Sister, Sister

"Nonsense. My sister can tell me anything," Lisa said seriously.

"You really think of me that way?"

"Hard not to when you look like that, and I'm grateful to have someone that looks like me. Even though I have Honey and Colin here, connecting with many people is kind of hard."

"I'm sorry Andrea and I never tried before. I'm sorry it took until now to get it."

"I'm not worried about it, so your problem?"

"Well, my kid...is not going to be my kid.."

"Sure they will. You will be one of the people that raises them, no? They'll have the values that you give them, along with Andrea. They will know you as a protector, they will love you unconditionally. Can you do the same?"

"It's my kid, of course I will."

"See," Lisa said with a knowing smile.

Misa sat with her mouth agape, then smiled. "Lisa."

Lisa chuckled. "And if you want to have a child that looks like you do now, there's nothing stopping you from doing that," she nodded, laughing.

Misa gasped. "Oh, no! I might be a woman, but I'm way too much of a man for that!"

"Are you both going to deny yourselves forever?" Lisa asked with an inquiring look, making her twin look away.

Again, Misa gasped. While the thought of a man being on her, in her, made her wretch, there could in fact be a point where Andrea would want the touch of a man. A man like Jackson had been. Maybe a man that could really teach their coming child all the things that would make them a balanced person. As Misa saw it, a child needed a father, boys for obvious reasons, and girls for maybe subtle reasons. Could she raise a rough and tumble son, or a daughter that didn't have daddy issues? Becoming a woman herself hadn't changed her views on human dynamics and interactions. She had no choice but to try. For the child. For herself.

"I don't know about Andrea. She didn't enter into a lesbian relationship by marrying me. I don't know if she'll be happy with me as I am, and I don't know if I want to share her with men," Misa said, looking past Lisa, "I really want to take the offer to become a man again, even if not me" she said, looking down and away. "No offense"

Lisa put her hand onto Misa's own saying, "None taken. I know your motivation, but I think you would be in a worse situation than you are now."

"Why?"

"You said that Andrea doesn't want you as another man. You could make her like you again, I'm sure, but then you'll have your child, and if you have more children, they will be half-siblings," Lisa shook her head, "This is a very difficult situation," She said, "Here, hold Colin again," She said, as she handed her son back to Misa. Misa held him, and he melted, and she melted. Misa began to play with him, and talk to him, while Lisa looked on.

"Look," Lisa said, snapping Misa out of her daydream. It was a picture of her holding Colin. Somehow it was different than even a picture of Lisa holding him.

"I look like that?"

"You do!" Lisa exclaimed. "Look how content you are. Your maternal instincts show well. This is why I think you should stay as you are. I think you can do it."

"I simply thought you liked having a sister," Misa joked.

"Of course I do! But, I think about you all the time, and now that you're asking me, I'm giving my advice as your sister. And no matter what, you'll always have a place with Honey and I."

Misa sighed, wiping tears away, "I shouldn't feel like this, but I do." she started to laugh, "It's so stupid! I knew there was comfort in words, I mean, I have to use them to make sales, but it's an act, a carefully curated one. But you, your words make me feel like this is really okay, and I know you mean them."

"That's because it is okay, and I do mean it."

Colin watched as his two favorite people in the world hugged.

"Thank you so much. I don't know what I would do without you. I've been leaning on you so much." Misa had been hanging out and talking with Lisa more often since her transformation. As Lisa herself said, Misa also found comfort in speaking with someone with the same face, and Lisa was an interesting, worldly person, especially to be so young. She seemed to have a better grasp of herself, and the things around her than most her age. Misa really did wish that she'd spoken more with the woman when she was Jackson. Now, Lisa was indispensable, like true family.

"We're family." Lisa said, echoing Misa's thought.

"You most certainly make me feel that way, sis. I love you."

Lisa simply smiled, and nodded, saying "And I love you, Meimei" The pair hugged, holding hands as they broke from the hug.

--

Andrea and Misa stood, both looking at their son, Jack. The 6 month old boy slept peacefully in his crib. His name had been a compromise, as Andrea did want 'Jaxon' but Misa was heavily against it, and also opposed to 'Jackson', which would have made him a junior. Andrea wanted at least an homage to Jackson, so the name Jack was chosen.

The child definitely looked like Jackson. He had Jackson's golden brown hair, but his mother's deep almost aqua eyes. The child loved both of them, but he was partial to Andrea. If Misa couldn't calm him down, then Andrea's touch alone almost certainly would.

"He's a chip off the old block," Misa said.

"Hey, your age is showing," Andrea teased, the irony not lost on either.

Misa smirked. Jack came to, looking around briefly, before spotting his mother, and the other nice lady. He reached up, and Misa knew to let Andrea do the duty. She stood aside, as Andrea picked him up, getting ready to be fed post-nap.

"Hey, little Jack," Misa said lightly, touching his cheek, with the boy smiling. "Hey Andrea, I'm going to go, um, to the study, but did you need anything? I wouldn't mind going out and getting it or whatever," she said, wanting to feel useful.

"Um, no, I think we're fine, but thanks, hun."

Misa nodded, heading to the extra room. Once she arrived, Misa folded her arms on the desk, and laid her head down, saying softly, "My son...he likes me, but he doesn't love me." She shook her head. "I know he's a baby, but it hurts so much," tears ran across the bridge of her nose. "If I was still Jackson, or even just a man, I think he would understand."

Misa thought about other things, like the fact that Andrea and Jack seemed to exist in this vacuum where only the pair of them existed. It was to be expected, even if she had still been Jackson, but she felt the bond that they had was less than it would have been if she had still been a man, even if not Jackson. Little Jack still liked her, smiled when he saw her, liked being held by her, so why did she feel that way?

Even between Andrea and herself, the spark was leaving. The pair felt very close during the pregnancy, with Misa dutifully taking care of Andrea's needs, like the doting father to-be that she would've been. At the time, things felt like any other relationship between partners. Once Jack was born, things just seemed to naturally change. Misa felt herself moving away, knowing that she couldn't be the father that she wanted to be, the father that Jack needed. She couldn't be the physical protector of her wife and child, all the things that she dreamed of being when she married Andrea. Andrea herself wasn't pushing Misa away, but the feeling she got from Jack, the feeling of being second best, was getting to her.

—

"Andrea, can we talk?" Misa asked.

"Sure, what about?" Andrea had an uncertain look on her face, Misa never called her 'Andrea'. Something was wrong.

"Us."

Andrea looked apprehensive. "Ookay..." She answered slowly.

"Jack, I don't feel like..it's stupid...I know, but, like..."

"It's not stupid, whatever it is."

"I don't feel like his father," Misa quickly said.

"Well, you don't look it, hun." Misa looked unimpressed with the humor attempt. "I'm sorry..."

"Can we not joke?" Misa said seriously, "I know babies can get attached to one parent over the other, but he doesn't see me as even the not- favorite parent. I feel like it's you two guys, and I'm like..the other. Jack likes me, but he doesn't love me."

"I think you're overthinking it. I understand why you would, but please trust your son."

"I don't blame him. Look at me, afterall. He thinks of me as a babysitter at best. I had considered that I wouldn't be able to do fatherly things back when you were pregnant, but I thought I'd get over it, we'd still be this close knit family unit, equal in all aspects, including parenthood. I know now, that's not going to happen."

"What are you saying..."

"Andrea, I love you, I love Jack, but this was doomed the moment I became stuck as Lisa's twin. I fulfilled your needs as a partner while you were pregnant, and it felt amazing, hell, we were closer than ever, but now, I don't have a role in this family unit."

Andrea was now sobbing, "But we're still married, we have a child together, we love each other. You know I love you, right?" She asked, pleadingly.

"I know you love me just as much as I love you, and that's why you've tried to play lipstick lesbian with me for these last 18 months. We can stop. Think about this; you don't call me your husband. You can't tell Jack that I'm Daddy. You're right, I'm not your husband, and I'm not Jack's Dad," Misa said, tears welling up. "I want to be those things. Will you really not love me if I become a man again?"

"I will love you,"

"Will you be in love with me?" Andrea appeared to be in thought. Misa decided for her saying, "I see, so I lose either way?" Misa understood Andrea's reasoning. As a new man, Jackson would not feel like Jackson, his looks, his voice, his smell, even his touch could be different. There was also no way to tell how Jack would react. The man that Misa would become could feel like a complete stranger to his family. It seemed as though Andrea was simply more comfortable with a woman, rather than a strange man, even if that strange man was her husband inside.

"Honey, please," Andrea said with a worried look.

"I'll make some arrangements, and we'll figure things out. I'll uphold my financial responsibilities, and if you want me to play babysitter sometimes, I'll do that too," Misa said, trying not to sound bitter.

"Divorce?"

"We all need to be happy. Including me. I'm not happy being Jack's Mom's best friend. I don't know why, but it breaks me more than I thought it would."

"Please, don't leave us, Jackson! I'm sorry that this happened. I want to be with you, no matter what."

Misa's eyes widened, as she heard her previous name. "No, I'm sorry, but we'll all be happier. You've been with me because you blame yourself for this." And of course, she was right to do so, and Misa did blame her as well, but she'd long since decided not to weaponize that mistake, no matter how big of one it was. "I will always love you and Jack, just give me some time to get things figured out. I'll be going to Ethan and Lisa's tonight, if they'll have me."

—

Lisa and Ethan sat on either side of Misa, comforting her.

"Yeah, it's over," Misa said, with little emotion. Much like her transformation into a woman, Misa's shock kept her surprisingly calm. "She doesn't want me as another man, and as myself, or anyone else, I can't have that bond with Jack that I really want. She's right, it could be even harder if I become another man. But then, we could have more kids.." Misa reasoned. "Right?"

"Ah, man," Ethan began, "That's not a healthy way to look at it. You want to be with Andrea as another man, treat Jack as a stepchild, and have other children with her? Judging by how you feel, there isn't going to be parity in how you treat these kids, even though Jack is yours," he offered.

"He's not mine, he will never be, no matter who I become, since I can't be Jackson ever again!" Misa cried. "This is so unfair! What did I do?"

"Meimei, please," Lisa brought Misa's head to her chest.

"Look how weak I am..." Misa said softly.

"You're not weak, you're hurt," Lisa said, soothing Misa.

"Yeah, she's right. You went through a lot. You've borne the brunt of this whole thing, you never took it out on Andrea, I know you've tried with Jack. You're right, you don't deserve any of this," Ethan said, pulling Misa into his chest. "Let it all out, you know we're here for you, and we love you."

With that, Misa's sobs became wracking cries. It felt great to have her best friend easily be able to say that he loved her, and it helped so much in this trying moment. She lived in the moment, taking the comfort offered by Ethan, and Lisa. Ethan threw away any awkwardness, and just focused on the hurt of his best friend. Misa was different from Jackson in her ability to emote, and because of this, and many other reasons, it became easy to see her as this woman; his wife's sister.

—

Misa sat in her apartment after work one day. She had allowed herself to gain a little weight from a bit of depression. She was still a small cute woman, but she didn't have the hard naturally toned body as before. She looked a little different from Lisa now, she had a softer look, and it made her seem more approachable, even if she was even less so. The sole reason that she ever cared about her looks was to help with her work; make idiots drool over themselves, while signing agreements, and contracts, while maybe hoping she'd see them in a non business setting. She'd done the same thing to get Andrea when she was Jackson. At least Jackson had wit, and charm, things these men sorely lacked. She laughed aloud. She never had a personal interest in being pretty for herself. Why? So she could find a man? That was a laughable idea. Everything she knew about femininity, learned simply for presentation.

Sighing, Misa pondered further about her decisions... She had left Andrea and Jack, a very difficult decision. The mother and son were a family, and she wasn't part of it. She'd done it for her mental health. She mused, as a Gen X'er, she never never understood those younger millennials, and Zoomers, and their complaints about mental health. Maybe becoming one changed her, she wondered. Just taking a sabbatical sounded like a great idea, and became better as each day passed, and maybe she wouldn't come back. Maybe getting lost somehwere like Thailand was the answer.

Misa missed Andrea and Jack, but as a normally calm, and calculated person, she had to get over it soon, maybe accept the potion, and become a man. How bad would starting over be? He wouldn't have his family, but that was no different than now. He would likely be able to reverse his legal changes, citing a detransition, and his career would take another restart, but people didn't get pensions in his line of work, there was no goal afforded by simply putting in time. Either you did well, and moved up, as Jackson had been able to do, and as Misa had been able to do, or you didn't, and no matter the form, whoever she was would be able to do this work well, using whatever advantages, and advantages they had.

Things like relationships, and such would have to take a back seat until she figured herself out. She'd be much more comfortable entering one if she became a handsome man again, but she didn't want to think about that right now.

She sighed as usual, looking out her balcony window...

—

The relationship between Misa, Lisa, and Ethan changed. Ethan had less one on one time with Misa, as he began to see her as she was; a woman, the twin of his wife. Ethan watched the gradual shift of his friend from clearly troubled by her newfound femininity, to a pretty woman who seemed comfortable with herself, and confident, then after the break up of her marriage, a brooding mostly silent woman. Ethan hated to see her like this, but because he did see her simply as this woman, his ways of comforting her were limited.

Because she looked like his wife, but was still different in every way, he did find himself attracted to Misa a little. The parts that were Jackson made her seem like one of the boys and unaware of herself sometimes. Misa seemed to be a different person in public and especially at work; guarded, cool, trained, yet she allowed herself to be vulnerable in front of Ethan and Lisa. Ethan found it endearing.

—

Sitting around Ethan and Lisa's place for an evening hang out with Misa, to get the mood going, Ethan joked, "My best friend's been stolen by my wife. Normally when your wife and your best friend get close, it spells trouble, haha."

"Aww, buddy," Misa began playfully, "You miss me?" She went in, "C'mon, give me a fuckin' hug man!" She said with her light voice.

Ethan laughed, raising his hand, and turning his face, going a little red. "No, man!"

"Look at you, Honey, you're flustered!" Lisa teased.

"I mean, she's cute!" Ethan stammered nervously, "I mean..".

Misa became aware of herself, and she went from playful, to shy quickly. She was aware of her effects on Ethan, but he finally admitted it, even in front of his wife. "Really?"

"No, I'm sorry," he tried to explain, holding the back of his neck.

"Obviously, she's cute!" Lisa said. "She does look like me after all," She finished, grabbing Misa's shoulders from behind, and putting her head next to Misa's, and widely smiling.

"Thanks," Misa said to Ethan. "I needed that..."

"Huh?"

"I don't know if I'm doing this Misa thing right. But you just made me feel like I am." She flashed a smile, "You think of me as a cute woman," she winked. "Then I have you, Jiejie. You always know what to do and what to say. Even if I became another man, somehow, I don't feel like things would be the same as this. I don't know about making a family, but I have one with you guys. I think I want to stay like this," Misa said, tears coming down her puffy eyes.

The trio shared a hug.

"I love you guys."

—-

Life went on. Misa was a happier person. She was happy with who she was. Her sales numbers were better than ever, and whatever she wanted to do, she could. The longtime friendship between Ethan and herself continued to evolve, Ethan was a rock to her, and was there any time she wanted to reminisce about the past, or talk about guy things. He still found Misa incredibly cute. If she would give guys a chance, someone would end up with a cool chick, Ethan mused. Maybe she'd find that thing that seemed to be missing...

Misa's relationship with Lisa also continued to get closer. The pair were truly sisters. Misa and Lisa would talk in depth about Lisa's past, and how things were in China, and Thailand, with Misa learning many interesting, worldly things from Lisa. Misa would also accompany her sister to many things that she wanted to do, such as salon visits, shopping, and going out to eat authentic Asian food.

One evening, joining Lisa for a quick dinner after shopping, they stopped at a Chinese restaurant in Chinatown. Typically when Lisa wanted to have Asian food, Misa would have very basic things, such as bourbon chicken. Sometimes, in American catering places, they'd have things like fries and burgers, and while they wouldn't be the best, that's what she'd choose.

Lisa ordered her dinner in Mandarin, and then the lady behind the counter looked at Misa, asking "N? xi?ng ch? shénme", to which Misa responded that she didn't speak Chinese, a common conversation when she had gone to Taiwan. "Meiyo tanwha Zhongwen?" She asked in Mandarin. Misa just looked at her confused, wondering why she would still speak to her in Chinese.

Lisa spoke up, "She doesn't speak Chinese"

The woman looked at the twins, motioning between the pair, asking "How is this possible?"

"Lisa told her that her sister was raised here in the US, and hadn't learned Chinese.

The woman looked at Misa, shaking her head, telling Lisa "That is sad. I'm sorry."

"I'm teaching her, she's just shy to speak with others." She then looked to Misa, asking her if she wanted her to order for her, which she agreed. Lisa ordered Misa's bourbon chicken and fries, while Misa looked on. This felt like those uncomfortable times where one was around a foreigner, and one knew that they were talking a lot of trash. Of course, Lisa wasn't talking ill of Misa, but she couldn't be so sure about the waitress.