Second Changes - Annie

TUESDAY

Annie hated airports. She'd arrived ten minutes earlier than her sister requested, then wound up driving around and around because security apparently just couldn't have anybody waiting to pick someone up from an airport...

Grrr, she was aggravated. Really, she hated all places with lots of people. The loop around the airport was a perfect example: lots of stupid drivers to piss her off. Her blood pressure was through the roof. At least three cars had cut across multiple lanes, inches in front of her, just to grab an exit to their desired terminal. And the idiots running security...did she look threatening? A chubby, red-haired, white woman in a 7 year old sedan who wasn't afraid to lip off? Did she look like she was trying to keep any kind of a low profile? She was just here to get her sister and go!

The last time around the loop, a crowd was beginning to form outside the terminal doors. Annie heard her phone's text tone go off, so she finished her last pass around, and pulled back into the same area she'd been harassed from before. It was time, and security couldn't say shit. Nobody did.

As the people poured out the doors, happy to have their bags and fresh air after almost an hour wait, Janie, a petite brunette with a purse, a duffle bag, and a sunburn, headed straight for Annie's car. She smiled, seeing the familiar face of her older sister inside, tossed her bag in the back, and jumped in the front. Annie switched off the radio, found her lane, and they were on their way.

"Welcome home," Annie said warmly. Janie reached into her purse for a tissue. She blew her nose and laid back in her seat, closing her eyes.

"Hey," Janie said in exhaustion. It was hard to tell with the tan, but Janie did look pale up close. Her eyes were sunk back in her head, surrounded by red rings. She looked exhausted and plain terrible.

"Are you okay?" Annie asked. "Catch something exotic?"

"Something," Janie said, still sounding melodic but a little more nasal than usual. Congested for sure. "I feel stinking horrible."

"Oh, poor baby, I'm so sorry. Did you have to put up with it the whole trip?"

"No. And Brazil is awesome," Janie droned through her nose. She sat up, opening bloodshot eyes, sneezed into a hand, wiped it on a napkin from the glovebox, then crossed her arms across her generous chest as she laid back again. "This didn't come on until I was just about to leave. Half the hotel staff got sick, and some of the conference attendees. I thought I was going to get out alright, but no such luck."

"Well, you didn't lose your whole trip, at least. Did you get to take plenty of photos?" Janie nodded.

"You can look at the pics in my camera. It's in my bag," she replied. She hacked. "Ugh. I can barely breathe. My chest feels so tight, and my lungs are on fire. It feels like a tiger's clawing at my ribcage."

"I'm assuming you'll be going to the doctor soon then," Annie said, serious.

"Yeah, I'll call later,"Janie replied. She closed her eyes again. "But I'm totally going to sleep first. It was way too uncomfortable on the plane."

"I bet. I would've been a nervous wreck on a plane. If you want, I'll call for you when we get to your place," Annie offered. "I don't mind."

"It's okay, I really don't have the money to afford the doctor right now after a trip like that. It's not an emergency. Just a cold."

"You look terrible, honey," Annie said, worried. "I'll spot you the copay if you can pay me back next check."

"No, it's okay."

"Janie..."

"I don't want to fight about this," Annie's sister said, sharply, as she fidgeted in her seat. It was the closest thing she had to an angry voice. It sounded weaker than a kitten right now. She had opened her eyes. They narrowed with anger. She looked out the window. "If I'm not feeling better by tomorrow, I'll call a doctor, okay?"

"Okay. Just worried about you."

"I know. I'm sorry for snapping," Janie said with a groan. "I'm grumpy. I also keep thinking about Homeland Security holding me in an E.T. room for Brazilian Ebola. Even though I know a bunch of other people got sick too, and no one's died. I doubt I'd have made it through the terminal if they did."

Janie laughed a little, then laid back to close her eyes again.

"Did you get much time for yourself?" Annie asked. Janie nodded quietly.

"Beautiful parks, lots of food, every stinking person is gorgeous," Janie replied in a disconnected drone. "It really was wonderful until somebody sneezed on someone else. Then it was goodbye sight-seeing, hello flu or cold for half of us. I saw some of the hotel staff sniffling too."

That sucked, Annie thought. Janie's job, store manager for an airport-based chain of toy stores with 50 US locations, was not a lucrative or glamorous job. She often worked ridiculous amounts of overtime, got paid just enough to be comfortable, and usually took a ton of shit from her area manager for no good reason. However, her regional manager adored her location, and recognized hard work by not only quickly promoting Janie, but now, three years since she started, sending her on what amounted to a vacation. She was the representative to a small airport-based business conference in beautiful Sao Paulo, Brazil! Awesome! She was gone a full week, all expenses paid. Only three days were to be spent doing in conference. The rest Janie had filled with walks through the countryside, sightseeing, every affordable restaurant under the sun, and plenty of time in the sun. She had been ecstatic.

"I'd be happy to look at the pictures when we get back to your apartment," Annie said. "I didn't do anything interesting while you were gone. As usual."

Janie smiled slightly, but didn't speak. Her eyes were closed and calm. She started to snore.

"How many days did you lose?" Annie asked, a little louder to wake Janie.

"Erm..." Janie answered, not opening her eyes. She smacked her lips sluggishly. "Friday maybe. Possibly Thursday night. I felt a little sick to my stomach after dinner."

"Poor baby. I'm so sorry."

Janie didn't answer. After a couple seconds, Annie heard a quiet snore as Janie's breath slowed. Annie let her doze this time. She tried to enjoy the silence, then the radio, during the fifteen minute drive back to Janie's apartment. Luckily, it was far less frustrating than a thousand loops around the airport.

***

Annie woke her sister up after pulling into a parking space in the apartment's lot. Janie groaned and pouted as she woke up, looking at her front door.

"I am so exhausted," Janie squeaked pathetically, putting on her best puppy dog eyes. "Any way you'd carry my bags in?"

"Sure!" Annie said enthusiastically. She quickly undid her seat belt and dashed around to grab Janie's duffle from the back and her purse from the front.

Annie was a large girl. Tall (5'10") and heavy (almost 300 lb.), but she wasn't lazy. She was a powerhouse. Growing up, she'd been her little sister's bully. The big, assertive, tall, and quick tempered big sister. Some doctors even suggested she might have a testosterone imbalance. She wasn't a bad kid necessarily, just aggressive. Their mom also liked to attack at random with knives, scissor, or the nearest club-like object when she was in a pills-and-alcohol fueled frenzy. Or punches. Or cigarettes. None of that was right, and none of it helped. So other doctor's suggested that probably had a lot to do with a lot of Annie's problems. Somehow Janie wasn't subject, maybe because she wasn't old enough, or because she was the baby, but Annie had years of abuse in her head that Janie didn't. And their lives had turned out drastically different because of it.

In high school, she was one of the "fat chicks." She tried to be part of the glamorous, catty ones in her freshman year, but quickly realized they were just sad outcasts of a fucked up world. Annie barely went to class after sophomore year, "darkened" her clothes, and engaged in protected sex and every bad behavior she could engage in as a teen. She'd already been smoking cigarettes and pot with their mom since she was 14, and started with their aunt when she was 16. When their dad, who had divorced their mom just after Janie had been born, started doing pills, Annie did too. Somehow, she never wound up in jail.

Their mom passed when Annie was in high school, and their dad soon after, just before Janie turned 16 and her sister was 19. At the point, Annie was the younger teenage girl's only constant and guardian. She had to change and grow up overnight. BUT she didn't do so well...

The first few years were lost, full of weed, ecstasy, coke, pills, and even one or two times meth. Annie did work, but definitely didn't try too hard. And she refused to work more than part time because she was a caretaker. That was true for their dad, but after he passed, her burnout transformed from a valid excuse into a tool of manipulation. And then most of her money started going to support the addictions she plummeted into.

So Janie, the 17 year old, worked for them instead because there was no where else to go at the time. Their aunt was worse off than their mom, and their dad's family had never been close. At some point, Annie's best friend moved in, and their bills, especially in the department of weed, X, and coke, increased, but the work stayed split 2/3s Janie and 1/3 Annie+her friend.

But Annie could say never passed on the abuse. She buried that away until it came up years later in therapy.

After the best friend abandoned both her and Janie due to a dispute over who was going to pay an unpayable electric bill, something finally clicked a little for Annie. She started to cleaned herself up. She tried to eat better, exercise a little (though that still hadn't panned out for her), and stopped the X. It took years of counseling, rehab, and painful effort to get clean of the coke, but she eventually got there too. She immediately promised to take better care of Janie, the last person she had.

Annie busted her ass when a small mom and pop department store hired her as a receptionist, moreso than she needed to. Dusting, heavy lifting, every job the old couple needed her to do, she did in addition to her own job. Within six months she was a manager... supervising just three people, but a manager nonetheless. And she was able to get into school with the help of a boyfriend. A community college to start, but she'd kept going.

Before the "bad times," Janie was their parent's baby, and was pampered as such. If either one of them was pampered and setup for a life of ease, it was Janie. She was petite woman (5'2") with a generous bust and a decent figure. Her weight fluctuated, a little spare tire sometimes appearing around her waist, but for the most part Janie had taken good care of herself. No athletics, but some after-school clubs and she tried band her first couple years. Other than the obvious facial characteristics and their naturally dark hair, which Annie had dyed every color under the sun until settling on a feisty red in recent years, it'd be almost impossible to tell they were sisters.

Janie also never, even at her heaviest, became one of the "fat girls." She wasn't her lightest in high school, but no one picked on her like they did Annie. And she was friendly, sweet, and popular with the kids she'd grown up with. She applied herself in high school, staying on the A/B roll throughout. Even when their mom had died, Janie buckled down in school and graduated. Annie plea bargained a technical graduation, based on her poor attendance but excellent grades. She still had to take two additional summer courses to make up, and didn't walk with the rest of her class.

Janie found herself drawn from ideas of college by the forced labor thrust upon her, and to Annie's regret, never expressed any further interest. Eventually, after the best friend left the picture and Annie started her personal journey, Janie found a chance to escape. When she was 19, she got full time employment, found a guy willing to share an apartment (and sleep) with a sexy, young woman in exchange for half of rent, and moved the Hell out of Annie's life as soon as she got a chance.

The relationship didn't last, but the independence did. Janie moved around, moved up, and kept a low profile life. She grew into a very sweet, moderate woman, who rarely caused an argument and never cursed. She almost never got angry, and looked like a fearsome chipmunk when she did. Since moving out from Annie's, Janie's mantra had been simply "Quiet." No more yelling, no more death, no more drugs. Just fun, nerdy things and safety. She stopped talking to Annie. They saw each other at one family gathering where they didn't speak. Their relationship stayed dead for two years, until one day Annie got ahold of her by phone, sat down in Janie's living room, and cried for forgiveness.

At that time, Annie was still in college. She was still working as a receptionist. But she was completely clean. Even the pot. Nothing. Despite the setbacks (her appearance at the family gathering was not one of someone who had kicked the habit), she was pulling through now. She was completely clean for 8 months, and she needed her sister to keep going. This was the part of her life she needed back, and Janie was a person she knew wouldn't pull her back down. If nothing else, even if she hated Annie, Janie was strait-laced. There were barely any people Annie knew anymore that could claim that.

Janie welcomed her with open arms, and Annie did pull through. She busted her ass and earned her bachelor's degree within 5 years of starting, then her teacher's certification a couple years later, all just before turning 30. Annie was a different person now. She was weaker in some ways, with all the anxiety, depression, and other effects that years of abuse, drug use, and poverty can bring, but stronger where it mattered. Their love was strengthened, and slowly, the bad years faded into a terrible scar deep in each of them, only occasionally jabbing at their relationship sometimes. For Annie, her older scars never fully healed, but that was why she was in therapy and on medication to this day. It made it bearable.

So it wasn't a problem for Annie to carry in Janie's bags. Janie lumbered behind her like a zombie into her apartment and flopped down on the couch. Annie set the bags down, then opened the duffle. As Janie dozed off again, Annie turned on the digital camera and flipped thru photos.

Lots of countryside and scenery with a lot of cows and other farm animals, some cool looking buildings, the gorgeous people Janie had mentioned, and what appeared to be some conference pictures. It was all boring and disconnected without Janie to give context. Annie looked at her sister, who was now snoring loudly on the couch. She frowned. It was disappointing that Janie just went to sleep as soon as she got here. They hadn't even been able to talk much.

Annie quietly put the camera back in the duffle, zipped it up. She kissed her sister on the forehead, and headed out the door. She locked it with the key Janie had loaned her.

***

Annie had to sing a song to herself on the way to the car in order to reassure herself she'd locked Janie's door. One could never be too safe, but one could be too OCD, which Annie felt she was. And doctors had provided some supporting evidence: she'd been diagnosed.

That and the depression was a special present from their mom. Along with the protectiveness, the strength, the assertiveness that both girls held there was the crazy that both sparked the abusive fits Annie had endured, and the low feeling about life. At least in Annie's case. She had suspicions that Janie struggled with depression too, but she'd never owned up to it. Her normally cheerful disposition didn't betray anything either. Janie in all things was the well-balanced one. Annie was a nervous mess or depressed for every moment she was happy or strong. Lump on top of that every bit of brain damage she'd done to herself in her "wild years" and one can get some whopping disorders.

Despite all of that, she'd been teaching for two and half years after finishing her degree and certifications. Early childhood. Kindergartners. Somehow the little ones didn't make her upset. They actually made her feel the most peaceful she ever felt, despite the day-to-day stresses. She adored her kids Her walls were adorned with terrible pictures they'd drawn of her, all with messages of love. She wanted some of her own one of these days, but dating had been hard. She hadn't gotten laid in months. That was frustrating and disheartening in itself. But the lack of connection was the worst part of her life now, and that was beyond dating.

She had Janie, but no social life anymore: maybe three or four close friends left that she barely spoke with. A lot from high school had moved off to college, never to be heard from again, or just disappeared rather than continue dealing with an exhausted, care-giving Annie or the strung-out druggy she'd evolved into. And she'd run from all her drug-friends. That was a definite no-no in getting clean. Thankfully, except for the smallest sliver, she didn't miss them really.

Now there was Kayla, who was about 7 years older than Annie. She was an old friend's older sister, but when Annie'd fallen out of contact with her friend, she stayed in contact with their sister. Kayla was a country girl from a white trash family in a small town outside Houston. She'd gotten pregnant in college by a truck driver at a concert and had to drop out. After a couple kids, she found a niche in the city's utilities department. Her husband transitioned into the oil field. Despite a big family and no college degree, they lived a relatively comfortable lifestyle. She was a bit of a redneck WASP now. She had a vapid interest in current events usually and "elegant" home design in her double-wide trailer, and carried many of her family's prejudices, but could be intelligent and insightful. She was one of the few people Annie knew outside work with a similar education. She was also a good, dependable friend who totally understood Annie. She'd helped Annie before Janie came back into her life. Annie had lived with her for a time while going to school and working. There was nothing Annie could say against Kayla. She feared she sometimes leaned on Kayla too much even now.

Another good friend was Natalie, but she became a bit of clinger as soon as you called her. Worse than Annie considered herself for sure. Natalie was a hair dresser between jobs right now, so she'd hung out (relatively) more with Annie lately too. Literally every day it'd become another visit from Natalie, and a different anime DVD each time. That you HAD to watch with her. Annie liked anime a little here and there (she'd been a Sailor Moon fan when she was younger), and both her and Janie were all about any nerd-core thing they could find online, but Natalie was a bit much. Fuzzy hats and makeup and costumes and obsession too much. Despite her usual outspokenness, Annie just didn't have the heart to break Natalie's. Besides, the girl had never done anything wrong, and unlike her mom, Annie didn't like to tell people what they could and couldn't like, nor how they could feel.

And just like Janie, Nat was a nice-looking girl. Skin and bones, but proportional and not unhealthy looking. When Annie went out in public with her she felt like a cow at least, and a whale other times. Kayla made Annie a lot more comfortable. She wasn't fat like Annie, but kids, marriage, and just time had put on a chubby layer, so she didn't look like a fucking high schooler. She was still pretty, dressed and smelled well, and could've pulled a guy easily, but she was married so she was off the market. That made her safe.

Annie frowned. Not getting to visit with Janie had really set off her depression. She didn't really feel like that. She pushed her thoughts of comparing herself to other girls who hadn't live through half the shit she had, the pathetic self-pity she'd dredged up about her sex life, and an urge to try something that'd get her just a little high. She tried to looked forward to her evening. But all she had were some episodes of a British drama from the 80s and an early day at work the next day. Annie's frown didn't go away.