All Comments on 'Show & Tell Ch. 24'

Murphtsurf I've read all 24 chapters of this real life saga, though it's quite unbelievable. I suppose the saying is true, reality is stranger than fiction. I was a bit disappointed with your writing in this 24th Chapter & some in the 23rd. Not at all up the standard your earlier Chapters were. For one I believe in Chapter 23 the woman's name was, if memory serves, Adrianna or something similar, but it was definitely NOT Mercedes. Also you kept jumping from 1st person to 3rd person in the telling of the story. When Elle was relaying the evenings festivities to her "husband" there were times you wrote "I said to her" but it was Harold and Elle that were in discussion. Also, I know autocorrect gets all of us OFTEN but there were many words written wrong such as think rather than thing. Just proofing the story well before submission would solve that problem. You are a very good story teller. Because of that my critique was a bit harsher. You wrote so well in earlier chapters and I want to read the rest of this "amazing" tale. I just want to read it when it's written as I know you are capable of writing. It's distracting when the wrong names are used, the words are incorrect or the narration is changed from 1st person to 3rd etc. I look forward to finding out how this tale progresses and where it ended up. Good luck on future chapters.