All Comments on 'She will be Mine Ch. 03'

Please please make Eregon and Eva be together. With the least amount of brutality. Let it be a happy ending.

And waiting for the background of the world.

Thanks

longer chapters lol longer lol xxx on a plus good twist just a little quick a little more depth eg how brianna get the bruises looking forward to next chapter xx

This is just dumb.

He had this whole thing planned and even sold his current slave but the moment Eregon shows up with her he demands her back and trades him Eva like well ok here you go, my bad. His whole idea of buying her seems pointless, Salem has this master plan to torture Eregon and then before he does anything says never mind, just kidding.

Im enjoying your writing, did seem a little strange he'd give her away then demand her back. But still excellent story. I hope he finds eva

If you are kidnapped and sold in to slavery .... it's ok because the government had regulated it that you will be the only pleasure slave in the home. Having you alone to bear the burden of the sick douche that buys you. No harem here folks. ... it will keep the kidnapping numbers down, right? Are you kidding me? This Salem screws your hero that he can not own and somehow in the heat of the moment he forgets that her week have to unload his own slave who he loves? Ok sorry but this could have been a great story but you have either no idea what you are doing or slept through comp101. You so need to start at the beginning. You need to right down a character's name and image who they are what the can be develop them their personas, look, beliefs. Outline what you want to create for your fantasy world. Colors, sounds, smells, cities or tribes, travel or under one dome. The point of the story what you want said. Outline it. Pick out points create a timeline, create a backstory to the time line. Then write a sentence or two. Get the feel of it. Then write a paragraph or two. Put them aside. Start again. And begin to write the story. This is just a hail Mary pass that didn't make it. Please other authors have pulled their work and rewrote reach chapter or just a scene do it made more sense. That is not a failure that is a commitment and a promise for passionate workl

The previous chapter too and didn't mind the brutality (even loved it). Please keep on writing!

Shut up. If you don't like it, don't read it. It's simple. Btw, learn to spell when you're being a judgmental asshat. Constructive criticism is one thing, being a dick is another. Learn the difference then try again.

Thank you for doing the third chapter, while I usually dislike cliffhangers I happen to find myself enjoying how you leave us awaiting more. I personally enjoy the mind games you showed in this chapter. I adored the savagery in the last and how Eva's mental state was in the first.

Looking forward to the next one when time and mind are your friends ^-^

great story not too brutal, and that love part was very good. Can't waiit for more.

Aren't you going to finish this? It has great potential....don't worry about the negative comments, use them to your advantage. Let it fire your passion and get you to continue with this story....

I will add you to my favorites and keep looking for the next chapter....

But when are you going to post another chapter? Itseems that there are quite a few fans of your work so far (myself included). You shouldn't leave us hanging. Negative comments be damned (because I wonder if they have ever accomplished anything that makes them think they can criticize someone else who is putting themselves out there). On behalf of myself and all your other fans, please finish the story?

This is really a great story. Please please continue.

This was really interesting and, although the death was unnecessary, I definitely wanted to read more

Please continue it it's so goood