All Comments on 'Sins of the Father'

....but what happened to Ara and why did she do what she did? That side of the story could have been developed a bit more, balancing the story. It is a bit hard to write of an 18-year old, who was seduced by a master manipulator who she had a childhood crush on, as just a skank.

Everything about the story works SO well! The tempo, the fleshing out of the primary characters, the grammar, the use of the right words at the right time -- and, most importantly, the author's story-telling ability.

Thanks so much for sharing. This is "the cream of the crop" for Lit!.

Thank you so much for this. By making Gerard real, you made the story feel real too. Adam burning his past and the envelope was inspired. Wonderfully done.

I hate the word “awesome” but it works well here. Definitely 5*. I agree with one comment wondering what happens to Ara. I’ll just use my imagination. The other thing I definitely agree with is that NoraFares is a rising star. Her amazing writing led me to contact her, and now she’s a great friend and trusted Beta. I feel like a writing hack compared to Nora and you, but I’m having fun.

Thanks for great characters and writing. You’re already in my favorites and there you shall remain.

Thanks, another enjoyable story and nice character development.

And good to see Mookie holding down a job, hopefully at least till his old Boss finds something for him to do.

thank you for writing a good yarn, very enjoyable. i think mookie has reared his head now in a couple of your stories. nice to see that you may have cross overs from other authors not just your own. very effective way to captivate the reader.

please do keep writing. i like these newer style of tales a lot more.

thank you. div

Your "no yeets" tag gives me life. Set again in Pueblo, I found the world to be just as immersive and fleshed out as your others. I was really excited seeing Shannon and Ethan, the father-daughter fiddle band, mentioned. Adam is a new favorite of mine. So cool and collected, and able to serve a hot steaming dish of revenge in a very satisfying way. Overall, a great story written in a brilliant writing style.

PS- Thank you for the shout out!

As usual. Well written sir and I look forward to you next posting. Thank you for your hard work. Keep it up.

with real, believable characters.

A really engaging story that had me completely hooked!

The only part that let it down was the lack of resolution between Ara and Adam. He says that finding out why she cheated on him with his father wouldn't help, but without that conversation and some closure, her betrayal will stay with him for a long time. Ara was his first love and close friend from childhood... It would have been fascinating to hear her excuses for stabbing him in the back like that!

I would have liked to hear from Ara. Cheating on your long-time boyfriend is one thing, but with his estranged father? That's just evil, yet, she didn't seem evil.

I also would have like to see what was in the letter. If it was self-serving. it could still be burned, but maybe there was something useful in it.

Very well done. Little to no punctuation, spelling or grammatical errors.

Couple of items I felt would help you to improve the story.

1). More insight to Ara's mindset. How and why she got involved with the ex-Dad. She was a central issue/character to this story and yet was One dimensional. Adam was very well done, and should have been, since he is the MC and it is his story to tell. But other than Ara defending/Justifying what ex-Dad did there is no understanding of what caused her to go down the path she chose. Also an epilogue in how She, Adam and Ilse's lives turned out. Esp. hers

2). More about the divorce settlement. Dad obviously has money. Was she getting alimony? If so how much. What did he do for a living? There is no way her lawyer, or the courts, couldn't find out where he is. And with him running for State Senate she would/should have dragged his ass back into court for more alimony.

3). This was the most confusing part for me. The age/timeline of Alex. Ara was 18 when this came out. therefore it is probable that Adam is 18 too. The only way for Alex to be 10 at this time is if he was born 2 years before the divorce and ex-dad walked out of Adam's life, when he was also 10. Obviously it could easily happen, since ex-dad is a serial cheater, but wouldn't Adam have realized this too? And should've been remarked on, at least in his thoughts.

As is this is still an excellent read. Thank you for writing it.

Thanks so much for this one--it was great!

ohio

Sadly, there was no mention of socks, and not a single yeet. Despite these grave flaws, I gave you a five. Very much look forward to our little October project. Randi.

he's right about this story! Well done and post more for us readers!

Simply excellent. Didn't care a bit to hear Sara's excuses. They would only have added unneeded filler. Obviously he seduced her and she went along because it was naughty and exciting to betray her boyfriend with his father. Anything beyond her laughing at his cluelessness about their affair is moot. Barbara was a fun character. I'd like to reads story about her sometime.

Thanks for sharing.

Cog

Cruising through the unfamiliar halls of Romance when I spotted a familiar name ... and was more than happy I stopped. Great job in so many ways.

Hooked

As a notorious nitpicker, I have to say that you're right, but also that it doesn't matter!

Would the story have been any different if his age was 20/21 giving time for Alex to become 10? I don't think so.

I really enjoyed the unique plotline of a father cuckolding his son, and the widening fallout from that on all concerned. The writing was harsh and gritty to the point of being abrupt, and suited the plot perfectly.

Top job sir!

A literotica classic. Well done. 5

I love stories in which the characters' dialogue doesn't feel like it's all spoken in the same voice, just with different attribution tags tacked on at the end. Each of your characters speaks in a distinct voice that is informed by their unique personality and motivations. Take Barbara: she's impetuous, protective of her brother, and sometimes bristles at how he tries to fill the role of a father. The way she talks and acts flows naturally from these character traits, and it makes her feel alive. This is an impressive and difficult feat to accomplish (in my limited experience).

On a more specific note, I think this exchange landed really well:

"Mom..."

"Honey?"

"Alex. He's ten."

It happens right after the reveal of why the father left, and just as the reader is processing this new information, you deftly drop in the reminder about Alex's age. The dialogue does all the work of conveying the sense dread here. Adding anything else would have diluted the impact. Very well executed.

If I have a quibble, and it's a minor one, it's with the way Ara's parents forgive and support Adam. He sent an email with pictures and video of their daughter to 70+ people. She attempted suicide as a result. Yes, she cheated and hurt Adam deeply. But she was also manipulated and victimized by a much older man. Parents protect their children above all else, and I think Ara's mom and dad would have a very difficult time forgiving someone who humiliated and hurt their daughter in that way over email, even given the fact that Ara's dad was a surrogate father to Adam since he was 10. Just my two cents. As I said, this is just a minor quibble with an otherwise exceptional piece of writing.

so very well done.

Very emotional.

For a long term girlfriend to do that would destroy anyone.

Why would she have? also obvious must have started when she was underage, should have expanded that line in the story.

You somehow connect all your stories to each other right? hahaha

Mookie...I was like "HEY I know that name", also the jug band obvious who that is.

I have to agree on all points with @ThatNewGuy

I myself didn't pay much attention to the conversations, they just came so natural reading in your Story/Stories.

He points it out just reminded me again how brilliantly you can deliver emotions through that.

Remarkable story, loved it

Btw

I think the only extra that could've been added to the mix would be to find out what motivated that dark character of evil in the tale, Arabella!!!

In a way, she is the main villain in the story,the evil she perpetrates is on a par if not slightly worse than the fathers actions. Yet we know nothing regards why or indeed how she ended up at the conclusion of the story.

I would've liked to have read about her a lot more.

This really was super writing. Thank you for your time spent in creating the story for us! Like several other reviewers I was delighted to glimpse Mooky. I wonder why he left his uncle's taco restaurant? Pity that Needles or Delainey weren't there too.

Thanks again

I like your style. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you. I've had a rough time lately and I just needed something that went right.

I nearly couldn't get past Ara, and honestly, letting Adam FEEL it, without some easy way out, was practically therapeutic. The genuine healing at the end was even better than whisky ;)

Thank you for sharing your time and your talent.

Wargamer Is Right On

We needed to learn more about Ara. Her wounded reaction when found out indicates she really did have affection for Adam, yet her laughter when he calls her while she is having a dirty weekend with Dad crys out for explanation. It may be the author set up an irreconcilable set of situations and therefore could not show us any more about Ara.

The only part of this story that I really don't understand is Ara. I just don't understand the behavior. The fact that her own father is wonderful doesn't hold much water to explain why she can't imagine other fathers being terrible. The media has been doing a pretty decent job of portraying fathers as incompetent for the past 20 years.

Of all the characters in this story, the one I find most fascinating is the father because as i see it, he is both villain and victim. The man never had a chance to be well adjusted. He was subjected to abuse throughout his adolescence and as such developed unhealthy coping mechanisms. Manipulatation and narcissism was a way for him to feel superior when internally he felt worthless and weak. This doesn't mean he is excused. His absolute continued betrayal towards his son is inexcusable. I do however understand how he got there.

In the real world Adam would most certainly need counseling. It may be a story but there is suppressed rage there.

Nice, really nice.

Don't understand Ara, her motives. Her affaire with father was just sick. Although after that rapid breakdown her attitude was so painful. She was really punished. Probably even harder than Jaen from Pete's story.

Big plus for Ilse, being in love for years, still acting as the best friend. She s a keeper.

I liked how nearly all the characters had some serious depth to them with the exception of mom and Ara. Mom not having depth I can see since she is really just a minor character but Ara was a major character for the first part and her actions, along with the fathers, is what set the entire story into motion.

By not knowing what was going on inside of Ara's head it did end up hurting the story a bit. However, I don't know what you could do to fix that since you made Ara's character act so much "out of character" for herself. I realize you had to do this for the story, but it left a lot of questions. I mean, they both knew her for their entire lives. Sorry, but when you are that close to someone, you know their deepest secrets since they will come out either purposefully or by accident. The only bone you threw us and made that as the sole purpose for her actions was the fact she would defend his father.

Overall, this really was a great story. Granted, it was no "Hop on the bus, Gus", but still great in its own right. I like the tie into the "Jug Band". I really think you need to turn "Hop on the bus, Gus" into a series or at least a long sequel for it.

What jumped out at me near the end was his proposal. He says there was never a time he didn't;t love her. What about his time with Are who he was going to propose to? So love her yes, but not in the same way.

As for burning the letter without opening it? What if it was a check! I would have looked and maybe then burn.

He should have read the letter from his father. He owed it to himself.

Dang Dude, you sure know how to write a story! That was Excellent. Guess how many stars? For sure it deserves more than 5 stars, so how about 5 stars! Loved it. Thank you!

I really enjoyed this, I think a confrontation or at least conversation with Ara would have added an element of closure to the story, was she just easy? Was she abused by a predator? Ultimately it doesn't matter, but imo it would have added a little depth.

Still a great read.

Ara was a near-child seduced by a predator. How could her lifelong best friend, Ilse, immediately turn her back on her, especially when Ara became suicidal?

An 18 year old is very well aware of what's wrong and what's not. This infantilisation of adult teenagers has to stop. Also, the father wasn't in her life in any shape or form and didn't know her. She seeked him out to prove some kind of point that developed into more. It would be nice to get a behind the scenes look of how that developed but ultimately it doesn't change Adam's story.

A good story, thank you Bebop! 5 stars

somewhere east of Omaha

A good story, thank you Bebop! 5 stars

somewhere east of Omaha

A good story, thank you Bebop! 5 stars

somewhere east of Omaha

Loved the story - 5 stars! An epilog or short sequel with Ara's story would really complete the picture. I would really like to know what motivated her betrayal. It would add complete closure to the story. Please consider it.

5 or more stars for content, resolution of ending the cycle, hopefully. 4 stars for sort of rough writing. sorry.

This was a powerful story. His longtime girlfriend cheating on him with his fucking father? How he kept himself from killing them both is a miracle to me. I reckon because his main goal was to be there for his sisters, that would do it, because he was a good man.

Several commenters have brought up questions about Ara, and I sympathize. For him to be able to cut her off completely was not out of character for him, as he had to do that before with his father. And the fact he caught her laughing at him with his father made it the right thing to do. He had to feel it more going forward than the story let on though, you don't get over all that quickly or easily, it more likely would stay with you forever. His saving grace was having Ilse there, just waiting to love him and help him heal.

The more interesting question concerning Ara, to me, was how her parents dealt with her and at the same time also continued to support Adam. How did they pull that off? How did they deal with her? She was fucked up, no doubt. They were too good of people to disown her. It would be a fascinating story, to me, to understand from their perspective how they navigated all that

THANK YOU for a powerful, gripping, and compelling story. You are also one of the "giants of Literotica".

Be Well and Happy,

Paul

I can't believe you let Ava walk, with no revenge, payback, or any consequence whatsoever.

Great story! And to Muskyboy, he did get revenge. He moved on and lived his life.