All Comments on 'Shot of Jack?'

"First time" isn't for 1st with new person, but for 1st time EVER.

The use of the present tense sucks

If there was a single "-ly" adverb you didn't use I don't know what it was. In the usual course of things good writers don't use them except on rare occasions

And as pure stroke - not bad, but nothing to differentiate it from hundreds of others

Better than your previous piece I reviewed. There could still be a little more meat on the bones, though :)