All Comments on 'SexGames Ch. 05'

Thank you for reading my story. This has been my first attempt at writing sci-fi after being a sci-fi fan my entire life. Every new chapter has brought some new ideas to mind and I hope that you are enjoying them. Part of the fun is being able to go in nearly any direction imaginable at any given time!

If you have a moment I would appreciate it if you could leave a comment or drop me a line. I would love to hear your thoughts on the series.

If you are truly enjoying what you are reading here please consider supporting my work via Patreon. There is a link in my bio. Every bit of support helps me be able to produce more content in a more timely manner.

Thanks again for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!

TMM

Well done, TallMarriedMan.

Very well written. Great story. Can't wait for the next chapter. Please continue writing this story.

I’m more of a romance reader but I was trying out some of your other stories. The sex is very well written and the holo-suite/time machine concept leaves for some very interesting story lines.

I especially liked this one where he travels into the future to talk to the older Mikayla. Maybe because I’m a huge Doctor Who fan.

Keep up the good work. 🙂

I can say honestly that this is your best work yet and dare I say, the best on the site. I’d love to read a scenario in which Mikayla and John get caught in the act by the wife and they use vera to make it go away. Just my two cents

I do think this series stands up as some of the best I've written. I think the concept is solid and I am having fun with it. It is an honor for anyone to say it is some of the best work on the site so I thank you for that!

I am sure the wife, or daughter, will catch them at some point and we will find out if that will cause a full reset or just a bandaid. Like all gamers know sometimes it is fun to restart the game from scratch. The question is does it lose the fun the 2nd or 3rd time through.

Thanks again for reading and for commenting, I love getting feedback on the stories!

Wow, love your stories! Wish we could know what's going to happen...

Will there be an epilogue or a final decision???

up in the Sci Fi/Fantasy Hall of Fame.

That section is where I spend most of my reading time on Lit. Sci Fi/Fantasy is, without a doubt, my favorite reading genre, and has been for 40+ years.

The score this tale has, is certainly earned. It is very well done. The end, if it IS the end, was a bit abrupt. If you plan on continuing, the abruptness is no issue, but if this is the end, and you have no plans on continuing, you should consider working on the ending, if you ever want to anything with the work.

IMO, th current ending would be a detriment to the success of the story, at a a commercial level; I doubt you would get an editor to go along with leaving it, as is.

But, that is my opinion, and your mileage may vary.

Something else I wanted to point out to you is something I noticed from reading the single chapter birthday present surprise story, then immediately reading SexGames.

It is not uncommon for authors to reveal personal interests, and proclivities in their writing; it's to be expected. Typically, it is a non-issue. Where it does interfere is when behaviors or traits are attributed to completely different characters, in completely unrelated works.

Character development is one of the most important aspects of building a good tale. When characters exhibit the same behaviors or traits, the character definition becomes muddled, your mind begins to mix up stories and their characters, and none of the stories where characters have the same, or too similar, characteristics stand out on their own.

I imagine if you surveyed readers 6-12 months after reading several stories with overlapping character traits, you may find people get the story lines, plots, and characters mixed up.

I'm obviously speculating on the results of such a survey, but it is more than an educated guess, based upon my background as a non-fiction writer, editor, and massive consumer of both amateur and professional writing. I spend a large portion of my time reading, and have for nearly 60 years. As far back as I can remember, I've had three stacks of books: To Read, Currently Reading and To Be Read.

The only thing which has changed is the stacks have become, mostly, virtual.

The last thing is a general, technical suggestion: when you are reading professional, edited works of other authors, (if you don't read pro works, you should be), read them with more than a recreation approach; analyze them, and compare and contrast them with your own work, to see what you can learn, and what you should apply to your writing.

The single area where you should concentrate is in the use of commas. Your issue with commas is like 80% of the Lit works I read: the lack of them.

Commas are the timing, cadence, and in many situations, the only thing standing between accurate comprehesion of what you are saying and yours readers re-reading passages several times, and saying, "Wha...?"

Coming from a non-fiction background, I think I have become more acutely aware of the importance of adequate, and proper comma, (and semi-colon, but get the commas working for you, first) use. In non-fiction work, where I am describing process, or technique for making/repairing a device, or explaining a technical concept, etc, comprehension is the single most important aspect.

I don't have a good example at my fingertips, unfortunately, but I infrequently get a chance to prepare for writing a comment, (research, the bane of writing anything! LOL).

If you integrate comma usage into your learning, I really think you will see the quality of your work improve. Good writing begets good writing, or so I have been told; though the editors I've worked with in the past frame it a bit differently: 'Good editing begets good writing', is what is usually heard from editors, and as an editor, myself, I do have to agree! LOL

Anyway, thanks for sharing your creativity, and especially, thanks for all the work it takes to prepare a Lit submission. It IS greatly appreciated.

Good luck with your future work.

Regards,

GeoD

As an exercise in process, copy this comment to a text editor where you can search on and re-move the commas. Don't remove them all, leave the blantantly obvious commas.

Then re-read the comment, and see how many times words run over the top of succeeding words, count how many times you stop, and say to yourself, 'What the hell is he talking about?' (though some of it will be because this is a draft; I don't typically do a re-write on my comments, unless it is to specific authors.)

After thoroughly beating up the comprehension possibilties of my comma-less comment, go back to the original, and re-read it, looking for where I placed commas, and how they impacted the comment's understandability.

Good luck, and let me know if you have any questions. if you reply to my comment, I'll send you a private message with my eMail, so we can talk about commas, or anything else you want to pick my brain about.

Thanks, again.

G

I am glad to be getting some great feedback on this series, please keep it coming!

This was not meant to be the final chapter of the saga, it will be continued. We still have a lot of things to sort out here. The next question our "hero" will most likely be contemplating is just how much he can trust future Mikayla. Her motives might be tainted, after all!

Thanks again for reading and mega-thanks to those that comment or email. It is a great incentive to keep the ball rolling!

Please continue this story. This is probably one of the best stories on this site. Thank you!!!

I have enjoyed reading this series. I am so glad that I stumbled upon it.

-Akhwab

Loved this series, so many potential directions to keep it going, please write more!

This story is great! How will we know when the next chapter comes out?

I got to say this is one of the best written stories I’ve seen on this site. Look forward to the next installment

This is an amazing story especially for general sci-fi fan like me.

Because of the "spoilers", I actually went to search for 'River Song'. Totally not expecting it is a person's name in Dr Who 😅

I Still can't stop smiling....................

;-)

But holy shit!

Who are you?

No really, what is your real name?

Steven Moffat?

Michael Piller?

More!! Please!!

Dr Who fan here.

I loved the River long references - and she was one hot female, too...

The guy seems like he is in a mid life crisis and cant make a decision. He should have gotten a new car and not a new girlfriend.