All Comments on 'Secret Beach'

Slow but well written.

4.5/5

Keep it up !

All in all a decent story, but with good as well as bad points. It was well written and described, good believable characters, and likewise their actions. We had the, possibly, too good to be true, saintly husband, and the lying, cheating selfish wife - why are these so extreme, so black and white? Surely people are far more complex? - and of course the sexy, perfect woman waiting for our hero. I always wonder why, if she is so perfect, is she still single? But I guess it wouldn't be loving wives without the requisite participants.

The story was long, possibly too long. The plot was good, but maybe a little weak to support ten pages. I initially liked the detail but found myself skipping portions that seemed unnecessary - there is only so much detail you need to know about working for any particular firm. Also everything was very predictable. It was pretty clear from the start that Alison would cheat with Adrian, that he was a conman, that novacin would fail and our hero would end up happy, with his princess and lots of money.

Nevertheless it kept me reading, if only to confirm my suspicions on the ending. Unfortunately even this was almost exactly how I imagined it.

A good effort, but not enough for the length, and too predictable and by the book. Even so it made for an entertaining half hour, and was above most of the stories in this genre lately.

Very good story. 5⭐

And so much the better for the little revenge.

The realization of his loss is more than enough.

And for the ex-husband, what would that bring him? Nothing !

Now he has a new life, a new wife, new projects......

The past is gone, nothing can change it, draw a line then continue.

Perfect.

Good story, I like long ones but this just rambled on

A very long extension of a typical plot. As I was reading, I thought - this is what will happen next, and it it did.

"do you think you can just trash our marriage, fuck another man, lie to me, treat me like shit, call me boring, and then when things go wrong in your new exciting life, flash me some tit and grab my cock and think all will be okay!?"

- To be fair... that's exactly what was happening. If it wasn't for Gail, he would've gone along with it and they'd be back together, so it's kinda hard to blame her for thinking it would work.

Other than that, a decent story with some flaws. I don't get the benefit of omitting half the Vacation, just to try and sell his new relationship as some form of big reveal. The whole thing was still done by the book with no surprises whatsoever, albeit stretched out to unreasonable lengths. It almost felt like rambling at times.

Solid 3/5 from me. Perfectly average.

Enjoyed your story. It was long but you kept it interesting throughout. Nice revenge on Adrian. But, yes, Alison got off way too easy. Hopefully she got to watch her boy toy get his nuts cut out and his cock cut. Yeah, I'm vengeful bastard. Thanks for posting.

Good story, good revenge....all good. Thank you

Good story!!

Good story. I actually prefer the kind of "justice" suffered by Allison. The over the top stuff is fun tonread about, believe me but reality is more like Allison's fate.

Of course, the *truest* reality is no remorse at all, but that would make for a less satisfying story.

Lack of revenge? I'd say living a life well while using her dream house is the best revenge there is.

Nicely done, from beginning to end.

I liked the build-up of Michael's career, the deconstruction of his marriage, and I did see rhe Gail connection building and coming to fruition.

I had no issues with what happened to the 'evil mastermind'... and overall I think it earned 5 stars.

I think you overplayed his naivety regarding what was going on with Allison and Vasquez, but otherwise a strong story with a great ending. The "revenge" that life reaped on Allison in your story was more profound than anything Michael could have come up with - well done. Rounded up to 5* - LOL!

I gave you 5 but only just. It was 3 or 4 pages too long for what was telegraphed early on. Still a well written story and I look forward to reading more of your stories.

You have the unique ability of saying in 1000 words what would take an ordinary writer ten.

Very good! 5 Stars! Lots of emotion with detailed character development. It was sad watching

Michael and Allison's personality differences grow larger as she was lured by a deceitful

but charming liar. Almost surprising the two found enough in common to get married in the

first place! I really enjoyed your story and encourage you to write more. Thnak you for sharing :)

Tajfa, nailed it....

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4.6*****. Hooyah, but many pages too long

I loved this story, lots of character and believable . I gave it 5 stars

I enjoyed this, it almost felt like we were hearing two different stories from a single perspective that were overlapping.

He should have said I told you so

Everyone who reads this story, particularly the ones who found it too long, I try to say up front it’s going to be long. When I’m writing sometimes I think about the comments that don’t like the length of some of the things I write, and I consider shortening the particular story. Ultimately, I rarely shorten them.

I’m just trying to tell the story in the way it makes sense to me. I’m not trying to lengthen my stories intentionally, that’s just the way my brain works. I like to include details to try to present situations that paints a particular picture.

Not really an apology more like an explanation.

Good story! You should write as you wish. I noticed the score was 4.32. I believe if you had posted it in two parts they may have gotten 4.5+ each.

5

The Adultery And Betrayal Made Sense: Arrogant calculating greedy wife, mentally weak cautious emotional husband. The plot fault is how did these two people ever come to love and respect each other; they are foundationally very different human beings?

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Review how many times you had the husband acting against or ignoring his better judgement. You must think timid vulnerable men are appealing, or at least sympathetic? After several examples it made sense why Allison would be attracted to a stronger more confident and decisive personality. It made no sense what Allison found attractive in her husband. And she was such a shallow selfish greedy bitch. How could the stupid cuck not have seen that from when he met her, because she's gorgeous? In teenagers, maybe. In adults, the stupid fool got what he married, so he got what he deserved.

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Arrogant greedy unethical wife dumps husband for richer stronger alpha male. I think the plot was sound but the length and details were more than the story warranted. I look forward to reading future efforts.

It was simply too long. All the descriptive passages would have been fine in smaller doses. It was fun to read about places I've visited on Kauai, but you left out the chickens!

Turn it into family members shagging each other and this will get rated as hot. This site is full of people wanting to read about incest. Hence why stories like this don’t thrive.

The MC is a dunce. It took him forever to catch on, then after finding she stole part of their money, he does nothing to protect himself, or change locks. Then every time he had a chance to return some pain, he begged off, claiming she still had a hold over him. Seemed like he wasn't very bright, just lucky and kind of a pussy. She was a money hungry slut. It was dumb luck he got revenge.

It's not whether or not a story is long or short, but whether or not a story is too long or too short. There is a critical difference there. Unfortunately, this story ventured into the too long category rather than just being long. It didn't peg the meter or anything, but it could use some tightening up.

The story starts off portraying the husband as the typical trusting idiot. That's fine. What's not so fine is that as the story progressed he lost the trusting but kept the idiot. I'm glad he somewhat wisened up by the end, although he's still not the smartest.

Finally, the assault scene doesn't make any sense. If he was at all of those investment meetings, he would either recognize Michael as a fellow/potential investor or not recognize him at all. Either way, he wouldn't confuse him with Adrian or the doctor.

5 stars - once again 'a life well lived' is more than adequate revenge.

Booooooring

Nicely written, a bit long waiting for Michael to 'clue in'. Was waiting for Michael and Gail to buy Adrians' house, but having Ali as the real estate agent was just as good.

A bit long but l liked it and l liked the ending.

The baddies both got what they deserved.

Scores 5/5

Great story. Everything was just right. 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS! Thank you.

Was he actually contemplating reconciling with Alison? 😕.. what was there to "think" about?.. as soon as she thought someone better and richer came along, she immediately jumped ship.. she wasn't even remorseful for cheating on him.. she immediately went to her lovers house and didn't return any calls or texts... she only want a second chance cause she's now broke and homeless🙄.. had her life went the way she thought, she wouldn't of been asking for a second chance.. in fact during the divorce, she tried to rape him.. the only reason she didn't is because she thought she was going to be a multi millionaire 🙄... she didn't love Michael.. he was just second choice. He's still boring, he hasn't changed since the divorce... of course she thought she could fuck him back into forgiving and forgetting, while she was STILL living with her lover‼️.. what a dirty cum slut that Alison. I'm just annoyed that Michael even wasted time thinking about reconciling with such a tramp.. he now knows she's a gold digging dumb slut, that would absolutely ditch him for someone she deems is better than him.. when someone show you who they are, believe them.. Michael fell in love with her beauty.. that was his first stupid mistake. She might've been pretty on the outside, but she was hideous on the in...His second was marrying her.. they weren't on the same page.. she wanted a luxury life, without actually having to work for it.. she invested money without even talking to him about it, and had the nerve to say it's her money.. my husband bought a $800 fugly coffee table without asking me if I liked it or anything. he asked AFTER he ordered it.. it's been 3 yrs, I'm still pissed tf off. He had the nerve to fix his mluth and say its his money.. so i told him if I was to divorce his dumb ass, half of that shit would be mine...there is no such thing as this is my money and this is your money in a marriage.. we're a couple, I have never told him any such bullshit.. what's mine is his.. I had to explain why I was upset.. it made me feel disrespected.. we are in a marriage, you don't go out and make huge purchases or lufe changing decisions without speaking to your partner.. it's DISRESPECTFUL.. it tells your mate their opinions, feelings, thoughts don't matter.. I actually had to explain this to my husband oddly enough.. you'd think it would be common sense but he's a man.. I expect nothing less.. if my husband took a huge amount of money out and didn't tell me, I would divorce him🤷🏾‍♀️.. you need respect in a relationship, especially a marriage.. Alison had no respect, faith or love for Michael.. it was all about what she want, what's going to make her happy.. he never even crossed her mind.. it was fuck Michael, fuck this boring marriage and fuck this non-luxurious life..

Very very good and well written story.

Five stars.

Please keep writing!

Really well done. And the point that the wife chased money, not sex, was well made. And it was rather sad that Allison and Mike had a very comfortable lifestyle when she bailed — I guess it just wasn’t rich enough. Oh — Loved the ending — about as good of a “life well lived” type of “revenge” as it can get.

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5 *****

6K words into this story and no clue yet what it’s about. Well the author warned us. Pretty much a waste of keyboard strokes so far

3* I’m pretty sure there was a good 10k word story buried in this 30K monster. Frankly, I think this author is average but is in love with his keyboard.

Nice story, it felt real -worked well- great ending the ex wife was paid back without killing. The only part the was questionable was the investor who taped him up looking for his money. The man was so keyed up you normally can not stop them from killing you.

4*, too obvious and predictable. I don't want to say it was too long but... Felt like we didn't really get to know Gail very well.

An outdoor pool in Portland? 😂

Somewhere not to long ago I read a very similar story on here, the ending was different the MC had way more in active brain cells and was also a very hard worker however a much more likable person on paper, your MC hammered from side to side of bozo to Hammer.

Still, all that said this was enjoyable if a tad predictable. Thank you for your hard work and story telling.

Really nice story, well written and different plot.

Well done, it felt like a throwback to a few years ago when a story meant a STORY not the snippets people submit now. 5 stars

Thanks for writing Adrian as a little more of a real person instead of an over-the-top caricature of a sleazeball. The fact that he eventually proved to be too sleazy to work in Sales is already a tipoff to all potential investors. And if all Get Rich schemes worked like their promoters said, we would all be rich by now.

<>

Though it is sleazy enough to drop in on a colleague's and spouse's vacation to a nude beach.

Your MC was portrayed as a clueless Idiot, most Men do not take that long to catch on to a cheating cheating spouse and would be checking wife's activities long before your MC.

It was a lovely story.

The plot flowed nicely though I at some point I gritted my teeth -- was it Vasguez or Vasquez?

Still I plodded on as it was really interesting...

To see if Michael would catapult on the sexual onslaught by Allison.

Good ending.

Nice work Mr. Gumbo25.

Very Good to have a new tale from you that is one of the top writers in Literotica.

Thank you Sir.

Ten pages is between 35,000 and 42,000 words; that's kind of a lot. How many guys simply gave up when they reached the bottom of page one and saw that there were ten pages?

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My wife and I have been to plenty of nude beaches before, primarily Gunnison in Sandy Hook, New Jersey, but also on the North Carolina Outer Banks -- Pea Island and Okracoke -- Canaveral and South Beach, and I can tell you one thing: if you are going to get all bent out of shape at someone unexpected seeing your wife's tits, don't go to one, period. The main character got way, way, way too bent out of shape about this. I mean, they're just tits!

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By the end of page 3, I already knew everything that was going to happen, other than what kind of revenge would befall Aiden. We knew the new drug wouldn't get FDA approval, we knew that the get rich quick proposal wouldn't pan out, and we knew that the wife would screw the fancy guy.

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I wouldn't call Michael clueless, like some other commenters did. Rather, I'd call him in deliberate denial. That's probably even worse.

A well written story, great dialogue and good story line. 5*

Too long?? Nope. Back in the day this would be a normal story. You know when writers actually wrote good stories. That would be before the 750 word bullshit and all the other wannabe short story that don't amount to shit.

Well done. I liked the story and I think the ending was okay. Above all, the character traits of your protagonist are pretty much what I also give my life beforehand! 5*!

loved it!!! no nitpicking from me

Gumbo, very nice read. You apologized in advance for not being up to speed on investing and the FDA but I think you did very well and it worked just fine in story. There was something near the end in "legealeze" that didn't flesh out properly. As some others have commented the plot was pretty linear. It would have benefited from a little more drama or conflict. Too many times the next woman is just too much of a Unicorn with no baggage or complications. A couple of ideas: Gail has some sort of male relationship away from the protag that hasn't yet fully unwound, Gail get poached by a head hunter and the protag has to fight to get her back etc.

I thought the 3rd party retribution was just fine, no need to apologize. Ali was more than sufficiently burned. The thing she wanted most was realized not by her but her replacement. Mike could always higher her as a nanny to supplement her income ;D

I read it from when it was first posted... and knew I would enjoy it from day 1..!!

Lets re-read it again, and then post our real intentions..!! 5 Stars from here on in..!!

Hemmingsway, you are right on your suggestion. That would’ve definitely added more drama. Good idea, thanks.

I totally loved the story. Thanks with 5 stars.

Nice. Thank you.

5 Stars

Husband is/was a well balanced man. Careful, calculating and self preserving he was.

He was what I consider and top notch Manager at work and in his personal life.

Nope I don't need and head hunter involved in this type story. RCD

Gail hurt herself, well beyond any revenge Mike could take. The key, is that Mike got his revenge on Adrian. Nice job.

Not bad at all, although my personal preference would have been for Ali to have been home with Adrian when the payment came due. Not sure this dumb selfish bitch could learn a life lesson no matter how long she had.

Good story. Length was fine. Better too much than not enough detail.

Sure it was predictable but aren’t most LW stories.

I really feel sorry for Ali. I don’t know why but I do. She did get what she deserved in the end and it was her own fault but I just find it sad.

I do think that she would be making a lot of money on the Real Estate side so she know has plenty of money. That was the only misrepresented side of the story.

As always, a great story, and for you, that do not like stories that are long, hope you enjoyed anyway, as you stuck to the end. Keep up the good work, as we are some that like the thrill of some meat to the story.

In my opinion this revenge far better than the terminal ones in the other stories. Asshole will live a horrible live even it wasn't the husband who did the deed. The Ex will live a remorseful live thinking what could have been hadn't she been so greedy.

This is a very good tale and presented well. nothing over the top,all as in every day life reactions to issues cropping up..myself I could not or could ever develop any feelings for your MC or in real life any husband that places more importance on his job at the expense of his personal/family life..A job is just a means to an end no matter how much one likes it..He deserved the situation he ended up in,an errant wife and the end of a marriage..No I do not condone what she did, but As you presented him,he simple filed away to many red flags,ignored them to take care of lesser work issues, left them on the back burner instead of acting upon what his eyes revelled to him..He is not as intelligent as you presented him or he did not care about staying married...just my view..5 stars...JZK...mostly you are an enjoyable read,a good yarn takes time to tell...

I absolutely loved it Gumbo ,I normally struggle to read long stories but this was a easy read and kept my attention ,and I agree their was no need for btb revenge on Alison she got her just deserts in the end .Well done 5⭐️👌

Why are some commenters blaming the MC? He didn't prioritize his life over his wife. What story did you read? Alison didn't leave him over feeling abandoned. She was consumed by avarice. She bought into Adrian's bs. She started a close working relationship with him as a corporate secretary and spent a ton of time with him, invested her inheritance and then started sleeping with guy, less from lust apparently and more to get good terms on her investment. Seriously when he confronted her about Novacim (btw there are several phases of clinical trials, so.in rea life no way get to approval reviews until pass all (usually) three of them, each one escalating and larger in scope) and the envelopes, he learned that she had invested all that money without consulting with him. We never really know when Alison started screwing Adrian. She certainly was enticing Adrian and letting her know her interest back at that party. We're they screwing back then? Nah unlikely. But they were screwing a few weeks before the showdown with Adrian in his house and certainly when the MC yelled at her she just left and wrnt to Adrian's to hang out, screw, get more seduced, and thought about what she wanted in life. And by the time he talked to her, she had excited it wasn't her husband. How is that the fault of the MC? She wanted thr lifestyle and the money and a big house. Even later after thr collapse she led with how she always wanted a big house and a great lifestyle with travel, luxury, excitement, etc. Well she ended up with squat. Ending was good. Money is the leading reason for divorce. Not necessarily trading up. But still money related issues.

Now readers, I need to ask you a favor. I'm going to skip ahead several days, but I promise the activity of those skipped days will be filled in.

rofl derailed i mean should i even keep reading

So, most glaring is the dinner at ZeeZee then again at the old marital home with the ex-wife. Seriously? We then discover the MC and his new squeeze bumped uglies and committed to an exclusive relationship before leaving Hawaii. Seems a major violation on Michael's part. That's compounded by his dithering and residual attraction to the bitch that dumped, humiliated, and dissed him.

Then there's the delay in revealing the last three days of the Hawaii vacation. Sorry, that plot device just didn't work for me.

Finally, getting Chester to cut Adrian's dick off was way OTT.

Meanwhile, a generally smooth and well paced plot. Good character development and believable dialog. Thanks for an entertaining story, Gumbo.

Keep 'em comin'.

Those partially karma including a life well lived are satisfyimg.

If you have to "punish" someone, how are you actually better than they are? Someone leaves you, you move on. Wasting time on revenge and all that nonsense just wastes your time and diminishes you. Nobody with any sense is going to say, "yeah, he killed that guy, who was fucking his wife. Left 3 kids without a father and two families shattered. Great job, man!!"

Of all the stories on here with violent revenge plots, this one I can actually believe. A rich sociopath that gets off on torture going after someone who wronged him financially?

Yeah, I absolutely believe that's plausible.

I liked this a lot.

1 star - The inclusion of violence in this LW story automatically gets a one-star rating - no matter how great the writing might be.

Honestly, Ali probably had the harshest revenge she could have experienced that wasn’t based on sexual violence or actual physical violence. I think that even if she had become a millionaire she’d have come to deeply regret the loss of life and future with her husband.