All Comments on 'Sibling Love'

Fucking 🔥

Too many errors and careless mistakes. Enlist the aid of an editor.

Give sexy Michael some black chest hair for his young manly chest!

I agree with a previous comment. Surely if you even re-read the story before posting it, you would catch a bunch of errors. It looks like a first draft. Also, making each sentence a paragraph relieves you of actually knowing how to put a story together with paragraphs. The basic story is good, but it does need editing and some re-writing.

congrats

It's ironic that your main character has an English Literature degree when you've clearly never taken an English class in your life. Do you even know what a paragraph is?

A very special and gentle story

I understand many authors and readers do not know much anatomy but it would be wonderful if authors could learn where the hymen is. They nearly always describe it the same way but get it wrong. Very distracting.

Mature 7613 is Spot on!

For the novice writer, the easiest best way to spot errors is to read what you have written - out loud, to yourself. You will not only hear your errors but, see the errors as well.

I had a freshman year writing professor teach me this trick in a class at mid-semester when I was holding only a "C" average. Practiced this then forward on - finished the year, and then all 4 years with nothing less than an A- on all my papers. Worked for both my sons too!

Liked it 4/5

Just get her hymen in the right place next time

Interesting. The short sentences and almost non-existent paragraphs made it different kind of story - detached and disconnected somehow.