All Comments on 'Sibling Love: A Misunderstood Sylph'

5 stars for a well written story. Very well done wordsmith.

The steady POV changes sort of killed the immersion for this one. Would have much preferred 3rd person throughout.

Great idea and a tad novel to use an outspoken friend as the indirect catalyst to advance Lizzy's and Todd's relationship. The Renaissance fair sounded real from how you chose to describe it, and Todd shooing off the geeky dweeb trying to impress his sister was a nice touch, to encourage Lizzy with one more reason to move forward. I found the internal dialogues from both credible and appropriate, occurring at expected times in the story. Even the alternating POV felt balanced and did not detract from the story telling nor the reading flow.

However beginning their mutual arousals with the movie and then interrupting that with sleeping together and all these questions and dialogue majorly hamstrung the logical development and order of things: the clear order should have been to 1) Do the fair; 2) have Lizzy turn him on during the movie 3) have the "talk" and resolve the doubts; 4) have the king-size sleep-over; 5) turn on the hotness full blast, with the sex, shower, etc. and happy ending.

4 stars.

Amazing .. thank you so much ! 😍😍

Lovely told!

Great story! I'm into the sibromance stories and this is an awesome new addition, but I agree with Comentarista82 in that I wish the "flow" hadn't been interrupted the way it was. Like, maybe right after the first kiss the lingering doubts get addressed because once things start to get rolling, two people that in love with each other would be hard pressed to just hit the breaks, sleep, only to resume the next morning. Still not enough to lose a star though. 5/5

Also, I actually am a fan of perspective changes in stories. I think it makes for a more complete telling. Mike and Savi for instance is one of my favorite series.

I agree with Angstlgored, the back-n-forth POV changes were distracting. Otherwise a very good story. Keep up the good work.

Thanks for the compliments and letting me know you enjoyed it. I especially appreciate the detailed critiques from ‘rista82 and gametime. You’ve got very valid points. I’m not convinced that the way I messed with the ‘flow’ of scenes is the right one. As I usually do, I will be restructuring, rewriting the novella before epublishing it (Literotica readers get a free read and a format to offer feedback) and will consider what you’ve suggested. Thanks again.

Good job dipshit, you found a thesaurus.

Loved it hope there is more as these two become a couple and maybe make babies. where are the parents when all this is happening?

Enjoyed the read as you balanced the depth of their relationship with the physical demonstration of their love for each other. I hope there is a follow-on to tell us where they go from that one day? I would disagree with some others that your POV changes, while perhaps unnecessary, weren't that distracting as they did not interrupt the flow of the story itself. Some authors on the site do the shifting POV but replay the same scenes from different viewpoints. While there is some value to that, especially in the LW genre, it's often distracting in this category. Overall, well done - 5*

I'm with Demosthenes - I've seen POV changes that were quite distracting, but not in this one. Your writing style is quite enjoyable. Your Renaissance Faire descriptions and dialogue were particularly effective. My only suggestion - and it's by no means a criticism - is to develop protagonists with some flaws. Your siblings were admirable characters but somewhat flawless, making it harder to relate to them as human beings. Their friend, on the other hand, was quite flawed but in a way that made her quite relatable. Overall, great read and 5 stars!

I read this story after seeing your post in the Author's Hangout.

I enjoyed the story, and your writing style, in particular. You write well and you do a great job setting a scene and creating a sexy, erotic mood. I enjoyed the interplay between the characters.

I did find the POV switching distracting. First, I don't think it's a good idea to switch back and forth between sections with the characters' names as headings. It's too obvious. It pulls me out of the story and calls attention to itself as a structuring device. This is particularly true because you do this mid-scene at times, as opposed to switching points of view after a scene is completed, which is a more common and more natural way to switch points of view. Todd and Lizzy are sitting on the couch, and all of a sudden, for no obvious reason, you switch from his point of view to hers. It was jarring. Second, I couldn't help but think that the story might have been even better if told from one person's point of view. With point of view, you have to ask yourself, what is the purpose of telling the story from this point of view, or from multiple points of view? Each character has a different story to tell. When you switch back and forth, you pull the reader out of one story and into the other, over and over again. There's something a little unsettling about it. I think this story might be better if you asked yourself which of the characters' stories is the most interesting or erotic to you, and focused on that story and on that POV. I'd probably pick the brother's POV, but you could pick either one and make an interesting and entertaining story.

I thought the story was a bit longer than it needed to be -- that some of the scenes were stretched out longer than necessary and with unnecessary dialogue. But it doesn't change the fact it was well-written and enjoyable.

Very interesting style but it felt over done. Particularly about breasts.

I loved it. I love small breasts, as, apparently do you.

What an excellent story! Fun and whimsical!

Enjoyed the love and the attraction described. Enjoyed the emotions described.

Well worth the read!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Fuuuuck. So unbelievably hot. 6/5

Ah the image of the Shire fair and the sun shining through her skirt. Love it when a woman wears such a dress, exposing her lovely legs whilst still leaving them covered. You have a wonderful way of creating eroticism with your words.