by Egmont Grigor
Very boring. Seemed like a business novel. Had extremely little non arousing sex. Seemed like parts were missing. Poorly executed.
I feel the previous reviewer is systematically going around and anonymously drags stories down.
If He/She/It can't even use a NIC, I can only advise disregarding the view.
I liked this too, Egmont!
All the best
John
The mission of these anonymous creeps is to bug you. If they get a reply like this one they piss themselves in laughter thinking mission achieved. That particular brainless twit is like a piece of dogshit, you step on it and it just follows you around. The infantile twit has fouled many of my stories of recent times. He/she/it will now crap in hysterics at getting this reaction. Great so I award myself 100. You have been a reader of my stuff for quite sometime John but don't always like what you read and have said so. Good on you mate, keep reading me and perhaps be rewarded with some good reads.
I enjoy your stories, I don't enjoy a lot of sex, profanity and such, I enjoy some kind of plot and have the sex just flow into it like it was ment to be. But, sometimes, like this one, your writing is like reading a tech manuel, no flow, choppy and no or little feeling or warmth in the script. I tend to place myself in the story if I can, like an inventation to a party, this story did not invite me. But otherwise I still like it, I hate anonymous comments, if you don't have the kahonies (Balls) to face someone face to face, then you don't have the right to comment, period.
Keep up the writing.
Entertaining with enough humor to keep us smiling. Just enough sex to make it interesting. The byplay between the two at the first chapters was quite good.
Nice premise for a story but you failed to build any character into your subjects. The psychology is all wrong for Dale and Leah. The rest of the story is great.... good bits for Matt and Jane. Poor premise for David and Madeleine but they were only bit players to facilitate the sale of the company.
Your writing style is too abrupt.... take more time to flesh out the 'jumps' between settings.
The sex is not developed enough to rate as a sex story.... it's more of a porn story.