Shock & Awe Ch. 03: The Final Chapter

There was no sign of Lynn anywhere when I walked in the front door. No sign that she had ever come home from her "date". I know she never tried to call my cell, because it never went off, so I checked our land line. No missed calls, and no messages there either. Now, I was getting pissed all over again. These last three days had turned into a nightmare I couldn't wake up from!

I changed clothes, and went to work in the yard. It had been raining, and the grass was overdue for cutting. I thought that might keep my mind off of my cheating whore wife, but it didn't work. Normally, it takes an hour to cut our lawn, but today, it seemed like it only took fifteen minutes. I was sweating profusely by the time I had finished, so I went in to take a shower. It was twelve noon, and still no sign of my wife.

An hour later, found me sitting by the pool, working on a beer, when I heard a car pull into the driveway. "It's about fucking time!" I thought. I was getting ready to give the cheating bitch a good piece of my mind, when her friend Donna walked out of the house.

"What the fuck are you doing here bitch?" I more or less yelled at her.

"I'm here to try and talk some sense into you Steve." She calmly said as she sat down. "Got one of those for me?"

"Sorry... I only drink with friends, and people I like. You're neither." I said.

She shrugged her shoulders, and started," I don't know why you insist on making such a big deal out of your wife having a little fun, Didn't she tell you she loves you?"

"Yes, but what good is that if she's gonna cheat on me!" I shot right back.

"You didn't leave her much choice about that, the way you carried on when she tried to be upfront with you. The last thing she wants is for this to come between you two. It doesn't have to be the end. You just have to not let it, if you get my meaning." She said. "Steve, she really does love you."

I just shook my head, and finished my beer. I went into the house and got another one, but none for her! When I sat back down, she shrugged her shoulders, and went to get herself one of my beers. When she sat back down, she said, "I'm not the enemy you know."

"So, you're not the one who put these stupid ideas into her head?" I said.

"No. She came to me about it, and I told her to be very careful on making her choice. I told her this could end her marriage. I even told her to consider how it would make you feel, and how you might take it the wrong way." She said.

"The wrong way!" I yelled. "My wife tells me she's going to start fucking other men, and I took that the wrong way? Just how the fuck was I supposed to take that!"

"Steve, I'm not here to argue with you, and maybe that didn't come out quite right. Just please try to keep an open mind. I'm just trying to help here."

I took a drink of my beer and wondered if I could have misjudged Donna. The jury was still out on that one though, and I let her continue talking.

"I know of lots of couples who experiment, and have open marriages, and they're still together. Like your friend Bill, and his wife. She dates other men, and he's perfectly fine with it."

That statement rocked me. I never thought of Bill like that. Bill was your classic no bullshit tough guy, and now I was learning something new about him. Something I never would have guessed, and Donna saw my surprise, and she continued. "Oh yes. Joan has been having sex with other men for at least two years now, and she still loves Bill, and wants him. The other day, she told me she was starting to get tired of other men, and was considering going back to the way they were. Guess what... Bill talked her out of it!"

"You have got to be lying about that! Bill?"

"Yes Bill. He talked his wife into continuing to have sex with other men. Don't ask me why, because Joan didn't say. Personally, I think he likes sharing his wife. I do know that it has brought them closer together. Think about it... You had no idea what they were doing, and didn't you think they were very happy every time you saw them together?" she reasoned.

"I did think they were the perfect couple, and I did envy them for their relationship. But they're not Lynn and me, and I don't know how to get past last night. You were pretty ignorant to me too."

"I know, and I'm sorry about that. You didn't deserve that. All I can say in my defense is that I was pretty drunk, and hope you'll accept my apology." She said. "But getting past last night will be an important first step to maybe a better future for the two of you. All I'm saying is to just think about it. You don't have to make any decisions right now. Actually, it's better not to make important decisions, when you're upset, and angry."

"Well... I agree with what you said about decision making. As for the rest of it, I still have a lot of questions, and concerns. You know, it's very hard for me to keep an open mind about this, and I still can't see what good could come of her fucking other men." I said.

"Now, there you go." She said. "You're still very angry, and allowing your feelings to dictate comments, if not decisions that could have severe ramifications. Try and remain calm, and think rationally. You'll be glad you did."

"OK. I see your point. But, right now my concern is for my wife, and where she is." I said.

"She's OK. Lynn's at my place. She was afraid to come home. She's actually afraid you'll kill her." She said.

"Gee, I wonder what would make me do that! Sorry... I couldn't help it. Even though I'm afraid of the answer... did she sleep with that guy?"

"His name is Sean, and I think that's something the two of you need to talk about. Now... If I call her, and tell her it's safe to come home, will you guarantee that nothing bad will happen to her?"

"Yes. I promise. I'm not going to kill her, or hurt her, and I will try to keep an open mind, when we talk." I said.

"I would tell you to call your friend Bill, and talk to him, but no one is supposed to know about that, so please don't say anything to him."

I agreed, and Donna left. In all of my thirty-five years, I had prided myself on being able to look at all sides of an issue or problem, before making a decision. The reasonable thing would be to do this for my current dilemma as well. I still wasn't a big fan of Donna, but what she had said, opened my eyes, at least enough to look at this logically. All that was left to do was waiting for my wife to come home. I hoped it would take some time, so I could cool my temper some more, and gather my thoughts.

An hour later, I heard another car pull into the drive, and I nervously awaited my wife. I don't know why I was nervous... maybe more apprehensive than nervous. She was standing behind the sliding glass door, looking out at me, when I first noticed her, and she seemed relieved, when I waved at her. My hand actually trembled, when I lifted my beer bottle to my lips, and I cursed myself for not being stronger in the moment.

We sat in silence for some time. Ten, maybe fifteen minutes, I don't know. You know how time can move at different speeds when you're upset, and apprehensive. There's no telling whether it's flying or dragging.

"I guess I should be the one to start." She said, not bothering to look up.

"Please do." I replied, so politely that it even amazed me!

"OK... Well... First let me apologize to you for last night, and especially how I deceived you. That was wrong." She said.

"Apology accepted."

"I've been making a lot of mistakes, and I've hurt you badly. I handled this all wrong, and again, I'm sorry for that."

"Again... apology accepted."

"I should never have come out and told you that I was going to start sleeping with other men so bluntly. I should have talked it over with you, over time, so you could think about it, and get used to the possibility. I never should have made you feel you had no choice, or say in what I did. You're my husband, and although I don't always agree with you, I still value your opinion, and your input. You deserved better than I gave you."

"Thank you for saying that. I appreciate it a lot, and I have to apologize for not being more understanding about it. You did take me by surprise, when you told me. Not saying, it would've made a difference, but maybe it would have if given enough time to gradually ease into whatever this is. You have to understand where my feelings were coming from. You're my wife, and I was raised that men and women honor their vows, and that is that. They stay monogamous their entire lives. I guess you can call me old school or traditional." And I forced a smile.

"Yes, I know that about you, that's why I could've handled telling you better." She said. "I also have to apologize about last night too. I never meant for you to see that. I know that it had probably crossed your mind, but you shouldn't have seen that until it was on your terms, and only if you wanted to see it. I feel like you were slapped in the face with it, and that's my fault. I shouldn't have tried to hide it from you either. Let me ask you this... If I had told you I had another date, would you have followed me then?"

I thought for a minute, and said, "No. I don't think I would have. I would have been too afraid of what I might see. I probably would've stayed home and gotten drunk again."

"Just out of curiosity... how long were you there, and at the risk of upsetting you, will you tell me what you saw, so I can try to explain better? If you want to know anything, I will tell you the truth. I'm not going to hide any of it from you. Just think first if you really want to know something, before you ask me. Sometimes not knowing is better than knowing, so please be sure before you ask." She said.

"Well... You almost ran right into me, when I was at the bar. I had been there for an hour, and that was the first I saw you. The place was really crowded." I said. "I saw that your... attire... had changed. No need to blush dear. You did look hot. I saw you kissing Sean, and letting him feel you up on the dance floor, and of course you know I saw what you did at the booth for him."

"Please try not to be upset, and I'm not trying to piss you off or hurt your feelings, but there was a lot of that before, and after you got there. Are you really sure you want details dear?" she cautiously asked.

"I don't know how to answer that. Part of me wants to know, and part of me wants to pretend it never happened. I guess that all I really want to know; without the gory detail is... did you have sex with him?"

She looked away for a few minutes, before she turned back to me, and calmly answered, "Yes. Last night, and then again this morning."

At that point, I lost my composure, and started yelling at her. "You fucking slut! You sit there calmly talking to me, and the whole time your cheating cunt is leaking some assholes cum!" Then she started to cry, and ran into the house, and I followed her.

"Can't you see what you have done to me?" I shouted. "Can't you see how this is tearing me apart? Do you think I like feeling like this, and yelling at you? Can't you consider my feelings about this?"

Between sobs, she managed to get out another apology, which didn't make me feel any better. I had to get a hold of myself and get my temper in check before I did something I would really regret. I had never in my life hit a woman, and this was no time to start, but damn, it was hard not to!

She was lying face down across the bed crying into her pillow, and I tried to comfort her. My emotions were all over the place. I was angry at her, me, the world, you name it. Yet I felt bad for her at the same time, and angry that I was the one making her cry. I had promised not to do exactly what I was now doing, so I did the only thing I could think of. I held her, apologized for yelling, and told her I loved her. That seemed to help.

She held me tightly while she continued to sob, and I could feel my shirt getting wet from her tears. It took a long time, before she stopped crying, but she never once let go of me. If I had been the cause of her wanting to sleep with other men, it might have been easier to accept, but I didn't feel like any of this was my fault. Was I wrong about that? Maybe I wasn't giving her everything she needed. Why else would she want another man? I still had a lot of questions, and not many answers.

Daylight faded into darkness, and we fell asleep in each other's arms. If we couldn't work this out, I would miss her dearly. I thought about our lives together, and of every time I had done something that hurt her. The times I hurt her outnumbered the times she hurt me with the exception of the past few days. I could see that, somehow I did play a part in her wanting to experiment with other men. At least that's what I told myself in that moment. It really does take two to make a relationship work, and I honestly didn't think she tried very hard either. So, I guess we were both to blame for the drifting apart. That was still no excuse to start fucking other men, and the story about feeling like she missed out on it before we were married, didn't hold much water either. We were married, and promised before our friends and God to honor one another, and forsake all others.

She was still in my arms when I saw the sun come up, and I realized I hadn't slept all night. I guess my mind was too busy for sleep. I rolled onto my back, and stretched, causing her to open her eyes. She looked at me and I looked at her, then kissed her, and asked if she wanted coffee. She did, so I headed to the kitchen to make some.

I heard the shower running, while I brewed a pot of coffee. The evil angry part of me wondered if she was trying to wash the stale cum out of her body, and that made me realize that it was going to be next to impossible for me to be OK with sharing my wife. I couldn't make up my mind if it was worth trying. If I did try, I was sure there was going to be a lot of heartache and anger filling my future with her. I also realized that I was no closer to a solution to this problem than when she first approached me about it.

Lynn joined me in the kitchen for morning coffee, and I noticed that all she was wearing was her little short bathrobe, loosely tied in front. I tried not to look, but her cleavage was hard to ignore. As she reached for her coffee cup, her robe opened a bit more, exposing her right breast almost to the nipple, and I saw a dark red hicky on her soft flesh. My blood began to boil, and I sighed out loud.

Lynn quickly pulled her robe closed, and retied the knot. Then she apologized to me again. I think that was the moment I knew I would never be able to do what she wanted. Sharing my wife was not going to be something I could live with. That realization was hard to swallow for me.

"Lynn, I'm sorry, but I don't think there is any way I can do this. It's just too upsetting for me. I mean... Seeing that mark on your breast even set off my anger. If you have any idea how we get through this, other than you not doing it, please tell me. I'm all ears!"

"I never thought this would be easy for you, but I also never thought you would be so stubborn about it either." She said. "Please don't take that the wrong way, but I think it's accurate."

I literally felt the air go out of the room, and truly felt defeated, and that all was lost. "There's no talking you out of this, is there?"

"Steve, this is something that I feel I have to do. Why can't you accept the fact that I love you and this really has nothing to do with you? It's about me."

"Alright... I accept that you love me, but you can't seem to accept the fact that you're asking me to do something that I can't." I said angrily.

"Please calm down. Let's discuss this like adults." She said.

"OK... You're right. We are both adults, and fighting and arguing will not accomplish anything. With that being said, I will look for an apartment, and you can stay in the house. That way you can do what you want, with who you want and I won't have to see any of it. How does that sound?"

"That's not what I want!" and she started to cry.

"Well dear... at this point, I'm afraid that I can't let you have your cake and eat it too. My mind is made up." I said. "I'm not saying this is the end for us. It's just a break, so we can figure out what we want from the rest of our lives. I'm not going to stop loving you and I still want to grow old together even with everything that's happened. Right now, I don't think that's possible, but I'm not going give up hope."

The next day, I made arrangements with my friend Jim to live in the room he had over his garage. It took about a week to clean it out and move my stuff in, but I was now out of my house. All I had was an old couch to sleep on, and a TV tray to eat off of, along with my clothes and some personal possessions. I left everything else for my wife.

I had very little contact with her over the next few weeks, and we settled into texting more than talking. I could feel the gap between us widening. I never asked her if she was seeing anyone, and she never offered, which I was grateful for. Then one night, when I was out for a beer, I saw her. She was draped all over some guy, who wasn't Sean. It's funny... the thing I thought of, instead of being mad, was that he didn't last long. I got out of the bar, before she saw me.

One week later, she started blowing up my phone with calls instead of text messages. I knew what she wanted. She had gotten the divorce papers. Some things are more important than money, and possessions. Like peace of mind, and being able to look at yourself in the mirror in the morning.