Sin Eaters Ch. 01

When the feeling faded, I went back to work on Quinn. I wanted to see what June looked like as she sat with the knowledge that Quinn had made me scream so fucking easily, but I wanted to make Quinn come more. There would be time for June in a second. She was supposed to be watching us, anyway. I'd been so wrong to worry that the reality of this wouldn't be as good as the fantasy.

"I'm going to come," Quinn said. "Fuck, Helen—"

"Do it," I said. "Come on you — Jesus fuck that. Me too. Oh fuck Quinn!"

I didn't know which of us came first. I didn't think it mattered. We kept going until the stimulation had turned painful and every last bit of pleasure had been wrung out. I pulled my head away from Quinn's thighs and wiped my mouth with my arms. I felt so giddy and light. Slowly, I sat up, stretching my arms over my head.

Now I could look at June.

She had pulled her knees up to her chest. They covered half of her face, but her eyes were still visible. She was still staring. The look of anxiety, of fear, that she wore when something was particularly hard hadn't left. If anything, it had gotten worse. Her deep brown eyes looked like they were brimming with tears. She was flushed red down to her neck, though.

I felt Quinn settle next to me. She looked at June too. June froze. For a moment, everything was still and silent, nothing else in the room existed other than us. It felt as intimate as any sex. June let out a quiet whimper. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was seeing her bare, stripped of all her defenses, right down to the core of what she was. I reveled in it.

But then, the moment passed, my senses came back to me, and I realized what we'd all just done. Guilt washed over the pleasure, blunting it, making me realize that the way things had gone hadn't been at all like I'd pictured. Quinn had been harsher, I'd been meaner by looking at June so much the whole time, and we'd been louder, as if we were trying to rub it all in.

The three of us sat in total stillness, processing what happened. Things wouldn't be the same after this. I didn't know if we'd taken a big step forward or damaged something beyond repair. June sniffled. It was the jolt I needed to stop ruminating and start doing something. The big questions could come later.

I glanced at Quinn. She still had a sadistic smile on her face. That needed to change. June looked good curled up in her chair, but she also looked like she was about to snap.

"June, come here? Do you want to cuddle?" I asked.

"What?" Quinn asked.

"We're done, Quinn," I said. "Let's — aftercare? Remember?"

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry I wasn't sure—yes. Aftercare." The word seemed to bring herself back a bit. I saw the moment the apprehension hit her too. "Aftercare would be really good, yeah. Let me get drinks."

"No. Please. Let me," June said. She stood up, clumsy like a newborn foal. "I'll do it."

"It's fine. I can," Quinn replied.

"Please?" June begged. She was inching away from us. Her eyes were darting around the way they did when she was looking for an escape. She could use the space to breathe.

"Okay. Water for us, juice for yourself, then come back so we can cuddle," I said. Things hadn't gone as I'd imagined, but we weren't in uncharted water. We could navigate this. "Sound good?"

"Yes. I've got it," June said, then rushed out of the room.

Quinn put her head in her hands. "Ah, shit."

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Quinn gestured at the door. "You saw her! That wasn't — God, I said 'watch me fuck your ex.' What the hell was that? That was — that was over the line. That has to be. Fuck." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I hate that I'm like this, sometimes."

"Give it a second. We literally just finished. It was intense. It was our first time. There are kinks to iron out." I kissed her cheek. "We're going to talk about it and make sure it's better next time."

The minutes crawled by. Quinn and I put our underwear back on. I was tempted to get up and go check on June, but held back, while Quinn had made to get up twice already. I reigned her back in with a small shake of my head and a gentle touch. If June needed space, we weren't going to help by bothering her.

Just when Quinn seemed like she was going to go anyway, June stepped back into the room. She had three glasses held precariously in her hands. She walked to the nightstand and set them down, then took a step away from the bed. She was looking anywhere that wasn't at us. Her orange juice was untouched.

"Drink," Quinn ordered quickly. Her tone was a far cry from the way she was snapping at June before. Most of the careful control had been stripped away.

June picked it up and obeyed, her eyes on Quinn. When she finished, she smiled. It was the same way she used to smile at me when I needed reassurance. Quinn breathed a sigh of relief.

I watched them carefully. For the first time, I had no idea what was really going on in their heads. I could guess at it, but I didn't have enough experience to know for sure. Quinn and June were connecting more than I'd ever thought they would, though. There was something there. Something that we could grow.

"Come cuddle us. Let's take a minute to breathe," I said. "I'll pet you."

June loved being pet. Nails pressing past the point of what most people would consider pain was one of her favorites. It was one of the easiest ways to bribe her to do anything.

To my relief, she climbed into bed and cuddled up to me, her head on my chest as she clung. She was only an inch or two taller than me, but the way she moved and snuggled me always made me feel like she was smaller. I scratched her scalp, smiling softly at her. This, I missed. It felt right, to be tangled up with her like this. It brought home how much I missed her.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" Quinn asked. She wasn't touching June, merely watching.

"I...I don't know?" June said. "I...need to think about it."

"Seemed like you enjoyed some of it," I teased.

"I—it's...it's a lot? It's a lot."

"It is a lot," Quinn said. She was coming back to herself more. I could see the conflict settling in. They both may have been dropping a bit after what we'd done. I'd have to keep my eye on them.

On impulse, I leaned down and kissed June's head. Then, I pecked Quinn on the lips. Unlike the two of them, now that June was back in the room, I was reveling in the afterglow. I wanted this to happen again. And again. And again, and again, and again.

It wasn't only the sex. I wanted both of them. I'd always known it, but I wasn't sure it was possible. This proved that it could be. People have done things like this before. If we were careful, we could work it out too.

"We can figure it out later, let's give some time for things to settle," I said. "For what it's worth, that was one of the hottest things I've ever done and I thought the two of you were perfect. I want to do it again. But like I said, that conversation can wait."

"Yeah," June said.

I scratched the nape of her neck, trying to chase away her anxiety with my nails. All three of us had work tomorrow morning. June would return to the coffee shop, Quinn had her social work cases to get back to, and I had to figure out a particularly annoying bug and quash it. We'd all take our work home with us in some ways. The next real opportunity we'd have to talk about it all would be the weekend. I'd aim for sooner.

I was making a damn group chat.

"Sleep here tonight," I said to June. "You have one of your uniforms here, you can borrow some pajamas from me, and I have a spare toothbrush. I don't want you to leave."

"Oh. Wow. I— maybe I don't?" June said. She sat up a little. Her hair was back in front of her face. "I appreciate the offer but I think I want some space?"

"I think I'm going to head home too, Helen," Quinn said. "I have some chores to take care of and my commute is about 10 minutes longer from here."

I had arguments prepared to try and get them to stay. I was almost certain I could've gotten them to agree. I didn't want to be alone, either. I wanted cuddles. I wanted to spend time with them.

I really wanted to kiss June again.

But we'd pushed enough today. If they needed space, then I'd give them it; I'd have our group chat, anyway. I wasn't going to let them stew, even if they wanted to. I'd gotten us all here, I was going to make sure that we all got to the other side in one piece.

"Okay, but it's still early. Give me another hour?" I said. "Even if you don't stay, let's snuggle a bit more."

"Okay," June said.

June laid her head back in my lap. Quinn settled next to me. She started to rub June's back. The awkwardness from before was mostly gone, in the aftermath, everything felt soft and complete. It would take work to make it stay like that, but I thought it was a good goal.

Love was always worth a little bit of struggle.