All Comments on 'Shards of Crystal'

I obviously already knew this story, but I'd still like to say how much I like the "yeet" tag. The rest is not half bad either. No, seriously, you dared to touch a few delicate topics, but you pulled it off just great.

Well done. Thanks for posting this for us readers!

And this story just goes to show why that is. Really remarkable. More a slice of life then a story with an arc, but really showing the depth of the characters spotlighted and really showing the resilience of people with the help of good family and love.

I especially liked the ending with the passing of life's journey from daughter to wife. The sweet loss of that time in her life as wholly a daughter and the joy of moving into the time of adulthood and becoming a wife.

Poignantly written and very satisfying. Thank you for sharing your work!

Francis_Toliver

of what happens when one parent thinks: "I, know! I'll do exactly what I want" and the other parent says: "No. You won't."

A fine piece of work. You can feel the angst and the heartbreak, the happiness and joy, the hard work and successes. Thanks for your hard work.

Woodmanone

Thank you. A truly great story with a happy ending. Kinda wished for more on fathers back story But at the end not the beginning. Maybe an-epilogue on mommy dearest.... Oh well the reader can't have everything!

I thoroughly enjoyed this story. I hope you write more stories with these characters. Thanks.

The only complaint I would have is that the story ended abruptly with a lot of unanswered questions. Hopefully you are planning on continuing the story.

Amanda was lucky to be alive and rich. But her money will never make up for what she gave up when she broke up her family. She will have to be happy with the crumbs Rebecca throws her way. Cheers to Manny for being a great dad!

Tediously BORING to read and I stopped when I got to YEET, STOP using that rediculous made up word. Just makes you and ALL the others on this site using it sound and look like dickheads.

.... that feels real, and is romantic in all the best ways.

I'm not sure what if anything the backstory adds. Neither parent comes off well. The father is a monomaniacal psychopath. The mother is presented as a greedy, social climber though to be fair to her, that's in the opinion of a soulless monster.

I'm also wondering about the motivation of having the father take a polygraph. He'd be able to beat it without too much effort either because he believes his own lies or because he's been trained to do so.

to add several more chapters to this story. I was going along really great and then you just stopped rather abruptly and leave us with so many unanswered questions. Please continue with this story to it's conclusion.

Thanks!

A fine story, sir. Please write another. Make sure those socks are on the right feet and always remember, it is Yeet, or be Yeeted! Randi.

The secondary story (Crystal & Marco) nearly fits in Romance.

The main story is not at all romantic. It's very one sided. We hear how an egotistical megalomaniac Manny indoctrinates his daughter into believing his version of events. We never hear Amanda's full version of history.

I was hoping for all to be revealed (maybe Mum and Daughter reconciling) but it suddenly ended very abruptly with Dad yet again being the hero. The ending only confirmed that Rebecca/Crystal had been brainwashed.

BTW. Polygraphs have been proven to so unreliable and easy to beat that they haven't been used for many years.

Factual correction: it's not that polygraphs are "easy to beat", they aren't half as easy as people think, they're not used because of a specific mathematical 'paradox' which means that they are essentially a coin toss when identifying criminals *even though they can be amazingly accurate*. It's the same paradox that makes a 99% test wrong 9 times out of 10 when you're dealing with comparatively uncommon diseases (uncommon in the target testing population).

Since the Anglo-American criminal court system relies on 'beyond reasonable doubt' almost no countries will allow the use of them as they can easily be used to introduce reasonable doubt.

That's why.

It would be ni e if it was finished. Many lose ends not explained. Hinting that the father is so kind of government agent but never explaining any of it.

No story about why the mother did what she did. It was not a very good story.

Your work is appreciated. After reading the Montauk stories my thought is, you are a certifiable fucking genius. Enjoyed the hell out of this one too.

FTDS hits the nail on the head. Boom, and its over. It would be nice if the story were at all finished, but this comes out of the oven mostly raw. Underdeveloped characters aren't a fatal flaw, and a bit too common here on Lit (plainly a more difficult proposition than stylistic or grammatical errors to remedy via non-professional editing), but there's just no backstory to get us to understand Amanda or Manny -- or Marco, even. Bebop3 writes well, and what he gives us usually is better than this. I'm sure I'm not alone in welcoming a major revision and expansion to flesh things out. But maybe that's just my view. 5* for the idea, sure, but only 4* for the execution.

I legit have no idea what this story is supposed to be about. It started as a story about a father kidnapping his daughter from her mother was attempting to do so first. Interesting premise, let's see where it goes... Oh, it doesn't go anywhere, we just aren't going to deal with it at all until she's an adult? Weird but what else you got. Oh, her dad must have working in intelligence since he thought he could have stopped 9/11 attacks from occurring, okay maybe now we'll get some background on him and develop him as a character.... Oh, we aren't going to do that either, she just wants to be a cop now? Super boring boilerplate love arc for the daughter with accompanying (single) bland sex scene. Oh, she's meeting her mother, maybe now we'll pay off that setup and.... wtf nothing? The only conflict in this story is between the reader hoping the story will lead somewhere and develop either a theme, a plot, or even a single character; and the story that stubbornly refuses to do so. It's literally a minefield of unfired Chekhov's guns in here. Not to mention that we never even hear the mother's side of the story.

To be honest I don't know what I am reading. The to and fro make it very difficult to understand. Sorry about that and I personally think it worth only 3 🌟🔯🌟🔯🌟.

Honestly, I have read tens of thousands of Novels, article, etc, etc,,, being an Editor, just part of the job. Some of the Authors audience apparently does not know how to read a story and has not read enough to recognize and ending from the beginning or words and meanings in between! Apparent by the comments. Thank you Bebop for a beautiful but short Love Story! 5 BIG FAT AND SHINY STARS!

Was there a point to this story? The back and forth usually doesn’t bother me in story, but this was ridiculous. The story just…ends. There’s no resolution. No big drama or meltdown? The kidnapping was intense in the beginning, but barely seemed to matter in the end?!

I enjoyed it.

The ending seemed abrupt.A bit rushed maybe.I think this story had more to offer.No mention for example of the details of who his ex wife married and Marco family and business.

No decent and complete game being to nicely finish off the story - again!!!!!!

Obviously your writing style.

We give up and moving on - permanently……..

WOW, so many important tangents to a love story. Awesome.