiliate him and break his heart. That was hardly something that moved him to forgive her and move on with his life.

Donna looked a little better when she came back. The way she suddenly seemed overwhelmed made Tim suspicious about what she wasn't saying, but he was content to let it pass until he heard the rest of the story and could decide if it mattered.

He stood up and gave her a quick hug. "Are you ok?" he asked with genuine concern.

She smiled, the strain of her visit momentarily relieved. "Yes, thank you." She sat back down beside him. "Where was I?"

"You were telling me about what happened when you left Jake," he said gently, trying to read her reaction to see how much he should ask.

"Yes," she said, her earlier relief immediately gone. "No one had ever questioned my reputation before. Now everyone thought...well, they didn't think much of me. I stopped going out and I dropped out of all my extracurricular activities. It was good because I was already so far behind in my classes because of the way he monopolized my time, but it was impossible to catch up."

"I failed two classes and lost my scholarship, so I was forced to drop out." She finished off the glass and gave him a rueful smile. "I couldn't have destroyed my life more completely if I used a sledgehammer. I managed to go from happy and successful to alone and a failure in one semester." She edged away imperceptibly.

"And I managed to hurt you horribly in the process." She indicated she would like another refill, then braced herself noticeably.

"My parents were devastated. They couldn't believe I failed, especially my dad. I didn't have the heart to tell him why."

"He still doesn't know?" Tim asked.

"He passed away just over two years ago," she replied, tears threatening to start all over again.

"Oh Donna, I'm so sorry." Tim felt his own tears welling up at the memories of her father, who had treated him so kindly. He reached out and took her shoulder, pulling her against him as much as for himself as for her. They shared the embrace for a time, then Donna pulled back and looked into his eyes.

"He really adored you, you know," she briefly smiled at the happy memory. "Then I had to spend the last two years of his life not telling him the truth about what happened." She pulled away again, settling into an awkward silence that Tim was hesitant to intrude on.

"All right, your turn," she said unexpectedly. Tim cocked his head to the side in confusion. "You must have questions about all of this. I'd rather get it out of the way now than have to wonder if it's all out in the open as far as you're concerned." Her expression left no doubt that she was resolute in her decision to continue and was not going to ask for any more sympathy.

He took a deep breath, racking his brain to think of a considerate way to ask one of the many questions bouncing around in his head. Donna was obviously emotionally wrung out, and he wasn't sure how to ask without upsetting her. He was surprised how much that thought was beginning to bother him.

"So were you planning to break up with me to date him?"

She looked down, "I had never, not for one moment thought of breaking up with you until I slept with him. After it happened, I knew that I had crossed a line that I couldn't come back from. I don't know how I could have looked you in the face again."

"I never thought of dating him until after you were gone. I've been talking to someone about all of this; to try to understand, but to be honest there are no good answers for why I did something so stupid and thoughtless. It just all sounds like excuses."

"You're seeing a shrink...er, a doctor?" he said clumsily.

Donna chuckled. "I don't think we should talk about that. I've had some issues since everything happened. That's not your problem and I don't want to sound like I'm asking for you to feel sorry for me. Let's just say I've been talking to someone who's more of a mentor. She's helped me to deal with the mistakes I've made, and the consequences they brought."

"So why now?" Tim asked. "After all this time, why did you choose now to come see me?"

"It was her idea," Donna answered sincerely. "I always wanted to tell you what really happened. I'm sure the things you assumed about what I did were pretty terrible. Even though I deserve whatever contempt you felt for me, a part of me thought it might make it easier for you to live with what I did if you knew the whole truth. After I gave up trying, I wrestled with it for a long time. Finally she suggested that I talk to you, that enough time had passed that you might not hate me so much that you wouldn't want to listen to what I had to say."

S-Des
S-Des
3,003 Followers