Sin Eater

Zolli turned to me and once again seized the initiative. "Carl Rhinehart, I have been welcomed into your home. Will you offer me my due as a guest?"

Well, wasn't she just full of surprises? She was right. Mom and Dad has passed, but they had ingrained the rules of hospitality into me.

"Carl..." the tension in Jen's voice alone was a warning that I had better not even entertain the idea of hosting this ... disruption.

As an aside, someone from the outside may be of the opinion that I was horribly henpecked and that Jen ran all over me. I can see that and understand the perspective. However, those that would say that are on the outside looking in. Our life together was far more equal and balanced than my actions may have shown. Truth be told, I believed that we were a pair always aligned. We were a strong couple because we shared so many common interests. And when we disagreed, Jen could articulate her perspective in a way I could understand. I may not always agree with her opinions or her actions, but I could understand them. And to that point, I often went along with her opinions simply because her happiness was important to me. And there were so few life choices that we were making at that point in our lives where what I wanted far outweighed the peace I chose to keep and maintain. Simply put, she made some decisions and I chose to make my own peace with them. It worked well for us, but some people outside our pairing may have had questions. Let them talk; I knew what I knew and we were happy.

But this was one of the rare cases. I was having none of what she was offering.

"Jennifer," I said in my own low and serious tone, with our eyes locked. I almost never used her full name. To me, that had a certain weight to it. "Something very serious is happening here. 'Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.' Isn't that how the saying goes?" I felt that I was standing at a crossroads and that there was no simple path for me to follow. This evening was to be a huge change in my life. In our lives.

"You can't possibly believe this bit-"

"Frankly, I don't know what to believe," I interrupted. Jen's mouth ovalled again. She was not used to me taking a lead against her wishes. "And I won't know whether to believe anything until I hear what our guest has to say. I am obviously not happy with this accusation, so there had better be some kind of explanation here from both of you."

Jen sensed the change in the room, and while she didn't relax, not really, she did de-escalate. Good.

"Where are my manners, Zolli? We're just about to eat. Would you care to join us? You apparently have something to say." My mouth was dry and my knees were barely able to hold my weight, so there was a real urgency for me to get off my feet before I broke down.

I turned to see Zolli's smile, with her eyes crinkled. There was a lot in just that simple gesture. She nodded, a small dip of her chin.

"Thank you, Carl. We'll need to talk first. This must be done. The food will keep until we are ready."

OK, this was her show; we'd do it her way.

I nodded and then gestured to the living room set. The earthy aroma of the meal came back full force. I hoped I could eat; Zolli's accusation had more than soured my stomach.

Jen's dissatisfaction at me escaped in an exhaled hiss as she rose to her full height. "This is nonsense," she muttered, but followed us to the living room to talk.

I offered Zolli a chair, but she politely refused. Instead she gestured that Jen and I were to sit together on the loveseat. I wasn't feeling like I wanted to be that close to Jen, for multiple reasons.

"Please. Humor me," our guest asked. I sat, as far to one side as possible.

Jen refused entirely. Arms crossed, foot tapping, her eyes went back and forth between us. I noted again that something unspoken yet profound was exchanged between the two. Damn my cluelessness!

Zolli was unfazed by Jen's temper and to me, gestured at the coffee table. "May I?" I nodded and she slid it out of the way, leaving marks in the carpet. Again, she gestured for Jen to take a seat next to me.

To say I was conflicted would be an understatement. The pit in my stomach gaped and threatened to consume everything. I swooned while I sat as the recent events swirled through my brain.

"You're not gonna do anything?" My wife's eyes blazed at me. "You're just gonna sit there and let her do this? What kind of man are you?"

I was used to her trying to impose her will on me. I had always chalked it up to her way and the price of keeping the calm in our relationship.

But as she railed at me, as my own guts rebelled, as I tried to process how my world was slipping away, I came to the realization that there would not be any calm in our relationship, at least not any time soon. That if what I thought was about to come out... The pieces were on the table. The game was set. It had to play out.

Our eyes locked. From ten feet away, she leaned in at me, sneering. "I can't believe you'd sit there and -"

"SIT YOUR FUCKING ASS DOWN!"

Jen recoiled as if I had slapped her. In a way, maybe I had. As I've said, Jen is a big girl. I am quite a bit bigger still and with that sheer physical presence, and despite my tendency for passivity, I knew I could be intimidating in my own way in case my words failed me.

Another pause. "Spare me your self-righteous indignation and sit down. Now!" I said at a much more appropriate volume. I felt the heat in my ears rise. I knew this as a sign that despite my outward calm, that a real anger was building up in me. And if Jen chose to push it, well then ...

She chose not to push it and sat next to me, as far from me as possible, shooting glares and muttering a string of curses under her breath. If looks could kill, local homicide would be cleaning up Zolli and I using a wet-vac.

Zolli watched the whole exchange in silence, and seemingly quite pleased with herself. Once we were in place, Zolli addressed me.

"Mr. Rhinehart. Carl. Thank you for the hospitality. I appreciate the disruption to your evening routine but this is an issue which requires addressing if you two are to continue your marriage. This impacts not just you but several people outside your marriage."

My mind went to Angie. My folks. Her parents. Jen's sister. This would impact all of them. Thinking of our family softened my unease.

"This will be painful, and for that I apologize. This must come out, though, and when it does, and when we are finished, there are certain decisions which must be made. Only then can we move forward."

Ha! I thought. Understatement of the day!

Zolli turned to Jen. "I need for you to talk about the first time you cheated on your husband." Jen's anger came off her in waves.

"You bitch!"

"Wait," I interrupted. "Who are you in this? I still have no idea who you are."

She smiled, without menace or guile. "Yes. Who am I? Frankly, I could tell you everything. We don't need her to tell us anything. However, if I were to tell you about your wife's infidelity, it wouldn't have much weight. I have all of the information, and I can give you facts and dates. The 'who's and the 'what's. But why believe me? Those are your wife's confessions, not mine. As you have your own.

"We don't need your wife here. But for us to move past this, then she must tell her own story."

"Are you some kind of private investigator?" I asked. I just wasn't getting it. "How do you know this?"

"I'm the reason she cheated," she said, looking at Jen

My wife growled next to me but only hung her head before softly sobbing.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Randall Higgs," Jen spat.

The name meant nothing to me. I don't know whether that made me feel better or worse. Was it a good thing that my wife's lover's name meant nothing to me?

"Huh? Who?"

"He was a trainer at my gym. After trying to lose the baby weight after Angie was born."

Oh. How cliché.

Zolli crossed her arms and shook her head. "The first time." There was that pulsing again. It was the damnedest thing. She never moved, but there was a power that came from her, something that just went through the room. And with it came that eye-watering stench.

"You goddamned bitch!" Jen looked ill but still angry enough to want to tear Zolli apart. Her fists were balled and the skin white and bloodless from squeezing so hard. I wasn't sure why she didn't act on it.

Zolli seemed pained, but continued. "I can't help you unless you're honest with yourself."

I still didn't understand what was happening here.

Jen's head hung again. There were muffled sobs as she tried to keep it inside, but it was a losing battle. I so wanted to reach out, to comfort my stricken wife. Until I remembered why she was crying. What she was confessing to - her adultery, her adultery on me.

When she spoke again, it was barely above a whisper. "Jerry Raney. I fucked Jerry Raney."

"Wow," was all I could say. Unlike the first name Jen had mentioned, Jerry was someone I knew. Pretty well, I thought, but apparently, I was wrong. He was my co-TA for the chemistry class where I met Jen.

"Go on," Zolli urged in a low, steady voice.

"I hate you," Jen hissed at her.

It took a moment for Jen to compose herself. By now tears were flowing freely and she looked to the ceiling, wiping her eyes. With a deep breath, she began, speaking to me but not looking at me.

"You knew my past. I was pretty open about what I did in school, but you stayed constant. I dated. A lot. But I still saw you pretty regularly. A few times a month?"

"Yeah. About that," I responded once I realized she was asking me. Clever. By making this a dialogue rather than just a confession, it would defuse some of the impact if I were to agree on even basic story items.

"Well," she continued. "Boys came and went. I sampled freely, but there really wasn't someone who I made me want to stop." Ouch. I must've flinched, because she looked at me. "Sorry. But you knew I wanted to date and not settle down."

"Well, that doesn't seem to have changed even when you did settle down." I couldn't help it. My cheeks felt moist.

"Carl," Zolli reprimanded me softly.

"No," Jen said. "It's true. I'm so sorry." I felt my teeth grinding at the feeble apology.

Another pause. "Well, the boys came and went, but you stayed. You weren't perfect but you were ... you grew on me. And you showed me that it wasn't just about getting into my pants. You were real. You were ... a man." She looked at me, eyes wet and red. Her hand began to reach towards me, but she pulled back. Whether it was her choice of the look on my face that made her do that, I didn't know or care. "You were- you are a man, a good man, in so many ways."

"Anyways, we were graduating soon, and you proposed. I was so happy. I knew that we had so much to look forward to and you were serious about my happiness. I had dated enough to know that almost all of those other guys were so selfish and would be for years to come. You were ready and able to commit to me. That was such a thrill. My parents loved you and you had a great career lined up. I could see the rest of our lives together and we could hit the ground running.

"So, the night of the engagement party, we were out celebrating at the club. The place was packed, since we were closing in on graduation. All of our friends were there. Jerry was there among them. Obviously, the booze was flowing. I remember I maintained a good buzz all night long. Enough to keep my spirits high but not enough to put me over the edge. I was on cloud nine. I got pulled out to the dance floor and it was just bodies grinding and sweating. I was so happy, and I don't know, horny and all worked up. At one point, Jerry ended up next to me, and when he leaned in to congratulate me, I just kissed him. Just a peck really.

"The song changed, and then he was behind me. I remember feeling his arms around me but not really holding me. But I felt him grind against my ass, and it was huge. I turned and looked back at him and he just grinned. I turned back and he ground into me more. Right there on the floor!

"I mean I wasn't really thinking, at least with my head. But, gawd, I was so absolutely horned up. I looked over to you at the table we were sitting at and you were holding court. You were so proud and so happy. I went over to you, and tried to get you to leave. I needed to get fucked so so badly.

"You just asked if we had to go that minute. That everyone was having fun. I was pretty insistent though. You finally agreed that we leave but you asked for a few more minutes. I saw Jerry looking around, I assumed he was looking for me. So, I went to the toilet to hide and then try to calm down.

"I went to the women's room. Fortunately, the line wasn't too long, but I just needed to splash my face anyways. I had to cool off.

"I got in there, and was dabbing the water off my face, and finally thought I got that momentary horniness out of my system.

"'Wow, he did a number on you,' came a voice from next to me. I looked up and it was her." Jen nodded at Zolli.

"Huh?" I was lost.

"It was you, wasn't it?" Jen asked our interrogator; her face was hard and bitter despite the tears. "You were the one next to me. I'd never forget a woman that looked like you."

Zolli just smiled.

"She was much younger, obviously" Jen continued to me. "But it was her. She was so ... sexy. I still remember it like it was yesterday. A simple peasant dress showing off her bare skin, the dark hair hung loose but those curls and waves. Her voice was that smoky, sexy purr and with the accent? Oh gawd! And, even in that stinking club toilet, her perfume made me so damn wet... I couldn't remember if I had seen her before or where I knew her from; seriously, how could I forget someone that looked like her? But when she spoke, it was as if I trusted her completely, like I had known her for my whole life.

"She said 'That guy on the dance floor really wants you. You could feel it, couldn't you?' I told her I just got engaged and we were all out celebrating. I held up my engagement ring. She responded 'I don't hear you saying 'no' either.'

"There was just no way, though. I knew Jerry. Not well enough but I knew you knew him. And that should have been enough. I wanted to grow up and be serious. But she just continued 'You could feel him. Feel how hard he was for you. You still have that kind of power over a man, but it won't last forever.'

"I - I felt so confused. Here I was trying to start a whole life together with you and become a serious adult. But each word she whispered made me so afraid. Afraid that I couldn't be happy with just one guy. Afraid that I wouldn't be enough for you. Afraid that I wouldn't be beautiful enough to make men want me anymore.

"I looked in the mirror and saw her looking back at me, smiling. That look gave me confidence. I knew what to do.

"I left the bathroom and went back to the table; my pussy was on fire. I was surprised you couldn't smell me when I got back to the table. My panties were soaked under my skirt. I stood there and you were telling a story. It was clear you had forgotten I wanted to leave. I was so pissed. Pissed and horny. I left and went and found Jerry on the other side of the bar. He had that smirk like he knew what I wanted. I suppose it was obvious. We left without a word out the back door.

"The door hadn't even shut before I was on my knees, trying to swallow his monster. I couldn't. He was just too big. But I was so wet, and ready. It was a back-alley fuck, and Jerry was terrible, but his cock hit places I'd never felt before. He didn't need to be good, he just had to be hard, and that little creep could manage that. Barely. But that was enough. I must've cum three times before he grunted. I pulled off of him and jerked him off. He came on my leg. He whined about not cumming inside me, but there was no way I was gonna let that happen."

I had some warning this was coming, and Jen's retelling was factual and not titillating; she derived no pleasure from recounting this to me. But I was so angry, so confused. I had so many uncomfortable emotions. I was furious at Jen. I was angry at Zolli for instigating this. I was pissed at Jerry for his feckless friendship.

My mouth was dry but I had to ask. "Was that it?"

"You know the answer," Jen's head was down.

"I mean with Jerry."

"No." She sighed before taking a deep breath. "He'd call. He'd just say 'It's ready for you', and I'd go see him." She was sobbing again. "I made sure you never knew and that you were busy. I'd never stay long and I'd never say a word to him. He tried to trash-talk you once, and I actually got up and left. I should've stayed gone." She shook her head. "I just needed to be filled like that, to scratch the itch just for a little while. I came so hard.

"After the first few times, I felt whatever spell he had on me was broken. Like I said, he was terrible in bed; I effectively just used him as a human dildo. Then one day he moved, he was gone, and that was that. It was a clean break and I returned to you. To start over. To start together. I never heard from him again and I never looked back."

My face was in my hands. The rage inside me was so great, I didn't know what to do. So, I thought of Angie. My beautiful daughter. So smart and clever. She really was the best of both of us. What would happen to her? How would she deal with the fallout from the terrible revelations? Could we stay together as a family? The worst had yet to come, that I knew. My belief in Angie calmed me to the point where I didn't want to give up hope.

"What was it? Why Jerry?" I asked, barely above a whisper. "And spare me the 'it was just sex' bullshit!"

She nodded and took a minute to gather her thoughts, meaning she was just about to trot out 'It was just sex.' I appreciated the time she took. She still looked beautiful to me, even in her misery.

"C-control," she began with a hitch in her voice. "He meant nothing to me-"

"That doesn't make me feel any better," I spat. She flinched, knowing it was a cheap shot to a tired cliché.

"I know. I know! But it was never about Jerry. I mean, there was the naughty side of you being co-workers, but it wasn't like you were buddies. But I could go to Jerry, and literally not say a fucking word. I didn't want to speak with him, hear his voice or kiss him. Sometimes I'd put a pillow over his head just to not be reminded of what I was doing. I was in complete control, because he was only a blood supply for a cock. But what an unbelievable cock!"

"So, you're a size queen? I never satisfied you?"

"No! No! Nononono!" She bounced as she emphasized her speech with waving hands. "Not at all. You've got to believe me!"

I just stared at her. Believe her? Was she out of her mind? That was the last thing I was gonna do.

She looked aghast when she realized her faux pas. "I mean, yeah, I've had some big guys. And Jerry was huge. But he didn't know what to do with it, and if I left him to his own, he'd smash that thing into my cervix which is far more painful than sexy. No, I had to control him completely to get off. That was the turn on for me. And he was such a wimp that he'd let me do it, rather than actually make an effort to learn how to please a woman with anything more than shoving it in me and thrusting like he was having a seizure.

"Look, you're not small. You're not huge. You're just right. And you're mine. We make love and you touch the places that need touching. Even when we just go through the motions, there is more passion and touch in you than in all the Jerrys in the world. There's nothing he ever had on you.