All Comments on 'Sisters Barb and Beth Become Lovers'

Well, the first thing that struck me was your word usage. For example, you used "Barb and I", or "Barb and me" A LOT. Which don't get me wrong is okay to do, but not every sentence when describing what's going on to the characters.

It's especially important if not moreso in 3rd person in order for the reader to get the visual image of what's going on in and throughout the story.

The good thing is I really didn't see many grammatical errors, if any, and although I liked the story and where it went to the end, and although I thought the "sexy" scenes were very well done and descriptive, there was something about the beginning, and how you described the characters was something I thought that you could improve in when you get to the next story. Writing is a learning experience and it was brave of you to post this story, I do hope you continue to write stories like this and many others because I do like your style.

My name is Zayne btw and if you think I'm just being too nitpicky it's because you asked for feedback and I'm giving you critical it as I see since I am a college student going for my masters in English and Creative Writing, and with a Bachelors in Publishing (don't know what job that'll get me), don't think I'm just trying to BS you because I'm not. I like your style, just try to think of a better way to describe your main characters, try doing it Stephen King's way, where he takes characters, gives a brief description of what they look like, wear, and how they talk and somehow people will get that image with just a few short descriptive words rather than a whole 2 paragraphs describing what a character looks like. Until next time.

Thanks,

Zayne.

Zayne, thank you for your comments. I take them at face value as constructive criticisms from a person who has much more training in creative writing than I have. In fact I have no training in creative writing at all. If you have looked at my bio you would have seen that I am a retired engineer and have written copious amounts of engineering reports, specifications, memos and other engineering documents which are not written in anything but a third disinterested neutral party. You have not lived until you have been told by the director of your enginerring department that the customer suitable presentable investigation engineering report that you put a massive amount of time into including numerous photographs looks like “SHIT ON A STICK”. So you get pretty well calloused to such criticism. I have no problem with criticism so long as it is constructive and not just bullshit for the sake of delivering dislike of the work. For the sake of full disclosure this story is just my fourth to be published in any media. Also, there was no creative writing courses in the engineering school that I attended likely because it was not considered to be necessary for most if not all engineers. Engineers tend to be pretty frugal. If it is not necessary they generally have no use for it. They sure as heck could never foresee that any engineer in their right mind would turn to fictional writing let alone erotic writing. I was glad to see your comment on my grammer usage but you were silent on punctuation and spelling. As you may know spell checkers are far from infallible. Thank you again for your CONSTRUCTIVE comments, Zayne. My daughter is a writer (NOT EROTIC) and she inspired me to write, but not erotic writing, that was my own inspiration. She has the on going chorous of “keep on writing” for what it is worth. I always thought that parents were supposed to inspire their children. The worm has turned. Asi es la vida!