Sin Eater

She looked down at her hand, sniffling.

"I was in a vulnerable place, and we had just ..." Her head snapped up, glaring at our guest. "And that fucking bitch didn't help!"

Zolli showed her hands in an appeasing gesture. "I can't force you to make decisions." Despite her actions so far, I appreciated her not provoking Jen further.

"I was so confused, so nervous and there was this freakish cock. I thought I would always wonder if I didn't try.

"It's not an excuse. I have no excuse. I know that. But it's the truth and it's a mistake I made and that I have to live with. But I went to our wedding fully committed to you and once I got pregnant with Angie, I devoted myself to being the best mother I could be to her and wife to you.

"You remember I had just started teaching and was already being positioned for promotion within the department? That was all earned. I was busting my butt to get that. But once we were pregnant, I dropped it. I owed you, whether you knew it or not. I knew you'd be a great father and I was gonna make sure you got that."

Her being this defensive was a new thing in our relationship. Maybe it was a good thing? It just sucked that the cost to bring it out was so high.

"Your guilt from Jerry led to Angie?"

"No. Maybe. Not the pregnancy, no, of course not. But my decision to quit teaching and raise her at home was maybe helped by a need to make sure that our daughter never wanted for anything. I knew how important that was for you."

"I see." And I did. It didn't mean I forgave her, but there were some pieces of her story that I could hold on to. And that was a start. I had spent decades putting myself in Jen's shoes and seeing her perspective, and this was Jen logic at its finest.

"I need a drink," I grumbled, rising from the couch.

Somehow, I knew we were just getting started.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The other two didn't move from their positions. But they eyed each other warily. The tension in Jen was evident in how she held herself and in the way she'd alternate from sobbing in her hands to staring daggers at Zolli.

I considered getting a few fingers of scotch in a tumbler but opted for a large water. God knew my brain was fogged enough already and I would need to be able to think beyond grunts and monosyllables. I brought smaller glasses for the ladies.

"Shall we continue?" I asked sitting down, staring at Jen. "Who the fuck is Randall Higgs?"

She sighed. No rest for the wicked.

Rolling her eyes to the ceiling, she began. "Angie had started nursery school and was getting out of the house for a few hours. You remember I was at the high end of weight gain for Angie during my pregnancy? I must've put on fifty pounds. Well, by the time Angie was going to school, I had lost about thirty of it, but the last twenty or so were driving me crazy. I don't know how much you remember me being so angry and on edge?"

I nodded. It was true. Jen had always been vain and proud of her figure and overall fitness. She wasn't a fanatic about it. She probably carried about 140 lbs on her frame under normal conditions, but her mother was obese and that had led to a number of health issues. Jen swore that would never be her. So, when she was still in the 155-160lb range, she had many conversations with herself in the mirror after the pregnancy.

And I did recall the gym. "You had a trainer? Wasn't it a woman?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Joni. She was really good. I liked-"

"I'm sure it was wonderful," I snapped. "Can we fast forward to the part about you being a cheating slut?"

Jen winced, and a whole new crying jag started. Even Zolli reacted.

"Carl, confessions are not easy things. We're here to see if we can salvage your lives together."

I eyed Zolli. She wasn't very high on my "Friends" list at that moment. In fact, I was of the opinion that the whole event should have stayed buried, and her digging up that which was better left alone was very unwelcome. I didn't try to hide my expression of contempt, but she didn't flinch. Considering that while sitting, I was still almost as tall as her standing, that was no small feat.

"Please, Carl." Zolli reached over to me, touching my arm. Her touch was warm, soothing and very welcome. I was reminded of what appeared to be generous curves under her loose clothing. I could see where she was likely stunningly beautiful a few decades ago. I waved my hand with all the contempt I could manage at the moment.

Jen took a moment before continuing. "Alright. I worked most of the weight off. My free hours were when Angie was in school, which was a few hours in the daytime. The gym crowd at that time was mostly housewives and trainers getting their own workouts in. That may sound like a relaxed atmosphere until you realize the way that many of the trophy wives approach fitness. It can be like a spandex fashion show and the amount of flesh that is shown is almost like a soft-core porn movie.

"I really didn't give much thought about it, though. I just wanted to get in and get out. Joni was good for that. We worked and worked but the last few pounds just wouldn't go, no matter what we did.

"So, I saw a guy there doing a different routine, one that to me looked really advanced. And so, she introduced me to Randall.

She stopped, her hands twisting into knots. "Do I have to go through this?" Jen pleaded, looking to me and then her accuser.

"Look," I reasoned. "Get it out. No trickle truthing this out. Get it done. Believe me, I'm not very happy hearing about you slu- ... this, either." I caught myself before I insulted her again. It didn't work; she melted into tears again, her eyes pleading with me.

I was getting pissed at her. No, I was already pissed and I was progressing into apoplectic rage. She confessed to cheating on me, since, well, forever if I counted all the other guys she had slept with up to the time we became a closed relationship, and then continued to step out on me after. Yet somehow telling this to my face was difficult for her? What kind of crazy world is this? We hadn't even begun to discuss her taking responsibility for her actions. This was just a recounting of what she'd done. And she can't even do that?

Throughout our life together, I allowed her to take charge over certain responsibilities. Unspoken with that power was the implied responsibility to take charge for all of that. I took care of the yard work, so if the lawn mower broke, I took care of it myself. Jen oversaw the finances in the house, so she balanced the checkbook and dealt with the accountant. Here she was looking to shirk the responsibilities she had to discuss her affairs. There was no way I was gonna let that slide.

I think she could see that she had pushed me to my limit. She looked to her lap and spoke softly and quickly.

"I asked Randall for help when I wasn't working with Joni. He was nice and gave me his time willingly."

"Here we go," I muttered.

"No, it wasn't like that. It wasn't!" she protested, looking at me. I just glared at her. "Well, not at first." I snorted derisively. It was like she forgot I already knew the ending to that story. I had to wonder if all cheaters thought like this - that everyone else was dumber than they were.

"I'm not dumb. No, not by a long shot," I said, to the unspoken accusation. Zolli began to gesture to let Jen continue but I was gonna get this out. "What I am guilty of was a) loving my wife above all others and b) giving her the respect and trust to not do anything to hurt us. And this is how I am repaid? Not just the infidelity, but the ... the gall to treat me like I'm an idiot!"

"Please, Carl," Zolli soothed. "Let her finish. I understand this will be hard on both of you, but I promise this will give you choices."

And I was back to that again. Who was this woman to make these pronouncements like this was all in a day's work? That the revelations wouldn't topple our family? The prickly heat climbing my ears told me I needed to control my temper. I closed my eyes and began to count to myself while Jen sobbed.

It was a moment before she began to speak again.

"Randall was a gentleman. He was a black man. Not much taller than me and a slim frame. Attractive but not really conventionally handsome. Not huge by any means. But very much in shape. He was careful not to be too flirty or to touch me inappropriately. Some light spotting or he'd guide me with careful hands. But he was always polite and appropriate for being a trainer."

"Then how did-"

"Bitches," she spat the word out. "Her." She nodded at Zolli. Again, Zolli remained silent at the accusation; a sly grin on her full lips.

"With Randall's help, I lost the rest of the weight. He was really good at it and motivating; not just a drill sergeant. The results did not go unnoticed. Some of the gym bunnies began to ask about how Randall helped me lose the last few pounds; the implications were very clear. You can imagine the kind of gossip they'd spread. A few even said that they had 'taken him out for a test drive' and it was no wonder how effective he was. That his tongue alone was aerobic exercise equipment.

"I wasn't about to engage with them. I was polite about it, but taking on the bimbos wasn't a battle I was gonna fight. Still, I couldn't get their words out of my head. His body was rock hard, and he was a sex god? He wasn't my type, really. And you did take good care of me at home. I wasn't doing without. I tried to up my efforts on you. There were a few days that I don't think you even got to go upstairs after work before I attacked you."

The specific times Jen mentioned did seem familiar. Like all couples, we had times where, yes, our sexual activity did increase. But every couple goes through cycles like that - times of increase and decrease in activity. This particular time was notable from her being more aggressive in wanting, no, demanding sex. I was only too pleased to oblige. Like all other cycles, it had passed. It was mildly notable but these cycles had happened enough times that I had not looked the proverbial gift horse in the mouth and questioned 'why?' or 'why then?'.

But this comment triggered the nagging voice in the back of my head, asking about the other times our sex life picked up - were these from other affairs she was having? I may never know.

"Randall himself made a tentative pass, but it was half-hearted and easily shot down. I did it kindly. I mean, I liked the gym and wanted to stay; I also didn't want to get him in trouble. What he did wasn't a crime. It made me feel good, to a degree.

"Then you got sent overseas on that product transfer junket and ... I don't have an excuse. I tried to get my fill of you before you left. But then, not the next day I went to work out and I found her in the gym working with Randall." She pointed at Zolli. "The two of them, so close together.

"My jaw dropped seeing her again. It had been a few years, but she was still ..." Jen shivered. "They looked at me together. And I knew it; I could see it all laid out in front of me. I should've turned around and walked out. But the way they just looked side-by-side. They weren't wearing anything more revealing than anyone else in the gym but they just ... oozed a sexuality. I remember I looked around the gym to see if anyone else was staring, but it was business as usual.

"The way they brought their heads together when they whispered to each other as they sized me up, like I was a meal. There was an intimacy there, a familiarity. I knew they were sleeping together and that triggered a whole flood of emotions.

"Why? I don't have a clue. It shouldn't have affected me in the slightest. I had barely any interest in Randall, or so I thought. And her? She was gorgeous, but nothing more than a stranger. But the idea of them together? The dusky sexpot and the Energizer Bunny?

"And they did the worst thing possible. They left me alone. I exercised on my own. Other than a nodding acknowledgement from both of them, they spoke with each other while I sweated and worked. But I couldn't work hard enough to get the mental pictures out of my head of them, glistening and writhing, on soaked sheets. Of their tension and release. All my senses were stimulated in the mental images I had cooked up. In my mind, they were a two-person orgy; anything was possible.

"I could feel myself lubing up. I actually used a towel on the benches I sat on, for fear I'd leave traces of my excitement. I could smell myself. I ground my pussy into the equipment as hard as I could. All from a few stolen glances.

"I finally had to go into the toilets to get some relief. Christ, I couldn't get my leggings down fast enough. I just grazed my clit and it started. For the next three or four minutes I just shot off, although at the time it seemed to go on forever. One wrenching cum after another after another. I was biting onto the towel to keep my noises to a dull roar. I nearly blacked out a few times.

"And that was my aerobic activity for the day. I slunk out of the bathroom, shamed like a whore at confession, and left quietly, to their amused looks.

"I couldn't explain the hold that they had over me. It was ... primal. Just the idea of hot, highly sexual people getting it on? I didn't know that could be so hot. But for some reason, those two? I just lost it. It was embarrassing.

"But I did my best to walk out. I called you later at your hotel, telling you how much I missed you already. And then I nearly wore out my vibrator."

Here, she paused. My mouth was dry, and I realized I was quite turned on by her description. I hated what she had done, and how that made me feel. But her own excitement came through in her description. I was enraptured and felt a sexuality in the room. I didn't realize that I needed a break as well.

I rose from the seat to get more water for all of us. On the way into the kitchen, I passed the table and noticed the food, still steaming. Funny, I would've thought it had long cooled by now. While I filled three glasses from the water bottle, I just looked out at the backyard. At my garden. So peaceful, green and idyllic. I wanted to be out there now, forgetting about everything that had happened this evening. Fuck, why was this happening?

Once I retuned, Jen drank greedily. Zolli thanked me for hers. I asked her again if she wanted to sit. She politely refused and told me that this was the way to do this. The fine lines at the corners of her mouth and eyes showed she was pleased with how things were going. Far be it from me to understand women at all. Jen soon continued her story.

"I thought I had it out of my system. You know I like to be in control but two days later, the same thing happened. Including me running to the toilet to frig myself senseless.

"It started when I walked in with that plastic blonde Bitsy Meyers coming up to me in the locker room and saying she hoped that she'd be able to watch my next jill session in the toilets, and to let her know if I'd be interested in some playtime at her place. Apparently, I had been even less quiet than I thought, and I was now the talk of the Bimbo Crew. I was mortified; she just smirked, letting me know the offer was always open. I was beginning to worry about my own lack of control.

"Zolli and Randall were off doing their own thing, but the looks they gave me would've melted the plastic out of Bitsy's face and tits. I could barely make it through my circuit before I was back in the bathroom stalls, knees up and three fingers buried in my kitty, not caring who was listening in this time.

"I cleaned up with my shame burning hot the whole time and then made my way out to the parking lot and she was there. The hair, the eyes, the lips. I was lost. I mean I had just cum like a banshee, but when she leaned in and whispered 'Randall has a slot he'd like to fill. Do you have time?' I was suddenly ready for more."

My wife looked at me. Her eyes were all rimmed red, her hair was half-in, half-out of her ponytail. She looked small. Lost. Again, I had to remind myself not to offer her comfort while she was confessing her infidelity to me. I loved her so much, but I hurt, and I had no idea where we would be when this was all done.

"I wish I had fought harder. I thought of you, honestly. And Angie. I thought how much I loved you. But I couldn't say no."

She stopped again. I offered her the last of my water.

"Please continue, Jennifer," Zolli prompted softly, and not unkindly.

"I hate you." Zolli just nodded.

She began again. "Forget the myth. He wasn't some hung bull. In fact, he was a bit smaller than you and thin. But, oh did he know what to do with it. And with his hands and mouth. We went to his place, which was a small studio apartment near by the gym. He was a bit submissive and really into pleasing me, which was good. I was already tired. And I just didn't want to be reminded of being such a slut. It was kinda the same setup like with Jerry. I just put a pillow over my own head and let him do this thing. Y'know, wind up the Energizer Bunny and let him go-go-go. I just came and came. I kept trying to cover up, but he knew some judo or something and could restrain me just gently enough while he just pulled the orgasms from me. I soaking wet, having sprayed his sheets and I'm sure I was a complete mess. I begged to breathe but he just kept me going. Finally, I was done. I could barely move but I think I ran to my car.

"I picked up Angie from class. The sour look on the teaching aide's face told me she had a damn good idea what I had been up to with my free time. Just another added dose of humiliation for my debasement. I just spent the rest of the day trying to recover.

"With Randall, there was no love. There was no feeling at all; it was all stimulation. He was a machine. It was all 'push the button, receive an orgasm' and I just kept pushing the button."

Jen's face was distant and a bit wistful, as if she were remembering a story that happened to someone else. Maybe she was?

"So, you didn't love him?"

"Oh, God, no. No. Not in the slightest." She shook her head vigorously. I loved that gesture, but in this case, I understood its significance.

"But you went back."

"Yeah. I did. I mean I enjoyed it. But really, there was zero emotional attachment. The guy was like a savant for pussy. I wasn't sure that he actually enjoyed it. Servicing women was ... it was like it was his purpose; a job. Like a jackhammer. Sometimes he'd use restraints on me. Not in a B&D way, but just so he could keep my legs apart while I kept cumming. And then, he'd just stop. I'd clean up, wobble to the car on spaghetti legs and go home."

"And?"

"Well, you came back from your project. I think I saw Randall twice more after that. I knew he was seeing other women from the gym. He certainly earned his reputation. But when I went to cut it off with him, he told me he was afraid he's overstayed his welcome anyways and was considering leaving town. I get the feeling there was more to it. But by that point, the novelty had worn off and I felt like shit for going behind your back again. It was no problem to leave him behind. I quit the gym and never saw him again.

"I was guilty as sin, and again tried to fuck my way into your forgiveness again. You took it all with your usual good humor. And for the last fifteen years, you have been my everything." She gave me a weak smile. I didn't return it.

She leaned back, exhausted. As bad as she looked, I'd bet that I felt worse. These confessions were an ordeal.

"Well?" I asked to the room. "Is that it?"

Zolli was about to speak but Jen cut her off. "Don't! Don't you fucking say it!" Zolli looked a bit surprised, but was smiling. Jen turned to me. "No. I did my best for fourteen years. Fourteen years of guilt and shame and I put all of that behind me and was the wife you deserved. I was then best mom I could be for Angie. There was no one!"