All Comments on 'Sister Starts My Harem Ch. 01'

love these kinds of stories. Just whatever you do please don't have him end up sharing his sister with other dudes. So tired of that crap on here.

Great start to a hot serial. Can't wait for the second chapter.

Shane, it is more likely that the sister will get him other girls as long as he keep coming home to her. The story started out with multiple girls. They will be the first set. Twins...etc.

You definitely need an editor. to really make this an exciting story. Let me know if I can help.

It was very touching a real life story

Good story line and will be waiting for the next chapter....

I admit that I'm a sucker for just this kind of stories (brother and sister reunited after one of them leaves for a longer period and feeling bloom) so little wonder I gave it a 5.

That being said you should look into getting an editor or spend some time on self-check as there were a few errors and typos in there.

I do look forward to more, hopefully mom gets involved at some point down the road but in the end I hope for bro/sis long term.

I loved the story and I hope there's more. I'd love it if he had knocked up his sister and then did the same with her friends. I'd also love it if their mother found out and begged to join the harem, even promising to get her younger sister (who she knows he's always had a crush on) to fuck him.

A little heavy on the guilt trip - Jeannie is twenty-one, old enough and evidently she's been around enough to know what she wants. If you can't find a good editor I suggest putting your story aside for a week or two and reading it carefully. You can catch errors (like using to/too incorrectly in consecutive sentences) and make your story an easier read. Thanks for sharing.

but i hope his harem is built with all family women.

...the pretty random spelling and missing words became very annoying!

RULE # 1: DON'T ANNOY THE READER

I realize your a new writer, and I thought the story was very good. I know some have been critical your spelling etc., but I do not find it any worse than many others on here. Keep up the good work, I waiting for the next chapter.

sufficiently familiar with the topic, before beginning to write, do the necessary research.

On the man's last day in the Navy, he would not begin it with meeting his commanding officer. That would be the last event. You make it appear that the commanding officer is the one who has all of the paper work for his out-processing and resigning his commission. That would be handled by the clerical (enlisted) staff, usually in a different building. And it is done in a well orchestrated manner. It is highly unlikely the commanding officer would even know what forms would be required to process his departure from the Navy. Once all of the paperwork has been processed, then the officer meets with the commanding officer for a very brief goodbye, unless they were good friends.

After writing a story, set it aside for a few days. Let your mind clear of what you've done, then slowly, over a period of days, go over what you've written, looking for spelling, grammar, logic and other errors. You'd do yourself, and readers, a service by utilizing a program such as MS Word which will catch many of the spelling errors, grammars and many inconsistencies found in your story.

Appreciate your drafting work! There's a path not taken as your narrative develops. You drive Jack and Jeannie right straight to consummation, even as they are trampling on the incest taboo. There is potential to developing more slowly toward the dconsummation - with lots of potential for hooking readers. Take a look at The Legend of Lexi for a great example. Thank you!

Anymouse up there doesn’t know anything about going to IPAC to pick up his walking papers from the service. Anyone who got their DD214 wouldn’t give you shit for writing a story of a Lt ending his service. Don’t worry about the chumps!

Great beginning!

I can spot an educated writer by the lack of hominem misuse.

Not that I can’t enjoy the misuse, but it really takes away a lot of enjoyment for me.

Again, well done.

3 beauties and your awesome sister.

What could be better!

And a bloody great start to promising writing career. Can’t wait to read the next chapter. A well deserved ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ In my opinion.....

These sibling stories really do have them referring to each other as big brother/sister and little brother/sister huh. I just gotta say that people who actually call their siblings like this ain’t right. Idk what the deal is but it’s written like this in most sibling smut. Always takes me out of the story when I see it.

"The feelings in my heart changed" reminds me way too much of "his heart grew three sizes that day". Can't get the Grinch out of my head to keep reading, I'm sorry.

Ok great story can’t wait to read the rest, I will after this comment. I know we all come here to read erotic stories and there’s a comment section, but I never thought I would see such critical comments on how something is written. Either the story gets you excited or it doesn’t, if it doesn’t move along. Just my opinion.

Good concept but poorly written. Why do you put quotation marks around anything that comes close to being slang or even just casual language?

Not bad. Please do not fall into the trap of other incest authors on Lit.

Incest given the nature and intensity of the relationship NEVER shares. If you do sufficient research you will find this to be true. Authors who have their incest characters screwing all and sundry show they have no idea how incest relationships work. Their ignorance comes from writers who have never indulged themselves in such a relationship.

Those of us who know personally about incest and who read this genre know exactly how it works.

We comment and score accordingly.

Please receive this comment with the good intentions it is given in.

'sucking sex' - good

'... her chocking' - mmm, about that editor.

Unoriginal theme 'absent sib returns years later to find (always younger sib) gorgeous and grown up, and of course everyone then vanilla fucks each other'.

The End

Great story, love it so far. We will wait and read the next chapter before commenting further. AAAA++++

Average. Very contrived opening with him getting into Annapolis at 17, then never coming home for 9 years. Then gets out at the minimum service time as an officer, any training could have increased the time required in service. There are always gaps in training and leave time for visits home.

Only so much suspension of belief possible

Okay, I found the explanation of the family tree confusing. I'll have to go back and reread it. But I thought that the family business was handed down father to son over several generations. I also understood that he went into the navy to follow in the footsteps of his paternal grandfather. But then it felt like you switched things up and started having mom inheriting the business and marrying someone who worked there. This confusing opening is partly why I gave you a 4 instead of a 5.

Another contributing factor is that the story could have used more details to build up the coming relationship between Jackie and Jeannie. You missed a good opportunity for foreshadowing using Jeannie's letters to her brother. You could have built more tension into the coming reunion of the family members. When Jeannie tackled her brother on the beach, the flurry of kisses should have included tears of joy. Have you never watched any of the YouTube videos featuring service members returning home?

As one other person commented earlier, the dialog has flaws. I agree that when speaking to each other that siblings are not actually going to address each other 'big brother' or 'little sister'. Those terms are only going to be used as adjectives in conversations, not pronouns.

And finally, it's obvious to me that you've probably grown up near a coastline, probably the gulf coast, but possibly the Atlantic as described in this story. How would I know? Because twice in your story you referred to the "inter-coastal waterway". Particularly with Gulf Coast inhabitants, that's how we speak the name of that Army Corps of Engineers creation. But that's just verbalization. Look it up on a map. The REAL NAME is the "Intracoastal Waterway". The canal travels within the coastline. It doesn't connect two separate coastlines. Hence its name.

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In spite of the rookie failures, I'm going to continue reading the next installments.

Not a big fan of 2 pages next chapter

The whole premise that his sister has wanted him for 9 years and then wants to share him with her girlfriends is fucked up. There are certainly other aspects that are messed up to and the fact there is no ending to the story is messed up.

The girls are all immature for the age proposed in the story in the way they act. They evidently are written to have no life figured out beyond high school and all want to share one guy. His sister is really fucked up in her thinking wanting to share him for life apparently. Jack just needs to walk away and go deal with real life then his messed up family he comes back to.

Sorry but this fantasy story has no semblance of real life. Not interested open sex relationships where everyone is fucking everyone openly and the relationships are all screwed up including the parents and all of the staff.

Incest is the biggest fetish on this site unfortunately, so it's difficult to differentiate yourself or come up with anything original. They seem to be decent people and love each other, and that's what's most important to me, so I give 5 stars.

I never understand why people hate simple incest stories here but still feel the need to say so, it was posted and tagged as such, you don't have to read it, let alone comment as such. If you are better than the author then write your own stories and prove it.

5 stars from me and now for the next part.

Reread it for a second time. Unfortunately, it got worse instead of better. 😕

Another flaw that I previously overlooked was Jack's failure to recognize Jeannie when they first encountered each other on the beach. True enough, Jack's been away for 9 years. But two huge problems arise with that and one of them was partially your own doing. 🤔

He's been serving in the Navy, not incarcerated in a prison. Service Personnel DO get leave from time to time, so surely he would have made it home for at least a Christmas or three. Occasionally Thanksgiving instead of the Christmas? The other problem is that you specifically said that Jack and Jeannie were writing to each other frequently. So they've probably had video chat with each other too. Everyone has seen stuff on YouTube where a Service man or woman has called home on video.

I'll continue reading, but I'm less impressed the second time through. 3/5

This is a good effort for a first story but the lead character makes no sense. This man is from a family of wealth and gets a month of leave every year, yet never visited home between academic years at the naval academy nor during five years active duty? That only happens if there is some deep bitter separation between character and family. Vastly more likely a wealthy family would travel to spend time together when he was on leave either near his deployment or some fancy world class resort. Uber wealthy people do not live like Joe six pack recruit who can not afford to travel and see his family when he gets leave.

It sounds like maternal grandfather might be his biological father given the emphasis on how much he looks like grandpa and so little like dad. That would set up an incest kind of family tradition that sister learned from mom and got her focused on seducing brother.