Sisters Share Ch. 03

Hey loves, Charlotte is back in the house. What to tell you about this time...memories are funny that way. They're all attached, but it's never chronologically, is it? Every time I think of one thing, something else comes up, something that is related to it emotionally, or because it's similar to another one or and or and or. Never cause it happened in proper order. Ah well, I think...I think it's probably a good idea to tell you what happened after Tori's little nymphomaniac spree.

First off, her spree lasted a good six or seven months. Six or seven months of near constant one night stands and drunken hook ups. I don't think she slept in the same bed three nights in a row for the entire time. At first Danny and I were happy to just let her be, she was an adult after all, her life and choices. Plus we thought it might be good for her; she was one of the most up tight and repressed people we knew. But as the days turned to weeks and weeks to months...well we got really worried. Towards the end of it, Tori came to us, having been evicted from her apartment and having no where else to go. The state she was in...

She was...haggard was the term Danny used. You ever see those movies where the main character hits rock bottom? They usually have sunken eyes and bleeding make up, with vomit in their hair and looking like they have the 'shakes'. Yeah, not just a movie thing. Tori looked like an entirely different person, one who'd been drunk for months straight. We took her in, on the condition that no booze was to enter the house. Danny and I don't mind the occasional drink, but at the time we figured Tori was an alcoholic and banning the substance from the house just seemed like the thing to do.

She still went out every night and we actually had a few fights about it, she said some really nasty things I don't really care to remember or repeat. Mostly stuff designed to hurt me, which we'd known was coming but still. It hurt. The day she finally stopped her bender, when we had our first real conversation in months at that point.

"I didn't want this, you know! It's your fault, you and your stupid girly guy! Be a man for fucks sake! What a fa -" I'd come close to slapping her for statements like that many times, and this time I just couldn't hold back. My hand was across her face before I could even think of stopping it. I'd never hit her before, not even as kids, and I honestly felt super bad about it the moment it happened, but there was also the smallest amount of satisfaction. She'd been hurling insults and slurs and pushing every button she could find for weeks and I was sick of it.

"I...wha...you" I think she was more surprised than actually hurt, though the red was already spreading in the shape of my hand. I glared at her, happy Danny was at work since I didn't want him to hear the shit she was spewing anymore than he'd had to. It was even starting to affect our relationship; he was spending longer at work and when he came home...well we went from sex multiple times a day to a couple times a week. I didn't want to blame him, I really didn't. I knew it wasn't really his fault, but it still hurt, and we were snappy with each other more than we'd ever been.

"That is enough, Victoria. Enough of this vile crap you're throwing at us, enough of the drinking, the sleeping around, the pity party bullshit. You're a grown goddamn woman for fuck's sakes! What kind of high school fuckery are you even trying to pull? You think we feel bad for you? You did this to yourself! We let you stay here cause I'm hoping one day my sister might come back, not this hollow shell she's become!" I hadn't been this angry in a long long time.

"Pity party? You think I want to be like this? You, you sick lovey dovey mother fucker! Parading around in you pretty dresses and showing off your perfect boyfriend who looks better as a woman than I ever will! How am I ever supposed to live up to that? How is any man supposed to be good enough when the biggest I can find are half what you have?!" She was still holing her face, but the tears that came down it kind of shocked me. Danny and I had been as careful as we could to not be showing off! Hell, we'd even tried our best to not even mention things relating to our relationship and sex life.

"I don't know how to deal with you right now. You need to get yourself and your shit together, cause this is insane, sis. You're literally so freaking jealous that your sister is happy and in a decent committed relationship that you're going off fucking every guy who can tolerate you, then complaining about your own choices. You have three days sis. Three days to stop this bull shit or the next time you come home after drinking away your life, you'll find your stuff on the curb." and with that, I turned and walked off, trembling as anger and sadness tore through me. I went to my and Danny's room and just...cried. Partly from the sadness, mostly from the sheer anger and frustration. I wanted my sister to be happy, of course, but at the cost of my own happiness? Just so she'd feel better about her own life choices?

Unfair wasn't even the word for it. I heard the door to the room we'd given her - rent free, by the way - slam and I screamed in frustration. I called Danny, just to hear that soft breathless voice in my ear.

"Hey Lottie, I was just thinking about you." I smiled. He always said shit like that, it never failed to make me feel better.

"Hey baby. I just wanted to hear you, I uh....I kinda told Tori she had three days to sober up or we'd kick her out." I heard him take a deep breath through his teeth.

"Sheesh. I can't imagine that went well. I'm sorry, Lottie. I know she's your sister and everything, but sometimes people are just beyond helping."

I whimpered a little, the last of my anger cries leaking out.

"I just got her back. Like...I didn't think it would go this way! You should've heard her babe, she blames me for everything! Like me being happy is somehow making her life worse...I...am I the bad guy here?" You ever have a thought that you know just can't be true, but you have to hear it from someone else first?

"Lottie, baby. Shh shh shh. This isn't your fault. Addicts will always blame someone else, always lay their faults on to others. Always, it's a signature behaviour. It's why AA groups exist; most of these people have driven their families and loved ones away with the things they say and do. You've done nothing wrong, ok? Say it baby, say it so I know you know it."

Despite it all, I smiled a little. Danny was my sex god and my ultimate love, but moments like this reminded me that he was also my best friend, always had been.

"I've done nothing wrong. Thank you baby. I love you."

"Love you too. Now don't talk to her tonight, ok? You're both angry and raw and it won't help anything. We'll talk to her tomorrow, ok? Calmer, after breakfast or something, so we're all full. You know you get hangry."

I laughed. He always did that; inserted little jokes into the serious conversations, just to break it up a little.

"Ok, ok, I won't. I'll probably just watch a show or something. Hurry home, ok? I miss you, I miss us. I know...I know I...I just miss us, you know?" I didn't know how to put my feelings into my words, my anger and frustration, my love and desire for him, my guilt over all this.

"Baby, I know. I know we haven't been...close, lately, but this is just a blip on the timeline that is us. Just a blip, ok? Look, let's go out tonight, just me and you. We'll go to The Keg, polish off some steaks?"

I nodded, despite the fact that he couldn't see me.

"You just nodded, didn't you?"

I snorted.

"Yeah, whoops.

"I love you, you dork. Now I gotta go, I have some customers to call and deal with - the ones who complained about the thing they bought somewhere else. Ugh."

I chuckled lightly.

"Love you too, baby. See you when you get home."

He hung up and I stared at the wall for a while before stretching my legs. I'd been sitting with them pressed up against my chest for that whole time, and now they were sore and groaning. I lay back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. We'd painted the room a beautiful shade of blue, a sort of middle between the dark navy Danny preferred and the pastel I did. One of my favourite compromises.

I flicked on our TV and flipped through the different streaming services, not really sure what I wanted to watch, but not feeling anything I saw. I think I was sitting like that, staring at thumbnail images of shows and movies for about an hour when there was a small knock at my door. I stared at it for a good few seconds, uncertain of how to respond. I knew it was Tori, there was no one else in the house, but Danny was right, as usual. We were both raw and emotional and I probably shouldn't talk to her.

I was at the door before I could convince myself not to. I opened it, and blinked. Tori had cleaned up a little, at least she'd showered and was now wearing some clean clothes. My clean clothes. It was only then that I realized she'd been dressing in my outfits the whole time. Clearly her issues ran deeper than I'd ever imagined.

"Yes?" I asked, trying to keep my voice neutral. I didn't want to start another fight, but I also held the door knob, ready to slam it in her face should she be looking for round two.

"Ca...can we talk? Please?" she refused to meet my eyes and I remember thinking it was a bad idea. That I should just close the door.

But I'd never been good at saying no to her, and she was my only family - save Danny, of course.

"Come in." I sighed and turned around. My room was pretty large and we'd moved a small two seater couch in from the old room we'd given to Tori. We'd technically stolen the couch from a fraternity in college, but they were assholes who'd been busted for roofieing young women, so we figured our karma was still good.

I sat on that couch, making sure to take up as much room as I could. I wasn't ready to have her beside me just yet. She took a spot on the floor, leaning her back against my closet door.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes before I got uncomfortable.

"I see you showered." Lame, I know, but I didn't know what to say. I was still reeling and hurting from her bombs and she was still silent.

"Yeah...I uh...I was in there for the last forty five minutes I think."

I raised an eyebrow.

"My shower only gives twenty minutes of hot water max."

She nodded.

"I know."

"So you just sad under cold water because...?"

She sighed and leaned her head back, not quite looking at me.

"I really didn't want this. I...I made peace with you leaving. I was ecstatic when you came back, though your new identity was a big shock to me. To be honest, I...I thought it was just...well just a nothing thing, you know? Not a phase, but not really a big deal, just a 'hey, I have a sister now' and that was that. But...over the months, it became more than that."

I sat there, silent, letting her spout whatever excuses she was going to come up with. In that moment I just felt tired. She had no idea what I went through to become me, the friends I lost, the money it took, the time, commitment, the mental strain I had trying to just figure me out.

"I didn't realize it until that night, that date with Chad." She practically spat his name, not that I blamed her on that, he'd been a bit of an ass.

"You know at one point when you and Danny went to play darts, he told me that he thought my sister was more of the type of woman he wanted. I didn't know what to say to that. I accepted your identity, still do, but it felt like a smack. My sister who'd once been my brother was the better woman? What kind of shit was that?! I...I got angry. Then I saw Danny and you, leaning against each other, in this perfect bliss, this wonderful little relationship and I...I didn't know what to think. I hated it, I hated Chad, I hated Danny, hell I hated you. You and your whole life. I mean you live in a penthouse paid for by pictures and whatever the hell it is Danny does. You can actually pull off every single one of these outfits, from the skimpy to the sexy to the goddamn boring Sunday looks. You have the perfect relationship and I...I was mad. You didn't have to work for it, where as I have to practically be naked to get a guy to look at me. And careers? I work at a Tim Hortons. A coffee shop. I...I got drunk that night, that's the only reason I went home with that guy...whatever his name was. And...and it felt good. I could fuck my problems away. But then the next time, it didn't help. I wasn't drunk enough. So I got drunker. And again and over and over and...I've barely been sober a day the last...I don't even know how long now. Can you believe that? I don't even know what month it is. I..."

She trailed off and I blinked a few times. That was a lot thrown at me in a short span of time and the only thing I could think of saying was;

"It's October."

She looked at me.

"What?"

"You said you don't know what month it is. It's October, October thirteenth actually."

She looked down at that.

"It's October...thirteenth...fuck."

I looked down at her, so many thoughts racing through my mind, I couldn't follow any of them.

"And it's not perfect. My relationship, I mean. We fight, just like any other couple. Difference is, we've had most of our fights. But we talked them out. Took a long time. A lot of time and a lot of work, it didn't just happen over night, we didn't just magic into a 'perfect' fairy tale ending."

She looked at me like I said the stupidest thing ever.

"Uh huh, sure. Name one."

I frowned.

"Excuse me?"

"A fight you two had. Name one."

I blinked, again a little thrown.

"That I wasn't gay." I said a little through gritted teeth.

"...what?" She said, blinking.

I sighed and sank to the floor, leaning my back against the couch, looking like mirror images of each other.

"It...It was before we were actually together, it was our first 'relationship' fight. We'd fought before, duh, when I was Charles, growing up. Fought over girls, which show was best, which hero was stronger than the other, which teacher was an asshole, so on and so on. But, as you know, I consider that first time in the dorm to be the sort of...start of our journey. Remember he asked me if I'd be his boyfriend? Well...I said no."

Tori looked at me in surprise then gestured to the room.

"Well clearly that didn't hold."

I snorted.

"Let me finish. I was still Charles then...well I suppose a better way of putting it would be that I wasn't yet aware that I wasn't Charles. It's a little hard to explain. Anyways, I said.

"Uh...no. I'm not...I don't...Look, Danny. This...this can't happen again. It's not me, I'm not gay."

He looked at me with the most disbelief anyone's ever looked at anyone before. I mean, remember, I was still drenched in his batter, and willingly so. But while I knew I liked guys and had loved that moment...I was still fighting myself. It's...complicated. Like I knew I liked guys, but also that I wasn't gay. It was a surreal feeling. Danny didn't get mad, per se, but it was clear this wasn't how he expected it to go.

"Dude...you just sucked my dick. You drank my cum, and don't think I didn't notice the little tent you had."

I glared up at him from my spot on the floor, that very cum still all over me.

"That means nothing."

"Nothing?! What...just what?! Dude, I've known you basically your whole life. I know you swing with the dudes. It's cool, I swing both ways."

"I'm not gay!" I couldn't tell him about being Charlotte, I didn't know yet. We ended up yelling a bit before turning in for the night. He was gone when I woke up - obviously I'd showered the night before, I wasn't about to sleep in his cum. I still showered that morning and skipped my classes. Was he right? Was I gay and in denial or something?

He didn't come home that night, and when he finally walked in the next day, he was still upset from our fight, and to be fair, so was I. We ignored each other for days, didn't speak for two weeks. It was actually because of that that I learned about myself."

Tori frowned and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Well since I was ignoring him, and he me, I tried to avoid going back to the dorm until I had to sleep. I went to parties, late night hang outs, the movies. I grabbed those fliers that always hang around campuses, and collected them like trading cards. I went to probably five or six different groups that I had no idea what they even were until I got there. One of them was a Trans group. Just a little hangout in someone's house, where they could talk about their journies, their issues. It was a support group and when I realized that...I panicked. I was intruding on an intensely private thing and I think I apologized about fifty times on my way out. But one of the members there, Jordan, followed me and asked why I'd come to begin with. Jordan is a female-to-male Trans, meaning he is pretty much the opposite of me, save for both being Trans. I told him about what had happened, though I'm sure it was a lot less coherent than when I told you. You know what he said?

"Sounds like you might be in the right place after all."

I didn't know what to say. Was I Trans? How would you even know? What if I started that journey and realized it was wrong part way through? I didn't go back that day. I did eventually and...it helped. I won't tell you their stories, their not mine to share. But a lot were very similar to mine. I went there every day for months and I'd even started talking to Danny again, although in a more tense way. We weren't fighting anymore, but we weren't what we used to be."

She looked away for a long time.

"How did you two make up?" she asked, looking exhausted all of a sudden, like all the fight was out of her.

I snorted.

"You don't wanna know."

She snorted back.

"Well now you have to tell me."

I laughed lightly.

"I...I got a little drunk and sucked him off the entire night. Like as much as I could, anyways. I don't think I got past seven or so inches then, but he didn't complain! It wasn't...It wasn't good, I had much less skill then, but he got off a lot. We fell asleep cuddling after and the next morning he asked why.

"Don't take this as complaining, cuz I will definitely never complain about sex, but why?"

It took me a moment to reply. My jaw was so. Fucking. Sore. Like it'd been stretched, my lips had actually torn a little and I hadn't noticed, my tongue was so tired. I stretched it and it clicked more than a few times before I could finally reply.

"I...I'm not gay. But I'm also..." I couldn't find the words. He was the first one I'd be mentioning it out loud to, and I didn't know what to say, how to say it, how does one explain that their entire life is completely different, that they're...not them?

"You're Trans." He said it like a whisper, and it...it kind of shattered my perception. Like that was the moment it all became really...real, ya know?

"Ho...How'd you know?"

"I've seen you going to the group. I figured you were...discovering yourself. I...I'm sorry about how things have been between us. I...I know it's not an easy thing and I really thought you were just gay, you know? Like dude...I...can I even say that?"