Shut In

Eric was pretty sure she wasn't fine, but didn't press the issue.

"All right. Please let me know though, if there's ever anything I can do to help," he said.

"I will. And thank you," she told him.

"Well, now that I've said hello, I should probably get back to work," Eric said as he stood up. "Thank you very much for the tea, Mrs. Kelly."

"Now it's my turn to ask you to call me by my first name. It's Nicole."

Eric smiled and repeated the name.

She walked him to the door and thanked him for stopping by. He, in turn, thanked her again for the tea, and for letting him come in and get to know her.

"Oh, sure. Anytime," she told him.

"All right. Well, I hope to run into you around town one of these days. Or you'd could stop by and say hello," he told her with a smile that only made his already-handsome face even more attractive.

"I'll do that," she said as the thought of doing so gave her the willies again.

Eric got to his car, smiled, thanked her again, then got in and drove off. He had two other residents to meet then headed back into town and pulled up in front of The General Store.

"What can I do you for, Sheriff?" Hank asked as soon as he saw the young officer.

"I need to ask you a few questions," Eric replied.

"Is that about that parking ticket from two years ago? Because Sheriff Talbot told me he tore it up."

Eric laughed then said, "No, it's about Mrs. Kelly."

"Oh. Sure. Go ahead. Shoot."

After asking enough to satisfy his concerns, the sheriff said, "Do you know what items she normally buys?"

"Oh, sure. She buys pretty much the same things every trip. There are exceptions and odd items, but it's a fairly consistent. May I ask why?"

The young sheriff didn't explain why, he just asked Hank if they could bag up what she normally bought in a couple of days if she didn't come to town the next day. Hank told him he'd be happy to without asking why or who'd be paying for the items.

Nicole didn't show up the following day, so when Eric walked into The General Store as soon as it opened the next morning after that, Hank said he had a bunch of things ready to go.

"I'll just need to put the cold-storage things together and you'll be all set."

This was one of the things Eric loved about small-town life. Everyone knew everyone, and they were always ready and willing to help. He hadn't had to say a word when he walked in. Hank knew what he wanted and was already prepared—just in case.

Fifteen minutes after the bags where loaded into the cruiser, the sheriff pulled back into Nicole's driveway.

Nicole was still asleep when she heard the car door slam shut. She sat bolt upright then grabbed her robe and quickly walked to the door. She saw the sheriff's vehicle outside again and wondered what was wrong. She was so sure it wasn't something bad, she didn't even try and smooth her hair.

"Sheriff. Sorry—Eric. Is everything okay?" she called out as she peeked through a small crack in the door.

"Sure. Everything's fine," he called back from the cruiser. "With me anyway."

She had no idea why he was there until she saw him go around to the other side of the vehicle and reach in and pull out several bags.

"What is this?" Nicole asked as he headed her way.

"A hunch?" he replied with a smile.

He walked up the front porch and asked if he could come inside.

Now aware of her appearance, Nicole said, "I...I'm a mess. I just woke up and..."

"You look just fine," he said with a smile. "So...may I?"

"That depends," Nicole told him as she opened the door a little wider. "What's in the bags?"

Eric laughed and told her, "Well, 'Sam' calls 'em vittles."

"May I?," she asked as opened the door completely then reached into one and pulled the plastic apart so she could see inside. "Oh, my heavens! What are you doing?"

Like most men, he was carrying every bag he could possibly carry and said, "These are kind of heavy, so...may I come inside?"

Nicole gave him a funny look then said, "Yes. Of course."

"There's more if you'd care to help," he told her as he walked past her.

"More?"

"Uh-huh. This is the cold stuff, but the cans and other dry items are still in the car."

The anxiety about leaving the house had been building since he left, and Nicole couldn't have been more grateful once she knew what he was carrying.

After they got things put away she said, "Okay. First, thank you very, very much. Second, how much do I owe you? And third, why did you do this?"

Eric laughed then said, "You're welcome, nothing, and because I could tell something was wrong."

Nicole wasn't laughing or even smiling. She was standing there looking him in a way that was...unsettling.

"How...how did you know?" she asked very quietly.

"I still don't know exactly what's going on, but after what you told me during my initial visit, I was pretty sure you wouldn't make it into town. So would you maybe like to talk about it a little more?"

"I don't think so," she replied quietly.

She had to look away because she was feeling shame or something close to it. She knew she shouldn't, but this whole thing was so ridiculous and embarrassing. She deeply regretted sharing her secret with him, but the proverbial cat was out of the bag, and all she could do was hope he wouldn't say anything to anyone about her—condition.

Eric moved a step closer then said, "Nicole, if there's anyway I can help..."

She shook her head and said, "No. I'm sorry. You've been very kind, but no, you can't help. And I am paying for the groceries."

"Hank told me you'd insist. It came to around $150, and he put it on your tab."

"I don't have a tab," she told him.

"You do now," Eric said with a warm smile.

Nicole didn't reply, and Eric took another step closer and could see tears welling up in her eyes.

"I really am a decent listener," he said quietly. "And I never talk out of school."

Nicole sighed deeply then forced a weak smile and said, "Have you had breakfast yet?"

It was close to 10 o'clock, and Eric hadn't eaten. He normally ate around seven, but he was late finishing his workout and ended up only having a cup of black coffee, and he was starving.

"I don't want to put you out," he told her.

"I believe I put you out so the least you can do is let me make something for you," she told him.

She stood there for a moment, still fighting off the urge to cry as he assured her she'd done no such thing.

She smiled a slightly more genuine smile then said, "Eric?"

He smiled and waited for her to speak.

"Thank you. For all this. And maybe we could talk while I whip something up?"

"I'd like that. And I like it even more if I could help you."

"Well...okay. I suppose that would be all right," she said, thinking back to how Tim used to sometimes help her in the kitchen in the evening and on weekends.

"Breakfast or lunch?" she asked.

"Something simple," he replied.

"Cereal is the simple-est," Nicole said.

"Not that simple. How about some good old bacon and eggs with toast?" he suggested.

"That sounds perfect."

Eric didn't know where anything he hadn't just put away was, so he grabbed the loaf of bread and asked how many slices she'd like. Nicole wanted one, and he wanted two, so he dropped three in the four-hole toaster while she pulled out two pans plus the bacon and eggs.

"May I?" he asked, holding up the bacon. "Eggs can ruined. Bacon is pretty much man-proof."

Nicole laughed and agreed to make the eggs.

"Scrambled or fried?"

"Scrambled. Definitely," Eric told her.

"Same here. I don't care for 'eyes' looking at me."

Eric chuckled then asked how long she'd lived there.

"If you don't mind me asking," he added.

"Not at all," she replied. "You shared your story so it only seems fair."

"Oh, right. My 'city boy' tale," he said with a smile.

Nicole started off explaining how she met Tim when he came to Seattle after also having graduated from the University of Maine.

"So he was a college professor?"

"Yes. He got his bachelors and masters here, and was getting his PhD there when I met him," she explained.

When the meal was ready, she was still talking, and apologized for monopolizing the conversation.

"No. No apology needed. I've enjoyed listening," Eric said immediately.

"You were right," Nicole said before taking a first, small bite of eggs.

"About?" he asked before taking a much bigger bite.

"You really are a good listener."

"It's easy to listen when you enjoy the other person's company," he told her.

She smiled then told him she was very much enjoying his, too.

There was a brief lag in the conversation before Nicole asked, "Not to bring age up again, but I know you're um...getting on in years..."

Eric laughed quietly and waited for her to continue.

"No, seriously. You really are still very young, but is there no one in your life?"

"No. Not since college," he told her. "I thought I was in love, and had she not called things off, I probably would have proposed."

"Do you mind me asking why it didn't work out?"

"Not at all. When I told her I was joining the Marine Corps, she told me she couldn't handle that."

"Because of the separations?" Nicole asked.

"No. It was a political thing. She wasn't anti-military, but she was pretty close. The thought of supporting someone who was on active duty was too much for her to bear, so...that was it."

"Wow. I'm so supportive of our troops, I guess I find that kind of hard to understand. I'm not trying to be critical. I just can't relate to that."

"It was for the best, I'm sure," he told her. "I'm also sure she found someone who shared her views, and while that may not be a deal breaker for some people, it's very important to others."

"I agree. Politics isn't my thing, but I can see how it could be a real problem if a couple were at opposite ends of the spectrum."

Eric told her he agreed, and for the next few minutes they kind of danced around some political issues then touched on religious beliefs. Both of them were open to the possibility of God's existence, but neither was overtly religious or claimed any particular denomination.

"We seem to have a lot in common," Nicole said when another lull set in.

"Yes, we do," Eric agreed.

She saw him looking at her in a way that said he wanted to ask her a question.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said, indicating she was right.

"Yes. Something," she said with a smile. "Go ahead and ask."

"It's really none of my business."

"Okay, suit yourself," she said pleasantly.

She reached out to take his plate when Eric asked, "Is there anyone...I mean...do you...ever date?"

"Date? Me? Oh...no. I...don't...I haven't...well, no one's ever asked me since Tim passed away."

It was a simple yes or no question, so why had it taken her so long to answer it?

When he looked at her again, she knew he wasn't finished, and when the possibility he might ask her out hit her, she felt panicked.

"I uh, I was wondering if, you know, if it isn't...too soon or anything, would you maybe like to, you know, maybe do something...together? Not a date necessarily. Just doing something...together."

The panic dissipated faster than she'd thought possible, and in its place was the question—why? Why would this very attractive, single man even consider asking a woman her age to go out with him? The answer that came to her was anything but flattering.

"Eric," she began. "I'm doing okay. Really. You don't need to feel sorry for me or pity me or anything."

"What?" he asked, the look of disbelief obvious on his face.

"Well, that's why you asked me out, right? You know I live up here all alone, I don't get out much, and I've been struggling with this being a 'shut in' thing. So you bring groceries and then to make me feel even better, you ask me out."

"Wait. Are you saying you think the only reason I'm asking you is out of pity?"

His eyes were open wide and his eyebrows were raised high in disbelief as he shook his head slightly.

"Well, yes. I mean, I'm sitting here in my robe, my hair's a mess, and I look like..."

"Like you're a very beautiful woman," he said, completing her sentence.

He looked right at her and said, "I enjoy your company, Nicole. You're warm, friendly, thoughtful, and well—easy to look at."

He smiled then said, "Even in your robe."

Nicole made a kind of 'pfft' sound as he told her, "That's it. It's no more complicated than that."

"Then...I'm flattered," she said sweetly.

"But?"

"But...if Matt was alive, he'd be 18 now."

"I can't even imagine how awful that was," Eric said sincerely as he avoided the obvious implication.

"Thank you, but that's not what I meant," she said politely. "I said that to let you know I'm not even close to your age, Eric. Not by a long way."

"Oh. I just assumed you were around 40 or so. I didn't realize you were closer to 60 or 70," he said as seriously as he could.

It took a couple of seconds, but Nicole got it, and when she did, she couldn't help but laugh.

"Eric. Be serious!" she said. "You know what I meant."

"I do," he told her. "You thought by telling me you're over 40—and I'm not convinced you are—you could scare me off."

She laughed again then said, "Oh, I can prove I'm over 40."

"Okay, but you can't scare me off," he said very matter of factly.

Nicole smiled then said in a way that made him think she was one of his teachers from school, "Listen. Were I dating—and I'm not—someone like you is exactly what I'd be looking for if he was a little closer to 40."

"So...you're shooting me down, huh?" he said with only partially-feigned resignation.

Before she could answer him, Zeus wandered over to the table and sidled up to Eric.

"Zeus! No. Go sit down, boy," Nicole said.

He didn't move and Eric turned to pet him.

"Hey, buddy. Did you want some bacon?" Eric asked he reached for a strip.

"No, that's not a good..."

Eric held it out and Zeus snapped it up and chomped it twice before swallowing. Nicole tried not to laugh when her dog wolfed down another one just as fast.

"Good boy!" Eric said as he petted him some more.

"I'm so afraid he's going to go lame," Nicole said as she watched the young sheriff interact with her dog.

"Do you have a vet?"

"Well, we don't have one in town, but there are a couple of vets in the county people around say make house calls," she said. "We used one maybe four years ago, but otherwise, Zeus has been the picture of health."

Eric stopped petting, and when Zeus walked away he saw the limp.

"See? And it keeps getting worse. It just breaks my heart to think of him being in pain or getting to the point where he can no longer even get up, you know?"

"I do," Eric said. "I love dogs, and it hurts me for you as much as for him."

"Again, thank you. It's been tough living here by myself, but with Zeus, I'm not exactly alone, so..."

Eric had finished what was on his plate, so Nicole asked if he'd like some more or maybe another cup of coffee.

"No, thank you. I don't exactly have a whole lot to do in my official capacity, but I am getting paid to be the sheriff, so I should probably get 'sherriffing'."

"I hope you're not upset with me," Nicole said as he stood up.

"No. Not at all," he told her.

He smiled then said, "Disappointed but not upset."

He insisted on helping her clear the table and load the dishwasher before leaving, and Nicole apologized again for turning him down while assuring him it was her and not him.

"I'll live," he said with a smile before realizing how that sounded and quickly apologized.

"No, it's okay," she told him. "I just feel so bad for saying 'no'."

"Well, if you ever reconsider, you'll let me know?" he asked with a smile.

Nicole smiled, too, then said, "Yes. I'll let you know," even though she couldn't see that happening.

She walked outside with him, thanked him again for everything then said, "At the risk of sending mixed signals, would you mind if I gave you a hug?"

Eric smiled at her and said, "Not at all. I'd like that very much."

Nicole put her arms around his neck and Eric wrapped his arms around her body and although the hug lasted less than two seconds, Nicole found herself asking whether or not she'd made the right decision. Yes, he was young. Very young, even. But were she to put the age difference aside, he was so much like her late husband it was scary.

When the hug ended, Nicole stepped back then said, "I hope this won't affect our friendship."

"Not at all," he told her. "And thank you so much for the meal and the company."

"Oh, sure. I...I really enjoyed it, too," she said even as the second thoughts grew stronger.

"All right. Well, again, maybe I'll see around town one of these days."

"Yes. Definitely," she told him before realizing she hadn't thought about her 'problem' once since he arrived other than the brief mention of it while they talked.

Within seconds of him driving off, Nicole felt as though he'd never been there at all, as she walked back into the big, lonely house. Even Zeus didn't get up to meet her, something that was happening more and more often. And that unpleasant thought caused her to make a mental note to call around to find a vet who could come take a look at him, and later—whenever the time came—to help her help Zeus 'cross the rainbow bridge' with dignity and respect, her polite way of thinking about having to put him down; a thought that caused tears to well up in her eyes again.

A couple of hours later she did some research online and found the name of a vet she didn't recognize but who advertised traveling to her area as a part of his practice. She called the office and made an appointment with his secretary for three days later, his first available house call. When she hung up the phone, it hit her just how alone she really was, and for the first time since Tim died, she felt so desperately lonely that it made her cry.

The feeling was intense but passed fairly quickly, and later that evening she was back on her bike tearing it up as she did another virtual workout online with a male instructor she'd never seen. Nicole found herself thinking about how attractive he was until she realized he was almost certainly even younger than Sheriff Burns and not nearly as good looking.

"Get a grip!" she told herself once the workout ended.

And yet, try as she may, Nicole couldn't stop thinking about how, for the first time, she was thinking about someone other than Tim in a romantic way. That realization caused her no small amount of guilt until she also realized Tim was never coming back. Sure, she'd known that since the moment she'd learned his fate. But this was the first time that reality had really, truly hit her.

And that, in turn, caused her to ask why she'd never even considered dating. The answer was embarrassingly simple: prior to that very moment she'd never had any interest in doing so. That, in turn, caused her to wonder if Eric's having asked her out had 'flipped some kind of switch' in her brain that was now allowing her to consider the possibility of eventually finding someone else. And that thought made her incredibly sad as though she was betraying her vows to the only man she'd ever loved.

So when the next thought came, the thought that said, "Your vows ended that cold, dark night," she was so confused she couldn't think.

The confusion lifted the following day, but by that afternoon was back in full swing and driving her crazy. She couldn't even get in her car and drive to town. How was she supposed to get in someone else's and go...anywhere...with him?

By midnight, even her workout hadn't kicked the relentless, vicious circle, or rather 'swirl of jumbled thoughts' rattling around in her brain, and she wondered if perhaps she might need to see a therapist.