Shannon's Spiral

"I'm serious Josh. The last time I ran into someone from high school was 5 years ago. I didn't even recognize them at first. People forget about that stuff and it's really not important. You must get an education though. I really think you can excel in college. You proved that to me today. With a little bit of effort, you were able to accomplish a difficult task."

"I actually tried really hard for that score." I laughed at him.

"Sorry Josh. I wasn't laughing at you, but I can imagine you studying away like a zombie now. Well it was worth it wasn't it? You'll be rewarded for your hard work. Just look at you now. Eating the most delicious burger with your favorite teacher." I winked at him.

He laughed at me. We stayed there for about an extra hour after we had finished eating. The crowd had really died down and it looked like they were getting ready to close. "Well, I think it's about time that we get going. Are you sure your mom isn't going to be angry with you?"

"I doubt she's home,"

We grabbed our things and headed for my car. When we arrived at Josh's house I parked on the sidewalk curb. "I had a fantastic time with you tonight Josh. You're such a gentleman."

"Thanks Mrs. Brae,"

"Mrs. Brae? Don't tell me that you see me in a new light. Did I get older?" I teased.

"No I still think you're very beautiful. I just have more respect for you after learning a little about you,"

"Thanks. It's only because you opened up to me as well. Feel free to contact me whenever you want to talk about something. Don't be afraid. Okay?"

"Sure thing Mrs. Brae," The way he called me by my last name had a nice ring to it. I felt more respected as well.

"Have a good night then Josh."

"Ok," he opened the door but then closed it again. "Mrs. Brae?"

"What's wrong? Did you forget something?" I asked looking at the back seat of my car.

"Yeah... I know it's kind of silly but," he was beating around the bush.

"What is it Josh?"

"About the kiss and the picture,"

"Oh, I almost forgot about that. You really want that kiss don't you?" I teased him again.

"Well actually..." he seemed really nervous now, "Yeah... Would you mind?"

"A promise is a promise Josh." I leaned over the armrest and emergency brake that separated us. I closed my eyes and pouted my lips like a little girl. He leaned in and landed his lips on mine. He stayed still for about 3 seconds before pulling off. I know he's just a kid, but he had me blushing like the first time Mark kissed me back in high school. They shared similarities in both physical looks and personality. It took me down nostalgia lane. I sort of dozed off and daydreamed about my younger days.

He was silent as he sat in his seat. I got nervous thinking that what I had just done was highly unethical and possibly illegal. I instantly had regret shivering down my spine as we sat silently. "Thanks for dinner Mrs. Brae. I'll see you on Monday."

"Okay bye Josh. Take care," I was still flushed while driving home. Something was strange, was I turned on by the events?

I was able to sleep it off and felt fine the next day. Mark and I were relaxed finally having the weekend to ourselves. Only it didn't seem as romantic as I thought it would've been. Instead, we slept in and just became lazy. Mark was still too sick to make love, so he just sat around watching TV.

By Saturday night I was dying of boredom. I didn't want to put that on Mark though, it seemed like he was finally getting better. I decided to go on facebook. I had never seen it before. I had a lot of friend requests, messages, and notifications. I clicked on some of the friend requests only to find out that they were all friends of Josh. All the messages were perverse or looking for my number. I immediately changed my profile to the most private option. I almost fainted when I saw the picture Josh uploaded. It was a perfect picture of us locking lips for the brief seconds we did. He took the picture at an angle that exposed my cleavage. I could feel my face burning up, not from anger, but extreme embarrassment. Thank god he hadn't tagged me in the picture. I quickly scrolled through the comments.

"Wtf??"

"How the hell did you get her to kiss u?"

"At least we know Josh is dating a hooker... LOL"

"Dude............. shes fukin hot."

"did you fuck her?"

"LOOK AT HER TITS!!"

"Holy shit, look at her tits."

"We need a story right now Josh!!"

None of my friends or known acquaintances had commented on the picture. I checked the time he uploaded the picture. It was right after I had dropped him off. I was furious and in a way felt betrayed. I called him instantly.

"Hi Mrs. Brae,"

"Josh, what the hell are you thinking?" I retorted whispering.

"What's wrong Mrs. Brae?"

"The picture you uploaded onto facebook!"

"What? What picture?"

"Don't fuck with me Josh. Why would you upload something like that? Are you crazy?" It was the first time I had cursed at him. It wasn't intentional; I was emotional.

"Mrs. Brae I really don't know what you're talking about." I could hear his voice begin to crack.

"I'll call your mother right now if you don't take down that picture."

"Please Mrs. Brae, Hold on let me see what you're talking about." I waited for a minute before he gasped, "I swear to god that I didn't do that on purpose. It must be my phone that automatically did it."

"We need to talk right now. I'm coming over. Your mom needs to know about this."

"My mom's not home Mrs. Brae, please don't tell her. It was an accident I swear!"

I hung up the phone quickly gathering my things. I tip toed to check if Mark was still awake. He had fallen asleep watching TV. I had no time to waste as I grabbed my keys and went out past the door.

I banged on Josh's door. First there was no response so I knocked louder and even gave a good kick at the end. I could hear the neighbor's dogs starting to react to the noise as the door opened.

"Mrs. Brae, I swear it was an accident." he had tears running down his face by now.

"Where's your mother Josh? We need to talk to her."

He cried even harder, "She went out of town. She'll be back on Monday. Please calm down. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"You didn't mean for it to happen?" I yelled, "I trusted you Josh. Do you even think? I'm married, what if my husband had saw that?" I got a minor tingling sensation thinking about how my husband would've reacted if he saw the picture.

He only cried not knowing what to say to me. After calming down a little, I sat down with him. "Josh I need you to take that picture off your facebook. Promise me that,"

Josh was still crying, his eyes swelling now, "I can't,"

"What do you mean you can't?"

"My friends... Online... They said that I was making you up. Or that I paid you. If I delete that picture then everyone will think that I was lying. I'm already a nobody out here. Don't make me into a loner in there," he pointed at his computer.

I felt torn. On one hand, I'd be saving Josh's reputation, but on the other I'd be saving mine. "Josh I'm sorry, but I can't have that picture up." I proceed to start the steps to delete the picture. Josh began to scream violently pleading for me to stop. He became so desperate he grabbed a pair of scissors and held it to his wrists. "Jesus Josh! What do you think you're doing."

"If you delete that picture then you're deleting me," I could see the blade's pressure begin to dig into his skin. I couldn't believe Josh would be so stupid to kill himself over what other people, that he didn't even know, thought of him. But, before I could call his bluff, he acted first.

He dug the blade into his wrist, forcing a stream of blood to squirt all over the table. He screamed in pain holding his wrist. "Stop it Josh!" I cried "I won't delete the picture! Just don't hurt yourself!"

I held him in my arms as we both cried. I knew a little about first aid. After observing the cut, he had only barely missed his artery. I bandaged him up and we were both calm now.

"Do those people mean that much to you Josh?"

"For now. They're the only friends that I've ever had."

"Can you promise me those pictures will never go outside your profile?"

"I already have my profile set on private, so only my friends can view them."

"What choice do you leave with me here Josh. I guess I'm okay with it."

The strange anxiety I got from the thought of someone finding the picture eventually faded. Unfortunately, my husband's recovery was short-lived as he was hospitalized a few days later. When he was released from the hospital he was terminated from his job. Although released from the hospital, Mark was still very sick, constantly fatigued, and could barely get out of bed. The doctor said he had been dealing with chronic stress that disabled him from working anymore.

I applied to several places, including fast food joints, grocery stores, banks, and any other place I could think of. Two weeks had passed and I didn't even get 1 phone call. My tutoring gig had utterly fallen apart due to summer ending and school starting for the local high school kids. Then, just when I thought all hope was lost, I received a call from Mrs. Hansley.

"Mrs. Brae?"

"Yes Mrs. Hansley? How are you?"

"I just wanted to call you and thank you so much for your services. Josh showed me his practice ACT scores and I must admit that I was astounded."

"Mrs. Hansley, your son is incredible and only he deserves the credit." All this talk about Josh had reminded me of the night we had kissed. I still got a little light hearted when I thought about it.

"You're being too humble Mrs. Brae. I've been thinking about it and I've ran out of options. Can you do me a huge favor?"

"What is it?"

"I'm set to be relocated in Egypt. I want to take Josh with me, but he refuses and wants to finish his senior year in America. I know we're practically strangers, but would there be any way that you could watch over him just for this year? I'd be willing to pay you for all his expenses."

There was no way I could take another kid in.

"How does $5,000 a month sound to you?"

My heart probably stopped for a full minute before I was able to respond, "I think we can work something out."

"Are you sure? You would be helping me out so much Mrs. Brae. I know your capabilities and my son would be in good hands with you. Without my supervision, I wouldn't have to stress over what he was doing. I'm really blessed to have you in my life. Thank you so much."

What can I say? Everyone has a price and I wasn't left with many options anyway. Working at McDonalds or Walmart would never get me that much money. Also, our savings were wiped out by Mark's medical bills. I don't blame him. I mean, that's what savings are for. Emergencies, right?

For me, it was hardest to explain to Ben why Josh was moving in with us. Ben was brilliant, though. He quickly figured out that this was only temporary. He was also nice to Josh. They got along quite well since Josh brought all his video games from his home. As a result, the transition was smoother than one would expect.

Even though Josh was 18, he still didn't have his driver's license. On the rare occasion he needed to go out, usually to buy more video games, I would give him a ride. It was all boldly worded on a contract I signed with his mother, Mrs. Hansley.

The $5,000 I received each month was nearly double what Mark had previously brought. Of course, there were other benefits like spending more time with Mark and Ben. I know it sounds horrible, but recently it was hard to stay positive around Mark. He constantly complained about his pain, was always tired, and was never satisfied with anything. The thing I missed most about our relationship was our physical connections. He didn't touch me anymore. Instead he gave me cold glares. For the most part, Mark locked himself in our room sleeping, eating, or watching TV. Yeah, I guess money makes you comfortable.

On the other hand, reconnecting with Ben was an absolute joy. He didn't share everything with me, but he kept me informed on the small stuff. That showed me that he at least cared to remember me. He was going through puberty so I guess it was alright for him to start distancing himself.

"Dinners ready boys," Josh and Ben came down pushing and horsing around. They had somehow become best friends ever since Josh moved in. They sat down and were about to dig in, "Uh, did you guys wash your hands?" I asked. They both smiled at me and walked over to the kitchen sink. This was the norm now. I felt like a single mother raising two teenage boys.

"Mrs. Brae?"

"Yes Josh?"

"Are you busy tonight?"

"I don't plan on doing anything after dinner. Do you need to go somewhere?"

"Yeah if you don't mind."

I didn't really have a choice to be honest. I had to practically obey his every command. I'm not complaining, just explaining the contractual details. "I'd be glad to,"

After finishing dinner and cleaning the table, I went upstairs to Mark to tell him that I'd be stepping out for a bit. He was laying in bed and grumbled something with his back turned. I wanted to cry but I had to stay strong. "Ben, I don't want you playing those video games too long."

"Don't worry mom." He seemed a little too happy that I was going out.

I grabbed a coat and stepped out. We got into the car and I noticed that Josh had brought a duffle bag. "So where to sir?"

"Actually I have a question to ask you Mrs. Brae," he said after closing the door. "Do you think I'm ugly?"

"No, of course not!" I exclaimed with a tad bit too much, "You know my husband looked just like you when we were in high school."

"I know, I remember the facebook comments." 'Facebook,' suddenly I realized all the drama surrounding his uploaded pictures.

"Back in high school... listen to me. I sound so old now," I laughed pathetically. "There's one thing girls your age will never understand. I think your personality is by far your best trait. Girls may think guys with a nice body is what it's all about but they're wrong. Age isn't biased to anyone and eventually, we'll all look like shriveled-up prunes."

"But you're still beautiful Mrs. Brae," I blushed again. This kid had a talent for pushing my butterfly buttons.

"I'll be amazed if you can say that in 10 years. You're still so young Josh. Don't worry about your looks."

"I know what you're saying is true. You and your husband's marriage is proof of that," 'Lately, not so much,' I thought to myself. "I hope I can find a woman like you one day Mrs. Brae. Mr. Brae is extremely lucky to have you." Now I was starting to really feel it. Everyone around me besides Josh had been acting cold lately. "But until I find that woman, I want to get healthy. I want to be skinny and I don't want to live how I live anymore. You said it yourself Mrs. Brae. I don't have any real friends. I need to get out there and talk to real people."

"So what are you planning to do about it?"

Now he was looking at the floor if he had lost his confidence, "Will you help me lose weight? Get into shape?"

"So you want to go to the gym?"

"Sure, anything to lose this fat!"

"Give me a second, let me grab my gym bag." I hurried back inside, ran up the stairs, and quickly packed my bags. I was a bit of a health nut, and this was the first time I had a gym buddy. Who knew it would've been Josh?

"That was fast!"

"I know!" I was smiling like a little schoolgirl.

After making a membership for Josh at my gym, we both went to our locker rooms to get changed. If there was anything I was guilty of, it was buying gym outfits. I loved all the different designs and mesh-ups I could create to wear to the gym. I typically wore yoga pants and a sports/tank top bra. I knew it showed off my curves fantastically, almost erotically, but they were super comfortable, and it was the only place where the outfit was socially acceptable. Today, I wore a black sports bra with string neon green straps that crossed my neck. The yoga pants were black with about two inches of fold at the top underneath my navel.

It must've been around 7 because the place was pretty packed. I instantly got looks from any guy that could spot me. This was pretty normal but it had been awhile since I had gone to the gym when it was this crowded. Josh was wearing a very large T-shirt that hung over him like a drape, shorts that were nearly at his ankles, and white socks that ran up to his knees.

"Are you ready to get started?" Again, I could feel the eyes of people around me glare down upon the current interaction. Josh nodded and followed behind me sheepishly. He was very nervous and didn't look at anyone. He kept his eyes of the floor probably only concentrating on my tennis shoes as a point of reference.

"What is she doing with him?" A younger fellow asked.

"Probably a personal trainer." His friend replied. He added some perverted remark, but I've trained my ears to ignore those things.

We managed to find two empty treadmills. "So we're going to start warming up now. Just stand on the belt and use these up and down arrows to dictate how fast the machine will go." Easy enough, but he was walking at a very slow pace. Josh must've been really out of shape as he was huffing and puffing a minute into the workout just from walking. I could see his sweat drip down his forehead as his back became damp. He'd wipe his sweating pimply face with his forearm. I couldn't stop thinking of how bad he looked. I know it's a terrible thing to say, but I knew that this transformation was going to take some serious work.

We stayed on the treadmills for about 10 minutes before Josh threw in the towel claiming that he was going to die. We stepped off and I asked him if he was okay.

"My legs really hurt. My knees feel like they're going to break."

"How about the eliptical do you want to try that?" He was wounded but not defeated. He kept strong in his resolve to change. But even with a strong mind, his body was far behind and we stopped on the ellipticals after two minutes. The same thing happened with the bikes, rowing machine, and stairmaster. There wasn't anything left for him to do but sit. He would cough constantly gasping for air whenever we stopped to sit down. He was really ruining my entire workout, but I couldn't give up on him yet.

"That was pretty good Josh. I think we worked out for about 20 minutes. Since it's the first day what do you say we call it a night and head home?" I was pretty sure that he'd throw in the towel.

"Actually... There is one thing that I wanted to do with you while we're here..."

This peaked my interest, "What is it Josh?"

"Do you mind if we go in the hot tub Mrs. Brae?" 'Uh, oh,' I wasn't so sure this was a good idea. I was still confused on if Josh was physically attracted to me or just needed a mentor to help him through this workout process. I felt that I couldn't decline, but there was a problem, I had no swimming suit.

"Maybe next time Josh." We got changed and packed our things into the car. Josh seemed rather moody, maybe more disappointed than anything. I couldn't help but ask him, "What's wrong?"

His eyes started to swell up with tears, just like the night I had confronted him about the pictures. "I know why you don't want to go into the hot tub with me..." he said with his voice cracking. "It's because I'm fat and ugly. You don't want to be seen with me!" He bursted into tears crying hysterically. I was scared to be honest.

"Josh! That's not it at all!" I pleaded.

"Yes it is. I heard those guys talking. They were wondering what you were doing with a fatass like me!"

"Josh! I swear to god that's not it. Don't call yourself that. You're beautiful just the way you are. I just don't have a swimming suit."

"You're such a liar! So if you had a swimming suit then you would swim with me?" he sniffled.