All Comments on 'Sis and I at College'

But if you share her, then its fake. Guys are possessive. I know I am.

You're not an american.....

You had a number of sentences that I could not even figure out what you were trying to convey. You have time to proofread and edit before submitting your story, so do not use the excuse that you were too worked up to pay attention to what you were writing. I sure hope you take more time with the next installment.

There were whole sections where I wondered if perhaps English is not your 'native' language and that perhaps something had got lost in translation?

Just how 14 people could have "favorited" (American spelling - yuk!) this missive is beyond me. Perhaps they didn't so much read it as make up their own version?

That is as generous as I can be.

next chapter proof read before you submit it would make it better

if they dont stay together at the end it will be a waste of story time.she enjoys being slut for him and hs wanted him for 10yrs,now that she has him will she be able to give it up to be with someone else?i dont think so

Fuck, I couldn't get past the first few paragraphs, utter garbage.

Please take some time to actually read before you submit. Try reading it aloud, to yourself, to see where the obvious fumbles are; clear, simple prose is the key to telling your story, using contractions (I'm instead of I am, for instance), will make your dialog sound less stilted and formal, and more naturalistic, and don't try and write dialog the way you think other people want to read it, or how you imagine other people would talk, write it the way you speak in your daily life; at least it will sound natural to you when you read it aloud..

Whatever story was here was lost in your inability (or reluctance?) to express yourself clearly and tell it properly. This was rushed and amateurish; why? There's no race, no points or prizes for whomever submits their story first. My advice to you is to go back and start again, and this time, think about what you're trying to say, and if you don't know how to say it, ask your friends, look it up, or check out the internet.

I think mcbtws is being a tad harsh, but he's right; this is rushed and incoherent. You only have so many chances to make a good impression, or a good save, before your target audience writes you off for good, why go out of your way to make it happen? Next time, perhaps, we'll see a more measured effort; I certainly hope so.

Why, since this was the first chapter in the series, did you spend so much time referring to something that happened before this timeline? Something about which we knew nothing!

I really hate when writers start a series in the middle totally omitting the background and character development as well as the beginning of the plot. you wasted your time and ours delete and rewrite it using a good editor.

What a nice and arousing story ! Really enjoyed the arousal portions, how his sister spoke of how hot n' horny she was and moving her body over his and getting off. I sure hope you continue and write more. It's so good, thanks !

Shows "in moderation" constantly.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE ABOUT TO START READING THIS SERIES, DON'T BOTHER! THIS IS A GOOD STORY. IT IS SUPPOSE TO BE A TRUE STORY, AN ONGOING STORY. WELL, I GUESS IT QUIT BEFORE IT GOT STARTED BECAUSE IT STOPS AT CHAPTER 4. I DON'T KNOW THE REASON FOR AN INCOMPLETE STORY. MAYBE HER HUSBAND FOUND OUT, MAYBE HER BROTHER GOT AIDS AND DIED. BUT TO START A STORY AND NOT SUBMIT IT IN ITS ENTIRETY IS JUST NOT FAIR TO THE READERS. WHAT HAPPENED TO KAREN AND HER DAUGHTER? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BROTHER SISTER RELATIONSHIP? WHAT ABOUT FAMILY AWARENESS? ETC, ETC, ECT.