All Comments on 'Sister Needs Me'

Your language and grammar is one of the best i've read on this site, although at times it becomes a turn off when I have to think about all these big words, like an essay, instead of beating off.

Having said that, I love how you mention details in the sex scene that most authors would neglect. That made the moment much more real. Your story got me going, so keep it up!

Amazing story, very well written.. you are extremely articulate, and all those tender erotic moments seemed infinitely long! great job..!

Very well writen, I hope you will continue it.

Good story, a well though out plot and the characters were fairly believable. However, the hotness factor did not rise high enough to overcome the author's rather pretentious and distracting style. At the end, I did get to thinking about the next installment as oral sex will not be the only thing the two protagonists will have to deal with. Might be kind of fun to think about getting the straight-laced parents involved!

very good but got a little boring at the water park. to much time was spent describing the rides and would have been better spent getting them together more. like when he poured suntan lotion on her he should have spread it for her since she did it to him. maybe they could have snuck off alone at the park. but all in all it was very good i just hope you are better than 90% of the writers here and acctually finish this.

DBRS

Cheers everyone, keep the comments coming. This is only my 2nd story, and i'm only 22, so there is much room for improvement. I will hopefully tone down the 'pretentious' style in the next installment. It's just hard for me to neglect some specific descriptive words, when generic words tend to allow people to flow with the story a bit more.

That story took me quite a while, and I do work full time, so hopefully I will get a 'part 2' out soonish.

DBRS, I can see where you're coming from, but for me, to enhance the realism of the brother and sister still being mutually innocent at that stage, I decided we'd keep the story at eyes distance.

nothing better then a brother sister inpregnation

The wording and tone were a nice way for you to express your youth and want/need/desire to be a bit more grown-up than you were when the incident described happened (or became your fantasy).

Please, keep writing.

this story was very well-written. It may have been a little wordy but it was still very easy to get into. Awesome job.

you know i am fed up starting to enjoy stories and then the writer put in the 9" or 10" cock etc ... this was a very nice believable story up until that point at which i lost interest ....

what, you jelly about the 8-9" dicks? :P a lot of us out there are big like that, doesn't mean you have to trash a story because you have a tiny dick :P

You could go quite a ways with this story and I urge you to do so.... thanks

Damn good, fantastic writing. Keep up the great work

This could have been a good story, but instead all you want is a forum to show off your superior command of the English language; shall I let you into a little secret? Anyone can buy a dictionary, but you have to be able to separate out meaning from spelling; using a thesaurus is no help if you don't know what you're saying, all you're doing is compounding your ignorance by displaying your inability to express yourself clearly. This 'story' is excessively wordy and just complete gibberish, don't write anymore until you know how to express yourself without looking up all the meanings for a given word and using one at random. NO stars

Really good story, really well written, didn't come across any misused words as that guy has suggested :S really good characters and great action, very hot

The comment headed Gibberish nails it. You use too many big and would-be "clever" words like "implored" and get them a shade wrong. Someone who speaks English well will find this jarring. Also " the lips of her labia". What ?! Learn to write and keep within your capabilities.

Writing is part of my profession. I have been at my profession for almost 30 years and my writing universally receives praises. I think I am qualified to render an opinion on your use of the English language.

Your writing is lush but not ostentatious or garish and it certainly is not grandiloquent. It is rich in detail but not excessively so. It is above the level of some readers and those who are incapable of appreciating it will complain. To those readers, I say: either bugger off or go fuck yourselves. Meanwhile, I will now proceed to read the sequel. This is five stars!

... but way too many unnecessary and unsuitable adverbs and adjectives in this story which detract from the story

Looking forward to now reading the next instalment.

I don't mind thesauruses, they serve an important function, but my god I wish people wouldn't use words they don't understand. I got about four paragraphs in before I couldn't stand to keep reading. Two stars would be generous.

You spend way too much time (our time) on NATHAN.......he was NOT the subject of this story and should not warrant much diction.

Stick to what you're trying to focus on......Brother/Sister

Obviously the other commenters are virgins and need to pick apart something amazing. The story developed perfectly. Nathan was an intrigal part of the setting. His presence made the actions more taboo and forbidden. And if a few words were messed up, I didnt notice. But even if I had it wouldn't have ruined it for me unless I was some chump who had to get my frustration at being so useless out on someone else. Keep writing and ignore the haters. 5 STARS!

Soooo, everyone keeps going on about his English being good, bad, wordy, etc. and all I can think is that the stupid brother never actually made his sister cum!! He would her up, got her faucet going, then started worrying about his own dick more! He got his and just left her with a good feeling, lol! All I gotta say is that's one loving, forgiving sister!!

Seriously. Your story isn't terrible, but your unedited writing is painful. Every writer desperately needs an editor.

Keep going!

Can’t wait for the next chapter.

Having her BF younger and under 18 was an interesting twist. Also he missed out on a fabulous experience.

I liked the idea of a younger brother.

Your writing is tedious, and overly wordy. Relax, less is more sometimes. It is actual work reading your story and I love reading.

Another story where our hero has a 9 inch cock. That was a turn-off for me and I stopped reading.