Shibari: Almost a Love Story

There was absolutely no nervousness about being suspended head-down slightly above the floor, with no control over when or how I might fall, or the ability to protect myself. It simply wasn't an issue.

I was entirely in Ella's hands and I didn't even think about that. I was just thinking, if it truly was even thinking, about how fantastic I felt in that moment, bound and constricted and squeezed and floating.

Ella knelt next to me, stilled my slow penduluming, and then stroked my face gently.

"How does it feel?" she asked.

"Floating," I said.

"Not too much blood in your head?"

I forced myself to concentrate, to focus. "I can feel my pulse in my head," I said. "But it's not too much. It wouldn't normally be enjoyable, but I'm all floaty."

She giggled. "Alright. I'm going to lower you, now."

"Nooo," I said, like someone being told they have to get out of a warm bed.

She laughed, but still moved away.

I felt my feet move a little as she untied, then she bent down to take hold of the ropes over my chest, and slowly walked me away from the hanging point as her other hand slowly let out the rope she was holding.

She carefully knelt, positioned my head in her lap, then kept lowering me until she could leave my head in place and use both hands to feed out the rope, lowering me gently until my hips bent then touched the tatami, then more rapidly until my ankles settled under gravity.

Still trussed, with my arms behind my back, I lay with my head in her lap as she stroked my forehead and face gently. I could have purred.

"How are you feeling?"

"Wonderful."

"How are your shoulders?"

I focused enough to wriggle them. "They're fine."

"Excellent."

She fell silent, still stroking my face and forehead, as I lay bonelessly with my head on the silk over her thighs.

At some point, she pressed more firmly with her thumbs on my forehead, waking me up. "I'm going to untie you, now."

"OK," I said, knowing I was disappointed but flowing with what she said.

She gently moved out from underneath me, lay my head on the mat, then moved to the legs.

When she had untied my bottom half, she pulled my torso vertical until I was sitting up, legs out in front of me, with her supporting me.

"Woah, postural hypotension..." I managed to say before the world disappeared in a haze of light-headed static.

Ella held me until I blinked and refocused. "OK?"

I nodded. "Gets me like that sometimes."

"OK," she said with a smile, then moved back with her hands on my shoulders. "Stay."

I stayed, as she moved around behind me to undo the knots at my back.

When the rope was pooled next to me, she held me from behind again, snugly, one hand stroking my head lightly as it lolled back against hers.

Slowly, the feelings faded from my brain.

Eventually, the dreaminess faded so much that I felt the normal background ADHD restlessness, and shifted my head to check my neck.

"Are you good?" Ella asked.

"Under no circumstances should you let me go yet," I said.

She chuckled. "Alright. A little longer."

"If you keep stroking my hair like that, can we make it a lot longer?"

"How about if I promise to brush it and play with it and have some girl time?"

"That is an acceptable compromise."

She patted me. "Good," she whispered before disengaging and moving backwards.

With a sigh, I let myself fall forward towards my knees, stretching the backs of my legs.

I tried to stay there, but the moment had passed. It truly was an altered state of consciousness, but I had reverted to something like normal.

With a sigh, I shook myself and moved to help coil the ropes.

# ~ # ~ #

She gave me a kimono to wear instead of the T-shirt. We sat in her half-stripped lounge room, on her only rug, as she put leave-in conditioner in my hair and brushed it. She was sitting on a box -- she had no real stools -- to be higher to make her job easier.

I was looking at the photos she had taken on my phone, but it was hard to concentrate while she was playing with my hair like that. I was beginning to wonder if I really had been badly touch-starved in addition to the effect the ropes had on me.

"Wow," I said.

"Do you like them?" she asked.

"They're fantastic," I said. "I mean, obviously I look amazing. Nice work."

"Ha!"

"God, is that what my face looked like?" I said, staring at the screen.

Ella cackled. Actually cackled.

"I'm not sure whether I look more drunk or stoned," I said.

"You look ropespace," she said.

"I am not doing that in public," I said.

"You'll get used to it."

I began to turn my head so I could raise my eyebrows at her, but she firmly tugged my hair to straighten my head again and I very nearly said "Yes, Mistress." I returned my attention to the screen.

I heard Ella sigh. "It's getting late," she said.

I blinked, looked up at the nearest window, and swore.

"You can lose track of time, in ropes," Ella said, a trace of amusement spoiling her matter-of-fact voice.

I groaned. "I'm going to have to leave soon if I expect to get home before dark, aren't I?"

Ella resumed brushing. "Which way would you go?"

"Ehhh, probably Samford, maybe down Waterworks Rd. Or towards Milton Rd, get to a highway as fast as I can. Try and avoid country roads at this time of night, there'll be wallabies out soon, if I don't get moving."

"Ever had any run-ins?" she asked, still brushing.

"I T-boned a wallaby once," I said.

"What??" Her hands froze.

"Still feel guilty about that. Three in the morning, It speared across the road in front of me, I was still squeezing the brakes when I hit it. No idea how I managed to stay on. Previous bike, a bigger adventure tourer, spoked rims. The rim picked up a small dent you could only see in the right light. Wallaby dead instantly, my bike fine. I try and avoid them."

"Jesus."

"Are you checking whether I'm safe to ride?" I asked.

She resumed brushing. "I do have a responsibility to you. Some people stay floaty for ages. You go right under, and apparently bounce straight back up."

"ADHD," I said. "I have a lot of practice at changing moods."

"OK, I don't know whether you're joking or serious, there."

"Utterly serious. I can bounce in and out of moods so fast it freaks people out."

"OK. Noted. You know, just to get back on topic, you could spend the night here, and I could give you dinner."

She said it seriously, as a friend might offer. But I had a prickly feeling she meant more than she said.

"I only saw one bedroom," I said, circling the point. "And that is your only couch."

"I have camping gear. I could sleep on my mat. Or you could." She stressed "could" each time.

"Or?" I prompted.

"Or you could sleep in my bed after we have sex," she said. "Because the offer really is still there, I want you to know that."

"I'm glad you're so direct," I said. "Because I was seriously expecting to go back and forth three, maybe even six more times before we got to that point."

"I really don't do beating around the bush," she said.

"Amazing," I said. "You said that perfectly straight when you know I know you're bi."

Her hands paused again. "Was that a double-entendre about a double-entendre?"

I just smirked, then realised she couldn't see it. "Might have been."

"Hmph." Suddenly, she put one hand on my forehead and pulled my head back between her breasts. I felt them pressing against my ears as I looked up at her looking down at me. "Don't think you can get out of giving me an answer by trying to distract me with cleverness," she said. "You are welcome to stay the night. We could even possibly do another tie. Or, and I do stress this is 'or', we could see if we work together in bed as well as we work in my studio."

I gave her a long, steady look without breaking eye contact, deeply aware of her breasts pressing against my head. "With or without ropes?"

"Up to you."

"You do remember what I said about feeling guilty if I'm not returning the favour?" I asked.

"I do remember that, I rather liked hearing it."

"And you do remember me saying that I haven't had sex in two years?"

"It's like tying, the first one is just a test to get to know each other."

"Ah. You said, yes."

She grinned at me, waiting for my response.

Part of me was well aware that I was starved for intimacy, had spent my entire life suppressing impulses that, I had only recently found out, were caused by a diagnosable and easily medicated neurological condition I had not taken any meds for that day, and I should not trust my desire to say yes.

The other part of me was wondering if there was any reason to say no. It was wondering what her breasts felt like under my hands or my mouth.

# ~ # ~ #

She was wearing matching lingerie with barely modest lace panels and a colour I was tempted to call Yamaha blue.

With her kimono off, she carried herself with the self-confidence of someone who did not feel the need to pose to be admired -- or did not feel the need to be admired. I was admiring her, either way.

She stroked my bare chest as I stepped up to her. Her light touch almost made me melt back into dreamy compliance, but my arousal and my intentions turned it into a whole-body goosebumps shiver.

I moved my arms up inside hers to stroke her face then step in for a kiss, moving her hands away from me while my forearms stroked her breasts before my hands traced the lines of her naked back down to her bra closure. She slid her hands down my back to my covered arse, her fingers probing at the waistband of the fisherman pants she had loaned me but were frustrated by how snugly I had tied the cord.

She lingered for the kiss as I teased the skin around her bra, then grinned at me when I pulled back slightly while undoing the clasp.

"Are you sure you're not naturally dominant?" she asked as I slowly pulled apart the ends of her bra, teasing out the moment.

"Just want to make sure I pay back," I murmured, sliding my mouth along her cheek to her ear. She gasped happily, canting her head to give me access, shivered when I sucked lightly on her earlobe then moaned and clutched at me when I tickled inside her ear with my tongue.

"Well, OK then," she said, between gasps.

Naked, her breasts came to quite pronounced points at her nipples.

I caressed them as she let her bra fall down her arms and to the floor, stroking lightly underneath both breasts simultaneously before cupping, lifting and pressing lightly against her as I leaned in for another kiss.

She still wore a faint smirk and a look I thought had to be self-confidence.

I shifted my hands to expose her nipples and experimentally stroked them with my thumbs.

That cracked her expression just a little.

I teased them lightly with the pointed but not sharp tips of my thumbnails. For a second, her eyes crossed and the sharp intake of breath she made was not accompanied by any sort of recoil.

When she focused on me again, I was grinning and stroking the skin next to her nipples lightly with my thumbs. "Get on the bed," I said.

She appeared to rethink what she was about to say. "You're more switch than you think you are," she said, but she moved sideways to the bed, sliding onto it and then crawling backwards without turning away from me or taking her eyes off me. She had thrown the doona off before we started.

"Aren't you going to undress?" she asked, gaze sliding down my body.

"Not going to be necessary yet," I said as I slid onto my knees on the bed and followed her to where she was lying invitingly on her back, stretching her arms over her head.

"Oh-ho!" she said, smirking again as I moved over her, my hands on either side of her shoulders, her knees outside her legs. "Lucky me."

"Payback," I said, before silencing her with another kiss.

I kept that one up for longer until she became more demanding, when I broke it to slide my lips along her cheek.

She turned her head to expose the side of her face. I teased her ear, kissing, sucking on her earlobe, tickling it with my tongue as she purred and made the occasional gasp.

When I moved down her neck to her collarbone, she gave a sort of chuckling sigh that I hoped was as anticipatory as it sounded.

I moved my lips erratically across her shoulders and upper chest, exploring her collarbones and the hollow at the base of her neck and letting her know that, yes, I was going to tease her.

She did not object or tell me to hurry up. She did make purring or other pleasurable noises.

"You will tell me if there's anything you don't like or want more of, won't you?" I murmured when my bottom lip stroked over skin that was becoming breast.

"Oh, this is fine," she said, drawing out the last syllable to the end of her breath.

Experimentally, to test her, I nipped at the side of her breast. She yelped, jerking up. "Not that!"

I grinned up at her. "Just testing."

She gave me a look I couldn't read but which wasn't angry, at least, before she slowly lowered herself back down to the bed and said, "Well, keep going."

I kissed alongside the side of one breast, from chest to ribcage towards her belly, then to her sternum, then around the other in a figure-8. I still hadn't moved my hands from where they supported me on the bed.

Finally, I kissed across one breast towards where her nipple was already half-erect.

Her breathing quickened a little.

I bumped her nipple with my nose, then brushed it with my lips, then slowly licked from the outside of her areola to the nipple, to the tip and off. All the while, she moved from a satisfied moan to a twitch of her torso and roll of her neck, to gasp and faint lift of her back.

I could hardly contain my grin enough to focus on her. It had been two years -- more than two years, truly -- since I had not just touched someone with real sexual desire but touched them with the desire to make them respond like this. It felt as though all of that desire was trying to be realised all at once.

I could barely remember the last time I had had sex with a woman for the first time. It had been Anna, and hindsight told me she had been trying too hard to look impressed. The only thing I remembered, apart from the sense of self-criticism and depression I slowly developed when she started to put less effort into appearing pleased, was that her air of being edgy and kinky had vanished when my teeth first closed around one of her nipples. I hadn't attached much importance to that at the time, not thinking it important -- unfortunately.

The sex for most of our relationship had been ... mechanically pleasurable. Minimally satisfying, because sex where you come does tend to be, but lacking the spark I really wanted.

But my entire experience up to that point had been one of taking every bit of pleasure I could out of exploring someone else's body for the first time. And thanks to the world I had moved in, the couple of women I had explored before Anna had not been backwards about telling me what they wanted, instead of trying to work out what I wanted.

The one thing that united all of them was that, to some degree, as far as I knew, everyone loved having their nipples sucked.

So I did that.

First, I stroked it a few times with my tongue, which made Ella shiver and move slightly and moan luxuriantly.

Then I pulled my tongue back, closed my lips around the now very erect stalk of her nipple, and sucked.

Ella arched her back with an explosive "Hnnng!" that made me feel a deep, primal urge to fuck her.

I let that urge ride through me while I focused on what I intended to do, and focused on not letting that pulse of desire make me bite down prematurely.

Thankfully, sheer delight at the effect it had upon Ella helped my self-control immensely. I could push off the desire to take my own pleasure by wanting to do that to Ella again.

I sucked again, a little harder this time, not disappointed when Ella did not respond quite so intensely after the first time, but well pleased with how her hands grabbed at the bed's wooden-spoked headboard and her torso shuddered.

A third time, harder again, and her neck twisted her head around as she made another sound I hadn't truly been expecting to get out of her until I moved my mouth much lower down her body.

I wanted to grab her other breast and squeeze. I wanted to push my face into the softness right in front of me. I wanted to tear my pants off and press my now very erect penis against her soft, warm skin.

I forced myself to slow down and tease the nipple in my mouth, stroking it with my tongue before sucking gently, then firmer, then gently. Then kissing it, nuzzling it with my nose, then sucking again when she sounded as though she were calming down, just to get that intense reaction of the first time.

I brushed it with my teeth, firmly enough to make it very obvious it was my teeth running along the base. Her deep breathing hitched. I wasn't sure if it was anticipation in hope, but it definitely wasn't a rejection.

"How firmly," I murmured, my lips brushing the skin next to her nipple.

"Bite me already," she said, her voice ragged.

Well, that answered that.

Trying once more not to smile, in case it interfered with my control, I kissed, licked, sucked while her breathing quickened and her hands clenched around the thick dowels of the headboard, then gently closed my teeth around the very base of her nipple.

She gave a very nearly orgasmic sound, her torso flexing as if a wave ran from her shoulders to her hips.

Then I squeezed harder and she cried out.

I gently nursed upon her nipple then, in case it had been too much, but she said, voice ragged in a way that felt like fingers twining around my very erect penis, "Oh, yesssss."

So, I bit and squeezed and even slightly worried at her nipple as she made increasingly erotic sounds and finally her hips thrust up to contact my belly.

I chuckled as I kissed her nipple gently.

"You fucking tease," she gasped.

"Mmm?" I asked, sliding my lips across her chest from nipple to sternum to her other breast.

"If I lose control and grab you and tear your pants off, don't blame me," she said, voice still ragged.

I bit her other nipple with no ceremony at all.

She howled, arching up and gripped the headboard so hard she pulled herself slightly up the bed.

"Fuck you!" she gasped. "That one actually hurt!"

I gently licked the nipple in apology, until it was as hard as its partner, then bit it again.

She arched up, gurgling.

"OK, that's better!" she said, almost laughing. "But you can get to the next bit any time!"

"Should I tie you to the bed?" I asked into her breast.

"I do the tying here!"

I relented and moved down her body, kissing as I went onto her now quite taut belly, dipping my tongue into her bellybutton to make her yelp and giggle, then down onto her hips and the waistband of her briefs.

I rolled to one side to give me room to pull them off, not attempting to remove them sexily without a bit more practice, and she lifted her hips, then legs, to help.

She moved her hands from the headboard and shifted her torso sideways, twisting herself as I moved back over her.

Her legs parted until I was lying between them, angled across the bed to give me more room.

She didn't shave entirely but did look like she had trimmed, so she had fine, light hair around her vulva, mostly towards the top.

I brushed it with my nose, finding it much finer and silkier than my pubic hair. My previous partners had all shaved.

I explored the folds of her vulva with my tongue, moving a little tentatively since it had, after all, been two years since the last time I had attempted cunnilingus.

As with everything else I had done so far, Ella's moans encouraged me.

I closed my eyes, wanting to concentrate entirely on my lips and tongue as I taught myself the shape of her outer labia outside, across them and then from top -- with added gasp -- to bottom then slipping gently between. I mingled my saliva with her already present, sharply sweet lubrication along the inside of her inner labia before toying with the entrance to her vagina.