Shipmates

With a chuckle, I replied, "I wish that were true. No, sometimes it's bloody horrible. Tonight is nice, though. Don't get me wrong, even when the wind is biting, and the rain stinging, It's nice. Every day brings its own beauty."

We sat in a gentle silence. "Tim, why did you stop being my friend?"

The question stung. "I didn't stop being your friend, Kira. I just didn't like who you were."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? 'Who I were'."

"I didn't like watching you become a laughing stock. Every guy in school bragged about banging you. I hated standing around with my mates listening to them go on about what a slut you were. I hated trying to defend you. In the end, it was easier to just let you go your way."

"You don't actually believe all those stories, do you?"

"Is there a reason why I shouldn't?"

"They were boy's, bragging. I can't believe you believed them."

"So you didn't have sex with Dave Jonkers?"

Her face dropped and she didn't answer. "What about Chris Snapes, oh, and John Rymes?"

"Okay, I'm not saying I didn't hang with some of them, but not all of them."

"It doesn't matter if it was ten or a hundred. You were off doing your thing. You stopped coming around. I figured you had new friends and didn't want to hang with your old friend."

We slipped back into silence, although now it was uncomfortable.

The sounds of the waves lapping gently on the hull serenaded us. "You're as bad as all the other arseholes. You think guys who have sex with lots of girls are studs, but god help a girl who sleeps with more than one guy. We become sluts, dirty and untouchable. You want to have sex with us, but when we do, you want nothing more to do with us. Pretty quick to stick your dick in though, aye."

"There's a difference between having a few boyfriends and banging the whole town. And for your information, I don't think guys who chase after girls and fuck them for the sake of it are any different to girls."

"So you think I'm a slut then?" She huffed petulantly.

I shrugged. "If the cap fits."

I heard the sniffles turn into little sobs. I felt sorry for her. I shouldn't have said that, but she angered me with her blasé approach to it. I don't know, maybe I was jealous. At one point in our younger lives, I was hooked up on her, I did fancy her. I was going to ask her out, but when all the stories emerged about her being the town bike. I bailed.

"I'm sorry, Kira. I shouldn't have said that."

"Oh, fuck off. You think I haven't heard it before. You think you're better than me. You think just because I slept around, I'm somehow tarnished."

"It's hardly a good look. Most guys like me, we're looking for partners for life."

"Yeah? Well, so am I."

With a frown, I murmured, "You're going the wrong way about it, girl. While you sleep with every bloke in town, all they see is an easy lay. They don't see a wife."

"What difference does it make?"

"Kira, it makes a lot of difference. Guys won't take you seriously. They would all be worried that the moment they turn their back, you'll be banging the neighbour, or the milkman. If you're seriously looking for love, stop being so damn easy."

We slipped back into our silence, the beers were long finished when she asked softly, hesitantly, "Why didn't you try to sleep with me?"

The question took me by surprise. "Um, I don't know. Mostly because we were friends, and I didn't want to be just another conquest, or victim."

"Were you never attracted to me? If you thought I was so easy, why didn't you try? You must have been as horny as all the other boys. I never understood why you never once asked me out."

"Kira, you are a very attractive woman. Physically, you are very pretty. You were my friend, in many ways my best friend. I didn't want to screw that up."

"I thought you must have thought I was ugly."

"Far from it. I have always thought you were very attractive."

"Then why?"

"Because I valued your friendship above a quick fuck. I didn't want to just fuck you. There's more to life than sex. I liked you. I guess I shouldn't have let sex get between us, but seeing you clamouring all over those guys, some of whom I didn't even like, that made it difficult for me to like you."

She stood up quickly muttering. "I'm going to bed."

I waited a while to give her privacy. She was in her sleeping bag when I got down there. She confiscated the bottom bunk, which meant I got the top. It was the weirdest feeling knowing she was only a few feet below me. It ruined my sleep and I had a restless night, listening to her breathing, and can I say cute snore?

The next day dawned not so nice. The wind had picked up and the boat bounced around uncomfortably. Kira didn't look so comfortable, always staggering, trying to catch her step. After years on the boat, I was used to it and moved easily. Kira reeled from one thing to the next, her journey dictated by what there was to hold onto.

We set the nets and took the time to catch our breath. Kira preparing her laptop to enter the days catch. She wasn't so talkative. Her face was pallid and her features tightly drawn. It happened as we winched in the first net.

Kira engaged reverse and I wound in the winch, the net folding onto the deck. It was heavily laden with fish. "Stop." I screamed. The boat kept reversing. When I looked up, Kira was hanging over the side, retching wildly, throwing up whatever was in her stomach. I made a mad dash for the controls, but too late. The net had already fouled on the propeller.

"Fuck." I screamed at nobody. I picked the fish out of the net, released the winch in the hope that it might untangle. No such luck. It was knotted. I climbed over the stern and tried to see how badly it was tangled. She was bobbling about so much it was impossible to see.

There was no alternative. I was going to have to go over the side and see if I could untangle it. I didn't want to lose a ten thousand dollar net.

As I stripped down, Kira wandered back, her face still white, her front covered in vomit. "What are you doing?"

"The net's tangled around the prop. I need to dive down and see if I can untangle it."

"What? No you can't do that. What if you drown?"

"Then call the emergency number on the radio. It's written in the emergency notes hanging by the radio."

She looked terrible. About to say something else, she had to cut it short and make a run for the side of the boat and empty more of her stomach to feed the seagulls.

By the time she was finished heaving her guts out, I was already over the stern and looking to dive in. She staggered back and asked, "Should I help by driving back and forth, or something?"

"No!" I yelped. "Jesus, Kira, I'm going to have my hands on the prop. Whatever happens, do not touch anything."

It took me several dives before I had freed it. Clambering back on board, I moved the boat into forward motion and stretched out the net. Catching my breath, I pulled back on some clothes and this time, I let the winch do all the work. It was a huge haul: one of my best of the season. Kira was a mess. She curled up in her bunk and stayed there for the rest of the day. She didn't emerge until I cooked the evening meal. She only got up to race past me for the deck, and she was again retching wickedly. She started to come back in, but I said, "Stay out on deck. Get some fresh air."

"No, I want to go to bed and die."

I stood up and pulled the wheelhouse door shut. "I said stay out there. Just sit down and get some fresh air."

"Fuck you, Tim, just let me die."

I finished my meal and took her out some water. She gladly took the water as she sat in the chair with her head in her hands. "Oh god, I feel awful," she blubbered.

"Do you want something to eat?"

She shivered. "I do, and I don't. I'm starving hungry, but scared it'll all come back."

I chuckled softly, remembering back to when I was a kid working with Grandad. I was sick for days. "Kira, this could go on for days; it did for me. Best to have something to eat, otherwise it'll just be bile."

She nodded, I went back into the wheelhouse to cook her something. I figured something soft. I decided on an omelette.

She thanked me as she ate hungrily. We were back anchored up under the spit. Nestled in as close to the shore, we were tucked in away from the wind, so the boat was steady. After she finished eating, I said, "Take another couple of the sea legs, and again in the morning, as soon as you get up."

She gave me a smile I hadn't seem since we were fifteen. "I'm sorry for today, Tim. I just couldn't hold it in."

"It's okay, Kira. It's not the first time it's happened, probably not the last."

"Why didn't you just let the net go?"

I gave her an irritated frown. "There's a couple of reasons. Firstly, that net is worth ten grand, and I don't have a spare. Secondly, I didn't want it floating around the ocean randomly trapping dolphins or what have you."

She gasped at the realisation. "Wow, I never thought about that. God, what a fool I was."

"It's a lesson learned. When I'm out here on my own, I always just use the winch, but it's so much easier with the boat in gear, idling in reverse. Takes all the strain off the gear."

She apologised again and headed for bed. I sat out on the deck. It wasn't one of the spectacular star filled nights where I could gaze up at the Southern Cross. It was cloudy, and although we were sheltered from the sea, the wind still whistled through the rigging.

I had a couple of beers and went down into the fo'c'sle. Kira was already in bed when I climbed in.

As I tucked into my sleeping bag, Kira asked inquisitively, "Have you got a girlfriend?"

"No, not at the moment. It's hard when you're out at sea seven days out of ten."

Her next question came more as an accusation than a question. "Have you ever had any girlfriends?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I blustered.

"Nothing, I just wondered. I never ever saw you with a girl while we were at school. Even after we left, you never dated anyone."

"I've had a few. I went out with Jenny Myers for about six months."

"Ew, yuck. Jenny was always horrible," she muttered sullenly.

Trying not to sound defensive, I mumble. "Well I thought she was nice."

"If she was so nice, what happened?"

I shrugged. "She left to go to design college. She's a fashion designer now, lives in Auckland."

I heard the dismay in her voice. "You still stay in touch then?"

"Yes, we're still friends, she's engaged now. She seems happy."

"Why didn't we stay in touch, Tim?"

"Because nobody knew where you went. Off saving whales, or some rare weed in Africa. I saw a few photos in the papers."

"I just wanted to do something, make a difference. The planet's dying, Tim, and nobody cares."

"Of course we care, but some of us have lives to live. Responsibilities."

"Yeah, and what are you responsible for?" she grumbled.

"Me, making sure I can survive. Helping my parents, and my friends."

The morning dawned one of those golden mornings. The wind had vanished and a calmness prevailed. I got up and made breakfast as Kira dragged her arse out of bed, as well. I glanced down into the fo'c'sle and couldn't help it. I spotted her slipping into her jeans. God, she had an amazing body. Apart from the jeans, she was wearing only a tiny bra. Her flawless milky skin was glowing under the overhead light.

I turned away quickly, old emotions rising to the surface. I made a light breakfast, making sure she took her sea leg pills. Preparing the boat for the day, I took my time. Kira was going to need at least an hour before the pills would have any effect.

There seemed to be an uncomfortable silence as we got ready for the day. Kira grumbled, "I didn't even fill in yesterdays data."

"Check your computer. I added it last night."

As she opened her page she smiled apologetically. "Thanks, Tim, sorry I was so useless yesterday."

"Hey, it's not easy out here. The good news for you is, if we have another day like yesterday, we'll be going back into port."

"Not just for me, I hope," she stammered.

"No, the freezer will be full. If that happens, I'll take an extra day off before we come back to sea."

It turned out to be another bumper day. Kira was much better and worked the boat controls and winch for me as I worked flat out clearing the nets. With the last net folded and stacked on the deck, I said loudly, "We're going back to port. The freezers full."

"Are we going back tonight?" she asked.

"Yep, if we go now we can make the evening tide."

She didn't argue. She started cooking the evening meal as I headed us back to port.

It was an amazing night. The sun was setting over the spit, and it was red, a beautiful picturesque display. Kira admired it as we steamed back. "God, you're so lucky working out here all the time. Look at that sunset."

"Yeah, it's perfect, especially if we were coming back out in the morning."

"What do you mean?"

"Red sky at night: fisherman's delight. Red sky in the morning: fisherman's warning. My grandad's favourite saying."

She placed a plate of food in my lap as I steered us back home. "Are we coming back out tomorrow?" she asked.

"I was going to give you a day off, but we could if you're up for it."

"I want to come straight back out," she stated firmly, if somewhat nervously.

"We would have to wait for the tide. It'll be about ten tomorrow, but if we get away as early as possible, then we could at least get one set away."

She gripped my arm tightly. "Let's do that, come back tomorrow."

I shrugged. "Yeah, no worries. I thought you might have a bloke you wanted to catch up with or something."

She hissed caustically. "No, the only man in my life is Dad, and he will be asleep when we get back in. Well, assuming you go home for the night, rather than sleeping on the boat?"

"Yeah, I go home, but it will be late getting back. I hope to have you in bed by midnight."

As the words fell out of my mouth, I winced. "Sorry, that didn't come out right."

"That's okay, I know what you meant." She giggled. "For a moment, I thought you must have changed your mind about wanting to shag me."

Her matter of fact statement flustered me. Speaking without thinking, I blurted out, "Would that have made you happy then?"

She grinned. "Dunno, depends on how good you are. It might have made my day."

"I haven't had any complaints. That I can say."

"Jenny Myers hardly set the bar very high," she scoffed.

Stunned at her nasty response, I replied, "She isn't the only girl I dated, you know."

"Oh yeah, how many then?"

"I can't compete with you, but a few."

"It's not a competition, Tim. Go on, tell me. How many."

I don't know why I felt ashamed. I should have been proud that I wasn't sleeping with whoever fell into my bed, but somehow, that's exactly how I felt. "Three actually, if you must know."

She looked a little surprised. I wasn't sure if it was the low number, or whether she wondered how I managed to bag three women. We steamed on for a few miles before she asked, "I can't believe you only dated three girls. You're a good-looking guy. I know plenty of girls lusted after you at school. I know Mary Sinclair had the hots for you bad."

"No she didn't," I gushed.

"Oh yes she did. If I hadn't told her I'd bust her nose if she went near you, she would have jumped your bones."

"Why the hell did you say that?"

Sniggering, she asked, "Why, did you want her?"

"No, god no. She was a slut. I would never have gone near her with anyone's dick, let alone mine. I meant, why did you tell her you were going to bash her?"

"Because you were mine. I wanted you for myself."

I stared back at her, disbelief making me frown. "What did you just say?"

"I said I wanted you for myself. Tim, you were my only friend at school. Everybody else thought I was nuts. It broke my heart when you stopped coming over and walking home with me. It was like you suddenly hated me. I never understood that."

"I didn't hate you, Kira. I loved you. I wanted to ask you out, I tried like a thousand times. Somehow, the words never came out. I was afraid if I asked you and you said no, it would destroy our friendship. I decided I would rather have you as a friend than not have you."

"Then why did you stop hanging out with me?"

"Because I was fucking angry. Because I wanted to kill you. I loved you and you kept going out with all those fucking losers. All they wanted was a fuck. Most of them didn't even like you. They laughed about fucking you behind your back. I got sick of punching guys trying to defend your honour when you didn't even care."

"What do you mean, defend my honour?"

"Christ, Kira, I got in so many fights. I got sick of hearing guys talking about fucking you. I hated the way they said it."

She jumped up and hugged me so tightly my plate went flying. "Thank you Tim. God I wish I had known. Nobody ever told me that."

"What, that guys talked about you?"

"What? No, not that. I didn't care about them. I care about you though. I always thought you hated me."

"Hah, that's crazy. I loved you."

She kissed my cheek as the sunset evaporated and darkness slowly enveloped us. An uncomfortable silence settled over us. It wasn't one of those horrible time-stands-still cold silences. This was more an awkward, neither of us knew what to say silence.

Kira went out on deck and enjoyed the fresh salt air. She spun slowly, gazing up into the sky. "Tim, it's so beautiful out here."

I stepped back out on the deck, the automatic pilot guiding us. She looked at me nervously. "Shouldn't you be steering?"

"It's on autopilot."

"If it's got that, why did you get me to steer, that first morning?"

"I thought it might take your mind off the motion if you had something to concentrate on."

She giggled softly, that beautiful giggle that I loved to hear when we were younger. It always gave me goose bumps. That night was no exception.

The bar crossing was uneventful, the tide was high and with little wind. We eased in gently, the channel markers lined up. Kira was helpful as we docked. I had to drive the forklift, as the factory shut down at nine o'clock.

I loaded the pallets, and Kira operated the winch as we hauled them up onto the wharf, then I drove them into the factory freezer. It took us an hour to unload, which meant by the time we were in my old Ute heading for home, it was after midnight.

As we got closer, Kira said, "I hope I can sneak in without waking Dad. He is a restless sleeper."

Giving her a quick glance, I suggested, "You could stay at my place if you want."

She turned quickly, started. "Are you trying to get into my knickers?"

Offended, I replied curtly. "No, I was going to offer my guest room. If you were worried about waking your dad."

She sighed. "Pity, it's been a while." When she saw my shock, she giggled. "Come on, Tim. I was joking. Although, I haven't had a boyfriend for over a year."

"You, going without, for a year? Bullshit." I tried to keep it funny.

"Yeah I know. Kira, the town bike. Celibate for year, who would have guessed, aye?"

"I didn't mean it to sound nasty. You never lacked for admirers."

"Yeah, well. I've grown up a bit since then. I'm a little more picky nowadays."

"Good for you." I mumbled, unsure how to respond.

"Tim, I know I went crazy chasing boys. I'm not an idiot, I knew what they were saying. I just rebelled, or something. The worse the names got, the worse it made me. I wish I could take those days back. I have a lot of regrets."

"Kira, don't regret those memories. They were part of your journey. Made you who you are now."

"Yeah, but it fucked up our relationship. You were the only one I cared about. I never wanted to lose you as my friend. When you stopped talking to me, I freaked. I actually slept with a couple of your mates, in the hope you would ask me out."