She Made a Mistake

"It's eerie, you know. You actually look a bit like my son. You even move like him. But I guess I am not making you happy by telling you this, Mr. Harvey, am I? You must have hated my son with all your guts for what he did to your marriage?"

I had in front of me a brutally honest man. He wouldn't take BS for an answer.

"You know, Mr. Levesque, I have found peace in considering that my marriage was wrecked by a set of circumstances rather than by the actions of your son. I don't hold any grudge towards Daniel. He was just presented with an opportunity, and he took it. Can you say that in the same situation, you're positive you would have acted otherwise? Because I, for one, can't say that."

Mr. Levesque stared in my eyes for a few seconds, then took my hand in both of his.

"Those are the words of a wise man. They're certainly giving me food for thought. I hope life will be good with you, Mr. Harvey."

***

Once again, I had to reshuffle the parental schedules the next Spring because I had to take a series of small trips to the USA. I was away most weekdays, so I had Melodie on most weekends. On one of those weekends, I had promised Melodie I would bring her to a friend of my father's who had a ranch, so that she could do some horseback riding. Of course, she had spent the whole week only talking about that in anticipation. She was almost ready to go when I arrived at Sophie's house that Saturday morning.

"I'm ready to go Dad! I'm so happy we're doing this!" She was ecstatic.

"How are you doing Chris?" Sophie asked me. She looked a bit subdued.

That's when I saw Jacob. He was standing in the doorframe to the kitchen, silently crying. Did I mention that seeing a child crying had always been a heartbreaker for me? I looked at Sophie and understood right away. We said goodbye, and quickly left, trying not to rub more salt in the wound.

We had a terrific day at the ranch. Melodie enjoyed every minute of it. But I found it hard not to think of Jacob. Up until then, I had only seen him as the baby who made it impossible for me to have my family. But seeing him looking at us with teary eyes was another slap in the face. This small boy had never been wanted: he came to this world as a bad surprise. He had never had a complete family. Oh, I knew how loving and dedicated a mother Sophie was, and I'm sure she was doing as wonderful a job with him as she was with Melodie. But the poor boy had lost his father. He had no one who would bring him horseback riding.

For the first time, I was able to put myself in his little shoes and realized that this poor boy never wanted and never did anything to cause the trouble that came with his birth. He was just a kid, for God's sake. He was not the cause of our family breaking.

As I drove home the next day, after having left Melodie at Sophie's house, I came to realize that the only questions I had asked myself over the years were about doing what was expected. But was I doing the right thing? Was it really the appropriate response to the situation I had been put in?

The problem was that I had never asked myself the only valid question: was I happy? No matter what I thought was legitimate or socially acceptable, was what I was doing making me feel good? Was this impression of saving face more important than this small boy's happiness? More than my daughter's happiness? More than my ex's, no, my WIFE's happiness? More than my own happiness?

This haunted my thoughts all of the following week. I was an adult, maybe it was time I acted like one.

I was at Sophie's place again, early the following Saturday. It would be Melodie's seventh birthday the following week. I had promised her I would bring her to the zoo. Jacob was clinging to Melodie, crying, and not wanting her to leave.

I squatted in front of him.

"Jacob, Melodie told you I was bringing her to the zoo today? Would you like to come with us?"

His eyes lighted up like two bright spots. He started dancing around!

"I know that Melodie likes elephants very much. Do you want to go see the elephants as well?"

He nodded vigorously, with a grin even wider than his small face.

"And do you think Mommy would like to come along as well?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm not ready to go anywhere, Chris," Sophie replied.

"I see nothing here that couldn't be easily overcome. We can spare a few minutes for the pleasure of your company, no?"

We had a wonderful day at the zoo. Jacob ended up being afraid of the elephants, but the giraffes were a hit!

We went back to Sophie's place that evening. After putting the (exhausted) kids to bed, Sophie and I shared a glass of wine in her living room. It was time for the first part of a long, very long-overdue conversation.

"What happened with Roxanne, Chris?"

I stared at her for a few seconds. And I felt it. The moment of truth. One of those moments in your life when you have a glimpse of the big picture, when you understand that what is taking place will actually change the course of your destiny.

"I cheated on her," I replied, calmly. Sophie took a sip of wine, but did not say a word, waiting for me to go on. I proceeded to give her the complete story of what had happened, without looking out for excuses or extenuating circumstances. I went with the raw truth. And I added the fruit of my reflections of the past months, leading to me showing up at Daniel's funerals, and to my opening up to Jacob.

Sophie listened to the whole story without interrupting me. When I was done, she looked at me coldly, and took another sip of wine.

"I would so much like to chastise you, you know? I would so much love to put your nose in your own shit. But I won't do that. There's no use. You did it yourself."

"Yep..."

"I guess you've learned a lot over the years, Chris. So have I. I just wish we had learned all this 4 and a half years ago," Sophie said, looking away.

"I plan to keep on learning, Soph," I replied.

I was away again the following week. On Monday evening, I was in bed in my hotel room in Atlanta and for the first time in four and a half years, I authorized myself to have erotic thoughts about Sophie. I had an instant erection. For the first time in years, I touched myself thinking of her, and ended up having an orgasm even more intense than the ones I had had making love to Roxanne. That spoke volumes.

I sent Sophie a text message the next day: 'Soph, can I invite you for dinner on Friday evening? Do you think you can find someone to babysit the kids?'

She replied with a series of smileys that answered all my questions.

***

Melodie was frantic when I told her that she would finally get to be flower girl. And Jacob was delighted when we asked him to be ring bearer.

It had been over a year since that day at the zoo, when Sophie and I had finally agreed to see if there were still embers left of our marriage, after all those years. And it seemed that there were, because the fire restarted in no time.

I was in Sophie's parents' garden, watching my bride walking down the aisle, again, with her father grinning like a peacock. All four of our parents were delighted that we had finally decided to reconnect, and I had not heard any bad comments about remarrying a woman that had had a child from another man. I think after all those years, everybody there, including yours truly, had finally understood that shit does happen, and shit is part of life, so the choice is ours: either we live with it, or we don't live at all.

Jacob's grandfather had passed away the preceding fall, about nine months after his son. Jacob was left with no father and no relatives on his father's side.

I had totally warmed up to him over the preceding year. He was a charming kid, funny and witty and he loved his big sister. When the marriage ceremony was over, and before we sat down for dinner, Sophie and I walked to Jacob to talk to him.

"Jacob, now that I am married to your mother, I have a question for you."

He looked at me with puzzled eyes.

"Would you like me to become your father?"

It took him a moment to realize what that meant. His eyes grew wider, and he threw himself in my arms.

"Can I call you Daddy?"

"Yes, you can! Of course you can! You see this paper?" I showed him the official adoption certificate. Sophie and I had taken all steps so that I would adopt Jacob.

"I know you can't read all the words yet, but this tells everybody that I am now your father, and you are my son!"

He was glowing. The whole party started to applaud. Sophie, Melodie, Jacob and I hugged as a finally united family.