Segun

"I'm sorry," said Aulkus.

I closed my eyes and sighed.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Aulkus."

"I presumed I'd be welcome and should not have done so."

"They are not angry with you, Aulkus, but unhappy with the situation the Church has forced on us. And I am glad you are here with me tonight. Here, this is my room."

Aulkus stepped forward and pushed open the door for me, and I took his hand and led him inside. He studied each detail. On the right is a bank of bookcases, where tomes of literature from centuries past that always had been part of this room habited the shelves. The bookshelves rested on a bank of drawers where I keep my clothes. Ahead is a double-wide four-poster bed, again an artifact of the first Klaths who settled this planet. Between the bed and the wall is a window that looks out into the garden, and the moon has risen to the full in the upper corner of it.

My lover took every detail of the room as if trying to memorize it. I looked away in embarrassment. It is a boy's room, not a man's. For the first time, I feel the lack of my life. I hated that society dictated that I remain hidden at home as if I were a shame upon my family.

"Segun, is there something wrong?"

"You must think me immature."

"I don't. Last night proved you weren't."

"But I'm not much more than a boy."

"Are you of age?"

"I am."

He sat on the edge of my bed and took my hands in his.

"Look, I can understand where you would think I'm more worldly. I am older."

"How much older?"

"I'm thirty, Segun."

Twelve years. That was a huge difference.

"Oh."

"But my point is that aside from my wife, I've been with no one else but you."

"But you do have a wife," I spoke with more pique than I should. This situation was not his fault in the slightest.

"Who I do not love." His voice hitched then, and he closed his eyes.

"I thought something was wrong with me because I could not love her. Now I know I was never meant to. I'm meant to love you, Segun."

A little noise escaped my throat. This was more tragic than some of the stories resting in the books on my shelves. We love each other and cannot be together. How can I live this life? How can he live his?

I sank to the edge of the bed and threw my arms around his strong neck, and buried my face in Aulkus' shoulder. His musky scent calmed me, but I was still upset because who would not be? I shook because I loved and wanted this man with every breath in my body.

Aulkus lifted my face with two fingers so I could gaze into his eyes. His eyes shone brightly as they bore into mine, and I could see the love in his heart. I do not know whether to laugh with happiness or cry with sadness. This is the kind of love I see between my Father and Papa. Only they got to keep each other.

He pressed his forehead against mine. "I want you, Segun. I want this one night twined in your arms because it is all I'll get to keep of you."

I could not speak, but I nodded my head. I want him, too, even if it is without last night's heat-driven fever. I think I will always want him.

Aulkus tilted his head and pressed his lips against mine. His beard tickled my chin and lips, and the brush of it on my skin sparked my desire. I moaned as my dick filled, and I pulled his hand to it. Aulkus sighed.

"Stand up," he said.

I did, and he stood too. He pulled my overwrap off and slowly twined the under wrap strips around his hand until I stood naked before him with my dick filled with unbearable hardness.

"You are so beautiful," he said in a husky voice.

"Aulkus," I said. I do not know what to say.

"Get on the bed," he said. I lay on my back, looking up at him as he expertly rolled his underwrap around his hand, revealing his brown flesh inch by inch. The reveal of his muscled arms, torso, and ripped stomach was stunning. He's gorgeous from top to bottom. As he revealed his cock I gasped. I know it was inside me last night, but damn, it looked so big now, rampant with need and leaking at the tip.

"Come here," I said. I wanted Aulkus next to me now. He settled next to me, seeming shy now that all was revealed. Brazenly, I wrapped a leg over him and slipped my right arm under his neck.

"I do not want to hurt the child," he said.

"You will not. It is said that contact with our Yonsu strengthens the child within."

"But last night—"

"That neither of us had control over. And it would go its natural course. But tonight, we can take our time." I took his cock in my hand and palmed the head, and he moaned. "Segun," His voice broke when he spoke. My cock is a flaming sword, and incredibly I feel my slick drip down my leg. I did not know this could happen outside of my heat but I'm glad. This would make what I want to do much easier.

I push my body up and steal a kiss from his soft lips before I take his dick in my hand to steady it while I lower myself on it. I shudder because it feels so good to have him fill me, and Aulkus lay stunned that he is. I surprised myself with my bold behavior, but I liked it. And Aulkus does not complain.

"Oh, my God," he gasped. "You close about me so. I don't know if—"

"Hold on, love," I said. I rise and lower myself, sighing as I enjoy every one of his groans and shudders. My cock pulsed even as my inner walls gripped my love tightly, trying to hold on to what was not mine to claim.

The fire built within me, and my slow strokes could not forestall my need. As I was about to burst, I quickened my pace, which unleashed white heat throughout my body. My cock erupted, painting Aulkus' chest with my love as he groaned and pulsed inside me. He put his hands on my hips and slammed me down hard on him, and we cried out together as our passion burst into a thousand stars.

Chapter Seventeen

Aulkus

We've done better since the Ostakians revealed themselves. Many live intermittently with us, helping in the fields, and coaxing our Earth plants into vibrant life. It is a mystery and a joy, and even with all the continuing problems and the supply ships failing to show, there is hope again around us. But no woman has yet conceived, which is a worry. I said this to Onikoah, who gazed at me with his fey brown eyes glittering with gold in the dim light of my cottage. "Ostakis yet may bear your children. Have faith, my Yonsu."

Journal—Captain Winston Veller, Governor, Ostakis Colony

Segun's last furtive kiss burned my lips as I drove away from House Klath, heading west and then north on my way to the hotel. It is early, with the sun barely peaking around the hulking mass of the Faith Progressive Church. The air held a slight chill since the sun's heat had not yet excited it, and I shivered. But perhaps it was not the air that produced that reaction but the awareness that with each step, I left my happiness further behind in House Klath. Flashes of what Segun and I shared in the night bombarded my brain, and it took all my strength not to turn around and beg the Klaths to admit me and allow me Segun's company once more.

We shared as much of the night as possible before falling asleep in each other's arms. It seemed it was but a brief hour before a housemaid knocked furtively on the door to remind us that my time with the Klaths had expired and I was no longer welcome.

Segun rained many kisses on me then, as if trying to bank a lifetime of them against future years of want. But there would never be enough, not as long as Segun and I lived apart. It is a bitter thought that there was not a point in my life that I could have lived that would have allowed a clear path to Segun. I was born a vintner who worked a vast estate in a different city-state. There was no way that I would have met Segun in the normal course of our lives. One must accept that the Lord of All arranged the most unholy path for us to meet. That thought confounds me.

Before I met Segun, I was a damned secret heretic who had too many questions for anyone's comfort. Now I was doubly damned because now I no longer have questions. I know to my heart's core that the Church is false, and the men behind it uphold lies. And I cannot countenance any of this, but I have no choices that would leave me a free man. Ostakis is, at its core, a society of laws, whether just or unjust, and I would condemn my House to ruin should I break them. God help me, I was not a selfish man, and even if my father is greedy and venal, I cannot consign the people who relied on and lived through House Wren to disgrace.

Ostakis's hypocrisy burned my gut as I made my way to the hotel. I do not want to encounter my father or wife, but I must shower and change for the festival's last day.

At the hotel, I find the door inconveniently locked. I had given Sela the only key, and to make noise at this hour would only wake my family within. I stood at the door and rubbed the back of my neck, wondering what I should do.

"Excuse me, Yonsu. Can I be of service?"

I turned to find the porter who had brought us breakfast two days ago. I cannot believe that all that happened in that short time.

"I do not have my key," I said.

"What happened to the second one, Yonsu?"

"Second one? We had only one."

"Forgive me. Yonsa Wren asked me for a second key on your first day here since you had extensive business through the city and did not want to disturb her."

Why would Sela ask for a second key when I gave her the first one? This was strange. But when it came to my wife, I had come to expect that.

"I hope my father has been no trouble. But—" I pulled at my coin pouch, "I know there must have been some finding a pallet for him to lie on, so—"

"Excuse me?" said the porter. "There is only you and Yonsa Wren in this room. I watch these things carefully for my Yonsu's sake. So many try to sneak in extra people during the festival. I spotted you last night entering with her."

I was too tired to think this through. I just want my shower and some coffee to face this interminable day.

"You must have mistaken us for another couple. Still, I would appreciate it if you could help me get inside my room."

I do not understand the look on his face, which was a cross between warning and wry amusement, but he put his passkey in the lock and turned it so that I heard a click. He pushed the door open.

Stepping inside, I found the room dark. Someone had drawn the shades against the intrusions of the morning sun. But what made my heart curl were the sounds coming from the bed. I flicked on the light to find a man laying on my wife.

"Sela!" I said.

The man looked over his shoulder, and I staggered back. I did not expect what I saw.

"Father?"

The porter peered inside, and his eyes widened.

"This is your father?" he said. "Yonsu, he is not a registered guest and should not be sleeping in that bed."

I shrugged. "He doesn't seem to be sleeping."

"But you expected him to be here?"

"I did. I did not expect he would fail to register. Nor did I expect him to lay with my wife."

"Aulkus," protested Sela. I shot her an incredulous glance.

"Be quiet," ordered my father. He twisted and pointed at the porter.

"Get out, you!" my father blared. "Don't you dare say a word."

"Forgive me, Yonsu Klath. My Yonsu charges me to ensure the census matches the registration. I must report this." The porter turned to me. "I'm sorry, Yonsu, there will be a substantial charge to your bill for this infraction."

My father jumped from the bed and dragged the blanket to cover his nakedness, leaving my wife exposed upon the bed. It was an apt image. She scrambled to pull the sheet from under the blanket and pulled it to her. But nothing she covers herself with will negate the image of my father sleeping with my wife.

"Son, this is not as it appears."

Sela's face turned white as my father denied her.

"And am I to believe now that the child she carries is mine?" I said with rancor. I do not need to ask how long this had been going on. Sela's behavior told me it was long enough. She got caught when she found she carried his child. To make some excuse of why she suddenly conceived after our time of bareness, she insisted on getting that damned blessing.

"Who sows the seed is not important. She is your wife, so by law, it is your child. Besides," he said defiantly, "someone needed to carry on the family line. You were not up to the job."

My stomach turned, not for the cruel words, but for all the piousness that this man spilled upon me all my life that was nothing but rancid lies.

I crossed my arms and stared at both of them. Sela had the good sense to turn her eyes away.

I glanced over my shoulder to the porter. "Have you seen enough to make your report to your Yonsu?"

He bowed his head. "Yes, Yonsu."

"Then send the bill to House Wren of Kiji Amst. It seems my father has used this room more than me."

The porter gave me a wink.

"I will tell my Yonsu."

We both turned to leave through the door.

"Wait," said Bacchus Wren. In my heart, he was no longer my father. "What do you plan to do?"

I shrugged. "I do not know."

"If you speak of this, you'll stain the honor of our house."

It was difficult not to laugh. Bacchus Wren cared for the money the Church would extract from him as penance, should his sin become public, nothing more. He, however, had more to worry about with the porter and his Yonsu. Public houses were not places to take private business.

I gave him a cutting stare. "That, Yonsu, is what you have done."

I closed the door on my father and my wife and my life as it was. I could not go back to the Wren Vineyard in Kiji Amst, and with Segun's partnership in place, neither to the Klaths. I was homeless, and in my heart, I was churchless. For the first time in my life, I had nowhere to go.

The porter touched my arm.

"Come, Yonsu, I know of a place you can stay."

Chapter Seventeen

Segun

Father of All, Sacred God, my keeper, and guardian, witness me in my time of need. Illuminate me with your soul so I might be delivered from evil. I seek this of you in your eternal presence, o eternal holiness. Sustain me with your divine flame.

Prayer for Protection, Faith Progressive Church

The entire house was abuzz with activity for the celebration of my partnership with Egan Roh, and I was sick over it.

Roh is my father's first assistant in the Tradesmaster's office, and the last person I would think would want to join with a Cursed man. But the lure of the Trademaster's position, his to inherit upon my father's death, was too tempting. Perhaps he would enjoy laying with a Cursed man? We were guilty pleasures for many Yonsus, and if not for the Church pronouncements about our inherent sinfulness, relationships with our kind would be more common. There were whispers that the First Colonists had such, but I do not know. The Church has cleansed the early years of Ostakis from history to align with Canon.

Oh, the lies we tell ourselves.

Papa Rebus insisted I take a partner, and my father agreed. Both told me I would be happier with one, especially with a child coming. Did I have a choice in this? No. I love Papa and Father to the depths of my soul and know they only want the best for me. And Father reminded me, should I not survive the birth, the child would need a parent to look out for him.

I gazed out my bedroom window over the city of Kiji Ost and northwest to the shimmering mirror of Lake Veller, dark under the new dawn. In all my short life, I've not visited the lake so central to Kiji Ost and haven't ventured far from the shelter of my home. Some nights I'd sit here and contemplate that moonlit lake and wonder what lay beyond the four walls of my family's compound. I'd imagine standing on the deck of one of the great sailing ships would haul trade goods from Kiji Ost and Kiji Amst. Or what it would be like to lay on the sands ported in from the desert at one of the many resorts that hugged the shore. People vacationed in one-story cottages at the lake's north end, the original settler's landing site.

Reflexively, I put my hand on my stomach. Last night, I saw my child, Arlan, in a dream, cursed like me, born into the same suffering I came into—shunned by the community at large, unrelenting heats and pregnancies that had no cure but death and loveless partnerships. How could I bring my child into this world?

I thought of Aulkus, and my heart shredded, and I imagined the babe within fluttering in grief, too. A tear falls from my eye, and I indulge its streak down my cheek, a silent witness to my sadness. Being without Aulkus is worse than death because he lived and walked the planet, but the law says we could have no more time together.

Is this the hell that the clerics speak of? If it is not, it should be. I was being punished for who and what I was. I've found my Yonsu and lost him at the same time. I stood at the gates of heaven only to be denied entrance, just as the Church Fathers ordained for me and my brethren.

I cannot go on, yet for the sake of my child, I must.

How is this fair to either of us?

I come to one conclusion. It is not.

My stomach clenched, and my heart tightened like a fist and stuttered. A bile-tinged grief rose through my chest, which resulted in a gasp as tears filled my eyes.

"Aulkus!" I keened as my vision blurred. The world swirled around me as specters laughed at my unattainable desires.

A knock at the door caused me to wipe my eyes hastily. Papa Rebus entered and glanced at me sitting on the bed.

"Ah, child," he said. He slid onto the bed and put his arms around me, and exhausted as I was in my grief, I let him.

"This is the best thing for you—this marriage," said Papa.

I sighed, and a thousand strangled emotions rattled my heart. Papa pressed my head against his chest.

"I shall never forgive your father for your pain," he said.

"No! Don't do that!" I protested. "He loves you."

"And I love your Father, but he moves impetuously through life when care is needed. If you had not—"

"If I hadn't, I wouldn't have met my Yonsu."

Papa sighed. "But you suffer now."

"Isn't that what we do? Suffer?"

"No," said Rebus softly. "Not always. Not when you live with love."

I wiped my eyes again with my sleeve.

"I cannot have that now."

Papa hugged me harder.

"I'm so sorry. I should have pressed the issue of a partnership contract with your father."

"And what? Have another argument? No. I do not blame you, Papa. Or Father, either. The Church—"

"Well, yes. There's that. "

He sighed. "Can I give you a piece of advice?"

Sure. Why not? It would not stop him from speaking, anyway.

"Give Egan Roh a chance. He might surprise you. Besides, you need not do anything with him until your next heat, six months to a year after the child is born. That will give you a chance to get to know each other."

I shook my head.

"Papa, you are a romantic. Perhaps Roh and I can find a way to tolerate each other, but I can never form a bond of affection for him. You should know this and not expect otherwise."

Papa started rocking back and forth gently. "Who is the romantic now? Oh, my child. My dear, dear child. Would if I could take you back to the desert of our ancestors?"

I shook my head. "What?" I said in mock horror. "Live in sin with the Aboriginals that tainted our human blood?"

"Incorrigible," Papa said. "Besides, it seems to me that the people who could travel the stars to reach this planet were the ones that did the tainting. They were powerful but used the Unspoken, especially when the Unspoken's heats came on them."

"We do not know the whole story," I replied.