Shameless [Nathan Lloyd]

"You fucked her accidentally?"

"You know what I mean." I turned back to the TV and switched it to the movie channel. "What are we watching tonight?"

I realised her eyes were still on me. Considering me.

"What?"

"Remember when you asked me if I liked you? On the stairs? When you were questioning your life's purpose?"

I put my head on one side. "Deeply regretting saying anything to you, yes."

"I do like you, Nate. I mean, you're selfish, self-absorbed, vain. But when I was growing up, I could count the people I trusted on one hand. And you were one of them."

I looked down at my beer.

"Do you remember that night you took me to the concert? I knew you didn't want to go. I was thinking about that the other night. Wondering how many guys would take a bratty kid to a concert like that."

"You were family," I said, then instantly regretted it.

Her eyes darkened. "Not family," she said. "We were more than that."

* * * * *

For years I'd thought Dylan hated me because I'd got Ash drunk when she was thirteen—at her request. I was at Uni when I realised that wasn't it at all. He didn't like me because he didn't trust me.

I was nineteen, Ty was seventeen and Ash was fifteen, and we were all seated around the dinner table when I had my light bulb moment and realised that Dylan actually despised me.

I was seeing a girl at the time called Shannon, and had been for a couple of weeks. She was in some of my classes and we hooked up on weekends. That was mostly all it was, just hook ups. We were both too busy studying to date properly, and she had a part time job that took up most of her spare time.

Stefan lifted his wine glass. "So, I hear you went on a date last night."

I grinned and took a sip of my beer. "Yeah, she's a nice girl. Her name's Shannon."

"You were seeing her last time we were here, weren't you?" asked Dylan.

Something in his tone made me look at him twice. He carried on eating, but it was the first inkling I had of what he thought of me.

"Yeah," I said. "A couple of weeks now."

Cara got up to get something from the kitchen and Dylan looked up from his dinner.

"Weren't you seeing someone else recently? Cindy, I think it was?"

I gave him a guarded look. "Yeah."

I dropped my eyes to my plate and kept eating.

"And before that, weren't you seeing a girl called Sarah? I don't know, it's hard to keep up." There was a trace of disgust in his voice.

I frowned down at my food and kept eating.

Cara came back from the kitchen and sensed something wasn't right.

"Asha, love, what have you got on this weekend?"

Ash shrugged. "There's a concert on that I want to go to, but I can't go unless someone over eighteen goes with me."

I brought my teeth together, knowing where this was going.

"No one I know likes their music though."

I could feel her eyes on me. I knew the band she was referring to, and I hated them. Loathed them with a passion. Kid-punk music, dressed up as adult anger. The lead singer usually started by talking about how he'd been a prostitute on the streets of California, before he launched into his first morbid song.

"Nate, what are you up to this weekend?" asked Cara.

The concert was R18, which meant Ty couldn't take her. I knew Stefan and Dylan had a weekend away planned, and Ash was going to be staying with us. But I had my own plans.

"I have a date," I said.

"With... Shannon?" asked Dylan.

I looked up at him. There was something really unpleasant in his eyes.

"Yes, with Shannon," I said.

I hadn't actually made any plans—I didn't usually bother. But if it got me off the hook with Ash, I was happy to make sure I was unavailable on Saturday night.

Ash gave me a hurt look. I knew she really loved this god awful band, and normally I'd have obliged as long as I still got to do my own thing later on, but I really got the sense that if Dylan thought I'd agree to take her, he'd cancel their weekend away and take her himself.

"Oh honey, that sucks," said Cara. "Maybe I can take you?"

I could see Asha was stricken at the thought of being accompanied by an adult, but Dylan looked relieved.

The weekend arrived and I lay in bed stroking my cock, thinking about Shannon. I sent her a text.

'Busy tonight?'

It was a full minute before I got an answer back.

'Sry, have plans. My friend's bday. We're all going out on a yacht. Yay!'

I felt an unfamiliar twinge of jealousy. Why hadn't she invited me? She was going out to some amazing yacht party, and she hadn't invited me.

The vain part of me, which at nineteen was nine-tenths of my personality, wondered why she wouldn't want to show me off to her friends. And then the jealous part of me, that had never really had to do much work, started asking hard questions about who she might be taking instead.

I typed a couple of responses and deleted them, trying to find a way to ask her what was going on without appearing jealous. In the end, I realised there was no way to do that and finished jacking off instead.

After I showered and dressed, I joined Ty and Ash at the kitchen table where Cara had made lunch.

"You all set for tonight?" Cara asked Ash.

"Yes," said Ash, with a tight, polite smile. I knew she was grateful to Cara, but I could also see she was dying on the inside.

"I'll go if you want," I said casually. I snagged a warm bread roll from the middle of the table and tore it open.

"Really?" asked Ash.

"If that's okay with you?" I said to Cara.

Cara gave me a grateful look and sat down at the head of the table. "Thanks, Nate. I'm sure you're closer to the band's demographic than I am anyway."

I pointed a finger down my throat, then scraped some butter onto my bread roll.

Ash smacked me on the arm. "You love them. I know you do."

"Yep, that's why I didn't buy tickets for me and all my friends."

I shoved the bread roll into my mouth.

She gave me an amused look, and I could see she was excited. She didn't care that I hated the band. She just cared that she wasn't going with parental oversight.

Five hours later, she finished putting the final touches on her makeup. She twirled in front of me and Ty in the lounge. "What do you think?"

I thought she looked exactly like a prostitute from the streets of LA.

"You'll fit right in."

She was wearing fishnets, and boots that gave her an extra three inches in height that clanked with buckles and chains when she walked. Her skirt was basically a stretchy fabric ass covering and her top was made of mesh that was only opaque over her tits as a design afterthought.

When she stood side on, I could see she wasn't wearing a bra.

She pulled on a little cropped jacket and then shouldered a backpack.

"We should go."

"Way too early!" I protested, but she grabbed my hand and dragged me towards the door.

"I want to get up by the stage!"

The plan was to park at the train station and catch the train into town. That way, we wouldn't have to fight traffic on the way home.

I parked up at the station and started to get out of the car, but she pulled me back.

"Look." She reached into the back seat and held up a bottle of 42 Below. I knew it was mine, because she wasn't old enough to buy booze, and because it was only a quarter full. Just how I'd left it. In my wardrobe.

I took it out of her hand. "You can't take this on the train."

"I know!" she snatched it back and screwed off the cap. "That's why I'm having some here."

She tipped her head back and downed a good third of what was left in the bottle."

"Jesus Ash, go easy. When did you start drinking like that?"

I took the bottle back from her and capped it.

"Just now." She grinned at me. The vodka had wet her lips and she licked it away.

Her eyes, ringed in black kohl, looked huge as her pupils blew out with excitement.

"Woo!" She punched the air with a clank of bangles.

"Ash, are you going to be okay?"

She glanced across at me, then unbuckled her seat belt and crawled into my lap. "Yes, Nathan dearest, I am." She kissed me on the nose, then pushed open the driver's door and wormed her way across me, falling onto her hands and knees in the car park. She got up and dusted herself down. "Coming?"

Jesus. What had I got myself into?

The concert was a mass of girls all dressed exactly like Asha. There were a few depressed looking boyfriends, and quite a few truly depressed looking parents, but generally I was surrounded by teenage girls dressed as gothic whores.

If they'd been a bit older, I would have enjoyed the show. As it was, it made me feel old.

Asha screamed and jumped up and down and joined in with the rest of the girls. At the end of the concert, her hair messed, her makeup racooning around her eyes, she turned to me and gave me a sweaty hug.

"You are the best, Nate."

She jumped into my arms and I caught her with my hands under her ass and gave her a hug, before dropping her.

"Woo!"

Yeah. Woo.

On the train back to the car she sat vibrating with joy, and I knew I'd done the right thing. She'd had the time of her life, she was safe, and all was well. But I had a feeling when Dylan found out I'd taken her, he was going to be pissed.

But if he thought I was going to molest someone I thought of as a kid sister, he was fried in the head.

"I turn sixteen in two months," she said excitedly, drawing hearts in fog on the train's window.

And I'd be twenty. Our birthdays lined up to within two days of each other.

"I want to have a combined party," she said.

I shook my head. "Nope. You'll be sixteen and my friends snort coke. So, no. I'll come to yours, but you're not coming to mine."

She gave me a hurt look. "I'm not a kid anymore, Nate."

"You are, you are, and you are," I said. "At least, you are to me."

The hurt in her eyes deepened to anger and I knew I'd really upset her.

She fell silent, all the joy gone out of her.

I sighed. "What are you doing for your birthday anyway?"

She put her head on one side and watched the dark landscape go by.

"I dunno. Maybe a movie night."

The fact was, Ash didn't have many friends. She didn't have a lot in common with girls her age, except perhaps bad taste in music, and she tended to be a little too aggressive, too outspoken to keep friends when she did make them.

"Ty will be into that," I said.

"Ty," she said flatly. She rested her head against the window.

We sat in silence for a while and then she glanced across at me.

"My parents are alive."

I blinked. "Okay."

"They're not dead, and they're fine."

She lapsed back into silence. I flicked my train ticket between my fingers, waiting for her to say more.

"They fostered me out because they couldn't deal with me."

Jesus. What a place to be having this conversation.

I stayed silent.

She bit the inside of her lip, then turned back to the window.

Back in the car, she retrieved the 42 Below from the back seat and drank it as I drove us home.

At the house, I took it from her. There was virtually nothing left.

"You're a good guy, Nate," she mumbled, as I helped her out of the seatbelt.

I went around to her door and helped her out of the car. She slung an arm around my neck, and I walked her up to the house.

"Even if Dylan does hate you."

* * * * *

She slapped her thighs with her hands. "I need to be drunk."

She got up and went into the kitchen and came back with a bottle of vodka.

I shook my head. "Still drinking that shit."

"Don't you?"

"No. I put away colourless spirits when I became a man."

She poured herself a glass of vodka and took a mouthful. "Let's watch a movie."

Glad to break the tension, I picked the first horror that had more than three stars and put it on.

* * * * *

Halfway through, I got up to take a leak and came back to find her stretched out on the couch. The movie was paused. She had a hand flung over her eyes.

"You want to go to bed?" I asked.

She squinted up at me. "Just wanted to be more comfortable. Can you turn the lights off?"

I did as she asked and she sat up. I took a seat at the end of the couch, giving her space, and she set her glass of vodka on the floor beside the couch and lay back down, using my lap as a pillow. I glanced over at the bottle and saw she was a third down.

"Right, movie, go!" She waved a hand at the screen.

I pressed 'play' and the movie played on.

But while girls screamed and ran from axe-wielding maniacs, and guys tried to figure out the mystery of the maniac's motivation, I found myself staring down at Ash.

Her eyes were half closed as she watched the movie, her hair trailing down her back. Where her t-shirt met her jeans it'd risen up, exposing a triangle of pale flesh.

Her cheek was warm against my leg, her head a few tantalising inches from my crotch.

Fuck. Now was a bad time to get an erection.

But her perfume, that sweet, fresh scent, hung around her. She smelled as if she'd just stepped out of a summer rain shower in a shampoo commercial.

Her t-shirt was pulled tightly over her breasts and I could see the glitter of a diamante-studded ring where the strap met the top of her bra through the thin fabric.

She cupped my leg under her head with one hand and squeezed every time there was a jump scare. Did she know the effect she was having on me? I wasn't sure. I was doing my best to hide how I felt about her.

And how's that working out for you?

Fucking terribly, that's how.

Remember the advice you gave fatty? To talk to his wife?

Sure, but his wife was his wife. He knew she loved him.

Yeah, that's why he had to pay for her.

Okay, so maybe he didn't know that.

What was it you told that poor bastard? Repair it or lose it.

The movie finished and I stretched, relieved I'd made it through the last forty minutes without bumping my swollen cock into her face.

She sat up and looked around blearily.

"I wanted to tell you something."

"As long as it's not 'I want to throw up'."

She threw her arms around my neck and smiled at me.

"Nate. Nate. I need to tell you something."

"Go home, Ash, you're drunk."

She shook her head exaggeratedly.

"No, no, listen. Listen!" She put a finger to my lips. "Ssssssshhhhh."

"Okay," I said, my lips moving against her finger. "I'm listening."

She rested her forehead against mine and bit her lower lip. "I always... I always wanted you... to see me."

"I do see you, Ash." I put my hands on her waist. "And you look really fucking drunk."

She tapped her finger against my cheek. "See me."

I wrapped my hand around hers to stop her taking my eye out.

"I like you, Nate."

Those words tugged at my gut. But there had to be a 'but'.

"But—"

And there it was.

"Dylan thinks you're an asshole." She giggled.

The tension in my gut ramped up a notch. "And what about you, Ash? What do you think?"

She put her head on one side. "I think you're cute. But you're a bad, bad man!"

She wove in place and I shook my head at her.

"I think it's time you went to bed. You use the bathroom first and I'll check in on you after."

She started to pout, but I kissed her lightly. "Go on."

She got unsteadily to her feet and started for the door. "I'll protect you, Nate. If bad things come for you. I'll look after you."

I shook my head again. "Okay then."

She stumbled towards the stairs.

As I tidied the kitchen, I decided to pour the vodka away. She didn't need any more nights like tonight.

I put the bottle into the recycling, and by the time I got upstairs and opened her door a crack to check on her and found her asleep with the light on. I switched off the lamp and left again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 10

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monday morning, I woke at five to a text from Ty.

'Call me when you're up. Change of plans. Need to talk to you about the house.'

I groaned. I was so not going to call him at 5 a.m.

At quarter to seven there was no sign of Ash. I banged on her door.

"You coming to work?"

There was a groan. "Do I have to?"

"Yes, you don't get sick leave for another three months."

"Fine." She sounded pissed. "Give me twenty minutes."

"You've got five."

She pulled open the bedroom door, wrapped in a fluffy robe. "I hate you."

"I'm not responsible for you deciding to get blind drunk on a Sunday night."

She sniffed and pushed past me to use the bathroom.

As we drove to work, she lay back against the seat, her eyes closed.

"I am never doing that again." She opened her eyes and looked across at me. "Would you really force me to come to work sick?"

I shook my head. "Not if you were actually sick. I'm not a total asshole."

She closed her eyes again. "I am actually sick."

"You got a job with no qualifications, three days out of high school, and you want to bunk work because of a hangover. Tell me again how you deserve a day off."

She sighed.

At work, I gave her the list of things Colin wanted her to do and left her to it.

My phone pinged as I opened my laptop. Another text from Ty, asking me to call him.

I rang his number. "Hey bud, what's up?"

"Nate? Hang on, I'll go outside." He sounded as if he was at a café.

The clatter of cutlery and laughter fell away.

"Hey, thanks for calling me back. I have bad news and good news. What do you want first?"

"That doesn't sound good. Everything okay?"

"Yep, yep. It's just, I won't be able to move into the house."

I gritted my teeth. "Why?"

"I did my budget and I can't afford it, even though it's not much. Buuut, wait for it. The good news is, I met a guy up here who's looking for a flat."

Hmmm. "This guy... how did you meet him?"

Ty cleared his throat. "He's a good guy. I met him at the festival and we got talking."

"Talking?"

"Bro, do I do this to you every time you introduce me to a girl?"

I chuckled. "Fair enough. So tell me more about him. Does he have references?"

"He's a bit older than us. Early thirties. He's moving down from up North and needs a place to live while he gets settled."

"So, it's temporary?"

"Maybe. I said it probably would be, but he'd probably stay if you guys liked him. Thought I'd leave that in your hands."

I sighed. "Okay. What's his name?" I grabbed a pen.

"Vincent Devin. Vince. He's English. Been out here for a couple of years now."

"So you've been tripping for three days with some English guy you fancy, and now you want to install him in my house?"

"Nate. Please. I swear it's not like that. I just... he was looking for a place and I can't afford to move out right now."

"Would that have anything to do with the amount of drugs you bought for this festival?"

"Nate!"

"All right, fuck it, fine. I'll talk to him. But if I don't like him, he's not moving in."

"That's fine."

He gave me the guy's number and I wrote it down.

"So when do I expect him to turn up on my doorstep?"

"He's back tomorrow night. I've told him to give you a call when he hits town."

I wasn't sure how I felt about the idea of living with a stranger. Not right now, while Ash was being so weird. But the rent wasn't going to pay itself. I'd intended to pay half of it myself and divide the rest between Ty and Ash. But if Ty wasn't moving in, and this guy had a proper job, he could probably pay half of the full rent and I could pay less. And besides, it was a huge house. If we put him at the other end of the hall in the big double room, he'd be well away from our end of the house.

Our end of the house? Getting ahead of ourselves, aren't we Nate?

"You still there?" asked Ty.

"Sorry, sorry," I said. "Drifted off."

"Is everything okay?" he asked. "Asha's not driving you crazy?"

Not in the way you think.

"She's okay."

I could hear a grin in his voice. "I told you she was grown up now."