Shave and a Hair Cut: Two Bits

Dana jumped up and glided across the room to the coffee pot. She returned with a cup and the smile on my mother's face couldn't be knocked off with a chisel.

"Thanks. Aren't you eating?" I asked.

"I will now that you're up. I waited for you," Dana shyly admitted.

She scooped a bowl of yogurt and added some fruit to it. I hated yogurt, but my mother loved it.

"So, it's sauce Sunday. Do you need me to roll the meatballs?"

Ma laughed, "You haven't done that since you were a little boy." She looked at Dana and said, "He used to love to squish the ground meat into balls. He'd make some so large, they were bigger than baseballs."

"She'd split those up though," I said, "I never got to eat a big one like that."

"No, they should be no more than two inches," she defended.

"I bet you were cute rolling them up," Dana smiled.

"He was adorable. While the sauce is simmering, I'll pull out some photo albums."

"Oh, Christ. Don't embarrass me, Ma."

She smirked and said, "Dana, I'll pull out the one that has him taking a bath in the sink. Such a little cutie he was."

Dana giggled, and I said, "Drink your coffee, Ma."

Later, I was relegated to slicing sausage while Dana diced onions and carrots. Ma was making her meatball mixture and humming like a happy bird.

Every once in a while, Dana would bump my hip with hers, or she'd toss a piece of carrot at me. If I'd have tossed food like that, I'd have been banished from the kitchen and made to clean bathroom floors with a toothbrush.

When she did it, Ma just smiled and hummed louder.

I whispered to Dana, "Watch how much oregano she puts in there. Too much, and they're not right."

She nodded and watched as my mother poured some into her hand and tossed it into the bowl. She was cute when she looked at her hand and then at my mother's. I could hear the wheels in her brain turning as she tried to gauge how much larger Ma's hand was.

"Trial and error, honey," Ma said. "You'll figure out what's right for you."

"She couldn't understand why her sauce never tasted like yours," I said ratting Dana out. "We figured out it was because she didn't make the sausage and meatballs to simmer in it."

"Oh, my. You have to get the flavors from the meat. It'll never be right without it."

"See," I said, which made Dana stick her tongue out at me.

*****

While the sauce simmered, I took Dana for a walk to delay and hopefully avoid the embarrassment of my baby pictures being pulled out.

She was happy to go and about five minutes in, she took my hand in hers.

"For the first time in years, I felt like part of a family this morning," she said.

I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.

"I'm so lucky to have her in my life, Tyler. Even if nothing happens with us, I need her, and hope you understand that."

"I do, and I won't do anything to disrupt your relationship. I get that you don't have anyone."

"That's just it though. I do have someone. I have her, and she's been a blessing."

I almost laughed at her using virtually the same words I used with Ma.

"Well, I think you've been a blessing for her. Without me around the house to fuss over, she's been alone. You sort of slid into that hole and replaced me; you know what I mean?"

"You're home now," she said and sounded sad.

I laughed and stopped walking.

"Believe me, my mother won't be abandoning your relationship because I'm home. If anything, it will strengthen as she tries to push us together to give her adorable grandbabies."

She laughed and confessed, "She grilled me pretty hard about our dinner. She wanted every detail, it was cute."

"It's strange, is what it is. I mean, I feel like she's pushing too hard, and nothing is developing naturally."

"Nah, I'm not being pushed. I'm right where I want to be," she countered.

She stood on her toes and pulled my head down to kiss her. I returned the kiss and within moments, we were making out on the sidewalk in front of Mister Jackson's house.

I broke the kiss and said, "Let's go to the park on the next block."

"That's the street I live on. We might as well go to my house."

"And what are we going to do when we get there?" I teased.

"I could think of a lot of things."

She pulled my hand and led me down the street. "So much for being in limbo," I thought.

*****

When we walked back into my house, my mother immediately teased, "That must have been some walk. Two hours."

"I was surprised at his stamina too, Angela," Dana teased back.

I hoped my mother didn't see me roll my eyes or hear me stifle a groan.

She didn't react except to smile and say, "Well, let's go into the living room. I've got the photo albums to show you. Tyler, be a good boy and open a bottle of Sangiovese for us."

"Sure, Ma. Only if you promise to not embarrass me."

She shook her head and countered, "Just for that, I'm going to tell her about Cuddles."

"Oh, for God's sake. Please don't."

"Who's Cuddles," Dana asked.

"Cuddles was his favorite stuffed animal. He was a frog with long legs and arms. He couldn't go anywhere without it. It stayed in his backpack when he went to school until second grade."

"I heard that," I yelled from the kitchen.

"Stir the sauce," Ma yelled.

I inhaled the aroma from the simmering sauce and grabbed a piece of bread. I dipped it in the scalding goodness and burned my tongue when I ate it, but it was so worth it.

I poured two glasses of wine and walked back into the living room to find them in hysterical laughter.

"What's so funny?" I dared to ask, knowing it was going to be embarrassing.

"She told me what happened to Cuddles the frog," Dana said with a huge grin.

I plopped down onto the love seat and asked, "Whatever did happen to him. I've completely forgotten."

Ma smirked and said, "He's exactly where you left him after all these years."

"Where's that?"

"Under your mattress."

"What!" I shouted. "He's under my mattress?"

Ma nodded, "When you finished second grade, your father convinced you that big boys don't play with stuffed animals. You were distraught, but your father cleverly said to put him under your mattress so he can be near you when you sleep and drive your dreams."

"Wow. I guess I forgot that."

Dana suddenly bolted upstairs.

"Dana, stop!" I shouted, but it was no good.

She came down the stairs holding a flattened Cuddles the frog and sporting a mile-wide smile.

"He's adorable," she said and hugged the roadkill version of my stuffed frog.

Ma smiled and said, "That stuffed animal is proof that my son never changed his own sheets."

Dana laughed, and I defended, "Hey, I was eighteen before you even let me touch the washing machine. You keep an immaculate house."

"A good mother keeps a clean house. Dana keeps a clean house, you know."

I slipped up and said, "Except for the garbage she doesn't like taking out."

Ma's eyebrows shot up, and she sipped her wine. She looked at me, then Dana, then shrieked, "Oh, my God! Stamina? You're going to give your mother a heart attack."

The smile never left Ma's face, but Dana was mortified that she knew what we'd been up to.

"Tyler go and get us some refills and stir the sauce," Ma ordered. "Oh! and cut up some of that cheddar cheese and bring some grapes for us."

"Sure thing, your highness. Any other commands?"

"Yeah," she said, "don't eat the sauce this time. It's not ready."

I gave her that 'who me?' look that boys learned when they were young, but never could make work.

"Scoot," she said shaking her empty glass.

Dana winked at me, then picked up the photo album again.

*****

We've been together for two years now, and I think we'll make it. We click and my mother loves her, so I don't have to worry about her putting some kind of old-world hex on her.

Ma still hums the wedding march every time she sees us together, and it doesn't bother me anymore. Dana thinks it's the cutest thing ever, but she has blinders on when it comes to my mother.

I have a ring that used to be my Nona's to use for an engagement ring, and believe me, my mother reminds me of where it is constantly. I'm going to ask her to marry me on the anniversary of our prom, and I wonder if she'll know what the day signifies.