Side Effects Include...

She read in Becca's expression that fifty-plus was unimaginably old, and again took no offense.

"My dear, it goes by faster than you can imagine. Remember to hold on to who you are -- it's so easy to lose that."

Becca nodded, not understanding, and Jackie hoped the conversation would stay with her until it did make sense.

Outside the office, she found it a little tougher. Her son and daughter seemed oblivious to the changes -- or maybe they had so many battle scars, they didn't dare hope anymore. Well, all she could do was stay positive and loving and hope they would come around in time.

Beyond her attitude, other changes had manifested themselves too. She had lost twenty pounds. More amazingly, her cravings for sweets had vanished. As someone whose sweet tooth had driven her choices for half a century, this seemed too good to be true, but there it was. She could look at a moist piece of carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and remain unmoved. Peanut butter cups held no power over her anymore. As for brownies, she preferred a good steak.

Granted, Pete remained cautious but she knew he needed time to assimilate all the ways their lives had altered. He had begun accepting a daily hug from her, and she had caught him checking her out a few times lately. Removing sweets seemed to have restarted her libido, and she wondered if she should just abandon all of her caution some night and make a move. But maybe she should let him come to her. Men could be so fragile that way, she reflected.

Her daily walk around the neighborhood had turned into a lovefest with all the dogs, and her praise and attention to their pets had won over her neighbors, too. She smiled, thinking of all those wagging tails and lolling tongues, the cold damp noses snuffling at the pocket where she now kept a cache of small biscuits to distribute.

Maybe she and Pete could get a dog, she thought as her phone's fitness app announced she had just walked three miles in fifty-five minutes. It might give them a common interest again, something to care for together, and she swung past the yellow daffodils growing along their driveway with a light heart.

She brought it up that night over dinner.

"Absolutely not," Pete said, his voice firm.

Staring at him, she lowered her fork to her plate. "Whyever not?"

Folding his arms across his chest, he leaned back. "Because I know you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean just that: I know you, Jacks. I've been married to you for twenty-seven years, and about twenty of them have been total stinkers. One good month doesn't make up for three hundred bad ones. Quite frankly, I have no guarantees this phase of yours won't end tomorrow. I'm not gonna risk it. It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to a dog."

Sitting back in her own chair, she stared at him, her jaw tight. Tread carefully, a little voice suddenly said. She inhaled and exhaled slowly, willing herself to relax.

"I can see where you'd feel that way," she said cautiously. "I've said it before -- I can't change the past. But what do I need to do to rebuild your trust?'

"Dunno," he grumbled.

"Not to point out the obvious, but we're middle-aged. We don't know how much time we have left. Let's not waste the years we have left arguing about the past. I am sorry for the way I've treated you and I've apologized more than once and I've meant every word. The ball's in your court now, my dear."

"Hmph," he grunted, picking up his fork and stabbing at a piece of chicken.

They ate in silence for a couple of minutes before Jackie changed the subject to the latest gossip from church. They finished the meal in a state of détente.

**

Closing his bedroom door behind him, Pete twisted the knob to lock it, then sank onto his bed, shaking. He couldn't maintain his show of indifference forever, and he was starting to wonder if it was worth it.

As if the universe were keeping up with his every movement, the text alert on his phone sounded. He glanced down, then flopped back on the bed. Paula. Just who he didn't need to hear from right now!

"How's it going, baby? Miss me?"

His trembling fingers kept hitting the wrong keys, and he couldn't switch to voice-to-text because sure as hell, Jacks would choose that moment to pass by his door and hear everything. He finally tapped out "Sure."

"Not very convincing," Paula pouted. "You can do better than that."

Suddenly hot, he flapped the hem of his T-shirt to create a cooling draft, then stared at the phone. What to do? They'd been seeing each other for over a year, and had quietly begun shifting funds to new bank accounts to build a foundation so they could leave their spouses at the same time. How was he supposed to tell her he was falling for his wife again after all this time?

"Can't talk just now. Got a family situation. TTYL."

A slight pause, then a response: "OK. But I expect your full attention at the hotel tomorrow, stud!"

Damn! He had forgotten about their date. Closing his eyes for a full fifteen seconds, he reopened them and regarded the ceiling. While they had updated the room after Benny left home, the ceiling had remained the same.

Remembering, he allowed himself a tiny smile. When Benny was about three, he developed a fear of the dark. Pete and Jacks had stuck glow-in-the-dark stars above their little boy's bed, trying, and mostly failing, to replicate the Big Dipper, Orion and other constellations. All these years later, the stars still glowed faithfully every night.

The corners of his mouth quirked up, remembering that afternoon project and its aftermath. Laughing, Jacks had reserved a few of the luminous stars, sticking them to key spots on their bodies that night before they turned off the lights and made love. How gleeful they had been that night, like two teens discovering each other for the first time. She had been her best self back then: loving, bubbly, sexy, those dark eyes luminous with joy.

He treasured that particular memory more than their wedding, and really, more than almost any in their relationship.

Snorting lightly, Pete let his mind drift. Since Jacks had frozen him out, he'd had three other women besides Paula. All had proven great fun, and had temporarily filled the emptiness inside him. He had enjoyed the chase, the thrill, the heat of taking someone forbidden. The women had made him feel alive, attractive, awake.

However, none had lasted, and he had always gone back to his wife.

What if this new and improved Jackie, who reminded him so much of the girl he had fallen in love with so long ago -- what if it was only the medicine talking? Then again, what if it was a true transformation? Could they start again? Did he want to?

His phone beeped again. Paula.

"Good night, lover."

Pete didn't answer.

Inside him, a spark flared. He swung his feet over the bed's edge, got up, and walked down the hall to his wife's room.

**

A cheery "come in!" answered his soft knock, and Pete pushed open the door. Jacks lay on her bed, a mystery novel beside her on the lush lavender duvet, a quizzical smile on her face. For a second, he had a vision of a wall of flames dividing them, and he leaned back, afraid.

"What's up, buttercup?" She patted the mattress beside her. "Come sit by me."

Pete didn't move. "We have things to say first."

Smile fading, she flicked her hand and bobbed her head, inviting him to speak first.

The wall of flames seemed taller and deeper now, and Pete could almost feel them licking at his skin. He had an urge to wheel around and bolt back down the hall to safety.

Not looking at her, he pulled at his shirt and fastened his gaze on the floor. "Um."

"Go on."

Sweating now, and trembling inside, he plunged in. "I've been having an affair. We were planning to run off together in a few months, after the holidays." He paused. "It's my fourth affair in our marriage."

Pete shot her a quick look, expecting an eruption to rival Mount St. Helens. Instead, she looked thoughtful.

"Go on."

"What else is there to say? You froze me out. I needed love, and sex. I found it outside our marriage."

Jackie nodded. "Understandable. Everyone needs love and sex. Go on."

"What else is there to say?" he repeated, his voice weak with disbelief.

"Well, you could say if you're still planning to leave me."

Her tone remained neutral and interested, giving him no indication of what she might want.

"I -- I don't know. If I had a guarantee that you'd stay this way, I'd never leave. But -- there are no guarantees, are there?"

Nodding, she sat up. "True. You don't know what the future holds, with me, or with Paula."

The shock of hearing his wife say his lover's name traveled through him like a surge of ice water.

"You knew?" he squeaked.

She snorted lightly. "I knew about all of them: Beth, Suze, Robin and now Paula."

Swaying as if in a strong wind at hearing her identify them all, he stared at her. "B-but you never said a word."

She shrugged. "What could I say? Confronting you would have meant the end of everything we had. I couldn't do it. Couldn't bear it."

Now slumping against the doorframe, he regarded the stranger he had spent more than half his life with.

"But why?"

A small smile tugged at her lips. "I loved you. It's as simple as that."

As if her statement had been a signal, the wall of flames abruptly lost its power. Straightening, Pete stepped through them and joined his wife on her bed. Slipping his arm around her shoulders, he hugged her to him.

"I never knew that."

"Well, now you do." She stroked his cheek, and he shivered. "Do you still plan to leave me?"

For a long moment, he stared at her, moments from their marriage rolling through his mind. Images of the girl he had married, the gleeful trysts before the children arrived transitioned to a darker vision of a dour, bitter wife with little time or patience for anything but her job.

And now -- what? Things were great, but suppose she went back to her old behavior? He couldn't bear that. Pete closed his eyes, trying to think, his embrace loosening as he considered the possibilities.

Feeling the change in him, Jackie sighed suddenly.

"I won't contest a divorce," she said sadly.

Opening his eyes, he opened his mouth, then closed it. Taking a deep breath, he voiced his deepest fear.

"What if you go back to your old ways once your prescription runs out?"

She surprised him by reaching for her phone and pulling up her texts.

"Read this. The doctor's office sent it. The news just broke today."

Taking the phone, he squinted at the screen.

"Pharmaceutical maker recalls "cravings neutralizing" medication after laboratory error. Drug giant Hsu & Steele issued an apology after nearly half a million doses of the popular anti-craving drug Urgenta were found to be placebo tablets. Lot numbers include..."

Dropping the phone to the mattress, Pete felt hope well up in him.

"You mean...?"

Nodding, she gave him a wry smile.

"Yep. It was me all along."

Closing his eyes, he gathered her into his arms, then gave her the kind of kiss neither had experienced in years.

"Still planning to leave me?" she murmured.

"Not a chance," Pete promised, and kissed his wife again. "Can you forgive me?"

"Already did." She regarded him, her deep brown eyes serious. "What about you? Can you forgive me?"

"Yes," he said simply.

She rolled away from him, turning off her bedside lap so that only the hall light illuminated the room. The effect surprised him with its sensuality. Turning back to him, she ran a flirtatious finger down his neck, nuzzling his soft skin in its wake.

"Ready to get on with our lives?" she asked after a minute.

Pulling her down to the mattress, he nodded, running one hand down to her deliciously curvy bottom and giving it an affectionate squeeze. She shivered and gave a little moan.

Pete spent the next half hour getting reacquainted with his wife, remembering her sweet spots and places to avoid, both of them panting with need after such a long hiatus. When she flickered her fingers over his most sensitive place, he lay back, seeing stars far more beautiful than the ones on his bedroom ceiling. Her stroking intensified, and he came urgently, legs shaking, stars falling from the sky.

Returning the favor, he buried his face in her musky cleft, getting off on her scent and slippery heat, proud to know he still had that power over her. Her own climax pulsed on his tongue and he grabbed her thighs to keep her anchored to his mouth.

She squirmed and writhed, her cries exquisite to his ears, her taste ambrosial. He could almost see the blood pounding under her pale skin as he laid his head on one thigh to let her come down from the heights in her own good time.

When he felt her hands urging him to move up, he took his time, planting loving kisses along a leisurely trail to her mouth.

As their bodies cooled, she pulled the crumpled sheet over them both, nestling sleepily into his side.

"We'll go to the pound tomorrow and pick out a dog," Pete said into the loving darkness, and the feel of her smile against his shoulder felt like coming home.